Status: Rated PG-13 because of language used in later chapters and Abre (main character) isn't just a character to me, as she has helped me see my own light, which seems ridiculous I know. But it's true.

Imprinted Years


December 15th 2012
Days had passed since we last spoke deeply about our pasts, well, since I did, anyway. I knew what I’d told her had impacted her slightly, as I’d often catch her thinking over things herself and she’d ask me questions nearly every hour or two.

“Wait, so you where in her house? You were alone with her in that detached house, near no other, yet you didn’t kill her? Why?” I simply didn’t know how to answer that question, well any of them for that matter. Why I didn’t kill her I don’t know. I should have, well, a part of me thought I should have killed her slowly and painfully and watched her suffering in her weak, pleading eyes.

Then, the vision of my torturing her to death obliterated, as if a part of me felt such shame for thinking it. Why? Why was I turning to forgiveness? I didn’t understand this new compelling feeling I had, to discharge all of the murderous energy I’d built up over the years and teach others to do the same. I now knew I had to tell her how I truly felt about all of this, this murder! I have hated and discriminated humans for their violence and their cruelty to their own kind, but I am far worse of a beast.

I belong to the night! I hurt for revenge and nothing more.

Well, that’s what I used to believe. Now I was starting to see how I also killed for my own uncontrollable and indescribable pleasure. Surely, that was worse than some insane, ill-minded human who did it because they purely thought it was all right to do so. I knew it was wrong! Yet, I still hated them this way and wanted revenge for some reason that I can’t even be sure of.

Maybe not all of them are bad. Some may be good, who save lives and actually help others. Maybe, I want to be more like one of those kinds of humans. Maybe, I want to be complete, kind and happy with the life I’ve been given. Not feeling this low all of the time, covered in angst and betrayal. I needed to tell Jessica all of this. Everything I was thinking and everything she needed to know, if she didn’t already.

“Jess, have you ever killed anyone? I mean, for your own pleasure or maybe just because you wanted to?” My question didn’t alert her as I thought it would’ve done, instead she looked up to me, where I now stood in front of her and smiled. Not a crazed or an unpleasant smile, like the wicked smiles I’d inflicted on Macy in my tale, this was the kind of smile I preferred. Beautiful it was, but it was still powerful enough to bring her whole self to light, so that I could focus on every word she spoke and every movement made.

“Yes, but…” she paused mid-sentence and I truly thought she wouldn’t continue, “I guess, I regretted it.” I smiled to myself inside, thinking it inappropriate to smile to her, as her face now wore a saddened and glum look. I thought of softening my voice, but then I thought she would believe me thinking her weak or pathetic if I did so, instead, I spoke in a calm, yet still kind-hearted tone.

“Did you ever think at one time, that humans deserved it?”

She nodded and looked right into my now darkened eyes, I then continued. “Okay, well, I’ve begun to feel different. What if they don’t do deserve it at all? What if…”

She laughed and spoke up again, only more stubborn and clearly confident this time. “Oh, because it’s all “what if” and you’ve “begun to feel different”, right? Well, I haven’t! They are ruthless! They are selfish and they are hurtful!” she took a deep breath and I saw as her eyes slowly began to calm, “the only reason I said I felt regretful, is because it is actually the truth. I hate them, but I do regret killing them.
Well, I only killed one. I’ve played games and hurt many others, but I couldn’t force myself to kill another. Even though at the time I loved the sickening feeling of killing that twisted, horrible girl with my bare hands. I still felt it was… wrong, do you understand me?”

I nodded, completely understanding every word she said, as if they were all my own. I knew exactly how she felt but I also knew that she was still wrong in parts. Humans weren’t all ruthless, selfish or even hurtful. Yes, many seem to be to us, but have we ever tried to get to know any decent humans? Maybe, they are okay and I know that this is all “what if” and “maybe”, because at this time, both Jess and I really didn’t know what potential some of them could have. I mean, a part of me still believed that I was right for what I’d done, but the sensible, more understanding part of me told me that I was dearly wrong.

I had to decide, for Jess and myself now, which side I would take and which side I would simply dismiss.

