A Mighty Need

It was the dog days of summer, where lifting a finger resulted in shedding a pound of sweat. Those fortunate had easy access to air conditioning, pools or other bodies of water to delve into in order to cool down. Audrey spent most of it at her condo, sorting everything into boxes and even those boxes had specific categories. Half would be sent to London, to Noel’s house, along with some larger furniture items she couldn’t or wouldn’t bring herself to part with. Other items were going to donation centers like Amvets. Mostly it was extra clothes, some household appliances and dishes she just wouldn’t need. Noel had all the dishes and appliances. They didn’t need double. Other boxes were items she was giving to friends and family that she was waiting on them to come pick up whenever the temperature broke. Usually it wasn’t until evening, when the sun set, bringing a slightly cooler temperature, even if not by much. The remaining items were higher end that she was going to sell.

Audrey had returned to London with Noel on the Sunday following the Fourth, and stayed a week but then returned to Philadelphia to start setting things in motion for her big move. Austin was really earning his money and his keep by setting up the meetings with Audrey’s real estate agent and the movers who would be shipping the belongings to London and directing what went where when they arrived to pick up the boxes and furniture. Audrey really didn’t have to do much. She had already dictated to Austin what she wanted done and he made note of it all.

For someone who always forgot to take the trash out or simple tasks to do around the house or for school, he sure seemed to excel as a personal assistant where micromanaging was where it was at.

Slowly but surely, the condo grew more and more sparse until, at the end of August, there wasn’t a lick of furniture or anything on the walls. There wasn’t even a pillow to sit on. There was nothing. It was completely and utterly empty. Noel had flown back to Philadelphia for Audrey’s last few days living in the city but they wouldn’t be staying at the condo because there wasn’t anything to sleep on and also because the condo had just been placed on the market and her agent was about to start showing the place to potential buyers.

Audrey was standing on the small balcony off the living room and the breeze felt nice from where she stood. It was easy to feel at the height level the condo was at. She rarely went out onto the balcony and quite often forgot she even had it because she always had this fear that the balcony would just fall off the building and she would plummet to her death. She had a slight fear of heights when she wasn’t contained in something, like a plane or a building or a Ferris wheel. But when she was on a porch or balcony and one simple slip up could mean certain death, she just didn’t like it.

So, there she stood, as far back from the railing as she could, leaning against the sliding glass door with her arms folded across her chest. She was taking one last look at the view of Center City to the North of where she stood and Old City and the Delaware River more directly in front of her to the East. Noel was inside, waiting for her to come back inside so they could check into the hotel they’d be staying in for the next few days, but Audrey seemed unable to move. Sensing she was feeling a bit off, Noel walked to the sliding glass door and tapped on it. Audrey turned her head and looked inside at him and moved off the door so he could open it and join her on the balcony.

“It’s nice out here,” he said. “You got the breeze from being high up and the shade from the balcony above you.”

“Yeah,” she replied limply.

“Are you having second thoughts about moving?”

Audrey glanced at him with a smirk. “It’s a bit late to have second thoughts, even if I was, which I’m not.” She reached out a hand and ruffled his hair which was already ruffling on its own because of the breeze. “My shit’s halfway to London right about now and so am I, mentally.”

“Just halfway?” Noel turned to face her and grabbed the bottom of her tank top to pull her closer toward him.

“Well, when I’m physically there with all my things, then it will be one hundred percent real. Now is still just the dream stage.” She tilted her head up and kissed his chin before he leaned down a bit so they could kiss regularly. “It’s just starting to hit me though that I won’t see these views anymore unless I’m in a hotel room. I mean, growing up, I would look out my bedroom window and see the backyard; the tree that had to be cut down after a bad snowstorm, the metal swing set that rusted over because it sat unused for a bunch of years before my dad got around to throwing it out. Then here, every morning, waking up to this view, it’s been a nice slice of heaven.”

Noel looked out toward Old City and the Delaware River. “Yeah, it is a pretty great view,” he agreed with a nod of his head.

Audrey lifted a hand up to the side of his face. “This will be a much better view to wake up to every morning.”

Noel smirked and narrowed his eyes. “Alright, don’t get sappy.”

Chuckling, Audrey turned back toward the sliding glass door and opened it up. Noel followed her back inside; their shoes echoing off the walls as they walked from the condo’s acoustics. When the place was completely furnished, their footsteps barely registered a sound. Now there was nothing to muffle them.

Audrey dragged her hand along the countertop of the island in the kitchen and a lump got stuck in her throat and tears stung her eyes. It suddenly felt like this was a funeral and she was preparing to say goodbye to an old friend which, in a sense, she was.

