A Mighty Need

The following Monday was somewhat rainy in London. It was just before ten at night and Noel was sitting at home with his brother Mike, who had popped over for a visit and the pair had decided to watch the latest episode of Never Mind The Buzzcocks together. And it wasn’t just any episode, mind you. It was the episode filmed two weeks prior when Audrey had been on Noel’s team. He was curious to see how the editing department had cut the episode together; what bits had been left in, what bits had been left out. He sat on his couch with his legs outstretched and crossed at the ankles on his coffee table whereas Mike wasn’t tall enough. At barely over five feet tall, the most he could manage was to let his feet touch the edge of the table. They were both sitting side by side however with bottles of beer and talking about how, the day before while having dinner with their parents, their mom wanted to do a festive to-do on Advent Sunday; for her boys to come ‘round to help decorate the family home. Noel wasn’t even sure he’d decorate his own home this year. With it being just him, he didn’t see the point.

“You gotta at least have a tree,” Mike said. “Don’t you still have that plastic silver one?”

“Yeah, it’s packed away somewhere. I don’t remember where I put it after I took it down this past January.”

“Well, it’s not like it got up and walked away.”

“It could’ve,” Noel quipped, turning his attention back to the TV.

The opening titles began with the show’s theme, followed by a jib shot of the overall studio including the audience and the main set with both teams. “Welcome to Never Mind The Buzzcocks. Please welcome your host for this evening, having traveled far and wide through all of time and space: MATT SMITH!” the announcer said over the waning music and sounds of applause from the audience. Noel was mostly focused on the quick clips of himself and of Audrey.

“Audrey looks nice,” Mike commented.

Noel nodded. “Yeah, she did,” he agreed, quite oblivious to his baby brother casting sideways glances his way. “The outfit she was wearing she said she had originally planned on wearing on last week’s taping. Last week she wore what was originally her Halloween outfit.”

Mike narrowed his eyes. “I just meant she looked nice in general; I didn’t need a dissertation of her wardrobe choices,” he muttered with his lisp, only to be met with a pillow to the face when Noel hit him.

As the episode progressed to the second round, the Intros, Noel dropped his feet to the ground and leaned forward; resting his elbows on his knees and his head in one hand while the other still held his beer.

“She doesn’t even look at Bruno,” Mike remarked, gesturing to how Audrey was looking up at on-screen Noel and Bruno Mars performing the intro for Kings of Leon’s ‘Closer.’

Noel smacked his lips. “I was standing closer to her. I was just blocking him, is all.”

“Speaking of which, did you see the photos online that the Camden Head posted from their Halloween party? They snuck in a couple shots of you and Audrey dancing together and they didn’t seem to know who she was so they captioned it as ‘Noel Fielding and mystery date’,” Mike snickered.

Noel shot Mike a look. “Yeah, okay, whatever. Are you gonna watch this with me or talk the entire time?”

“Geesh, what crawled up your ass and died?”

“Nothing. You’re just yapping away like a little puppy. Watch the telly.” Noel pointed at the TV and turned away from his brother.

He watched himself on screen giving Audrey a side hug after their team got two points for the Intros round and he immediately wondered what she was doing at that moment. It was almost quarter past ten at night in London, which meant it was quarter past five in Philadelphia. She was probably having dinner or about to have dinner soon. She still had the entire night ahead of her yet. Then he wondered if she was even at home. Maybe she was out with friends or family. Or maybe she was home. He had no idea what her home looked like, but he imagined if she was there, that perhaps she was sitting on her couch, with her laptop, writing away. She said she had a cat, so maybe the cat was curled at her feet and she was enjoying a glass of red wine; something sweet and tangy.

Noel hadn’t realized he’d zoned out until he focused on the television again and he had missed the Identity Parade and now it was the Next Lines round. Of the recent episodes, that had been one of his favorites to film and watch. When the show was over, he took to his cell phone and updated his twitter.

Loved this episode x

@BrunoMars just incredibly talented x

Kudos to Matt Smith on amazing hosting x

@audreyewoods is my new favourite team mate xx

The last one had double meaning to it. It referenced the shirt she’d been wearing which said those exact words (MY FAVOURITE TEAM MATE) and the fact that she really was his new favourite team mate, on the show and off.

Setting his phone down, Noel cast his eyes downward before turning to look at Mike. “Want another beer?”



As previously stated, Audrey’s flight out of Heathrow had left at four-thirty and arrived to her Washington D.C. layover just after seven-thirty, Eastern Standard Time (or what felt more like twelve-thirty, on London time). She had forgotten to call Noel before she left Heathrow but during her two hour layover, while grabbed a bagel to eat at a terminal snack shop, she had called him up but got his voicemail. She left a short but sweet message, letting him know her overseas flight had been long and her connecting flight home would only be an hour; that she was at the Dulles International Airport at the moment. Audrey ended the message with a simple, “Alright, I’ll talk to you later.”

