Status: Complete
Call Me a Bitch
Like It's A Bad Thing
Set after "The Egg Incident" in the Funk episode...
Rachel sits in the choir room with her fellow glee members, still clearly torn over Jesse, "I can't believe he would do something so cruel.." she sobs.
Her best friend Jessica wraps an arm around her "It's ok Rach..we'll get him!" Puck lashes out "Why can't I just go kick his ass right now?!?" Jessica looks
at her boyfriend and sighs "Babe if you do anything to him he'll just send the cops after you and then what do we do?" He slumps down in a chair "Fine you're right....I guess."
Jess glares at him. Finn, who has been pacing back in forth in rage, stops and kneels in front of Rachel "Are you ok, babe?" Rachel hugs him and starts sobbing again. Santana
stands in the front of the room. "Alright, so if we can't kick the crap outta him what exactly CAN we do?" The other glee members agree with matching "yeah's" and a "hell yeah"
from Artie. Mercedes butts in, "Nobody hurts my diva! I'm 'bout ready to take him down!" Jess stands up and whistles. "Guys! I think I've got the perfect idea!" she smirks.
Puck looking terrified says, "Oh no... I know that smirk.." Jess giggles evilly and motions all the girls over and tells them to come over to her place that night. Puck whines "But
baaaaaabe we're supposed to be settling the score on Halo!!" Jess looks at him "Not tonight, I promise I'll make it up to you." "Ugh fine" He grumbles.
At exactly 7 that night all of the glee girls (plus Kurt) are in Jessica's room. "Okay so here's what I'm thinking, Since Mr St Asshat wants to whine about things not going his way
and insult us through song, I say we give him a taste of his own medicine." Rachel looks up "What are you thinking?" "Well I have a few friends who go to Carmel and like Artie,
know how to work all of the cameras and all the security junk they are bound to have all up in there." "And??" Santana snaps impatiently. "AND I'm thinking we dress up Diva
here and show Mr Smug just what he's messing with!!" "Well what am I gonna sing? And what will I wear? And what about you guys?" She rants without pausing. "Relax girly,
leave it all to me." Jess smirks for the second time today. "Okay you really need to quit that, it's wigging me out!" Screeches Santana. "Sorry." Jess shrugs. "Okay now for
the song, have you ever heard You Call Me A Bitch Like It's A Bad Thing?" Santana, Brittany, Tina, and Mercedes start cheering and laughing while Kurt, Rachel, and Quinn look confused.
"Um no?" Rachel replies confused. "Hang on a sec" Jess goes over to her Ipod deck and scrolls down to Halestorm and pushes play on the right song and immediately Rachel's eyes widen.
A little while had passed and after the song plays Rachel looks at Jess, "Oh hell yes!" Everyone looks shocked at her slight curse then burst out laughing. The rest of the night they all work together to decide on "costumes".
When Friday rolled around Jessica sent an e-mail to Jesse St James telling him there would be a surprise for him in his auditorium at 8 o clock that night.
Meanwhile, at school Puck was trying to badger Jess to find out what is going on. "Just tell me!! I'm your boyfriend you aren't supposed to keep secrets!!"
"Ok A. Low blow with the boyfriend-card! And B. If I told you it wouldn't be a surprise now would it?" "The SURPRISE is supposed to be for jackass!"
"Meh not entirely.." She skips off leaving Puck annoyed. After both schools let out, the glee guys and Jess were all gathered in the stands area of the Carmel
auditorium. "Okay so what now?" Mike asks. "The plan is you guys wait until Jesse comes in and lock the doors behind him so he can't leave." "Uh isn't that going
to get us in trouble?" Finn asked nervously. "Nope, I have friends who are in the security room who know what they're doing and can destroy evidence. All you guys gotta do is lock the doors and sit down for the show." Jess grins. "Alright you guys good? I gotta get ready!" She runs off leaving the guys confused. While the girls are gone the boys impatiently wait for Jesse so they can lock
him in. At exactly 8, Jesse strolls in looking on guard. The boys immediately lock the door without him noticing until it was too late. "Hey! What's going on?" He asked with his voice
full of fear. "I believe it's about to be your worst nightmare." Puck shrugs nonchalantly. Just then the lights come on. "Hello Jesse." Rachel purrs.
Jesse whirls around and gasps. Standing on stage is Rachel wearing a tight black leather short skirt with a red and black lacy corset top. Her hair is done in loose waves. She has on
thigh high black boots, and her make-up is smokey-eyed and dark red lipstick. Behind her all the other glee girls come out in semi-matching outfits. "We just thought that since you
were kind enough to inform us of our competition, we would return the favor." Rachel looks back and nods at the band, she starts singing in a throaty, yet somehow sweet and sultry voice.
