I've Been Waiting to Smile

The next day I got back to the Palm Woods from filming around one. We hadn’t gotten all the way through the episode yet, and I had only actually been acting for about an hour near the the end. I was supposed to go back in two days. It was exciting, this was the first time that I had been on an actual set. It was very different than just being in BTR’s videos, it felt more surreal. Plus, I got to see Nathan Fillion a few times and he even stood next to me before he went off to shoot a scene. I was so busy reflecting on my day as I walked through the lobby that I smacked right into someone.

“Woah, Careful Cait,” Logan said as he caught me around the waist. He smiled sheepishly, as a blush came to his face. He helped me steady myself. My stomach was doing flips and I couldn’t find a sound to come out of my mouth. After I stared at him in silence for a long time he waved a hand in front of my face. I snapped out of my trance as he stuck his hand out in front of me.

“Hi, I’m Logan,” he said. I gave him a blank stare this time.
“You’re ridiculous,” I told him. He laughed.
“You’re one to talk,” he chuckled. “You looked at me like you had never seen me in your life.”
“Yea... I’ve been busy..” I said, heading to the stairs.

Logan walked with me, up to my apartment. He kept asking questions about my day and how my acting was going and stuff. It was innocent talk until I leaned against my apartment door waiting for him to leave or stop talking to me. I couldn’t stand the pounding in my chest when he was around, and the close proximity that Logan’s body had in relevance to mine was not helping.

“So what do you say?” he asked. Had He asked me a question? I shook my head, clearing my mind. 
“I’m sorry?” I asked.
“The guys and I are going out to dinner,” He said. “ I was wondering if you would like to come along with me?”
“It’s probably better that I say here and eat with Neche,” I told him. We had food in the house and usually one of us would make dinner seeing it was the only meal we were every both in the house for. Logan chuckled.
“Yea Kendall invited Nech already,” he said. “James is finding some girl to go with, and he’s helping Carlos find a date too... so I was wondering if you wanted to go with..”
“You?” I asked as if it seemed absurd.

The faint blush rose to Logan’s cheeks again as he nodded silently. He told me we would be going to this restaurant called Chez Fansay, so I needed to be dressy. He said he would pick me up at four-thirty, and then he walked down the hall way. I stared at him for a moment before heading into the Apartment. I slammed the door shut, scaring Nech and Kendall out of their cuddling-movie session. I walked passed them into the kitchen and grabbed myself a drink.

“Bad day on set?” Nech asked me. I downed my water before putting my glass down.
“Did it occur to you two that maybe I would like to be warned that Logan was walking around the Palm Woods looking for me?” I asked. Neche rolled her eyes and told me I couldn’t have avoided him forever. Kendall looked over at me.
“He invite you to dinner?” he asked. The word yes was spat from my tongue as if it was acidic. “Awee, your first date together.”
“Kendall out, I need to talk to Neche, alone,” I said. Kendall furrowed his brows together offended, asking why I couldn’t talk in front of him. I shot him a blank stare. “Do you want to hear questions about my uterus shedding blood and expelling it from my vagi-”
“Okay fine! I’ll leave,” He said getting up off the couch. He pecked Nech, who was laughing, on the lips and walked passed me stopping to give me a hug. “I know that’s not what you’re talking about, but fine, I can tell when my presence isn’t appreciated.”
“Bye Kendall,” I said as he shut the door behind himself. I looked back at my friend, who was now sitting on cross legged on the couch. 

“What’s up?” She asked. I grabbed a yogurt out of the fridge and climbed over the arm rest of the couch and sat down. 
“I cannot go to dinner with Logan,” I said. Neche questioned me on why I couldn’t go. “Well for starters my chest is always pounding, and my stomach does flips when I’m near him, which I can’t stand, but more importantly he didn’t even wait for me to respond. He just asked me, told me you were going and told me he’d pick me up a four-thirty.”

“That doesn’t sound like Logan,” she said. I nodded. “Also those feelings in your chest and stomach happen because you like him.”
“No,” I said, my mouth full of yogurt. I swallowed shaking my head. “No, I don’t.”

Neche gave me stare that said Really Caitlyn? Really? I rolled my eyes. Nech has been on me about Logan since the Paramore Concert. The one where Logan and I hadn’t kissed. The only thing that she was more interested in than my not relationship with Logan was whatever the hell it was going on with me and James.

“So if Logan asked you, is James not taking you?” she asked. I shook my head again. “Something happen between you two?”
“I’ve told you I’m not dating James,” I told her. “For the millionth time, god why does everyone think we’re hooking up?”

Neche mentioned the multiple times where she walked through the apartment door to find Me and James making out, or cuddled on the couch or making out while straddling one another. I bit my bottom lip.

“I can’t go to dinner, I just can’t,” I said. I hopped over the couch again and went into my room. I shut the door behind me not wanting to be questioned anymore for today. I sat against my door on the floor. I took out my phone and thought about calling Logan and telling him I couldn’t go to dinner, but the only thing worse than going to dinner, would be telling Logan I couldn’t. I put my phone back on my bag and laid in my bed.

I am definitely not in Connecticut anymore..