Status: Rated PG-13 because of language used in later chapters and Abre (main character) isn't just a character to me, as she has helped me see my own light, which seems ridiculous I know. But it's true.

Imprinted Years


“Hey.” My voice is broken with the tears of angst that fell earlier, which was ironic, as now I let only one tear fall, which was of nothing but love. Angst is such a hateful emotion compared to one of love, but isn’t there a saying that “my only love sprung from my only hate!” and doesn’t this have to mean something? Maybe I was angry with her, for leaving, but it was never her fault, so why did such angst seem to contradict such love at this time? It could’ve been anytime I felt such confusing emotions, but now, as I saw her before me, wearing the same look of hope and love, I didn’t know whether to smile or cry.

If I smiled, then I’d be arguing against my truest emotions; if I cried, then at least they’d be true, but crying could be seen as a weakness. I needed her, but I wanted to be independent.

Couldn’t I have both?

“Well…” she spoke kindly, but now it seemed more forced than before when we last spoke. Around a month or so ago, wow, it had been so long, but I hadn’t yet realised how much she’d changed. Her eyes seemed darker. Her smile seemed harsher. Her tears more meaningful, as if she’d gotten to know such emotions more than I thought she would have after our departure. Maybe she did miss me like I missed her, but maybe she let her emotions free, whilst I trapped them inside.

Which only lead to my breakdown earlier. I think I’d rather take her method of coping, if she ever actually needed such a method, which I now hoped she had at one point. I had hurt so much when she’d gone and I had hoped that she understood what it felt like to be torn apart by such a feeling of loneliness, which was my doing.

Not hers.

So I now felt like it was only a fantasy that she’d miss me, as I was the one to break our friendship.

Our trust.


“I’m…” This was going well. Neither of us could seem to even put a sentence together, never-mind fix whatever this was. But what was there to fix, if I’d already broken it all? Had I though…

“I’m sorry, okay? I should’ve found you myself, but I… I don’t know what I can say. Other than…” Why was she apologizing to me? I was the one to screw it all up like I always fucking do.

“You are sorry? What? This is my fault here, not yours! I should be begging you to actually talk to me here.” It was true, which is why my voice rose higher than I wanted it to. I was angry with myself, not her, but it seemed as if I was angry with her here. “This is my problem, to be honest, I’m just grateful that you’re here, but I understand it if you wish to leave. I’m okay. I swear. Both of you, you’re honestly better off staying away.” What was I saying? I had just kissed- fucking kissed Benedict!
The boy who I’d swooned for all of the time I was with that vile bitch Silica. I was telling him to leave, as well as my once closest and most truthful friend ever imaginable.

“You’re doing this, because you chose to be “independent” if that’s what you call it.”

Even my voices were being sarcastic with me now. Great! Well, I can officially say I fucked it up again, in my opinion.

“No!” I was surprised to here her tone rise too, but now I was upset, as when I looked to the both of them, hurt and angst lay in there eyes. Did I really mean so much to such great people? For some reason, I now felt a shiver of gratitude and pleasure realising that I actually did.

“I didn’t realise, but why?”

I laughed to myself within, closing my eyes for a moment, taking in my thoughts. Listening to them, rather than just putting up with them. I needed their help, so now I sought it out, instead of having it thrown at me.

“Because you too are great, but you just don’t see it, Abre!”

Right, the generous side said its peace, which I saw as biased, as most of what it said was in my favour.

“What can I say? You must be. Why else would they stick by you so strongly?”

“We’re not just going to ditch you like that, Abre. You nearly fucking- you nearly died. I meant what I said when I said I love you all of those weeks ago, okay? I don’t give two shits if you fucked up. We all have Abre and I do love you; too much to let you throw your life away. You are unique, you were my friend and you still are, whether you think the same of me or not. I will always remember you as the girl who ran with me. The girl who saw what I saw, like the many people who filled the streets on our way to that place we rested in.

The girl who did what I said not because I ordered it exactly, but because you wished to stick by me and respect me, which I can never thank you enough for. You never had to do any of that, but you still did and most importantly, you were the girl who hurt so much saying goodbye to me, which I’ve never had before. I’ve never cared for a friend like I’ve cared for you.” She smiled at me, honest and genuine, I then realised I could trust her every word.