"You took me to your little crib
Guess it must have been a big deal (big deal)
Got me starring in your wet dream
Now it's time to get real (get real)
I'm not looking for love
No not today
But you call me up and had the nerve to say
See you next Tuesday."
She looks down and sees Jesse looking like a fish out of water. The other girls are trying to keep up with the backup singing and trying not to laugh at the guys expressions.
"You call me a bitch like it's a bad thing
You call me a freak like that means something
Can't get your way so you're sulking
I think we know the rest
Get it off your chest
I don't give a shit
I love it when you call me a bitch like it's a bad thing (like it's a bad thing)
She starts dancing provocatively gyrating her hips a little while the girls do their own moves.
"You show up everywhere I go
Get a grip you're acting so weird (so weird)
I don't need your jager bombs
I think I can take it from here (from here)
You gotta learn to leave when the party ends
I don't really care what you tell your friends
Tell me again"
Rachel grins down at Jesse coyly while singing the last line.
"You call me a bitch like it's a bad thing
You call me a freak like that means something
Can't get your way so you're angry
I think we know the rest
Get it off your chest
I don't give a shit
I love it when you call me a bitch."
She decides to be a bit more sly and runs her hands teasingly over her body while singing
"I think you hate me cause you want me
You only want what you can't have."
She stops and shrugs slightly.
"I'm just being who I want to be
But you can't deal with that"
She holds the last note in a seductive slight growl shocking the guys AND the girls, who almost slip in shock.
"You call me a bitch like it's a b- b- bad thing
You call me a freak like that means something
Can't get your way so you're so pissed off
I think we know the rest
Get it off your chest
I don't give a shit
I love it when you call me a bitch like it's a bad thing (like it's a bad thing)
When the song ends Jesse sputters but comes up speechless as the guys unlock the doors. "BYE JESSE!" The girls chorus, then bust out laughing when he leaves. "Oh My Gosh that was amazing!"
Rachel launches herself at Jess, almost knocking her down. "THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!" "You're welcome, Rach. Jeez woman chill!" Jess kids. "The guys stroll over. "That was hot as fuck!"
Puck exclaims. "Why thank you,dear." Jess and Rachel say at the same time then bust out laughing. "So can I keep this outfit?" Rachel asks. "You better!" All the girls scream.
Rachel sits in the choir room with her fellow glee members, still clearly torn over Jesse, "I can't believe he would do something so cruel.." she sobs.
Her best friend Jessica wraps an arm around her "It's ok Rach..we'll get him!" Puck lashes out "Why can't I just go kick his ass right now?!?" Jessica looks
at her boyfriend and sighs "Babe if you do anything to him he'll just send the cops after you and then what do we do?" He slumps down in a chair "Fine you're right....I guess."
Jess glares at him. Finn, who has been pacing back in forth in rage, stops and kneels in front of Rachel "Are you ok, babe?" Rachel hugs him and starts sobbing again. Santana
stands in the front of the room. "Alright, so if we can't kick the crap outta him what exactly CAN we do?" The other glee members agree with matching "yeah's" and a "hell yeah"
from Artie. Mercedes butts in, "Nobody hurts my diva! I'm 'bout ready to take him down!" Jess stands up and whistles. "Guys! I think I've got the perfect idea!" she smirks.
Puck looking terrified says, "Oh no... I know that smirk.." Jess giggles evilly and motions all the girls over and tells them to come over to her place that night. Puck whines "But
baaaaaabe we're supposed to be settling the score on Halo!!" Jess looks at him "Not tonight, I promise I'll make it up to you." "Ugh fine" He grumbles.
At exactly 7 that night all of the glee girls (plus Kurt) are in Jessica's room. "Okay so here's what I'm thinking, Since Mr St Asshat wants to whine about things not going his way
and insult us through song, I say we give him a taste of his own medicine." Rachel looks up "What are you thinking?" "Well I have a few friends who go to Carmel and like Artie,
know how to work all of the cameras and all the security junk they are bound to have all up in there." "And??" Santana snaps impatiently. "AND I'm thinking we dress up Diva
here and show Mr Smug just what he's messing with!!" "Well what am I gonna sing? And what will I wear? And what about you guys?" She rants without pausing. "Relax girly,
leave it all to me." Jess smirks for the second time today. "Okay you really need to quit that, it's wigging me out!" Screeches Santana. "Sorry." Jess shrugs. "Okay now for
the song, have you ever heard You Call Me A Bitch Like It's A Bad Thing?" Santana, Brittany, Tina, and Mercedes start cheering and laughing while Kurt, Rachel, and Quinn look confused.