Noel placed his hand on her back and just gave a soothing rub to let her know he was there. Placing a kiss at her temple, he whispered into her hair, “Ready to go to the hotel?”

Audrey nodded. “Yeah.”



Two weeks later, Audrey was getting settled into life in London. Her paperwork for the appropriate visa she would need had already been sent in and was awaiting approval. Most of her belongings had already arrived as well. There was just a slight hold up with some of her furniture items. Noel had cleaned up and decided to get rid of a few of his items that he didn’t really need any more to make room for her stuff. His cats were sniffing everything out, sensing a change in their home. There were plenty of new elements for them to investigate. Two of the major things Audrey was still waiting on were Austin and her cat, Rhiannon. She had to wait on Rhiannon’s pet visa to come through and until then, the cat couldn’t come to the UK. Austin was staying at their parents’ house for the time being with Rhiannon and would then travel with the cat on an “approved flight route”. Plus, Austin was waiting on his own visa as well, so it might be a couple more weeks.

Aside from the new change in their living status, life was going on as usual for the couple.

A week before they had celebrated their ninth “monthaversary” with Audrey joking that had she gotten knocked up when he visited her the first time in Philly, she would’ve just given birth by now. Because of the move, Audrey was unable to attend the wrap party for What Girls Do in LA but that was fine with her. She sent her love in a video message and Juliette texted Audrey that the video had been played for everyone at the party. Apparently, everyone had clapped afterward and even toasted to Audrey, in absentia, that without Audrey and her first book, none of them would’ve had “such a wonderful show to be a part of.” Now it was a Monday, a week after Labor Day in the US and the day before Noel was to start filming the first episode of Never Mind The Buzzcock’s 28th series.

Audrey was walking around the Highgate rowhouse rather absentmindedly, going from room to room without any sort of purpose. One of Noel’s cats was following her, meowing and generally seeking attention. She went into his studio and looked around at the paintings and seeing what new pieces he was working on. While studying one such painting a bit closer up, Noel walked into the room.

“Do you want to come to the taping tomorrow?” he asked, walking over to a box containing new paintbrushes he hadn’t used yet.

Audrey looked at him. “Yeah, sure.” She narrowed her eyes and smirked. “I know you do surrealist paintings but have you ever done an actual still life portrait, like something you’d see hanging in a fancy house?”

“I’ve attempted it.”

“I mean, not exactly like a portrait but not like the paintings you specialize in…sort of in between…”

“Why?”

“Paint me.”

Noel studied her for a moment and then grinned. He picked up one of those new brushes and made a painting gesture at her. “You want me to paint your body? Valentine’s wasn’t enough?”

“Not body painting. Paint me. On canvas.”

“I did already. Remember Christmas, my showing?”

“Not like that. That’s just me, my face.” She began to chuckle at him as she walked up toward him. Whispering huskily at him, she said, “Paint me like one of your French girls.”

“What…you saying you want to actually pose for me? Like, nude?”

“Well, clothing optional, sure.” She gave him a daring look. “Think you can do it?” Before he could respond, she was disrobing.

His face just went blank and it seemed as if he forgot how to think or talk or move for a few moments. He nearly dropped the paintbrush as he watched her toss her clothes to the floor and sit down, cross-legged like a demure lady, on a chair.

“You know, I might not be able to finish, whatever I paint.”

“Why?”

“Because I’ll get too distracted and end up shagging you right there.”

“If I let you.”

Noel mimicked Audrey and narrowed his eyes at her. “Alright,” he muttered, looking around for the right size of canvas he would use. When he found one, he pulled out an easel and set the canvas on it. He then pointed at Audrey with the brush again. “Lay down on the ground.” She did. “Now, uh…bend your legs at the knees and turn your knees slightly away from me so I can’t see your naughty bits. Cross your feet at your ankles.” She did, with a shit-eating smirk. “Put your hands under your head, elbows out and look at me.”

“Like this?”

Noel sighed heavily, feeling something start to wake down below. “Yeah.” He’d never painted anyone in the nude before, except that one time at Croydon, but that was for a class with other students and his professor and the naked model had been some guy, not his shapely girlfriend. “I’m about to paint with an erection for the first time.”

Audrey let out a hearty laugh, looking up toward the ceiling. “Focus and you’ll get the fucking of a lifetime.”

“Stop saying things like that. It makes it harder.” As she laughed some more he added, “No pun intended.”

