Status: Finished 10/28/13.

Salvation

Don't Let Go

Have you ever felt so heartbroken and lonely that you just wanna die? I've felt like this for the past three months and I don't know how I'm still alive, why I'm still alive. I found out my boyfriend of two years cheated on me for the final year of our relationship with my so-called best friend who I had known all my life. I've had my share of pain throughout the years, not including that; that's for sure. I was in a car accident where I lost one of my two brothers and my mother when I was seven. My whole family was in the car; all five of us. We were on our way home from a special church service on Christmas when a drunk driver ran us off the road and our car rolled down a hill. My mom died immediately as the car rolled onto her side and so was my oldest brother, who was eleven. My other brother who was also the middle child was nine at the time was on our father's side aka the driver's side while my family had sat me in the middle between my older brothers. My brother died later at the hospital just minutes after they started operating on him.

Therefore, my family has never been the same since then; my dad was in the deepest depression, but has since, gotten better and accepted my mother being gone along with Liam, my oldest brother being gone. Colton had trouble concentrating in school for a couple of years, but somehow, is fine. He's doing his part in educating others on the dangers of drunk driving and catching the people who are caught drunk driving as one of our most prestigious policemen in the city of Pittsburgh. I could not be more proud of him; he's a huge role model and has protected me since the day our mother died and I couldn't ask for a better brother. Me, on the other hand, has been a mess ever since. I struggled in school, got teased since I was seven up until my sophomore year in high school. Colton protected me throughout most of my years in school, but it could only help so much.

Somehow, I got my shit together by the time I graduated and got accepted at Julliard. I had been involved in dance since I was five and loved it instantly. Honestly, that has been the only consistent thing in my life besides Colton and my father and I'm glad I have something to keep me somewhat sane. I'm a ballet teacher for girls from ages five to eighteen and I love it; it's a great way to forget about the crazy things in my life and let go. The thing is though, when I leave the studio, I have to face the world and I hate it. With today being a Friday, work ended at six and I was ready to pick up some Chinese food and watch a couple of movies. You'd think I'd be one to go out, but that's a rarity. I only go out maybe five times a month. Walking into the restaurant, it was pretty busy, but since I'm so damn hungry and my feet are killing me, I was just gonna walk in. Just as I opened the door, someone grabbed me and put a hand on my mouth. I struggled as much as I could and finally escaped his grasp. I made a run for it, but I was tackled only seconds later.

"You're gonna stop or I'll kill you."

Well, maybe I just should let him kill me. I do hate my life, after all.

So, I tried to move and I saw a knife being pulled out of his hoodie and he raised it to my throat. I closed my eyes and waited for my demise, but just as the knife was pressed against my skin, a guy tackled him and the knife out of his hand.

Damnit. Why couldn't he just let me die?

"Are you okay?" he asked, before calling the cops.

I gave him a look and walked away.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Bye."

"Seriously? Why are you leaving?"

"I don't wanna talk about it."

Take a fucking hint and leave me alone.

"Well, at least stay until you talk to the police then I'll leave you alone."

"Fine."

The police got there in about five minutes and all I did during it was sit against a wall and play a game on my phone. I could feel his eyes on me every now and then, but I ignored it and concentrated on my phone. The cop that came to the scene was someone I knew...all my life. My brother Colton. Fuck my life.

"Haley?" he asked walking over to me.

"Hi, Colton." I said in a monotone voice.

"What happened? Are you okay?"

I stood up and sighed. I began talking while we walked over to the man who was sitting on the man who should've taken my life.

"I was about to walk in here to get some Chinese for dinner before heading home after work. He came up behind me and put a hand over my mouth; I struggled and ran, but I didn't get far as he tackled me only seconds later and said if I moved, he'd kill me. I took a chance and as he put his knife up against my throat, the man who is sitting on him is the guy that tackled him."

I was so irritated and hoped my brother wouldn't ask about it.

"Haley, there's something else. What is it?"

