Parenthood

“Billie, I feel bad.” I said while laying my sweaty head against his shoulder. We were both panting from the sex we had just had and I was still seeing stars. Billie chuckled as he ran his fingers lightly over my spine.

“Well, you should feel pretty damn good after what we just did.” He joked while standing up and walking his naked self over to our dresser to get a cigarette. I rolled my eyes and pulled his Ramones T-shirt over my head, it was the only form of clothing even in my vicinity. Billie sank back into the bed and put his hand on my exposed thigh.

“I’m serious though, we sent our daughter over to your mother’s house on a school night to have sex. Isn’t that rather selfish?” I inquired. Billie laughed as he shook his head.

“I definitely wouldn’t call what you just did selfish.” He said with a wink, causing my cheeks to flush red at the thought of what we had just done. He smirked and kissed my cheek. “C’mon Jules, don’t feel bad. We’re merely making up.” He said while pulling me closer to him.

I sighed contently and laid against him. I think in some ways he is right. We were technically still making up for all that lost time we spent fighting. Not to mention, his mother didn’t really know why we suddenly needed her to take Emma for the night. God, spare me that embarrassment. Billie reached over and put his cigarette out in the ashtray.

“Jules, do you remember the first time we had sex?” He questioned.

I rolled my eyes again. “Oh, you mean one of my life's top embarrassing moments? Yes, I think I do.” I replied sarcastically. Billie just chuckled and nodded.

“Oh, come-on, it wasn’t that bad.” He argued.

I stared up at him unamused. “Oh really? You obviously don’t remember your brothers standing outside the fucking door cheering. I’m surprised I even let you come after that.” I mumbled.

Billie grinned. “Well, you didn’t really have much of a choice, baby. It was over before it started.” He laughed.

I grinned. He wasn't exactly lying. He lasted maybe five minutes and was laying on top of me panting, while his brothers laughed and cheered. It was beyond embarrassing, but I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. It was a memory I cringed at but it was also one that I held dear. Billie kissed my head and got up off the bed. I gave him a puzzled look as he snooped around for his underwear

“What are you doing?” I asked while laying my head in the palm of my hand.

“Going to take a shower.” He replied while turning to flip the bathroom light on. I sat on my haunches and pouted.

“No, I like it when you walk around naked.” I whined. Billie rolled his eyes playfully as he strode towards me. He gazed down at me and played with the hem of his shirt.

“You could take one with me, ya know?” He said quietly while pulling the T-shirt over my head, leaving me as bare as him. I looked up and smiled.

“Well, if that’s what you really want.” I trailed off as Billie swiftly picked me up and locked my legs around his waist.

“Oh, I want it.” He purred against my neck, sending chills down my spine.

I giggled as we entered into the bathroom and Billie started kissing me hungrily as he shut the door. I couldn’t remember the last time we had been this, well horny. We had that same whimsical and spontaneous feeling that we once had as teenagers. Back then, we fucked at the drop of a hat, not really caring if there were consequences or a chance of getting caught. Having Emma had changed that mindset in a way and it was nice to get a taste of it again. I had missed this side of us.

~***~

Emma had been a little less than thrilled when we told her she would be going to her grandmothers for the night. It was rare that she went anywhere during the week and it was more difficult than we had thought it would be to persuade her to go. Recently, Emma wasn’t much of a fan of hearing the word ‘no’ and had taken to throwing some God awful fits over it. That’s why when she came home today not as chipper and excited; I knew I had my work cut out for me.

“I want to go outside!” She said while stomping her foot angrily. I sighed and groaned. This had been the fourth time she had informed me of her displeasure of her not being able to go outside.

“Emma, it’s raining. You can’t go outside today.” I explained again.