Just before ten, Audrey boarded her flight to Philadelphia and just before eleven the flight had landed at Philadelphia International Airport. After passing through security she was greeted by her father who helped her get her suitcases off the conveyor in baggage claim. She was walking through the lobby of her condo’s building at eleven-thirty with her father following behind, but her feet were dragging. She was still on London time and it felt like four-thirty in the morning to her. All she wanted was her bed and wasn’t thinking of anything else in that moment.

As soon as she got upstairs to her condo, she told her dad to just leave the bags in the living room; she’d unpack the next day or whenever she felt like it. Once she removed her jacket he noticed the gruesome Mickey Mouse sweater of Noel’s she was wearing and made a comment about it. She looked down, having forgotten what she was wearing, and shrugged, saying she borrowed it from a friend. After receiving a kiss to her cheek from her dad, he told her how nice it was she that she was home stateside and joked that him and her mother weren’t sure she’d come back. With that said and done, he bid her goodnight and let himself out and locked her door for her with his copy of her key.

Kicking off her shoes and setting her laptop case and her purse down on her couch, she stumbled into her bedroom and jumped face down onto the mattress, not even bothering to change into pajamas or pull down the bed sheets.

Audrey didn’t wake up until two in the afternoon the next day. She fixed her hair in a ponytail and stepped soundlessly back into the living space of her home, finding that her cat had been scratching at her bedroom door, clearly wanting to be fed and have its litter box changed. Scooping her cat, Rhiannon, up in her arms, she placed kisses on its head and carried it to the laundry room where the litter box and cat dishes were located. She set Rhiannon down to take care of her, and then went to the kitchen to grab her home phone. She was about to call for coffee from room service when she remembered again she was home, not at the Savoy any longer.

Well, there was no way in hell she was going to be bothered with making a fresh pot of coffee for just herself. She looked around for her purse and then dug her cell phone out, finding she had one missed call from Noel and he had left a voicemail for her.

“Looks like we’re playing phone tag. Well, you’re it. Got your message this morning; I think I had just gone up to bed when you called. I figured you didn’t call when you got home because you were shit ass tired. Hope you got home okay and I gotta say, I was getting used to waking up beside you these last few days so it was weird you not being here. I swear I’m gonna figure out Skype soon. Oh, and don’t forget your first Buzzcocks episode airs on Monday. I don’t know if you’ll be able to watch it; maybe find it online somewhere. Call me back when you can.”

Audrey had taken her hair out of her ponytail, thrown on a skull cap instead and a pair of black Uggs on her feet as she grabbed up her purse. Cell phone in hand, she had decided to go buy some coffee from the Starbucks across the street from her condominium. Leaving her condo, she took the elevator down to the lobby and had walked out into the brisk fall air without a jacket on because it was just a quick jaunt across the road. She had still been dressed in Noel’s sweater from the day before, which she had also slept in. It just seemed like a comfort thing. It was almost as if by taking it off would be like denying the last week ever happened.

Once she made it into the Starbucks, she ordered an eggnog latte because why not? Halloween was over; Thanksgiving was her least favorite holiday, which meant Christmas was right around the corner. She might as well get in the spirit of things.

The barista that had taken her order didn’t need to ask for her name; she knew it as Audrey was a usual customer when at home. Plus, she recognized her face from the picture on the back of her books. She never told them, but several of the workers had sought out her books and brought their copies into work until she eventually showed up to sign them, which she was always more than happy to do. It never bothered her, usually because it didn’t happen as much. Once she took a seat by the window with her latte, staring out at the pedestrian and motorized traffic on South Broad Street, she brought her phone out and dialed up Noel.

Her stomach did a somersault as she prepared herself to hear his voice on the other end, but hadn’t expected to get his voicemail again. Audrey frowned and waited for the beep to leave another message for him.

“Hey, Noel; it’s Audrey. I got home to my place by eleven-thirty last night, so yeah; I did in fact go straight to bed. Considering it felt like four-thirty to me, I was exhausted. I just woke up about thirty minutes ago and now I’m sitting in the Starbucks across from my building enjoying a fine eggnog latte and…” Audrey trailed as her phone beeped at her. She checked the screen quickly and then finished the message. “Oh, my battery is dying. So, I guess I’ll leave off with ‘tag, you’re it.’”

Audrey hung the phone up and placed it in her purse, returning to staring out the window.

