Little Girl Lost.
015.
The rest of the day had been a blur; rooms and hallways blurring together until everything merely swirled together. Gray, black and red spun into each other, leaving each passing moment more confusing than the last.
The rooms had come one after the other- after the blood and grime was mopped up from one, there was another waiting to be scoured. The smell of bleach had started to burn my eyes and throat, which only contributed to my loss in appetite. By the time the work period had ended and I had forced myself through another meal with food that resembled rubber more with every moment that passed, I was exhausted both mentally and physically and eager to sleep.
"Did you sneak anything in with you?"
Tracey had suddenly appeared at my side, her arm roped around mine like a winding snake as we trudged through the hallways with the steady stream of people. The crowd of people strongly resembled cattle being led to slaughter.
"What?"
"Inspection is after the last meal. Did you sneak anything in?" She whispered, trying to use her free hand to hide the movement of her lips.
"No..inspection? What?"
"Sh." She shushed me and pulled me along behind her before lightly pushing me towards the cell door I was becoming all too familiar with.
Another siren erupted just moments later; the brazen shrill tore the air apart instantaneously. I didn't see how I could ever possibly get used to that sound.
"Ladies, ladies, ladies."
He reminded me of a snake; the way he slithered down the hallway, his words hissed carefully and dripping with hot, sticky venom. His dark eyes wandered from person to person, his heavy boots punctuating his stalk. I could clearly notice how most of the girls quaked or cringed as he passed them. They were all clearly petrified and terrified of him.
"Maybe one of you has fucked up again and I'll get to have a little fun tonight." He laughed, throwing his head back. I saw one gloved hand absentmindedly wander to the nightstick on his hip and my stomach lurched.
"Cell block 100, open." He called out, his eyes gleaming as if he was daring someone to put a toe out of line so he'd be given the excuse to pounce. The cell doors slowly slid open, protesting with the occasional groan or scrape.
He didn't seem like someone who was necessarily willing to wait for an excuse.
More guards came down the hallway, ducking into the small rooms and kicking things around. How complicated was it to inspect a room that had no furniture in it whatsoever? It's not likely that the requirements for the job were possessing a high I.Q.
I noticed Tracey's fingers impatiently tapping on her thigh as if the dingy black clothing had been transformed into the ivory and ebony keys of a piano. As the guards rowdily made their way down the hallway, she appeared to grow more and more anxious. Occasionally stealing glances behind her as if to reassure herself that some invisible object was still there..or still remained hidden.
"What are you hiding?" I wondered, trying to keep my eyes focused on the floor beneath me instead of staring at her.
I leaned my back against the cold wall behind me, my palms steadying and balancing my sore, aching body. I longed to ease into a nice, hot bath and let the stress melt off of me. Such pleasures were always taken for granted. Nothing here was warm, the cold sunk into everything around you until it chilled you to the bone and obliterated every memory of warmth and light from your mind.
The guards had made their way down the corridor, and it was our turn to stand idly by as they threw the only two items in the room around as if there was really something that could be hidden in them. Tracey's thin fingers were no longer drumming against her thighs, instead they were wrung around each other as they pinched and pulled at the skin covering her willowy, spindly hands.
"What could you possibly have in there?" I silently queried, desperately curious to actually ask her. There wasn't much of a chance to actually bring anything in, and even if you were successful where were you going to put it?
After what seemed like ages of mattresses and threadbare blankets being thrown and tossed around, they had reached the end of the hallway. The guard who bore a striking resemblance to a slithering serpent, stalked up and down the dim corridor. His eyes paused on me, narrowing into two, small slits. My heart jumped in my throat and I swallowed hard, silently praying that the tasteless gristle I had eaten just half of an hour earlier wouldn't make a sudden reappearance. Chuckling slightly to himself, he stalked back in the other direction.
"Cell block 100, clear." The guard barked before leaving the hall and moving on to the next row. He seemed disappointed that someone hadn't given him a reason to tattoo their skin with a few more black and blue bruises.