She had been driving me nuts ever since she got home, complaining that Billie wasn’t home and that she just so bored. I really needed to finish getting Billie packed for a few upcoming dates that Green Day had picked up, and allowed her to play in the living room unsupervised. I felt that I could trust her for the short time that I would be in our room and tried to ignore the attitude I was receiving from her. She was definitely not in a really good mood today. Everything had been pretty quiet as I finished folding his shirts and placing them into the suitcase. I had just zipped it shut and put it down next to our bed when I heard the sound of something hitting the floor. I snapped to attention and listened intently to the silence that followed after. It didn’t sound like the ordinary toy falling, no, it didn’t sound good at all and I had this sinking feeling in my stomach as I opened our bedroom doorway. I quickly walked into the front room to see Emma standing beside what appeared to be a literal broken record. As I drew closer I was finally able to tell what record it was and my heart nearly stopped. There on the floor, laid a record that I really wished wasn’t. It was a jazz record that had belonged to Billie’s dad and it meant a lot to him. It was rare that he listened to it. I gasped and bent down to pick up one of the pieces. It was completely in two. Vinyl records aren’t the easiest to break so; Emma would have had to physically snap it herself. I glared up at her.

“Emma Rose, did you do this?” I hissed. She quickly shook her head, which only made me angrier. Not only did she break something that was very sentimental to her father, on purpose , but now she was lying about it. Lying wasn’t okay with us, especially Billie. He hated to be lied to and for it to come from Emma would really hurt him. Emma knew the rules and one of them was to tell the truth. She was in deep shit, that I was certain.

“Did you do this?” I asked again. My anger was becoming increasingly visible and Emma knew it. She shook her head once again. I clenched my jaw and stood up.“Lying will only get you in more trouble.” I admonished. Emma crossed her arms and looked down at the floor. I sighed and pointed towards her room. “Go wait in your room until Daddy gets home.” I commanded. Thankfully, she obeyed me and walked off to her room. It was hard to believe that my sweet Emma could destroy something so personal and important to Billie. For once in my life, I dreaded him coming home.

~***~

As soon as Billie pulled into the driveway, my stomach started doing flip flops. How the fuck was I supposed to tell him that our daughter broke one of the only things he had that were his fathers? If I hadn’t been here to see it, I wouldn’t believe it. I taped my fingers nervously against the counter as he walked through the front door. He smiled at me when he saw me.

“Hey baby.” He greeted.

I tried to smile, I really did, but I couldn’t seem to make it happen. Billie frowned as he sat his guitar case down.

“What’s the matter?” He asked while walking towards me.

I bit my lip and sighed. This is so hard. I’d take the blame, if I could, but Emma wouldn’t learn anything if I did that. I ran my hand over his cheek. I didn’t even now where to begin, so I just got straight to the point.

“Baby, something happened today with Emma… and you’re not going to like it.” I began.

Billie let out a deep sigh. “What’d she do?” He groaned.

I bit my lip again and moved away from the counter, so that the broken record was visible. Billie’s face paled. I could tell by the look on his face that he was hurt. He picked up one of the pieces and stared at it, examining every inch of it.

“Was it an accident?” He asked softly.

I shook my head slowly. “I wish it were, baby. I really do.” I said gently. Billie nodded and kept staring at the broken remains. I watched as the look of pain quickly turned to anger. His lips were now a thin line and he had an icy stare.

“Bring her out here.” He said lowly.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before turning and going to get Emma. This was the biggest trouble she had ever been in and I was starting to feel a little bad for her. When I returned, Billie was standing in front of the couch, his hands were on his hips and I could tell just from across the room that this wasn’t going to be pretty. Emma gripped my hand as Billie turned to face us. His face was stoic as he pointed to the couch.

“Sit down.” He demanded.

Emma obeyed and quickly sat down. She was scared and I knew it, but Billie had every right to react the way that he was. I watched as his jaw clenched when he finally looked at her.

“Mommy told me you broke something of mine today.” He began. Emma remained silent and gazed up at him motionless. Billie was trying to remain calm, but I could tell that he wouldn’t stay that way for long if she didn’t start answering him. Emma started swinging her feet back and forth, looking down at the floor.