That night she had stayed in, playing with her cat, taking stock of the food items in her fridge and cupboards, then unpacking. Saturday she went food shopping and then went to see Thor: The Dark World with her brother Austin and gave him his souvenir: a pair of boxer shorts with double decker buses and the British flag all over them. Sunday, Audrey checked her phone a few times and saw no new texts or messages from Noel, not knowing whether or not he got the one she left on Friday. The rest of the day she decided to write.

On Monday, at five-thirty, her phone beeped away to let her know she got some sort of message. When she checked what it was, she saw that Noel had tweeted her.

@audreyewoods is my new favourite team mate xx

She smiled at it initially before knitting her brow together, trying to figure out what he was talking about, and then it hit her: the first Buzzcocks episode! He’d mentioned it in her voicemail he’d left for her. Audrey momentarily abandoned her Word Document to go to the BBC’s website and see if the episode was available to watch through the BBC iPlayer. It wasn’t yet, but she would keep checking back. The Backstage Buzzcocks video she had filmed was available to watch. She clicked on it, watched it, then sent the link to her parents, siblings and her best friend Val. She tweeted the link as well for her Twitter followers and updated her official Facebook page with the video link, then made a post about watching tonight’s episode.

She then tweeted her own message, directed at Noel.

@noelfielding11 needs to check his voicemail.



“You’re phone's bleeping,” Mike called from the living room while Noel rifled through his fridge for two new beers.

He shut the fridge door and rejoined his brother on the couch, passing him a beer before picking up his phone. It was an alert, letting him know he received an update from a Twitter friend he asked to get mobile Tweets from.

It was from Audrey.

He smirked at the message, and then muttered, “Fuck.”

Noel tweeted back, Fieldmouse apologises to Foo Foo @audreyewoods x

As he scanned through recent voicemails, sure enough, there was a message he’d missed from Friday night, sent around seven-thirty his time. He tried thinking back to what he’d been doing then that he would’ve missed her call, but couldn’t remember. He listened to her message, enjoying the sound of her voice.

He chose not to delete the message, but saved it. Noel then looked to Mike and asked, “Do you know how Skype works?”

A half hour later, Noel was sitting in front of his laptop. Mike had decided to leave after setting him up with a Skype account. He added Audrey’s contact info then called her phone to see if she would answer so they could set up talking via video chat. Her phone rang twice before she answered.

“About damn time,” was how she greeted him.

Noel beamed freely; no one around to judge him. “Sorry. I never saw you had called. It got lost in my inbox,” he replied. “Mike just set me up with a Skype account. Get on yours and we can talk face to face like robots.”

“Okay, I’m gonna hang up then. Give me a minute.”

Noel put his phone in his pocket and then looked upward at the TV, turning that off via remote. Standing up, he switched off the lights in the living room and then carried his laptop around with him. He turned off the kitchen light as well before stepping out into the hall and heading upstairs to his bedroom; all while trying not to trip, fall and kill himself. Before he reached the last step, he noticed Audrey’s named had popped up, signifying she had signed on to Skype. Ducking into his room, he got a notification saying Audrey was contacting him.

Noel smiled and accepted. Her face popped up on his laptop screen, looking fresh-faced and smiling back at him. “Long time, no see,” he remarked, curling a leg up under him as he sank down onto his bed.

“Ditto,” she replied. “So what have you been up to that you completely ignored my call from Friday?”

Noel mock grimaced. “I don’t know, to be honest. I mean, I don’t know how it was that I missed it. I didn’t have much going on this weekend. I went to my parents in Mitcham for dinner on Sunday. So, there’s that.”

“I have no idea where Mitcham is.”

“It’s in south London, near Wimbledon. It’s where I grew up.” He more or less just stared at her image for a moment, licking his bottom lip. “So, uh…your flight was good? No turbulence or terrorists?”

Audrey laughed. “No, but there was a fat man on the wing strumming a walrus.”

Letting out a deep chuckle, Noel clapped his hands together and leaned back slightly. “Now that’s what I’m talking about. See, I told you I rubbed off.”

“There was definitely some rubbing going on while I was there,” she replied with a gleam in her eye.

Noel tutted. “Minx.”

“Fieldmouse.”

Both smiled at each other and, for Noel, it felt like the dark shadow that had fallen around him after she left disappeared. He lifted the laptop up and set it on his lap as sank back against his pillows and crossed his legs at his ankles.

“So, what’re you doing this week? Anything exciting?” he asked.

“Friday is my old high school’s Career Day. I’m one of the guests there to talk to the students interested in a life of writing.”

“How exciting.”