"Nothing."

"Haley..."

"Go see what Gellar found out from my 'hero'."

He made a face and walked the few feet to where they were.

"You're telling me later. Ok? I'm not letting this go."

"Ok. Go arrest that guy already, so I can go home."

We walked over to see the guy in the back of the police car while my brother's partner still was talking to him.

"Is everything good here?"

"Yes. Everything is." I shouted.

"Haley! Let me do my job."

I growled and looked away.

"Haley?" the mystery man asked.

I took a better look at him and recognized him. Matt Niskanen, a defenseman for my favorite team, the Pittsburgh Penguins.

Why didn't I notice this before? Oh, I know. It's because I'm too fucking pissed to care.

"He's my older brother."

He held in laughter.

"What's so funny? Huh?" I asked ready to hit him.

"Haley Anna Saunders. Stop. You don't me to arrest you. Do you?"

I shook my head.

"No. Of course not."

A minute later, I was finally away from Matt and my brother was talking to me.

"Ok. Do you feel okay? No injuries?"

"No. I'm good. How are you mentally?"

"Colton! I'm fine." I said getting teary.

Damn emotions.

"No. You're not."

"I wanted him to kill me. Ok? I don't wanna be here any more! And Matt ruined it!"

Tears started to fall and he pulled me toward him and wrapped his arms around me as I cried into his chest.

"Why are you feeling this way? What makes you want to kill yourself?"

"I hate my life. It started out with losing Mom and Liam, then school and the man I dated for two years cheated on me the last year of our relationship with my best friend who I had known all my life! That's what and that's why, Colton. I just wanna die."

"Do you realize what you have to live for? You went to Juliard, you teach girls how to dance, so I know how much you love children. You love hockey, you love this city and you're an amazing person. Tom just doesn't realize what he lost as does Arya. Dad loves you, I love you and I know that Liam and Mom love you too."

I wiped my tears away and smiled.

"You're amazing. I love you."

"Am I okay to leave now?"

"Yeah. Have a good night. Be safe."

"Don't worry. I will." he said kissing my cheek.

I smiled and waved as he got in his car and drove away. As soon as he did, I saw Matt walk toward me. I had a feeling that he saw my talk with my brother; I still really didn't wanna talk about it.

"I'm sorry for laughing...or actually, trying not to laugh."

"I'm sorry for being a bitch. I just uh...got stuff going on."

"It's okay. Am I free to hug you?"

I let out a laugh and nodded. The hug was so nice as he hugged me tightly but not uncomfortably and he smelled good. No, he smelled great.

"Since we didn't get a chance to introduce ourselves, I'm Matt." he said putting out his hand.

"And you know my name...my whole name thanks to my brother." I said shaking his hand and rolling my eyes.

I laughed as did Matt.

"I saw you talking to your brother. Are you okay?"

Ugh. What do I say? I can't be rude anymore. I like this guy.

"Um...yes and no. A lot has gone on in my life. I'm just not comfortable telling you about it."

"Ok. I understand."

"Thank you." I said smiling.

"Don't mention it. Listen. With all that just happened, I wanna get to know you better. You seem like a cool person."

"You want my number?" I said raising an eyebrow.

He was scratching his head and biting his lip.

How adorable.

"Yes?"

"Of course you can have my number. I want yours too."

"Oh thank goodness. I was thinking you wouldn't."

"Well, you were wrong. Here's my phone." I said handing it to him.

He then handed his to me.

"When do you think we'll see each other again?"

"I don't know. I know I need to eat and my feet are killing me. I usually just chill at home on Fridays."

"What do you do?"

"I'm a dance teacher for girls five to eighteen."

"Sounds like fun."

"It is. It's my life."

Then, I heard my stomach growl.

"Oh, I should go eat. My stomach is yelling at me."

"I'll let you get to that. See you soon."

"See ya!" I said waving.

