A Mighty Need

Bruno Mars had decided to meet up with Audrey at the Savoy the following afternoon after all. They agreed to meet for afternoon tea in the Thames Foyer, where he arrived with a knit bag full of eight books, total; four copies of each of her two books. Audrey stood up to greet him with a hearty laugh for her to reveal she had four copies of his latest album, Unorthodox Jukebox. He admitted he couldn’t get just the one book for his three sisters and not the other. And also, he wanted his own copies, so each of his sisters and him would get signed copies of both books. Audrey mentioned more or less the same. She had wanted to give copies to her siblings, plus one for herself. She had gone out that morning, by taxi, to the HMV store on Oxford Street and made it back in time to change into something a little less casual for meeting Bruno in the Thames Foyer.

After signing each other’s items and still chuckling over it all, they ordered a bit to eat; Audrey having decided on the egg salad finger sandwiches with chives and tobiko well before Bruno arrived. She hadn’t paid attention to what he had gotten but they both chose to get the same Flowering Osmanthus tea to drink simply for the appeal of it and then cinched their sweet tooth by getting strawberry and vanilla mousseline tartlets. It was all delicious and worth the forty-five pounds apiece. During all this, they made small talk, wondering what the other was had upcoming in their schedules. Bruno was flying out to Copenhagen to pick up on his tour he had been off of for about a week, something he had mentioned briefly the night before after the Buzzcocks taping. He would be back in London toward the mid or end of November; he couldn’t really remember when for a few shows around the UK which would conclude his tour for the year until he picked it back up in Australia around February.

Audrey admitted she was sad she hadn’t gotten a chance to see him in concert back in the States, now that she knew him, to which he offered that if she was willing to come back to London next month, he’d put aside as many tickets and backstage passes that she wanted. Like with Noel the night before, Audrey and Bruno swapped phones and entered their info. Bruno even located her on Twitter and ‘followed’ her so she did the same while making a comment about how social media brought so many people closer while at the same difference putting up a wall. They did the typical ‘have your people call my people’ spiel about getting in touch with each other in regard to the London concert if she decided to come back and shortly after that, they parted ways with a friendly hug.

She still sat there for a bit longer, glancing over at the grand piano, almost wishing she could’ve roped him into an impromptu song. Instead, she settled on how amused she was at the idea of becoming friendly with three celebrities in such a short expanse of time. This was definitely turning into a delightful trip.



That evening, Audrey had changed yet again, this time back into the clothes she had worn for her shopping excursion: a pair of jeans, a long-sleeved shirt with an oversized sweater pulled on over it. On her feet, the same Union Jack Converse from the Buzzcocks taping. She grabbed a taxi to take her to outside the Grand Hotel (off Trafalgar Square) on Northumberland Avenue where she brought a voucher to the ticket office of the Ghost Bus Tours. She thought it would be fun, since it was the night before Halloween. The bus arrived at 7:30 and she boarded the upper deck of the double decker bus that had been painted black. Complete with onboard actors, technical trickery and a creepy conductor offering the commentary proved a wonderful time to see London at night; revealing haunted places, unmarked burial grounds and “skeletons in the capital’s cupboard.”

After returning to her hotel suite, she found a slew of text messages. One was from Bruno, thanking her again for the books. Another was from her brother Austin, asking how the taping went. Stephen asked if she’d dove into the champagne yet and also apologized because he hadn’t been sure if pink champagne was something she enjoyed. Val, her best friend since high school, sent her a picture of her son Anthony making a silly face with spaghetti all over it. Then there was one from Noel, asking her if she still planned on coming out to the Camden Head and if so, hoped her costume was great.

Running a hot bath, Audrey sank into the freestanding, claw foot tub and decided to finally get around to texting everyone back.

To Bruno: Ditto. Hope u and ur sisters enjoy the books. I’ll def enjoy my CD. :)

To Austin: It was great. Met some great people. Can’t wait till next week too. We’ll watch the eps together when I can find them online as soon as they air. See ya next week. xxx

To Stephen: I definitely dove right in. Didn’t even use a glass. Thank you again. It was really thoughtful.