“This is what I’m trying to tell you and don’t think that this is some kind of lecture on my part, because trust me, it isn’t. It was only, well, right now really, that I’ve realised the importance of life. Whether it is yours, mine, fathers or even humans’ lives. Don’t we all deserve to live a guilt free life? Don’t we all deserve the chance to make amends before we brutally get murdered for the bad things we’ve done, that we didn’t even mean to do in the first place, anyway? We have that privilege, don’t we?

Why is it fair for us to take away their privileges? I mean, if we helped them, instead of hurt them or turned on them, maybe we could make a useful difference to this world as it currently stands? Maybe we could bring back respect, kindness and love to other people, like how it should’ve been all along anyway. But what good is violence ever going to do either you and me or the humans? They’re never going to learn that way and neither are we! We need to change this, before it’s too late. We can’t fight evil with evil. Haven’t you ever heard that saying?

Yes, hurting them and playing mind-torturing games with them, does make me feel strong, wildly controlling and purely alive! But it is a fake happiness that I receive from it. It’s not genuine! It’s not even remotely emotional happiness! It’s happiness, only formed out of the feeling of being more powerful and mighty than anyone else. Which isn’t true happiness. It’s arrogance, in a way, though I’m shamed to admit it!

I shouldn’t have felt such pleasure playing sick games with that girl. It wasn’t and still isn’t right! We are better than them! We can’t play this game as bad as they do. If we continue fighting them, not only will we be destroying ourselves, but they will wish to destroy us too! Which will also put others like us, never mind just you and I, in severe danger. We need to change this. I don’t care how or what helps us do it, all I care about is that we do it as soon as we can. Which is now.”

I saw as her brows lowered, thinking over my quite long, yet I will say it, quite empowering speech I just carried off and then, her ice blue-green eyes told me her feelings about all of this with just one look.

She didn’t even need to speak it out; I knew it by the way she now looked at me with more respect than before. Like I’d just taught her something she really needed to know and this look was much more than respect, it was a kind of connection I’d never felt before. Friendship. “Wow,” she smiled a touching, wonderful and most importantly to me, a memorable gleam of a smile and continued. “You really are good.”

She then quickly came to where I stood and wrapped her slim, pale arms around my still, beforehand freezing self, which was unexpected. When she next spoke, I was even more stunned to hear a croak in her voice, as if she was quite emotional over something. “You do know, that I value you as my friend, Abre?” she spoke in a low, yet warming tone, “and I know that what you say will be good for the both of us.

You’re such an emotive and beautiful person, Abre. Remember that and I really do appreciate that fantastic speech you just spoke to me.

You’ve inspired me, Abre. No one’s ever had me captivated like that in such an amazing, truly important way. I will never forget this, my friend. You are more than a friend; actually, you’re like my family. Know that I care so much about you and that I wish to stay by your side as long as you need me to, or want me to for that matter.”

I then let out, for the first time in a long while, a fresh, pure, impacting tear from my eyes and wished for it to stain my cheek forever, as I never wanted to forget such an embrace, with such a true and honest friend. “I won’t want it any other way, Jess. We are better as two. I wouldn’t be able to survive out there in the real world on my own, not for much longer anyway. I’d probably break, if…”

I was finding the words extremely hard to say, as they literally meant so much to me, “if I never had you here. I wouldn’t be able to… cope. You’ll always have a place in my cold, yet slowly mending heart. I love you.” We then pulled apart and looked at the other, smiling at the start of a new beginning.

A new friendship and best of all, we were embracing the sweet realisation that we’d no longer have to spend days and days, weeks and weeks, months and months, alone, with no one by our side.

Now, we can both say that we have at least one friend in this big, fearful universe and that we will always have the others back. We will always have each other to fall back on, even when we truly believed we were on our own.

“Okay, so where are we going to stay then?” I asked in a tone assuring her I was serious about this and that I wanted to take on this adventure that had only just begun.

“So, are you sure you’re ready to leave for a while? We might not be back for months, you know?”

