Eye's Like a Car Crash

Looking in the mirror as I played with the hem of my black button down, I was scrutinizing my every flaw. It was like this mirror amplified my imperfections by a thousand. Sighing I turned away from my reflection. Just stop thinking about it, you're only going to make things bad for yourself. Tonight is supposed to be a good night. You'll be with your friends, have some drinks and share the time with Josh. So why fret? You just need to ignore that stupid voice, fight it, kill it, brutally slaughter it by showing it you're better than the cruel words it spits out into your head. You'll be okay.
"You ready love?" Josh was at the door, looking dapper.
"Um, I guess"
He wasn't dressed in his usual t-shirt and his faded skinny jeans. He had on a white button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, a jet black pair of skinny jeans and his hair was done perfectly. He looked so good, I don't know if I want to look at him or rip his clothes off. Maybe later. Definitely later.
"Then lets go, your chariot awaits"
"Chariot?"
"Fancy way of me saying cab"
Han was already in the cab patiently waiting for us to come down. Per usual she looked amazing, the little black dress she wore hugged her curves and her makeup and hair were done to perfection. Tonight was going to be great. The cab driver started to pull out of the parking space and the festive lights that it up London gave off a beautiful sight. Groups of friends were out, hopping from bar to another wishing a a happy new year to everyone they saw. Josh's head was resting on my shoulder and his hand firmly held onto mine. We made it to Dan's place and went inside. Bowls of chips were laid out, bottles of beer were in coolers and Chris was behind the bar mixing vodka and some other stuff. They were still setting up the speakers when we came in. It was going to be a small party, just our bands and some other friends
In an hour the party was in full swing. The house was full of people I knew and some I didn't recognize. The music was loud, enough to shake the drinks sitting on the table. I wouldn't be surprised if wed get a noise complaint tonight. Josh was off somewhere among the sea of people and Hanna was in a corner talking to some guy. I was just leaning on the wall a drink my hand taking in everything. Bopping my head to the music someones finger poked into my side. I was surprised to see who it was.
"Max?"
"Hey Oli, enjoying yourself?"
"Yea cant complain"
You could feel the awkward in the air. If you got a fork and knife you could actually cut it into portions to serve to everyone at the party.
"Um I wanted to say I'm sorry, I let my feelings for Josh get in the way, that kiss was nothing but jealousy"
"It's alright, but do you still have feelings for Josh?"
"When I saw you with Josh I did, it kinda brought up old feelings you know? but it went, I promise"
The music made it hard to hear but we managed. Max seemed to be telling the truth. He was a bit tipsy but when you're drunk you end up telling the truth so I guess it counts for something. A drunk mouth speaks sober thoughts. I ended up having a really good time just talking to Max, it was nice to be at peace with everything. He was being pulled way by someone that was leading him to the dance floor, he just shrugged and smiled at me as he went. I was alone again. Watching everyone is such a weird yet kinda fun thing to do. For one night a year people push aside all the shit that's happened in the last couple months to forget it and just live their life. Whether it's staying in having a movie night with friends or going out for some drinks, you're alive and you're living. Everyone right now could be thinking about all the bad things that have happened to them this year but they don't because it's not worth it. Right now I'm at a party, a drink in my hand, watching people live. I can say that this has been one of the best years I have ever had. Yea it started out shitty, but I met the most amazing boy in the world, someone that would never hurt me, someone that makes me smile like an idiot. I left an insanely abusive boyfriend that treated his trash better than me, someone that caused me so much physical and mental pain. I was getting into music again, my band was taking off and it was with the help of some of my best friends. I was starting to be happy. Yea there are days where I don't want to leave my bed. There are days where I don't want to wake up, but I do anyway. I don't need a new year to change, I just need a reason to do so. I was changing and so was the year, this year nothing is standing in my way. Right now I'm at a party, a drink in my hand, along with the people in the room I was living.
"Hate to interrupt your train of thought but will you dance with me?" Josh's shirt was unbuttoned a bit exposing his collar bones which was really nice sight.
"I can't dance Josh"
"Neither can I but that doesn't stop me"
"Maybe later"
"Oh come on Oli, please? It'll be fun" He was giving me these really cute puppy dog eyes and his pout that could make you say yes to anything.
"Alright"
He jumped in excitement and took my hand. I guess making a fool of my self could be a little fun. In the middle of the dance floor everyone was jumping and singing along to some really poppy song that I didn't know. I let the music flow through me, the crowd was helping me move and so was Josh. His body was pressed onto mine as we glided along to the loud music. When the song reached its end the music was stopped. Dan was speaking into a microphone he had.
"Everybody it's now 11:59, start the countdown" he yelled holding up his drink and the guests did too.
Peoples voices flooded the entire house as we all excitedly counted down the last minute of the day. Joining in I yelled along with everyone else. As the numbers went down Josh's arms made their loose hold on me tighter. Four, three, two and Josh's lips crashed onto mine for that infamous new years kiss. Everyone was yelling in excitement, the music was at its loudest and drinks were being thrown around. But for these couple seconds only Josh and I existed. His hands were placed on my waste and mine were resting on this shoulders as we kissed. A kiss to make my year start of beautifully.
At some point after the first minute into midnight we pulled apart to catch our breath. My head laid on his forehead, nothing could was going to get in the way anymore.
Here I am, everyday I fight to keep my self alive but its worth it. Everyday I find another reason to stay on earth. I plan on staying for a long time because what's in front of me is worth fighting for. My music, my friends, Josh, they all gave me a reason to stay and enjoy it all and I was more than grateful for it.