To Val: Ahh he’s such a cutie pie :-P

To Noel: Yeah, I’ll be there. I’m gonna go costume scavenging tomorrow.

She had barely had just set her phone down on the chair she had pulled up beside the tub when she heard it vibrating. Picking it back up, she saw she had a new text from Noel.

“That was fast,” she muttered.

Probably not much left the day of Halloween. Just be creative. xx

Audrey texted back: We shall see. What time should I get there at? She set the phone back down and ducked under the water, reveling in the warmth beating on her face for a few moments before resurfacing and letting out her breath. She glanced at her phone and saw she had received another text during that time.

I’ll be there by 10. Text when you’re on your way. I’ll meet you outside so you don’t feel awkward walking in alone.

She couldn’t help thinking what a sweetheart he was. Will do.

Almost immediately there was another text. What you doing right now? Scary movies?

Audrey smirked. No. Went on ghost bus tour earlier. Now taking a bath before bed.

There wasn’t a response after that, so Audrey finished up her bath and changed into her underwear and pajamas. Not feeling at all tired, she broke out what she had left of the champagne from Stephen she had stored in the mini bar. She then pulled back the covers on the bed until they were hanging off at the base and almost on the floor. The room was relatively warm and she knew that once the bubbly began to go to her head, she would feel even warmer and the coolness of the sheets would feel amazing on her skin because she knew that at some point her pajama bottoms were coming off. It was just a thing she did.

Clamoring up onto the king-size bed, she sat in Indian-style in the center and pulled the cork back out of the bottle and took the initial swig.

And grimaced.

It had gone flat since the first opening, but it still tasted decent.

While she held the bottle by the neck with one hand and fumbled with the remote with the other hand, she heard her cell phone vibrating on the bedside table. Not bothering to settle on a channel first, Audrey reached for her cell phone and checked it over.

Noel had responded.

You were texting me from your bath? There goes my asking what you were wearing jk lol x

Audrey sniggered. I bathe in a full cotton bathing gown. Old, old, old school bathing. :)

Classy. I like to wear scuba gear in the shower and pretend I’m Jules Verne, was his response, five minutes later.

Back and forth, their texts went for another solid hour before saying ‘goodnights’ and ‘see ya tomorrows.’ Audrey had finished the last of the champagne and her head was feeling fuzzy, which meant it was a good time to finally curl into bed and close her eyes.



Audrey woke up bright eyed and bushy-tailed on Halloween. She had a spring in her step and dressed for the day without a moment’s hesitation. Since she’d had the bath last night, she wasn’t going to bother with showering until later in the day before she got ready for the Halloween shindig at the Camden Head. She ordered a full English breakfast from room service complete with some Earl Grey tea.

Today was the day she was going to immerse herself into London as a Londoner; or, at least, until she got to the Camden Head. She wasn’t sure how well she’d be able to pull off the English accent after she had some drinks in her.

Donning a pair of black skinny jeans, a white cardigan, a pair of black leather ankle boots and a black pea coat, she was out her hotel room door after her meal. A taxi took her Angel’s Fancy Dress store on Shaftesbury Avenue in the heart of London’s West End where she looked around the store for a good hour or more before settling on the “Sexy Swashbuckler” costume. What with her currently auburn-dyed hair, she could say she was Anne Bonny. Along with the costume itself, she picked out a pair of fishnet stockings, a tricorn hat, faux leather buckle boots that were only mid-calf high and a toy cutlass. She caught another taxi back to the hotel where she dropped her purchase on the sofa in the sitting room and headed back down to the lobby where a taxi was hailed for again and she found herself, a little time later, heading in to watch the new Benedict Cumberbatch film The Fifth Estate at Empire Cinema at Leicester Square. By five in the evening the film was over and she was back at the hotel, grabbing dinner once more Kaspar’s, but this time ordering the Scottish salmon filet with seafood nage and a side order of buttered Jersey Royal potatoes. She figured one glass of Pinot Noir would be enough to have with dinner because she had a feeling she’d get her fill of liquor later on.