I nodded and then reminded her, “Yes, yes, I want to go more than anything. I do. But where will we stay at night? We need rest, so then we can pursue on with it, don’t we? I mean, we should need rest before we start our games, well, our lessons lets call it.” She gave me a darting, alerted glance as I said the last few words, she obviously seemed to disagree or object to something I’d said.

“What games exactly?” she demanded in a rough, now deep voice and took one large step back from me, “isn’t all of this about accepting the humans and being tolerant to them, instead of torturing them?” She clearly didn’t understand my plan, as a part of me expected she wouldn’t.

“No! Not torturing them! Don’t be silly. Don’t you remember, in that really long tale of mine, when Macy said “thank you” to me, just because I’d taught her the true meaning of life? Couldn’t we do that for others, Jess? We don’t need to kill them, or even hurt them, we just to make them think! Think about what they’ve done and this is perfect, Jess, as you can read minds! You’ll know the bad things they’ve done, as when we question our students about their past mistakes and wrong actions, they can’t lie to you.

They can lie to us, but you’ll see right through it, which we can use against them, to make them see sense. Don’t you see, Jessica? Don’t you see how this could work?” Jessica listened carefully as I finished my last sentence, I believed she’d walk out on me and leave me in the lurch, but instead she nodded.

“I know a place, Abre. Near town, so then we’re always close to our… students.” She smiled a half-hearted smile, as I knew she still wasn’t sure about this, but she must have thought at least most of what I said made sense, or else she wouldn’t agree to it, would she? No, she knows her mind, if she didn’t want to do this, she wouldn’t do it. It’s as simple as that.

“Follow me, I’ll take you there,” she spoke more softly now, but I still sensed wariness in her voice, “it’s not too far away. About an hour or so to walk to from here, if we talk along the way, it should feel like we’re there in no time.” I smiled at her, confirming that we were really about to do this and pulled out my Samsung Galaxy Mini S5570, entered the lock in code and dialled father’s number.

When I heard the ringing go to voicemail, I began my lie, “um, father, I have to go to London, to study for this piece I’m writing. I promise I wont encounter anyone who may bring me harm and I am 16 now, so I should be okay. I know how to protect myself if I ever need to and I have your number for emergencies. Love you, father, see you soon.” I slipped my phone back into my pocket and then continued on with Jessica to a destination I was still unaware of. I guess all will be revealed soon.

We walked past many streets, many alleyways, many humans, some smiled at us genuinely so we smiled back and continued down this quite interesting and excitement filled path to our destination. I found myself the happiest I’d ever been in a very long time, as I was in what seemed to me a new world, with the best friend I know I’ll ever have and these eyes were just beginning to see this Earth in the most beautiful, memorable light ever imaginable. When I hadn’t spoken in quite a while, Jessica turned to see me from my left hand side and smiled.
“Are you al-right?” she asked, not sounding worried, only curious for my lack of speech.

“Perfectly so, I’m just taking it all in,” I said with an obvious smile in my voice, the warmth of the feeling within me saying that, filled my heart and I looked back to her.

“Taking what in?” she asked, in a soft, yet intrigued tone. I then laughed a genuine, heart-felt laugh and looked about the world I now stood in.

“This, all of this. Life, the hope in the younger ones’ eyes, it’s just… beautiful. I don’t know how to say it.” Jess then smiled back at me, just as excited and honest as my smile to her and the rest of this universe, which made me feel the best kind of fire inside of my heart. I then closed my eyes for a split second, taking in the fresh, cool air and breathing in deep. This, this was living. Both literally and mentally, I knew then, I’d never forget this day.

“If I ever fall into a dark patch in my future, it may take me a while to recover to my usual thoughts about this life and maybe I might mislead myself in the wrong direction, but when I finally get round to thinking of this day, this, should be plenty enough to help me heal from whatever pain or hurt that had sent me there.”

I told this to myself, as more of a note than an instruction. So that if and when I did ever fall back into the world of ignoring what I know is truly right and inviting what I know is wrong, purely because I believe it is easier, I can soon remember thinking this, on such a beautiful sunlit day and remember who I am right now. Right now in this town I didn’t know, but with the one and only friend I’d felt I’d known forever.