He broke out a peach colored tube of paint and squirted the contents onto a palette before tapping the brush he chose into the paint and lathering the bristles up real good. With the first stroke on the canvas, Audrey watched his movements; the tightening of his jaw and the flex of an arm muscle with each upstroke he made. Watching him paint her was rhythmic and hypnotic. With the exception of the brush touching down onto canvas, there were no other sounds in the room. Neither suggested music nor spoke. She watched and he painted; alternating between looking over at her, down at the paints and at the canvas. The entire process was purely simple and incredibly sexy at the same time.

Audrey found her eyes wandering over his body, and then her mind wandered as well; imagining what would definitely transpire when he was finished or however far he managed to get. Subconsciously, she forgot to keep both her hands under her head and brought one down toward her breast, tapping the fleshy mound with her fingers. Noel looked over then and just stared before returning to look at the canvas.

“Keep that pose, right there. That’s better than both hands behind your head,” he said.

“I bet it is,” she replied with her voice laced with subtext.

Noel bit his lips together and Audrey began to smile as she noticed his discomfort growing. But he seemed to keep it together pretty well, all things considered. She lay like that for upwards of twenty minutes more when Noel stepped back and let his eyes wander all around the painting before glancing over at Audrey. His eyes widened with an “ah-ha” moment and he dipped his brush into another color on the palette before touching it down quickly and precisely onto the canvas.

“What?”

Noel looked at Audrey. “I forgot to add your birthmark.”

For a brief second, Audrey forgot she even had one. She rarely saw it as it was on her ass. When realization dawned on her, she rolled her eyes. “You can see it from this angle?”

“I can see enough of it.”

“My quaint, red birthmark; the size and shape of a quarter: however could I forget it?” she quipped.

“I like your birthmark. It’s like a bull’s eye.” He gestured at her with the paintbrush as if it was a dart he was about to throw.

“Are you done already?”

Noel nodded. “Yeah, I think so.”

“Can I see?”

“After.”

“After what?”

Noel set the paintbrush down and stalked over to her before kneeling down onto the floor and parting her legs. He then leaned forward over her, bracing his arms on either side of her chest. “After I put the finishing touches on my masterpiece,” he finally spoke.

“Don’t be cheesy.”

“You like my cheese.”

“Ew,” she squealed, as he nuzzled his face into the crook of her neck and suckled on her skin a bit. Anything else she had been thinking seemed to disappear as she parted her legs further for him. “Take your fucking pants off, already, dammit.”

“Demanding thing, aren’t you?”

“I know what I want,” she shrugged.

Noel responded by leaning up and unzipping his pants and, with her help by hooking her feet into the waistband, pulled his pants down. Before she knew it, she was looking down at Noel lowering his face down her body and using his tongue and fingers to make her see God. Before she could metaphorically meet her maker, Noel was buried inside her like a heat-seeking missile. The pair of them were matching each other’s thrusts and quickly rolling around on the floor in a tangle of limbs and perspiration. Audrey placed her hands on either side of his face in order to look him in the eyes and watch as they dilated and glazed over when he climaxed. Since she hadn’t finished yet, she wound up rolling them over again so that she was on top and riding it out, quite literally.

Afterward, she collapsed on top of him and then rolled off onto his side and they both lay like that on the floor, staring up at the ceiling.

“Now, can I see the painting?”

Noel chuckled at her, letting out a sigh as he caught his breath. “Yeah.” He sat up slowly and then stood, pulling his pants up with him, though not bothering to zip them. He turned around and offered a hand out to Audrey as she stood up. She grabbed her underwear up off the floor and slipped into them before walking around to the other side of the easel with Noel to look at the painting.

She smiled widely. “You made me slimmer than I really am. Good boy.”

“I painted you as you are, with my own flare. I can’t do normal paintings even when I try.”

Audrey nudged his arm with hers. “It’s amazing.” Then, “Though, I’m not sure I want this one displayed for the public.” After a moment, she shrugged. “Or maybe I do. I don’t know. I do know that I love it. You are one of the most talented motherfuckers I know.”

“Takes one to know one.”

Audrey’s smile continued as she reached a hand down into Noel’s pants and squeezed his ass. “C’mon,” she said, gesturing toward the door.

“Where are we going?”

“To rechristen the house,” she replied. “I’m horny, you’re hot. Let’s go.”

Noel laughed and took her hand and the two of them darted out of the studio like a pair of teenagers up to no good.



The following afternoon, Audrey was sitting in Noel’s dressing room with him while the make-up artist was preparing him for the show. At the moment she was putting eyeliner around his eyes while Audrey was painting his nails black. He hadn’t asked her to. She was bored and offered.