“No, not really. I’ll be in the company of actual working stiffs like a dentist, a funeral director and a local news anchor.” She rolled her eyes.

“The funeral director sounds like a good time.”

“Funny story,” she spoke with a laugh in her voice, “I think it was Career Day in tenth grade that I sat in on a funeral director’s talk. We had to sign up the day before for three different careers to sit on, and they were mostly all shit, but the funeral director seemed interesting enough. Then again, this is coming from a girl who was watching Poltergeist by the age of five and would bury her Barbie dolls in the backyard, then pretend they were zombies coming back to life.”

“My kind of girl,” Noel said.

Audrey gave him a look like he was crazy. “A macabre American?”

“No…American Gothic,” he replied. “Not like the painting, of course.”

She snickered while he ran a hand through his hair. “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“Play with your hair.”

“Why not? Am I turning you on?” He stared back at Audrey with come-hither eyes.

Audrey shook her head incredulously at him. “You’re just on form 24/7, aren’t you?”

Noel shrugged. “I do try.”

They talked for a good deal longer, with Audrey bringing her laptop into the kitchen with her so she could make herself some dinner, which consisted of stove-top Kraft macaroni and cheese. The entire time she was cooking it, she joked around with Noel, pretending as if she was the host of a cooking show only for him to teasingly bark at her like Gordon Ramsay. He got her laughing so much at one point she ended up burning herself by touching the side of the pot on accident, to which Noel winced and apologized, but she just shook it off. Audrey ate her mac and cheese while he changed out of his clothes and into pajamas; all the while they kept talking. She commented about wanting to see what he looked like in a regular suit and tie someday, not his normal wardrobe. When he asked why, she responded with, “For scientific reasons.”

A little after one in the morning (eight at night for her), Noel was starting to yawn more frequently; not because of her, he insisted, but he was getting tired. Audrey told him to go to bed; that she was going to try watching Never Mind The Buzzcocks online. They said their “goodnights” to each other and then Noel closed his laptop, setting it down on his bedside table.

Sliding down a bit on his bed, he looked over at the other side and let out a sigh, and then burrowed underneath his blankets. He pulled a pillow from the other side of the bed up against his chest, wrapping his arm around it and closed his eyes.



A week later, Noel was sitting in the upstairs dining room at a slightly out of the way pub, to him anyway, called The Bull & Last on Highgate Street with his brother Mike, and longtime mates Julian and Dave. Their other Boosh cohort, Rich, had other plans and couldn’t meet up with them for dinner. Julian had chosen the location and it had a very Julian feel to it, so Noel thought, anyway. They had all decided to do this, since it had been several weeks since they’d all been together at the same time (again, except for Rich) at the opening night of Dave’s Behind The Boosh exhibit, just after they returned from Festival Supreme in San Diego.

“So, who was that bird you were snogging in those photographs?” Julian asked out of the blue as they had begun to eat.

Noel had just shoved a forkful of beer battered haddock into his mouth when he looked up at Julian who was staring back at him. “What are you talking about?” he wondered, swallowing back his food with a swig of beer.

“The bird. They were online.”

Noel made a face. “What were you doing online?”

“Googling the Boosh. Us,” Julian gestured to the four of them with his steak knife. “You know, I’m not technologically inept. I was looking us up, and that means usually photos of you and me show up, which mostly means just you. There were candid photos of you leaving some place of a party atmosphere. There were also separate photos taken of you snogging some bird; on Halloween, I think.”

Mike nodded. “Oh. Audrey.”

“Who’s Audrey?”

Noel jabbed at his food with one hand while the other scratched at his head. “You know who she is.”

Julian shook his head. “I don’t know.”

“Yeah,” Noel insisted, setting his fork down. “I sent you that text. She’s the writer who was on Buzzcocks twice with me. I went to Stonehenge with her.”

“Oh, yeah. She’s the writer from America?” Off Noel’s nod, “Julia’s reading one of her books; the one about farting.”

Noel snickered. “Girl’s Fart, Too.”

“Yeah; that one. Well, there’s other pictures of you two walking about Camden, looking drunker than a pair of skunks, and leaving, what the caption said was, Stephen Fry’s house on Guy Fawke’s Day.” He cast a knowing glance at Noel who had resumed eating while Mike and Dave just ate and listened. “So, what’s the story, morning glory?”

Closed-mouthed, Noel ran his tongue along the fronts of his upper teeth before answering. “Nothing; we got on well and had a good time together.”

“And that’s all, is it? Nothing else happened between you two? Should I put a hold on the save the date cards for your wedding?” Julian flashed a mischievous grin at his raven-haired friend of fifteen.