We passed many more humans, all of which we saw were just casually going about their everyday routines and the cool, piercing ice still burnt into my now freshly cleansed skin. The feeling wasn’t painful, neither did it cause any discomfort, but it enclosed my body in a warm, new feeling I’d never felt before. I looked on ahead and then suddenly, I saw Jessica now in front of where I walked at a steady, yet quick pace, standing still, waiting for me to catch her up.

I quickly ran to her, about to ask why she’d stopped, but before I had even the slightest chance to ask, she’d already begun walking again down a darkened and isolated grey path. We continued until we reached a suspicious, shaded building and she then took out a key from her cloak pocket, smiling at me with her excited and adrenaline filled smile and carefully unlocked the web covered door, which had obviously not been opened in a very long time.

“What are you doing?” I shouted at her in surprise and angst. Maybe, I shouldn’t have shouted at her, but what was she seriously thinking? We were right in the middle of town! Near humans! How could this be good? Yes, I did know back then that some humans, if not most, are al-right but, to live near them? I just didn’t know how to react other than this overwhelming panic inside of me and I certainly didn’t know what to say.

“This, is out new home for the next few weeks, or months even, it’s perfect right?” she said this in a calm, soothing, yet most strangely to me, completely relaxed voice. How could she be so relaxed?

“No. Not right, this is dangerous! What were you thinking?” My voice still kept it’s slightly high-pitched, freaking out tone, but I tried to calm myself down. I didn’t want to panic her with my worrying, I just wanted to alert her and let her see why I reacted so, well, dramatically, I suppose.

“Abre, Abre! Calm down, okay? We have each other, don’t we? We’ll be fine, trust me. I know that if we look after each other, we won’t get hurt or hurt anyone else, for that matter,” her tone was kind and sweet as she spoke, which made me relax quite a bit, “you do trust me, right? You know I wouldn’t want to force you into something, unless I knew you could do it, yes?”

I nodded and followed her into this dark, mysterious, yet intriguing closed down hotel, where we’d hide out for the next few weeks, months, however long it would be. I knew, well, I believed, that everything would be fine and calm as long as we had each other to depend on, I thought that whatever problems that may’ve troubled either of us, would mean nothing, as we would no longer be alone.

We talked all of the day, as even though we’d done quite a bit already, it was only about, as the humans call it, dinnertime, when we were already settled into our new home. By settled, I mean us moving aside old, cobwebbed furnishings, making what actually, when tested out by both of us, seemed to be quite cosy sleeping areas.

Many would be put off by the infestation of spiders and as the humans say, creepy crawlies, but not us. We weren’t too picky to wish for light, overrated and so called, pretty and comfortable, bedrooms. No, well, I can safely say for her and myself too, unless she was lying, that we both probably preferred the most unpopular choices. The darkened rooms, the chilling feeling every time we entered another grey, dirty and ghastly room, only made me smile with the feeling of an adventure. The feeling of living in darkness, untouchable, undeniably strong and ultra awesome!

No one could beat this feeling of completely underrated, yet utterly natural to me, this feeling of being unbreakable and different from all of humankind. This was my real home. No fancy lights or decorated ceilings. All of that useless rubbish meant nothing to me. Nothing at all, what did matter was the feeling of being safe and free to explore my thoughts. Without any distractions and without too much empowering light to pierce my eyes.

Yes, I liked the sun, but in a home, light was different. It wasn’t natural to me, in darkness; I could just close my eyes and let my imagination run wild. In light, I just couldn’t stop fixating on little objects or marks on these grey, yet wildly intriguing walls around me. I could just close my tired, weak eyes and dream, for as long as I liked.

We were in the middle of a discussion about this actor Tom Hiddleston, who Jessica admires and who she took inspiration from, I was just asking her what he was like and what films he’d played in, when she then gave me an answer to a question I’d asked her, that I genuinely wasn’t expecting.

“Okay Jess, so who does this Tom Hiddleston play in the Avengers?” I asked her in a curious, yet only in a casual tone, as this wasn’t serious, yet.