When dinner was over and she had the tab added to her hotel bill, Audrey returned to her suite to get ready for the Camden Head Halloween party or whatever it was. She showered, shaved, applied her makeup and did her hair to the best of her ability. After slipping into the stockings and costume, the boots came on last, but then she almost forgot her hat and cutlass. She wasn’t bothering with a purse, but shoved her credit card and ID into her bra; an old trick she’d been doing since she was twenty-one and was easy to do with her ample bosom.

In the Halloween traffic, Audrey arrived to the Camden Head about fifteen minutes after leaving the Savoy. She had texted Noel, as soon as she told the cabbie her destination, letting him know she would be there fairly shortly. As soon as she paid the cabbie, she pushed her door open and stuck one leg out and made sure her tricorn hat didn’t fall off as she stood up. She looked directly in front of her and didn’t see Noel right away. When a few twenty-somethings dressed like zombies stepped aside to talk to someone else near the front door, that’s when Audrey spotted Noel, looking to his left, holding a drink in his hand. He seemed to sense someone approaching and turned his attention, finding her coming toward him with a shying smile.

She was starting to second guess her choice in costume. He was wearing a costume that his IT Crowd character Richmond would’ve worn. He reminded her of some sort of Gothic vampire from the 18th century. Everything was black; his skinny pants, boots, frilly shirt and waistcoat. He wore a top hat and held a creepy skull cane in his free hand. He had also painted his face white, darkened his eyes with gray shadow and had fake blood around his mouth. When Noel smiled a toothy grin at her, she noticed he had fitted himself with two fake fangs.

So, Audrey was quite right in her deduction of what he was.

“My, what lovely fangs you have there,” she laughed, gripping her toy cutlass.

“The better to suck your blood with, my dear,” he said with a slight Eastern European accent which was impeded by the fangs, making it sound like he had a slight lisp.

“Gothic vampire?” she asked, though it was more of a statement.

Noel nodded and pointed at her. “Slutty pirate?”

“Technically, the costume was called ‘Sexy Swashbuckler,’ but I’m pretending I’m Anne Bonny.”

He reached out his hand that was holding his drink and touched her hair with the tips of his fingers. “Make sense, with your hair.” He seemed to give her a solid once over and smirked. “Glad you could make it. C’mon.” Noel gestured inside with his cane. “I’ll introduce you to some of my mates.”

Inside was darkened, probably more than normal because of the holiday. There were fake spider webs in almost every nook and cranny and there seemed to be somewhat of a fog hanging along the floor from some hidden smoke machine. There was no band playing, but there was a DJ spinning tunes somewhere with a Halloween feel to them. Currently, ‘Monster Mash’ was playing. Before they continued any further, they stopped at the bar where Audrey waited for the bartender so she could order her first drink.

As she pulled her credit card out of her bra, it caused Noel to raise his eyebrows appreciatively and laugh slightly before putting his hand over hers. “Let me get this round,” he insisted. “What do you want?”

“Sex on the beach.”

“Well, it’s a bit cold for that, but I'll see what I can do,” he joked.

“Wow, never heard that joke before,” she snickered.

Noel just sideways glanced at her with that cheeky smile of his and got the bartender’s attention. “One sex on the beach, Jim.”

“First name basis with the bartender? Come here that often?”

“It’s one of many regular haunts, no pun intended.”

While they waited for Jim to make Audrey’s drink, a group of people walked up to them, getting Noel’s attention. One was introduced as Serge. Audrey didn’t get his last name, but he was in a band that was popular but hadn’t heard about. She figured they hadn’t branched so much into the States yet. He seemed very nice, either way, and was dressed as a pirate, just like Audrey so that was plenty enough of an ice breaker. Other friends of Noel were introduced as Dee (who he explained later was his ex-girlfriend who he had been broken up with for a couple years but still remained friends with), and his younger brother Mike (who was also one-fifth of The Mighty Boosh and also in Noel’s Luxury Comedy show). There were other friends there, but those were the only ones who stood out to Audrey or could at least remember the names of. As for costumes, Dee was dressed as the pantomime clown Pierrot and Mike was a devil; the latter would go on to be dubbed ‘Lil’ Devil’ all night due to his short stature.