“Shut up,” Noel griped lightly. Then he shrugged. “Yeah, okay, maybe things progressed and maybe they didn’t. What’s it matter anyhow? She’s back in the States. It wouldn’t work with her anyway; long distance kills relationships. That’s one of the reasons it didn’t work out with Lliana.”

“Personal shit aside, part of that was her job, though, right?” Dave piped up, downing a hearty swig of his own beer while looking across the table at Noel. “She had a job opportunity that took her to New York but yours is here.”

“Yeah…”

“This Audrey is a writer, so…she can write from anywhere as long as she has a laptop.”

“What’s your point, Dave?”

“Exactly what I just said: she can write from anywhere. I mean, if you like her enough and she likes you, why not give it a shot? If it doesn’t work out, then oh well. But if it does, who’s to say she wouldn’t leave living in the States behind to be with you? It wouldn’t hinder her work any.”

Noel rubbed his chin and looked down at his food. “Well,” he struggled for the right words, wondering when this dinner turned into a scene from a romantic comedy. “If something like that were to ever happen, I’d cross that bridge when I got to it, yeah? We’re not supposed to be talking about my love life or lack thereof anyway. We’re supposed to be eating and talking about a Boosh album.”



“I Googled you last night.”

It was almost one in the afternoon and Audrey was sitting at Starbucks again, drinking yet another eggnog latte with her laptop open in front of her. She was at a table set beside the front window where her back was to the wall so she didn’t have to worry about people looking over her shoulder; a major pet peeve of hers. She noticed it was her best friend Val calling when her phone had begun to ring.

“We’re clearly too far gone into our friendship that you don’t even buy me dinner first anymore.”

Val laughed on the other end. “No, seriously. After I put Anthony to sleep, I came back out to the living room to check Facebook and whatnot. For whatever reason, I decided to Google your name and up popped some interesting pictures of you during your recent trip to England.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, you were dressed as a slutty pirate. I’m guessing it was Halloween.”

“I was a sexy swash—nah, forget it. Continue.”

“So, you were kissing some guy dressed like a vampire or something. He looked kinda creepy. Then there were these other pictures of you and another guy, or maybe it was the same one, walking hand in hand on a street somewhere at night. You looked fucking drunk,” Val commented. “On second thought, I think that guy is the one from the show you just did over there.”

Audrey nodded even though Val couldn’t see it. “It’s the same guy. Vampire guy from Halloween is the same one from the show, the guy in those pictures, apparently.”

She opened up an internet browser and typed her name in the search bar, choosing to look under images when results popped up. There were professional pictures of her (one was the same she used on the back cover of her books), pictures from book signings, and others of her with fans of her books. But, sure as shit, toward the top of the image search, was a new batch of pictures, all candid or paparazzi photographs she hadn’t noticed had been taken of her at the time. She was dancing drunkenly with Noel in few and half were of them kissing. The other pictures were of her leaving what she remembered to be The Oxford Arms with Noel; the first night they made love. Those pictures and the ones of them leaving what was (from what she could see) Stephen’s house, all appeared to be the paparazzi photos. The ones from Halloween had been taken by someone who either worked for The Camden Head or by someone who had been attending The Camden Head’s Halloween party.

“Did you get together with him? Like, as in sex…”

Audrey didn’t respond right away. “Maybe.”

“Oh my god, hallelujah, you got laid.”

“Oh my god, are you thirteen?”

Val laughed. “Come on, tell me the details.”

“Um, no.”

“When did it first happen? Was it romantic? Was it rough and kinky? How many times? Is he any good?”

Audrey rolled her eyes. “The first time was two Mondays ago. Those pictures of me walking hand in hand with him, looking drunk; yeah, it happened just after that.” She then looked upward, out the window. “And pretty much every opportunity we had until the day I left.”

“It goes without saying that he was good, huh?”

“He was brilliant. Let’s leave it at that for now, okay?”

Val was silent on her end for a moment before responding. “Are you gonna try and see him again?”

“I spent over eighty-thousand dollars on the last trip,” Audrey whispered. “I think my wallet needs a break.”

“Well, then he can come visit you,” Val suggested. “Also: holy shit, Audrey. Eighty-thousand? I’m pretty sure that’s more than what Joe and I make in a year, combined.”

Audrey grimaced. “I know, it freaks me out. I forget sometimes I can afford it now, but the penniless version of me from a few years ago still gets panic attacks when I see the bills.”

“So…” Val trailed a bit. “I’m on my lunch break and need to get back to work, but before I do, tell me one thing.”

“Okay,” Audrey spoke warily.

“How big is he?”

Audrey blanched. “Oh my god, I’m hanging up now.”