Status: Rated PG-13 because of language used in later chapters and Abre (main character) isn't just a character to me, as she has helped me see my own light, which seems ridiculous I know. But it's true.
Imprinted Years
Brush
“I have something for you, something I need you to hold on to for as long as you possibly can, if not always” I remember him speaking softly, being careful about the way he announced it. As if he didn’t want any worry or distress, being around him for few years more than a decade, I could read the quite obviously noticeable signs right in front of me. The first being his edge. He wasn’t as confident as he should have been when he spoke these words; he seemed guarded, which lead to my suspicion.
“Father?” I swallowed my angst that formed from his useless, pathetic lies and tried not to raise my voice. This was extremely difficult yet necessary, as I couldn’t let this burning angst overcome my curiosity. “"Why the worry?” He shook his head with what seemed at first to me to be even more dishonesty on his part, but then I saw the impact of upset in his eyes as he did. The lies weren’t strong enough to hold back such emotion in his slightly broken heart. It was then, that I knew I could trust the words that followed this distressing part in this tainted scene.
“When I go…” he took a deep breathe in, controlling his raging yet natural emotions within and looking deep into my eyes as he did, “I want… I need you to have this! I can’t leave, without you having a piece of me. You are my one and only…”
I tried to fight the angst that built within me, but I was too young, too weak to do so… Lies! Lies! He doesn’t need this! He can’t care about me! I’m obviously not his one and only am I? He’s leaving me here, on my own! What can I do about it though? How can I go about it is the main worry here! He was my only source! Like a plant needed light to survive. I can’t survive in the dark! I calmed my heart that was now beating faster than ever, yet I felt it would stop after what I’d just felt within my soul.
A breakdown. No choices left but to give in to isolation and depression. After all, my god was my light and I needed that light, just like a rose needs it’s light to grow. I hadn’t grown to what I needed to at that point, or I believed I hadn't anyway and I knew I couldn’t fall behind. Not in this world.
“I can see by your reaction, I mean, I know that this is hard for you.” His soft, fluent words just flustered the spark of angst in my heart, evaporating beyond belief. I fought the angst that grew within me.
Hard for me? Ha! I’m only losing my source! The reason I breathe and talk! The reason I cry and laugh! The reason I hate him now! But I can’t do this! Not now. I need to fight this. I need to assure him it will all be okay and that whatever he fears is less of an impact on our bond than he thinks. I need to battle this. I need to keep hold of my light…
I slowly recovered my emotions and spoke as clear and confident as I could manage in the current situation I found myself in.
“It will be okay father, I love you and we both know we can overcome anything, right?”
His solemn, beautiful eyes looked down to the ash that surrounded us, that brushed at our feet as it swirled around the cold, dark empty room we stood in and it was then I knew that he was right.
I didn’t know how he was right and I sure didn’t want to know, but I just did. So, the little pathetic hope left inside of me, needed to ask again, just to make sure there was some unexplainable and justifiable reason left in this universe for all of this to be a misunderstanding. I spoke up for one last time that night, trying to sound brave and determined.
“Right, father?” It was then he looked up, the ash seemed to stir when he moved ever so slightly, as if the room we were in had some debate in this quite dark and remarkable scene and it was then when I saw him collapse into a pit of darkness and despair, taking his whole self with it.
I heard the crash in my ears, as his now weakened body fell to the cold, empty floor.
I felt angst at him for hurting me so much in a matter of moments.
I needed to help him as much as I could.
I felt the cool brush of air that swept through my now still, frail body.
I watched the only father I’d ever known writhe with pain on the ground only yards away from my bare feet.
I wanted to cry.
I wished to run.
I needed to stay.
I hated to watch.
But I had to, as I couldn't walk away…
“Father?” I swallowed my angst that formed from his useless, pathetic lies and tried not to raise my voice. This was extremely difficult yet necessary, as I couldn’t let this burning angst overcome my curiosity. “"Why the worry?” He shook his head with what seemed at first to me to be even more dishonesty on his part, but then I saw the impact of upset in his eyes as he did. The lies weren’t strong enough to hold back such emotion in his slightly broken heart. It was then, that I knew I could trust the words that followed this distressing part in this tainted scene.
“When I go…” he took a deep breathe in, controlling his raging yet natural emotions within and looking deep into my eyes as he did, “I want… I need you to have this! I can’t leave, without you having a piece of me. You are my one and only…”
I tried to fight the angst that built within me, but I was too young, too weak to do so… Lies! Lies! He doesn’t need this! He can’t care about me! I’m obviously not his one and only am I? He’s leaving me here, on my own! What can I do about it though? How can I go about it is the main worry here! He was my only source! Like a plant needed light to survive. I can’t survive in the dark! I calmed my heart that was now beating faster than ever, yet I felt it would stop after what I’d just felt within my soul.
A breakdown. No choices left but to give in to isolation and depression. After all, my god was my light and I needed that light, just like a rose needs it’s light to grow. I hadn’t grown to what I needed to at that point, or I believed I hadn't anyway and I knew I couldn’t fall behind. Not in this world.
“I can see by your reaction, I mean, I know that this is hard for you.” His soft, fluent words just flustered the spark of angst in my heart, evaporating beyond belief. I fought the angst that grew within me.
Hard for me? Ha! I’m only losing my source! The reason I breathe and talk! The reason I cry and laugh! The reason I hate him now! But I can’t do this! Not now. I need to fight this. I need to assure him it will all be okay and that whatever he fears is less of an impact on our bond than he thinks. I need to battle this. I need to keep hold of my light…
I slowly recovered my emotions and spoke as clear and confident as I could manage in the current situation I found myself in.
“It will be okay father, I love you and we both know we can overcome anything, right?”
His solemn, beautiful eyes looked down to the ash that surrounded us, that brushed at our feet as it swirled around the cold, dark empty room we stood in and it was then I knew that he was right.
I didn’t know how he was right and I sure didn’t want to know, but I just did. So, the little pathetic hope left inside of me, needed to ask again, just to make sure there was some unexplainable and justifiable reason left in this universe for all of this to be a misunderstanding. I spoke up for one last time that night, trying to sound brave and determined.
“Right, father?” It was then he looked up, the ash seemed to stir when he moved ever so slightly, as if the room we were in had some debate in this quite dark and remarkable scene and it was then when I saw him collapse into a pit of darkness and despair, taking his whole self with it.
I heard the crash in my ears, as his now weakened body fell to the cold, empty floor.
I felt angst at him for hurting me so much in a matter of moments.
I needed to help him as much as I could.
I felt the cool brush of air that swept through my now still, frail body.
I watched the only father I’d ever known writhe with pain on the ground only yards away from my bare feet.
I wanted to cry.
I wished to run.
I needed to stay.
I hated to watch.
But I had to, as I couldn't walk away…