After getting her drink and the introductions had been made, they made their way upstairs where the DJ was set up. It was still early enough in the night that the bar wasn’t very packed. Dee and Audrey grabbed seats on one of the tan leather couches. Serge’s wife, Amy (Audrey had remembered her name), took the seat on the other side of Dee so now all the girls were sat together. Noel, Serge, Mike and the other two guys that Audrey still hadn’t recalled the names for yet had pulled up chairs from neighboring tables. Audrey figured that as the night progressed and more drinking had been done, sitting would be abandoned for standing around and dancing.

“So you’re a writer?” Dee asked Audrey to which Audrey nodded. “How many books have you written?”

“Two. They’re basically just compilations of funny short stories and rants but they’ve done pretty well, which is always great.” Audrey took a sip of her drink and found Mike smiling at her as she spoke. She politely smiled back which seemed the opening for him to talk to her next.

“So, where in America are you from?”

“Philadelphia. Well, technically a suburb outside the city called Narberth. That’s where my parents and youngest brother live. I have a condo in the city now.”

“What’s your favorite part about where you live?” Mike continued.

“As in my home or the city itself?”

“The city.”

“If I had to pick one thing, uh…I suppose the art museum. As much as I love the historical sites, they don’t change. The art museum gets new exhibits all the time; it’s always changing, evolving. I like that.” Audrey shrugged, catching a look from Noel out the corner of her eye. There was something more compelling about his bright blue eyes with the dark circles painted around them.

As the DJ began to play Marilyn Manson’s version of ‘This Is Halloween’, Noel leaned forward and grabbed Audrey’s hand quite suddenly and gestured with a nod of his head in the direction of the DJ. “C’mon,” he muttered.

Audrey almost stumbled while standing, still holding her drink in her free hand. “Where are we going?” She had a confused smile plastered on her face now.

“To dance,” he replied simply. “No one else is. Let’s set the scene.”

Noel downed whatever was left of his beer and set the empty bottle on a table. Audrey watched for a moment and decided ‘when in Rome’ and downed the rest of her drink as well and placed the empty cup beside the bottle. Free of their drinks, Noel stepped closer to her like Frankenstein’s monster and making a crazy face at her which brought a laugh bubbling up from between her lips. He began to dance around her until he was literally behind her and grabbed her shoulders, pretending as if he was going to bite her neck only to wrap his right arm around her front and take hold of her left hand and spin her out. Finding her footing and trying to go with it, Audrey twirled herself back in toward him. They moved with his chest against her back as if dancing to some sort of disco tune. Twirling her back away from him again, he then grabbed her other hand, pulled her close and wrapped an arm around her waist, dancing something similar to a waltz-tango mix.

By this point ‘This Is Halloween’ had ended and ‘Six Underground’ by Sneaker Pimps began. Others around them began to dance as well. Serge and his wife Amy were dancing closely together; the latter was dressed simply as a witch. Audrey was prepared to step away from Noel when the new song had begun, but he made no such move. He kept her in his arms and continued to dance with her.

“I think my brother might fancy you,” he commented out of the blue; his lips dangerously close to her ear.

Audrey pulled her head back and knitted her brow at him. “What makes you think that?”

“The way he was looking at you when I introduced you, when he asked you about Philadelphia and how he’s trying to be discreet about it right now.”

On instinct, Audrey started to look over her shoulder at Mike, only for Noel to gently grab her face and pull it back to look at him.

“No, don’t stare,” he laughed. “He’ll know I said something."

“But how do you know all that just by his so-called look?”

