It's Just Little Old Me.

Things don't really feel right anymore. My friends don't feel like friends; they just feel like people I talk to on a daily basis. I've got a lot to say, but no one will listen. People think I'm over dramatic and that I think too much. People also blame me for making Drew an asshole. I don't like to think that I bring out the worst in anyone because that would mean that it brings out the worst in me. My worst is most definitely not something you want to see.
I saw the series finale of Skins today (finally). I see myself in Cook, which most definitely scares me. I feel overlooked and underrated like him. I also never get what I really want that will make me happy like him. Money and clothes are nice and everything, but it isn't an adequate substitute for happiness.
I used to love talking to people, but now I find most conversations boring. No one has anything interesting to say anymore. Maybe that's just it-I'm bored. Bored with people telling me the same things, bored with the same routine, bored with myself, and just bored with my friends.
I'm sorry to depress anyone who reads this, but this story was supposed to be about my life. My real life and how I feel about things, not just what happens.
I've over stayed my welcome with Drew. I talk to him but he rarely responds, I'm annoyed with the way he handled us. I'm annoyed that he shut me down and left me for another girl. I'm annoyed that no one likes me, when people tell me that "I'm Killer" and that "I'm a catch". Are they lying? Am I really a catch? Or are people just afraid to approach me.
I’m watching all my friends grow up and enter relationships and talk to people that may are may not people something and I feel stagnate. This is supposed to be that time in our lives where things move fast, but I feel like I’ve been blindfolded. I can feel the movement but I can’t experience it. I don’t like to complain to people in public, but I’ve fought this numbness for a while now and it’s just to the point where I’m not sure I can fight it for much longer.
Fighting to feel. That sounds really stupid, we feel all the time with our skin and our hands and feet and emotionally. So why does it feel like I feel nothing but anger sadness and annoyance. I feel happiness sometimes, but now it’s harder to make me laugh and easier to make me cry. I feel weak and tired and all I want to do is sleep. I’m happy that winter break is approaching; it gives me time to regroup and hopefully grow. Maybe all I need is sleep and some happiness. Maybe I need new friends.