“Um…” she spoke in a low and wary tone now, which got me rather worried.

“What? What is it?” I asked in a panicked voice, why had she turned so, serious?

“It doesn’t matter, forget I said…” I wasn’t going to let her just panic me like that and get away without saying anything to me.

“Tell me!”

She laughed, which made me a little annoyed if I’m truly honest. Was she laughing at me? The only true friend I’d ever known at that time, was laughing at me? “I’m sorry, I really,” she took a pause, as her laughing clouded what she was trying to tell me, “I really am. You see, his character shouts that too and it’s just ironic that you…”

My eyes were cold and pressurising now, I demanded an answer, only needing to hiss an angered growl and look at her, as if she was betraying me by hiding secrets, which in a way that’s what it felt like.

“Okay, okay, Tom Hiddleston played Loki Laufeyson, that’s it, al-right?” I was in complete shock hearing these words reach my now confused ears. What was she saying? That some worldwide known director had made a movie about my father? I mean, there surely can’t be another Loki Laufeyson, can there?

“Father? They made this “Avengers” film about him?” my tone was no longer angry or controlling. Only now it was wildly confused and extremely eager to discover what on this Earth was happening. Jess nodded and continued, trying to ease my mixed up feelings.

“There’s nothing about you in it though, Abre and as far as everyone thinks, Loki Laufeyson is not real. Everything’s fine. No one’s going to be caught out or in any sort of trouble, I promise.”

I nodded but continued to ask her questions about this interesting actor that is Tom Hiddleston and she did say at one point in our very detailed conversation, that he did look an awful lot like father, but she said that it couldn’t of been him. Something told me not to be so sure and a part of me questioned how she knew him, because she obviously did. She knew how he looked, talked, dressed, but when I asked her how she’d just casually change the subject and I didn’t have the energy to argue, or the bluntness inside of me at the time to threaten her to answer.

I just pushed that ever always living thought in the back of my head, whispering, “she knows something about all of this, Abre. She does.” I tried my hardest to block that thought and continued on with our ever-lasting discussion about many different and wonderful topics.

None that overly stood out of course, just general chitchat, I suppose. It was nice to have a friend to talk to about those small, yet meaningful in a way, topics. Meaningful, as it was the first time we’d properly talked to one another about what we liked and what we did, without having any awkward circumstance of something we had to do urgently. It was nice just to talk, smile, laugh and live without anything holding us back and this was only the beginning to the best months I’ve ever lived in all of my 17 years.

Later that night, around 11 o clock, I was sat up in my corner, with my new, well not exactly new but they were newly in my possession, pillows and duvet, when I let my now sore and fatigue filled eyes close into a faint drift. I let myself dream about our challenges to come, teaching real life villains and those who’ve committed hurtful crimes of society against other humans. This made me feel alive once more, as every time I laughed my crooked, twisted, psychotic laugh, a bubble of adrenaline burst within me, which made me laugh ever more.

The feeling was literally immense, the power, the rush, the control! Ah! It was just so mesmerising, so captivating, and so brilliant! I was now ever more thrilled to pursue the tasks that we’d carry out tonight, only it wouldn’t feel like a task at all. Instead, it’d be like fighting demons within those vile humans and turning them into kind, caring people. But it wasn’t even that part that excited my bones so much that they were on edge in a way I can’t describe with a million words.

What I was looking forward to so much that the thought of it overwhelmed every other thought that existed in my mind, was the way Jess and I’d be seen when we’d go along the dark, empty, hollow, mysterious paths that lead to where we aspired to go. The way we’d feel with the cool, fresh air of a winters night brushing through our hair and tapping against the skin of our limbs and face, that would be completely bare to the world. The feeling of being part of a duo, a duo that would overpower any other in history. We would be epic and there was no doubt in my mind about that.

After fantasising about our awesome image as the best, action packed duo in existence, my mind then wandered on to dream about something I didn’t recognise. I didn’t recognise the setting, the atmosphere, the other person entwined into this weird collage of regretfully, at the time, beautiful moments, that I felt shame for even imagining.

