Something to Remind You

For the next three days, I just kind of walked around in a daze.

I honestly don’t know everything I did the past few days. I was on autopilot and faking my way through everything. I didn’t want to die anymore. Now that I knew I only had about seven months to live, I shouldn’t waste it.

I walked over to my computer and checked my email. I stopped breathing as I noticed I had an email titled ‘Rolling Stone Contest’. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I opened my eyes and clicked the email. The word congratulations jumped out at me.

‘Congratulations, Miss James! You are our contest winner. Your song Death Song has been chosen to be worked on and released with Austin Carlile, front man for Of Mice and Men. Call us at the number below to set up studio time and for more details.’

I jumped up and screamed in joy. I couldn’t believe I had actually won. I giggled and told myself to calm down so I could call the coordinator of the contest to set everything up. I shakily dialed the number.

“Thank you for calling Rolling Stone, how may I help you?” a voice asked me on the other end. I held in my excited squeal and I said,

“My name is Monroe James, I’m the contest winner of the songwriting contest.” God, I sounded so dumb.

“Hello, Miss James, I’ll transfer your call over to Gary Smith, the coordinator of the contest. Have a good day and thank you for calling,” the secretary told me. I listened to the shitty elevator music as I waited for the call to finish transferring.

“Good afternoon, this is Gary Smith,” a male voice said on the other end.

“Hi, Mr. Smith, this is Monroe James, contest winner,” I said like a smartass. I heard him snort on the other end.

“Hello, Miss James. So it looks like on your form you submitted that you are located in New York City,” he began. I nodded and then realized he couldn’t see that.

“Yes sir,” I answered him.

“Yes, well, we are going to have to fly you out to Costa Mesa. The boys just finished up their tour and are home for the next year to focus on writing their newest album. Now, the magazine as well as Rise Records will pay for your flight and hotel room while you work on recording,” Gary said to me. I sighed.

“Um, sir, I have a confession to make before we finalize anything,” I began nervously.

“Oh god, please tell me you didn’t rip someone off and steal their song,” he muttered.

“No, nothing like that. It’s just that, um, well I have cancer. So, while I’m in Costa Mesa recording, I’m going to have to go to chemo treatments,” I said defeated. I heard a sigh.

“Okay, well, you can still do the recording. Uh, how long…” he trailed off. I blinked back the tears.

“About seven months,” I whispered.

“I’m very sorry, Monroe,” Gary told me softly.

*&*&*&*&

Eventually, Gary and I had worked out all the details of where I was staying, when my flight was, who would pick me up from the airport, etc. My flight would be tomorrow evening, so I went into my room and packed up the very few things I owned. I figured I would just live out the rest of my life in Costa Mesa.

Hopefully, we finished the recording and I was able to separate myself from them before I passed. It would be nice to be around people other than my doctor and nurse for once. I just couldn’t let myself get attached. And I absolutely wouldn’t let them get attached only for me to die in the end. I needed to have them transfer all my information to the hospital in Costa Mesa so I could continue my chemo once I got there.

I made it to the hospital in twenty minutes. I walked in and after discussing with Dr. Green and Hanna about all that was going on and they told me they would fax everything over to the hospital.

“Monroe,” Hanna called my name softly. I looked over to her.

“Yeah?” I asked her. She hugged me tightly.

“Take care of yourself, sweetheart. I’m sure going to miss seeing you every week,” she told me. I felt tears well up in my eyes. This woman cared more about me than my own mother did.

When my mother found out I had cancer, I had thought that she would finally show some emotion towards me other than bitterness and regret. Instead, she had acted like I was making a big deal out of nothing. That was the day I had told her I never wanted to see her again.

Her own daughter, her flesh and blood, had a disease that killed millions and all she could do was shrug her shoulders as if it wasn’t anything. She turned her back on me my entire life. I had to raise myself as she just spent her life at her job. I closed my eyes and tried to block the memories. I wouldn’t let myself have a pity party.

By the time I finished at the hospital, it was around six so I decided to go get something to eat. I debated whether to get something healthy or something loaded with fat. Fuck it, I’m dying already anyways might as well eat what I want. I stopped at a Burger King and got a burger, fries, and drink to go. I waited for my food and when it was ready, I grabbed it and left.

*&*&*&*&

The next morning, I woke up and smiled for once. I was leaving this place for good. I would never come back to this state. I grabbed all my keys to this apartment. I also got enough money to pay off the rent. I walked downstairs to the office the landlord had. Josh was actually a really great guy and made sure to take care of the tenants in this building. I knocked on the door and heard him tell me to come in.

“Hey, Josh, I have some stuff for you,” I told him as I handed him the keys and money. His face scrunched in confusion.

“What is this, Monroe?” he asked gently as he motioned for me to take a seat. I sighed. I had never told him of the fact that I had cancer.

“I never told you this, but I have cancer, Josh. I only have seven months left to live. And well, I won a contest and I’m moving out to California for it. I figured I’d live out the rest of my days there,” I told him. Josh stood up and came over and hugged me.

“I’m so sorry, Monroe. Well, I’m happy you’re living out your last dream. Take care and keep in contact,” he told me. I nodded and stood. I had a few more things to finish. I walked outside. It was fucking cold. That was one thing I was glad I was leaving behind. I took off for Bloomingdales; my mother was a big shot corporate person, whatever the fuck they’re called.

I went through the doors and up to the floor where her office was located. I pushed open the door to her gigantic office, her personal assistant trailing right behind me telling me I wasn’t allowed to be back here. I flipped the assistant off and took in the scene in front of me. My mother was currently in the stages of undress while her boss was tied to her chair.

I scoffed in disgust. Typical.

“Well, guess I know now how you made this far up the ladder. Just came by to tell you, mother, I’m dying more rapidly. I only have about seven months to live, not that you care, and I’m moving. Another thing you won’t care about, see you,” I said all at once. She opened her mouth to speak and then decided against it. I shook my head and took off running. As far as I was concerned, she was dead to me.

Memories of my past began to play as I ran. I started to venture into bad territory.

“Shhh, Monroe. We don’t want to wake mommy,” he purred as his hand moved downwards.
***

“Such a pretty girl, Monroe,” another voice whispered.
***

“Monroe, this is Scott, my new boyfriend,” mom introduced me to boyfriend number six. She walked out of the room and Scott launched himself at me and punched me.
***

I lay on the bed as boyfriend number eight finished taking that last little piece of innocence away from me.

I shuddered as the memories played in my head like a fucking movie. I had a very fucked up childhood that had taken years of therapy. I was 25 years old and still had troubles with nightmares. I didn’t trust easily and I still didn’t like being around unfamiliar men.

I wiped away my tears as I got to my old home. I got my bags and then hailed a taxi to the airport. I was going to leave this place and all the fucking memories with it. I would start over and be a new person for the next seven months. This was my chance to die a happy person and I was taking it.