“He’s my brother. I know how he looks when he’s interested in a girl,” he explained, simply. “I remember the first girl he ever liked when he was about nine or ten. I think her name was Penny or Patty or something that started with a P. I do know that it was at the beginning of my first year at Croydon College and it was a Sunday dinner with my parents and grandmother and how the topic came up, I don’t know, but he mentioned this girl in his class with the P name and he just got so animated like a Miss Piggy around Kermit.”

“Nice comparison,” Audrey jested and Noel just smirked. “If I were to dance with Mike would I be leading him on?”

Noel shrugged. “Well, if you’re interested in him, too, then by all means, be my guest.” He smiled and stepped back.

“And if I’m not?”

“Well, then I won’t feel bad hoarding you a bit longer.”

“Hoarding me, huh?”

“Yeah,” he winked. “Just don’t tell your boyfriend at home.”

“Why would you assume I have a boyfriend?”

“Why shouldn’t I assume you do? You’re funny, smart and very nice on the eyes. I would be doing you a disservice to assume anything less.”

“Well, I would assume the same about you, but since you have an ex-girlfriend here, not a few feet away, I’m not sure a current girlfriend would be too keen on that,” Audrey deduced. “Am I close?”

“Something like that,” he replied as they had stopped dancing and he led her from the dancing area. “Let’s go get refills on our drinks.” Audrey followed him back downstairs and as she did, he continued to talk, glancing over his shoulder at her after every couple of steps. “My latest ex-girlfriend and I broke up a few months back. It was mutual, though. Our schedules weren’t coinciding and we were starting to see each other less, despite living together. Then she got a job offer to work in New York City for a satellite radio station but wasn’t going to take the job because of her family and me being here in England.”

They made their way to the now crowded bar and Noel ordered some shots; two apiece. While waiting, he leaned on the counter and looked at Audrey.

“Did she end up taking the job?”

“She said if she did she was worried a long distance relationship between us wouldn’t work, since it was starting to already not work even with us living together. She’s just getting on her feet, career-wise, y'know, and I felt like I would be holding her back. She deserves to live her dream with nothing weighing her down. Then the idea was tossed around of her taking the job but only on a sort of year contract and would come back here. In the end, it was like beating a dead horse, so we parted as friends. We’d had a good run. We loved each other, sure. I loved her enough to let her go, and she loved me enough that she would’ve abandoned her goals.”

“Reminds me of ‘The Gift of the Magi’ in a way,” Audrey remarked when the shots arrived.

Noel nodded. “Yeah, I suppose.”

“Is it fair to say she’s following her dreams in New York right now?”

“Been there since June and last I heard she just recently started dating a guy also working at the same satellite station.”

There was a hint of sadness in his voice and the sparkle in his eyes dimmed somewhat, causing Audrey to feel bad for him. Sometimes it wasn’t always better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. To have never loved, you never know what you’re truly missing.

Grabbing her shot up, she stared cheerily at Noel. “Let’s toast,” she said.

“To what?” he asked, lifting one of his own shots.

“To new friends and living our dreams?”

Noel smiled. “Sounds good to me.”

They clinked shot glasses and knocked them back without a moment’s hesitation. Slamming them back down on the counter, they both laughed and grabbed up the second shot glasses and did the same. There were Camden Head patrons who nudged Noel, either knowing him personally, from seeing him occasionally at the bar or because they just knew him from being on television. Audrey never had this kind of attention. No one really ever paid attention to what writers looked like, or seemed to care. You didn’t see the face, you saw the words. It was fame without the celebrity. It was anonymity. Audrey could go anywhere and be a part of the crowd and those around her would be none the wiser. Poor Noel probably couldn’t go to the store to even buy toilet paper without someone noticing him and taking a picture or pestering him for an autograph. But he seemed genuinely sweet and obliging about it all. Audrey felt that if she was in his place, she’d snap and wallop someone good if they got too into her personal space or pestered her constantly.