"Um no?" Rachel replies confused. "Hang on a sec" Jess goes over to her Ipod deck and scrolls down to Halestorm and pushes play on the right song and immediately Rachel's eyes widen.
A little while had passed and after the song plays Rachel looks at Jess, "Oh hell yes!" Everyone looks shocked at her slight curse then burst out laughing. The rest of the night they all work together to decide on "costumes".
When Friday rolled around Jessica sent an e-mail to Jesse St James telling him there would be a surprise for him in his auditorium at 8 o clock that night.
Meanwhile, at school Puck was trying to badger Jess to find out what is going on. "Just tell me!! I'm your boyfriend you aren't supposed to keep secrets!!"
"Ok A. Low blow with the boyfriend-card! And B. If I told you it wouldn't be a surprise now would it?" "The SURPRISE is supposed to be for jackass!"
"Meh not entirely.." She skips off leaving Puck annoyed. After both schools let out, the glee guys and Jess were all gathered in the stands area of the Carmel
auditorium. "Okay so what now?" Mike asks. "The plan is you guys wait until Jesse comes in and lock the doors behind him so he can't leave." "Uh isn't that going
to get us in trouble?" Finn asked nervously. "Nope, I have friends who are in the security room who know what they're doing and can destroy evidence. All you guys gotta do is lock the doors and sit down for the show." Jess grins. "Alright you guys good? I gotta get ready!" She runs off leaving the guys confused. While the girls are gone the boys impatiently wait for Jesse so they can lock
him in. At exactly 8, Jesse strolls in looking on guard. The boys immediately lock the door without him noticing until it was too late. "Hey! What's going on?" He asked with his voice
full of fear. "I believe it's about to be your worst nightmare." Puck shrugs nonchalantly. Just then the lights come on. "Hello Jesse." Rachel purrs.
Jesse whirls around and gasps. Standing on stage is Rachel wearing a tight black leather short skirt with a red and black lacy corset top. Her hair is done in loose waves. She has on
thigh high black boots, and her make-up is smokey-eyed and dark red lipstick. Behind her all the other glee girls come out in semi-matching outfits. "We just thought that since you
were kind enough to inform us of our competition, we would return the favor." Rachel looks back and nods at the band, she starts singing in a throaty, yet somehow sweet and sultry voice.
"You took me to your little crib
Guess it must have been a big deal (big deal)
Got me starring in your wet dream
Now it's time to get real (get real)
I'm not looking for love
No not today
But you call me up and had the nerve to say
See you next Tuesday."
She looks down and sees Jesse looking like a fish out of water. The other girls are trying to keep up with the backup singing and trying not to laugh at the guys expressions.
"You call me a bitch like it's a bad thing
You call me a freak like that means something
Can't get your way so you're sulking
I think we know the rest
Get it off your chest
I don't give a shit
I love it when you call me a bitch like it's a bad thing (like it's a bad thing)
She starts dancing provocatively gyrating her hips a little while the girls do their own moves.
"You show up everywhere I go
Get a grip you're acting so weird (so weird)
I don't need your jager bombs
I think I can take it from here (from here)
You gotta learn to leave when the party ends
I don't really care what you tell your friends
Tell me again"
Rachel grins down at Jesse coyly while singing the last line.
"You call me a bitch like it's a bad thing
You call me a freak like that means something
Can't get your way so you're angry
I think we know the rest
Get it off your chest
I don't give a shit
I love it when you call me a bitch."
She decides to be a bit more sly and runs her hands teasingly over her body while singing
"I think you hate me cause you want me
You only want what you can't have."
She stops and shrugs slightly.
"I'm just being who I want to be
But you can't deal with that"
She holds the last note in a seductive slight growl shocking the guys AND the girls, who almost slip in shock.
"You call me a bitch like it's a b- b- bad thing
You call me a freak like that means something
Can't get your way so you're so pissed off
I think we know the rest
Get it off your chest
I don't give a shit
I love it when you call me a bitch like it's a bad thing (like it's a bad thing)
When the song ends Jesse sputters but comes up speechless as the guys unlock the doors. "BYE JESSE!" The girls chorus, then bust out laughing when he leaves. "Oh My Gosh that was amazing!"
Rachel launches herself at Jess, almost knocking her down. "THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!" "You're welcome, Rach. Jeez woman chill!" Jess kids. "The guys stroll over. "That was hot as fuck!"
Puck exclaims. "Why thank you,dear." Jess and Rachel say at the same time then bust out laughing. "So can I keep this outfit?" Rachel asks. "You better!" All the girls scream.