I breathed a sigh of relief, despite knowing I had nothing to hide. I clearly noticed that I was not the only one and I wondered just how many girls had been on the receiving end of his angry fists. They quaked when he walked by, while seeming relatively relaxed around many of the other guards who silently patrolled the halls.
I glanced at Tracey, hoping to see a reassuring nod come from her direction but she had already retreated into her cell. My heart fell as loneliness set in. I knew she couldn't hug me but a simple smile or nod seemed to give the same comfort that a warm embrace would in such a gray, dismal place that offered up no solace otherwise.
I would never have thought that such a thin, dingy mattress could seem so welcoming. I sighed and let my body collapse down onto the stained bedding and prayed I would sleep. I was too tired to cry, too exhausted to let myself nosedive back into the static-filled panic. I just wanted to escape from the nightmare around me and let slumber take me away. While I was sleeping, I couldn't cry. I wasn't here. While I was sleeping, I could attempt to forget about everything and hope my subconscious took me somewhere else. Maybe I'd go home or to the gym or to the empty field behind the nearby drug store that I had run to when I had wanted to be alone.
I sighed at the realization. I had spent too much time wishing to be alone and left in solitude, now this was the most alone I had ever been and I wanted nothing more than to turn around and run in the opposite direction. I never wanted to be alone again. But as the sharp sirens faded off into the distance and the metal chain tinkled against the light bulb as it swung precariously above; I remembered.
"I'm not going home."
The patterns beneath my eyelids spun, dipped and swirled until they faded into a shapeless, inky black and I drifted away to somewhere far beneath the new world I had been forced into.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
With shaking hands, Tracey fled to the dusty corner where the familiar mattress lay. Now disheveled and in disarray due to the inspection, she hoped that that chaos and disorder hadn't touched what she had hidden in the hole just behind the concrete wall.
Glancing back at the door to make sure it had remained shut and nobody was watching her, she pulled aside the broken piece of wall and retrieved the small bundle of glass and plastic. Clutching them to her chest, she sighed in relief.
"It's fine..it's all fine." She mumbled before replacing the small package and securing the concrete slab over the hole in the wall.
The rooms had come one after the other- after the blood and grime was mopped up from one, there was another waiting to be scoured. The smell of bleach had started to burn my eyes and throat, which only contributed to my loss in appetite. By the time the work period had ended and I had forced myself through another meal with food that resembled rubber more with every moment that passed, I was exhausted both mentally and physically and eager to sleep.
"Did you sneak anything in with you?"
Tracey had suddenly appeared at my side, her arm roped around mine like a winding snake as we trudged through the hallways with the steady stream of people. The crowd of people strongly resembled cattle being led to slaughter.
"What?"
"Inspection is after the last meal. Did you sneak anything in?" She whispered, trying to use her free hand to hide the movement of her lips.
"No..inspection? What?"
"Sh." She shushed me and pulled me along behind her before lightly pushing me towards the cell door I was becoming all too familiar with.
Another siren erupted just moments later; the brazen shrill tore the air apart instantaneously. I didn't see how I could ever possibly get used to that sound.
"Ladies, ladies, ladies."
He reminded me of a snake; the way he slithered down the hallway, his words hissed carefully and dripping with hot, sticky venom. His dark eyes wandered from person to person, his heavy boots punctuating his stalk. I could clearly notice how most of the girls quaked or cringed as he passed them. They were all clearly petrified and terrified of him.
"Maybe one of you has fucked up again and I'll get to have a little fun tonight." He laughed, throwing his head back. I saw one gloved hand absentmindedly wander to the nightstick on his hip and my stomach lurched.
"Cell block 100, open." He called out, his eyes gleaming as if he was daring someone to put a toe out of line so he'd be given the excuse to pounce. The cell doors slowly slid open, protesting with the occasional groan or scrape.
He didn't seem like someone who was necessarily willing to wait for an excuse.
More guards came down the hallway, ducking into the small rooms and kicking things around. How complicated was it to inspect a room that had no furniture in it whatsoever? It's not likely that the requirements for the job were possessing a high I.Q.