“And I have missed you. Every day and night I’ve been distant from you, because I knew I didn’t warn you enough about her and I should have convinced you to stay. I am so very sorry. I didn’t know this would happen. I don’t know how to ever- how to ever” I shook my head, as I didn’t wish to think of anything she was saying and I didn’t think to link it together, as I knew she was wrong.

None of this was her fault.

She must know that.

“You are innocent in ALL of this, Jessica and I do appreciate all you’ve said. I love you too, but I am unworthy of your kindness.” I shook my head when she went to hug me, I couldn’t take her kindness, as I was unworthy of it. I had to be. “Please, don’t blame yourself for any of this. None of this is your fault either. Life is hard. We make mistakes. We make choices and not all of them are brilliant, but that doesn’t mean that everything bad that happens after those mistakes and/or choices is our fault completely. You are a good person.”
Where was she getting all of this? I couldn’t have been a good person, as I’d sinned. Surely that was incurable. Or was it? I was cursed, I knew that, but could there be a cure?

I wanted to argue with her again, as I couldn’t see how she saw me in such good light, but I saw it better to change the subject. I had not spoken to this person; this being who once was the one to light my days when my days could be lighted. She was the only chance I had left to live in any kind or source of light, but I felt that her and I regaining our friendship would benefit myself more than her.

She was the wisest one, for she was the one to teach me to be a good person, but I couldn’t let myself dwell on any of this. I had hoped, I had cried, I had remembered all of this, us, my past, my old life just to feel light once again, but was I ready for it? I’m sure after many weeks and hours of darkness, light is almost paining to those who reach for it now, but what other choice did I have?

Darkness had to be my past; light must be my future.

I smiled to her and this time, I let my arms wrap around her. I let tears fall. I let open my heart. I let go of angst and any other wasteful emotions. I was done with darkness. I could no longer live there. Not because I wasn’t suited, because I think I could have been, but because if I stayed there any longer, I would have turned into a demon I would soon shame to call me. I would hide from my past, not because it hurts to remember my demons, but because it hurts to remember such love. Which would never be right, but in some way, it would be a beautiful way to think of it.

Hiding away from love, because it hurts too much to remember.

Almost bittersweet, but still, it wasn’t right for me.

When we parted, I spotted Benedict, still standing casually in the corner of the small, yet cosy room and I smiled at him, taking a step back from Jessica to take a better look at him.

“Damn, he’s cute!”

Ha-ha, yes and that is exactly why I have no chance what so ever.

“Maybe you do, Abre. I mean, look at the way he’s looking at you! He likes you.”

I smiled, as I knew that this voice was maybe right. His smile was warm and welcoming, his posture relaxed and calm, as if he’d known me for years, when I’d only been in his life for a few hours or so. As I guessed I’d been out for a while before I woke in this place.

“Right, well, do you two want a drink?” They both nodded saying that they would and “thank you” for offering. I smiled and went to walk out when I stopped and quickly turned to Jessica before she sat down. “Should I take your coat and hang it up for you?” She nodded again and smiled a grateful, honest and beautiful smile of hers.

“Yes, thank you. Kind of you to offer.” I smiled once more before leaving what I now realised to be the living room, but before I could take even two small steps, Benedict shot me an alarmed and worried look.

“Shouldn’t you be resting?” he almost demanded in a crazily worried tone. I smiled at him and walked over to him. “I’m fine hanging a coat up, Benedict.” He kissed my forehead, which shocked Jessica and I then realised she didn’t know about us. But I decided to forget this and continued into the hallway.
I began to walk over to where the hook for coats and hats was so I could hang up her cloak, but then I heard something delicate fall to the floor.


I hoped it wasn’t something breakable, but it didn’t sound like it had been, so I let myself relax.

When I came into view of this object, I saw how it was a necklace of some sort and as I came closer to picking it up, I realised that this necklace was actually a locket.

Because of my natural curiosity, I decided to open it.

I opened it.

I saw the face I knew too well inside along with another that I also knew.

This face made me drop it again.

This face was my own.

The face belonged to I, Abre Lisgorar Laufeyson.

But the object itself didn’t belong to me.

It was hers. It belonged to Jessica Marie White…