I got a hold of him the following week. We're meeting at Primanti Bros on a Saturday afternoon, which couldn't be a better place for a great sandwich.

"It's so great to see you again." he said hugging me.

"Likewise and what better place to meet up? I love me a good samitch!"

"Did you just say samitch?"

"Yes. Got a problem?"

"No. None at all. I just never heard anyone say that before."

"Really? I find that hard to believe."

"It's 100% true."

"Well, okay. I'll take your word for it."

It was packed, but I didn't mind. The longer I could to talk Matt, the better. When we sat down, I was ready to demolish my sandwich, but I controlled myself.

"You look hungry, like really hungry." he said laughing.

"I woke up at a quarter till 11, so I just skipped breakfast. I rarely do. I can't as a dancer."

It was noon.

"And I certainly can't either."

"Exactly."

"So, when did you get into dance?" he said taking a bite of his sandwich.

"When I was five. So, it's been twenty years I've been dancing. I got into Julliard when I was 18, actually. It's just so fun and freeing. It got me through a lot growing up. How long have you played hockey?"

"Wow...since I was five. It's been a fun and tough twenty years."

I nodded and smiled. I'm so glad I made up with this guy; I don't know if I would've if it wasn't for Colton showing up and talking to me about not only what happened, but he got out of me when I told him why I was so irritated. I thank God for him every single day of my life.

"What?"

"Just a thought came across my mind."

"With that amazing smile of yours, it must've been a good one."

I blushed.

"A great one."

His smile was an amazing one in and of itself.

"How long have you lived in Pittsburgh?"

"I grew up here. You already know who my brother is. He's two years older than me. I did have another brother who was the oldest, Liam; he was four years older and I was...am the baby of the family. My dad is an amazing father and my mother was the best mother I could've asked for...well, from what I can remember."

I was choking back tears; I had become a master of hiding tears from everyone over the past fifteen years.

"Are you okay, Haley?" he asked touching my hand.

"I don't know. I don't know if I'm ready to tell you why I'm holding back tears."

"If you're not, that's okay."

After a few minutes of eating, I took a breath and put my sandwich down.

"I might as well tell you. I did use a couple of my family members in the past tense. When I was seven, my family and I were on our way home from a church service on Christmas evening. My dad was driving, my mom was in the passenger seat. My brother, Liam, was on her side while Colton was on dad's side. They deliberately sandwiched me between them...

I laughed before I continued on.

"A drunk driver ran us off the road just a few minutes before we were due back at home. Our car tumbled a few times before landing on my mom's side. She died at the scene, while Liam passed just minutes after they rushed him into surgery. My dad went into a deep depression for a few years but is doing great now. Colton struggled in school for a while, but educates people on the dangers of drunk driving while being a badass cop."

"I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine what you went through."

I sighed.

"I'm surprised I made it through all that."

"What do you mean?"

"I struggled through school and was teased till my sophomore year in high school..."

"Shit..."

"Tell me about it."

"There was something more there when you were talking to your brother. Wasn't there?"

"You sound like my brother after I told him what happened."

"Why were you irritated after I tackled that guy to the ground?"

"In addition to the pain of losing my mom and my oldest brother, I learned my boyfriend of two years, three months ago, cheated on me for the last year of our relationship, he was cheating on me with my friend who I knew my entire life. I wanted to die, Matt. I wanted to die. He said if I moved, he'd kill me, so I decided to move and wait for him to slit my throat."

I covered my mouth after I said that. I couldn't believe I said all that; I hardly even know him! What the fuck is wrong with me?! I put my head in my hands, then. I'm a nutcase.

"Oh my God..." he said rubbing his eyes.

"I am/was a mess. I apologize."

"Don't apologize. It's fine. What did your brother tell you?"

Once I said what I said, he smiled just as I did.

"You have an amazing brother."

"Thank you."

I was so relieved that he didn't run away. Looks like I actually have a friend again.
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This popped into my head in the other day, and I just had to post it! I hope everyone likes it!