I noticed Tracey's fingers impatiently tapping on her thigh as if the dingy black clothing had been transformed into the ivory and ebony keys of a piano. As the guards rowdily made their way down the hallway, she appeared to grow more and more anxious. Occasionally stealing glances behind her as if to reassure herself that some invisible object was still there..or still remained hidden.
"What are you hiding?" I wondered, trying to keep my eyes focused on the floor beneath me instead of staring at her.
I leaned my back against the cold wall behind me, my palms steadying and balancing my sore, aching body. I longed to ease into a nice, hot bath and let the stress melt off of me. Such pleasures were always taken for granted. Nothing here was warm, the cold sunk into everything around you until it chilled you to the bone and obliterated every memory of warmth and light from your mind.
The guards had made their way down the corridor, and it was our turn to stand idly by as they threw the only two items in the room around as if there was really something that could be hidden in them. Tracey's thin fingers were no longer drumming against her thighs, instead they were wrung around each other as they pinched and pulled at the skin covering her willowy, spindly hands.
"What could you possibly have in there?" I silently queried, desperately curious to actually ask her. There wasn't much of a chance to actually bring anything in, and even if you were successful where were you going to put it?
After what seemed like ages of mattresses and threadbare blankets being thrown and tossed around, they had reached the end of the hallway. The guard who bore a striking resemblance to a slithering serpent, stalked up and down the dim corridor. His eyes paused on me, narrowing into two, small slits. My heart jumped in my throat and I swallowed hard, silently praying that the tasteless gristle I had eaten just half of an hour earlier wouldn't make a sudden reappearance. Chuckling slightly to himself, he stalked back in the other direction.
"Cell block 100, clear." The guard barked before leaving the hall and moving on to the next row. He seemed disappointed that someone hadn't given him a reason to tattoo their skin with a few more black and blue bruises.
I breathed a sigh of relief, despite knowing I had nothing to hide. I clearly noticed that I was not the only one and I wondered just how many girls had been on the receiving end of his angry fists. They quaked when he walked by, while seeming relatively relaxed around many of the other guards who silently patrolled the halls.
I glanced at Tracey, hoping to see a reassuring nod come from her direction but she had already retreated into her cell. My heart fell as loneliness set in. I knew she couldn't hug me but a simple smile or nod seemed to give the same comfort that a warm embrace would in such a gray, dismal place that offered up no solace otherwise.
I would never have thought that such a thin, dingy mattress could seem so welcoming. I sighed and let my body collapse down onto the stained bedding and prayed I would sleep. I was too tired to cry, too exhausted to let myself nosedive back into the static-filled panic. I just wanted to escape from the nightmare around me and let slumber take me away. While I was sleeping, I couldn't cry. I wasn't here. While I was sleeping, I could attempt to forget about everything and hope my subconscious took me somewhere else. Maybe I'd go home or to the gym or to the empty field behind the nearby drug store that I had run to when I had wanted to be alone.
I sighed at the realization. I had spent too much time wishing to be alone and left in solitude, now this was the most alone I had ever been and I wanted nothing more than to turn around and run in the opposite direction. I never wanted to be alone again. But as the sharp sirens faded off into the distance and the metal chain tinkled against the light bulb as it swung precariously above; I remembered.
"I'm not going home."
The patterns beneath my eyelids spun, dipped and swirled until they faded into a shapeless, inky black and I drifted away to somewhere far beneath the new world I had been forced into.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
With shaking hands, Tracey fled to the dusty corner where the familiar mattress lay. Now disheveled and in disarray due to the inspection, she hoped that that chaos and disorder hadn't touched what she had hidden in the hole just behind the concrete wall.
Glancing back at the door to make sure it had remained shut and nobody was watching her, she pulled aside the broken piece of wall and retrieved the small bundle of glass and plastic. Clutching them to her chest, she sighed in relief.
"It's fine..it's all fine." She mumbled before replacing the small package and securing the concrete slab over the hole in the wall.