“So, did the two of you really start dating because you met on this show?” the make-up artist asked.

“We met on the show, but that’s not why we started dating,” Noel replied, blinking in rapid succession when she was done with the first eye. “I fell in love with her, plain and simple.”

Audrey smiled and the make-up artist cooed.

“Aww, that is so sweet. A romantic, this one.”

Audrey nodded. “Yeah, he definitely can be.”

“How long has it been, that you’ve been dating? If I’m being too invasive, you don’t have to answer.”

“Just over nine months,” Noel replied; wincing when he thought the eye pencil was getting to close to his cornea.

“You could’ve had a kid in that time.”

“Yeah, we were just joking about that the other day.”

“Alright, I’m finished up here. Is there anything else you want me to do?” the make-up artist asked.

Noel shook his head. “No, I got my manicurist here taking care of the rest,” he quipped. “Thank you, though.”

When it was just the two of them left in the dressing room, Audrey smiled up at him before blowing on the nails of his left hand. “Okay, gimme the other hand.”

“You fucked up a finger.”

“The better to fuck me with later.”

Noel snorted. “That’s a good one.”

“I don’t have two bestselling books of humorous essays and a comedy series based on the first book for nothing.” Audrey looked up at him and smirked.

A knock at the dressing room door interrupted them. Without waiting for a reply, the door opened, revealing Phill. “Hey, sorry, I’m not intruding, am I?”

“Yeah, actually, we were just about to sacrifice a goat,” Audrey announced.

“Where’s the goat, then?” Phill smirked, going along with it.

“It’s been special ordered from Wimbledon. It plays tennis,” Noel added.

Phill simply shook his head, taking a seat on the couch behind them. “You two are made for each other.”

The pair just smiled in response when Noel looked over at Phill. “So, what’s up?”

“Did you see who’s on my team tonight?” Phill suddenly looked perturbed.

“Not me,” Audrey piped in.

“Well, obviously.”

Noel shrugged. “I don’t even remember who’s on my team.”

“Didn’t you just get done working on the Intros with one of your teammates?” Audrey asked.

Noel shrugged a second time. “It was all a blur. We didn’t do very well in practice.”

“I got fucking Dappy! DAPPY!” he shouted. “Again.”

Noel tried to suppress his laughter. “Really? Is he even relevant anymore?”

“Apparently casting thinks so.” Phill threw his hands up in aggravation. “I just came from working on Intros with him and I swear to Christ I was going to slap him.”

Audrey blew on the nails of Noel’s right hand and looked over at the more portly comedian. “Do you need me to arrange for an ‘accident’,” she said with air quotes, “so that I can take his place for you?"

Phill tutted happily. “Would you be a dear?”

“How about we just buy you a round of drinks after the taping?” Noel offered.

Shrugging, Phill raised an eyebrow. “It’s a start.” He then looked between the pair again. “So, you two really are a couple, then, huh? I haven’t seen you together since her second taping last year or seen you,” he looked at Noel, “since we wrapped the last series.”

“Yeah, that was just before me and Aud made it official.”

“Aww, was it love at first sight?” Phill leaned forward with his elbows propped up on his legs and then rested his chin in his hands and looked between them like some gushing teeny bopper. “Did you write about it in your diaries?”

Noel narrowed his gaze. “Shut it, Jupitus, or I’ll put a curse on you.”

“We’ll call off the goat and use you instead,” Audrey interjected.

“Ah, I’m just kidding with ya.” Phill winked at Audrey.

“It was more like love at second or third sight, if you must know,” Noel finally offered up.

“And when was that?”

“Halloween.”

Audrey looked at Noel. “Really?”

“Yeah.”

“It was the next day for me.”

“Did the two of you make whoopee on Halloween or something?”

Audrey laughed and shook her head. “No, I joined him, his brother and some of his friends at a pub in Camden. We all got well drunk and brought the party back to my hotel suite. I wound up sleeping in the tub in the bathroom while Noel was in my bed with his ex-girlfriend.” She gave her man a knowing look and a smile.

“To be fair, I didn’t sleep with her either.”

“You were both just naked in the bed together.”

“Yeah, but you know nothing happened. We were drunk and took off our clothes to sleep in our drunken stupor and why are we airing this in front of Phill?”

Audrey snickered. “He’s not The Sun or the Daily Mail. He’s harmless.”

“Was it Birdy you were in bed with?” Phill inquired.

“What? No, she was in New York at the time. It was Dee.”