Several more drinks and a few rounds of shots later, Audrey was dancing on a chair back upstairs as ‘Puttin’ On The Ritz’ by Taco was playing. She was doing some sort of coquettish burlesque dance moves. Dee was just as drunk and trying to stuff five pound bank notes into Audrey’s boots while Serge was laying on his back on the floor while Amy danced over him. Mike and Joey Page — one of the others Audrey couldn’t initially remember the name of — were sitting on one of the couches, just watching Audrey like a pair of teenage boys watching their hot teacher bending over to pick up a fallen pencil.

Then there was Noel.

He was on sitting on another chair, also looking up at Audrey as she caught his eye. Marilyn Manson’s ‘Tainted Love’ began to play and Audrey bridged the gap between the chair she was standing on and the one Noel was sitting on by reaching a leg out and stepping a foot down between his legs. Before she could lose her footing, Noel ran his hands from her boot-covered calves up to her thighs and pulled her down so she wouldn’t fall. Carefully, she sank down into his lap, her chest pressed to his while staring each other in the eye. Their noses were a feather’s distance from the other and she could almost taste the beer on his lips.

She was finding herself suddenly very aroused by him and she was fairly certain he was feeling it, too, judging by a certain bulge against her inner thigh. Her chest heaving from all the dancing and her alcohol-suppressed nerve endings messing with her thought process, Audrey reached her hands up to either side of Noel’s face and he leaned in so that their lips pressed against each other in an ambitious dance of lips, tongues and teeth.

His arms moved from her thighs to around her back, holding her close as the kiss deepened; both absolutely oblivious to anyone else around them at the moment.



Audrey woke up the next morning in her hotel’s claw foot tub with a pillow propped under her head, one leg dangling over the side of the tub and a coat that didn’t belong to her draped over her body in place of a blanket. As she opened her tired eyes and tried to focus on her surroundings, she felt the oncoming invasion of a hangover rearing its ugly head, which caused her to let out a groan.

She wondered how in the hell she got back to the hotel and what time it was, or even what day it was. Slowly, she picked herself up out of the tub and quite ungracefully fell out of it to the floor below with an aching thud. Rolling onto her knees she pulled herself up, nearly lost her balance as soon as she was upright and reached for the door with both hands. Pulling the door open she was met with the blinding sunlight pouring through her suite’s bedroom where she spotted two lumpy figures underneath the covers.

What happened last night? She tried to remember and the last thing she could think back to was making out with Noel in his lap. She could remember nothing else but what an amazing kisser he was and what his lips had tasted like.

Smirking to herself, she walked up to the bed and pulled half the cover back to reveal Dee, fast asleep and bare-chested.

Her eyes wide from secondhand embarrassment, Audrey dropped the covers back over Dee and sauntered over to the other side of the bed. Pulling back that side of the covers revealed Noel, also bare-chested, stirring awake immediately from the sudden dose of sunlight against his closed eyelids, which fluttered open. He reached an arm up to block the offending light source before realizing where he was and focusing on Audrey standing in front of him, still in her pirate costume from the night before. Sensing he was fully naked, he smiled naively up at her.

“Am I dreaming? Did we—?” he began to ask, unsure.

Audrey shook her head. “No, but I think you did with her.”

Noel looked to his left off of where Audrey was now pointing and he rolled back the cover to find Dee beside him. “Fuck.”

“I’ll leave you alone to get dressed or go for round two when she wakes up.”

Audrey hadn’t meant for her comment to come out sounding so bitter, even though that’s exactly what happened. She turned away from him and chastised herself for feeling as if she had been betrayed. She had no claim to him. They had drunkenly made out for a few minutes the night before? She had only known him for a few days while Noel had previously dated Dee for years and known her even longer. If anyone was going to have drunken sex, it made sense it would be two people who knew the ropes with each other.

Walking out of the room, she found Mike laying on one of the sofas with some random girl draped over him and Joey was spooning a pillow on the floor. She shut the bedroom door behind her and walked over the mini bar to grab a bottle of water and then to the phone to call room service.

“Hello,” she said as soon as someone answered on the other end. “I need to order room service for the Claude Monet suite. Yes. Six full English breakfasts please, and plenty of coffee, thanks.”