The scene was set in a park somewhere near home. Home with father, I mean and there was a boy down below from where I hid among the trees. I then watched myself, as I jumped down back onto Earth’s ground again and then crept upon the boy in front of me.

I continued to watch as the boy turned his head and smiled at me, for some unusual, yet magical reason, when he did this, I smiled too inside. What was I doing? He was human! Why, did I even acknowledge him? I should have just ended this fantasy, well, maybe even a vision, experience there and then. Entering into this world still seemed strange to me, so strange that I’d much prefer to distance myself from talking to one of them.

But something inside me made me continue on with this somewhat mystical experience that felt badly wrong, but insanely good to watch in on in my mind.

“Hello, who’re you?” he asked in a cool, soothing tone, sending a shiver down my back, as I looked into his flawless, deep blue eyes. I took a deep breathe in and answered him, not once taking my eyes of his as I spoke.

“I’m Abre,” he smiled when I said that, which made me smile too, “might I ask…” I’d had enough! What was I thinking about him?

It wasn’t me thinking “I need to be careful” or “I could maybe still hurt him, even if I didn’t mean to” not even, “should I be doing this?”

Instead, I was thinking about his looks! I had disgusted myself to even think of falling for one of those humans, but to act on it! Ugh! I know I have to give them some credit but I couldn’t fall for one, could I?

Maybe he was different. He might be kind, honest, understanding. Maybe he understood me. No, that couldn’t be, could it? What human could understand an outcast like me? Even if he was worthy of a human, would I be worthy of him?

“Besides, it’s clearly not a vision when you think about it, Abre, I mean, you didn’t recognise him in the dream or whatever it was, did you? You’d think if it was in the future, you’d remember dreaming it before, wouldn’t you?”

I nodded to myself in my mind, answering my own questions.

“Of-course it’s not real and if some human did come across to like me enough to talk to me, they’d obviously be pretending, wouldn’t they? I mean, let’s face it, I’m not one of them.”

I pondered over that thought, thinking whether my kind were actually better than the humans and wondering why I’ve hated them so much. I believed it was all of the news I’d see and hear, about murders and terrible crimes committed by them, but what if it isn’t that simple? What if I’m just genuinely evil towards other kinds but my own? I did like tormenting that girl, I do admit and I felt a wild, yet guilty satisfaction killing that other human by pushing him off that cliff, supposedly by accident.

Maybe, I did all of it on purpose. What happened with Macy may have not been at all for revenge. A part of me still believes that I might have done it just for the thrill of it. The taste of it. The memory I’d always have burning into my mind, which didn’t feel like a completely bad thing, to be honest.

I then killed all of the confusing, crazy, yet most shocking to me, bothering thoughts, I had currently circulating in my now even more tired mind and I opened my eyes, unable to go back to sleep, as the thought of my violent struck mind being self-inflicted disturbed me, I must admit. When I carefully slid my now quite frustrated eyelids open, I saw Jessica sat up in front of me, looking directly at me. I jumped, startled by her sneaking up on me and sat up myself, preparing myself to talk genuine to her, like I hadn’t just had the weirdest dream I’d ever dreamt. Well, I believed it was a dream.

“W-what’re you doing here, Jessica?” ha! Stuttering was obviously going to make me seem all right and undisturbed, wasn’t it? No! What was I, a completely stupid and naïve idiot to let myself even sound so, so weak! Ugh! She smiled, not in a teasing or overly confident way, but in her sympathising, empathic way, which to be honest, infuriated me much more than the other kind. I swallowed hard, trying to not think of what I’d just seen behind the screens of my eyelids and tried to stay calm. I didn’t want her thinking I couldn’t cope or anything, because I thought that dream meant nothing and I never liked causing a fuss for no reason.

A part of me wanted to discover more about him, but the other part of me, which usually had a very annoying habit of dismissing the other, told me I shouldn’t and should stay away from any kind of romantic or even being remotely close thoughts about a human. I believed that I should try my hardest to not speak to any humans at all, but I didn’t know what the future would uncover…