“Ah, yes, was that the night where there were pictures of the two of you snogging?” Phill gestured to Audrey. “You were dressed as a slutty pirate.”

“Sexy swashbuckler,” both Audrey and Noel said at the same time, and laughed.



The taping went as well as to be expected, except for when Phill got fed up with Dappy toward the end of the show and walked off the set before the end of Next Lines. Noel seemed to try to defuse the situation with some humor but wound up getting up and leaving the set as well as a show of solidarity. Audrey had been seated in the first row of the audience, watching it all unfold. The entire time she really thought Phill might punch Dappy in the head. The kid was acting like such a douchebag. After Phill and Noel had both left the set, the host apologized and laughed it all off and then threw a dig at Dappy, who swore under his breath and said some bullshit about how, if they were in a club, his fans would be there ready to rumble, or however he worded it. Audrey rolled her eyes from where she sat.

Noel had walked back out onto the set as the host was saying his final words at the camera and came over to hug his teammates, then stuck his tongue out at Dappy before laughing and walking away again. Glancing over at Audrey, he beckoned for her to join him, so she stood up and walked over to him, while she felt some of the audience members’ eyes on her back as they went backstage.

“Where did you go?” she asked.

“Just backstage,” he replied. “Phill kicked his dressing room door in, started yelling at Alan to stop having jackasses like Dappy cast for the show and put on his team or he’d quit the show.”

“Seriously?” Audrey hushed her voice.

Noel wrapped his arm around her waist as they made their way toward his dressing room. “Needless to say I don’t think Dappy will be invited back ever again. I don’t think the show would survive if Phill left. He’s been with it since it started.”

They went out to the River Terrace behind the studios afterward and stuck to their word by getting Phill a drink or two. The rest of the guests from the night’s taping were present except for Dappy. He had apparently left immediately after the cameras stopped rolling and went on a verbal tirade of his own about not doing the show ever again. It was just as well. Most everyone didn’t want him back anyway and no one more than Phill. Caroline Flack, a friend of Lliana’s and kinda sorta still a friend of Noel’s chatted Noel and Audrey up. She had been on the show once more as Noel’s teammate and was now getting a bit tipsy on her second glass of white wine. It loosened her up to the point of her blurting how much she missed Noel and Birdy together, but she seemed to catch herself, apologized and said Noel and Audrey made a very lovely couple as well and was just happy he was happy.

Noel assured her he was very happy indeed. He accentuated the statement by giving Audrey a kiss and then hugging Caroline before excusing himself from her. He took Audrey by the hand and led her away with him and they decided to call it a night and grabbed the car Noel had hired to bring them to the studio to take them home.

After a thirty minute ride, Audrey slid out of the car first, gripping onto her clutch purse she’d brought with her. She stood off to the side as Noel thanked the driver and then hopped out. As the hired car drove away, Noel took Audrey’s hand as they made their way up to the front door; the heels of both their shoes clacking on the cement sidewalk and stairs. Once he had the door open, Noel slapped her ass with the back of his hand and she giggled at the gesture.

“Home sweet home,” she announced, setting her clutch purse on the hall table and he followed suit with his keys.

“You know, you’re birthday is Friday.”

“Yes, I’m aware of when it is.”

Noel gave her a withering look. “What do you want for your birthday? Anything special?”

“Surprise me,” she shrugged. “Right now, the only thing I want is you…” Noel wiggled his eyebrows until she finished the sentence. “…to run me a bath and pop me some popcorn.”

“You want to eat popcorn in the bath?”

“Yes.” Audrey kicked off her shoes. “I want to take a bath, eat popcorn and you’re gonna do that for me because you love me and it’s my birthday week and there might be some sexual gratification in it for you.”

Noel snickered and mimicked Jeanie from I Dream of Jeanie. “Whatever you say, master.”

As Noel began to saunter off toward the stairs, Audrey followed behind him. They reached the bedroom but Audrey hung back while he walked into the bathroom to start running a bath for her. While he was going about his business, pouring bubble bath liquid in and making sure the temperature was alright, Audrey was keeping busy as well. Noel went as far as to dim the lights and light a scented candle.

Pleased with his work, he turned around and almost ran smack into Audrey when he found her standing naked in the doorway and eyeing him up like a side of beef.

“I changed my mind. No popcorn will be devoured in this tub.”

Noel raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“You will though.” She gave him a playful shove. “Get naked and join me in some bath time revelry.”

Noel leaned forward and kissed her, biting down on her bottom lip for a moment. When he parted from her, he pulled his shirt off over his head and tossed it to the ground.

“Your wish is my command, master.”