“Did you break my record?” He questioned, clearly running out of patience. Emma began to shake her head, but Billie stopped that pretty quickly. “Don’t you dare lie to me, Emma Rose.” He growled. Emma was walking on thin ice as it is and I couldn’t believe she was actually going to try and lie again.

“Answer me.” He snapped.

Emma’s eyes started to water as she pathetically nodded her head. Billie started to pace and I knew he was only getting started. Emma sniffled and rubbed her eye. “I’m sorry, Daddy.” She whimpered. Billie raised his eyebrows.

“Are you?” He questioned. “How many times have I told you not to touch this? Huh? This meant a lot to me and it can’t be fixed.” He stated. “Why did you do it?” He asked. Emma was fully crying now, but it didn’t seem to faze Billie. “Damn it, Emma you better answer me.” He growled.

Emma sniffled and shrugged. “I don’t know!” She wailed. Billie’s eyes hardened.

“Don’t you sit there and lie to me. You do know.” He yelled.

Emma sniffled some more and continued to look down. Billie sighed in frustration and crouched down, forcing her to look at him. “You do not touch my things anymore. Do you understand me?” He said harshly. Emma forced out a yes and Billie stood up to face me.

“Do something with her, I’m over this shit.” He sneered while walking to his home studio and slamming the door shut so hard it shook the pictures that hung on the wall. God, that one was bad. Emma climbed down off the couch and clung to my waist sobbing. Billie had been pretty harsh with her and it did pain me to see her so upset, but what she did was something I don’t think Billie knew how to handle without losing his cool. I thought that he could have handled it better without screaming at her, but I wasn’t about to criticize him for it. I knew that he was hurt.

“C’mon, let’s get ready for bed.” I whispered while picking her up and carrying her to her room. She laid her head on my shoulder and whimpered until I sat her on her bed and began to change her into her pajamas. I knew that she had to feel bad now and I hated to see her like this. As I pulled her blankets over her, she grabbed my hand.

“Does Daddy still love me?” She said as fresh tears rolled down her cheeks. She hiccupped a couple of times and it nearly ripped my heart out of my chest. I gently wiped her tears away with my thumb.

“Daddy still loves you, baby. He’s just mad right now because you broke something that was very important to him. How would you feel if Daddy had broken Leroy just because he was mad?” I questioned. Emma sniffled lightly.

“I wouldn’t like it.” She whispered. I nodded my head and ran her hair out of her face.

“Go to sleep, okay? Daddy just needs to calm down.” I told her while leaning forward to kiss her head.

“Goodnight, Mommy.” She said as I walked to her door.

“Goodnight, lovebug.” I whispered as I turned out her light and shut her door behind me.

It broke my heart to hear that Emma didn’t think Billie loved her anymore. I knew that he did, but I could understand why Emma would think that way. I decided to sit down on the couch and waited for him to come out of the back room, but after an hour of waiting, I gave up and went to bed. It was a little after two when I heard our bedroom door open and I anticipated him climbing into bed. I felt the bed sink as he laid down and shifted closer to him.

“You okay?” I whispered. He nodded back.

I kissed his cheek a couple of times and ran my hand up and down his chest. My love was hurting and I couldn’t say or do anything about it. As cliché as it sounded,when he was hurting, I was hurting.

“Are you sure?” I demanded. Billie sighed and ran his hand wearily over his face.

“I’m fine, Julie.” He replied. I went for it, even though I knew that it was a lie. I could tell simply by how he was answering me that he wasn’t. I kissed him again and sighed.

“Love you.” I whispered. He ran his hand over my arm and squeezed gently.

“Love you, too.”

~***~

Our family was very quiet the next morning, which was really unusual for us. Billie basically kept to himself and I had not seen or heard from Emma at all. Billie didn’t seem quite as angry anymore, but he still wasn’t acting his normal self. It was about ten o’clock when I began to feel concerned about not seeing Emma, seeing as how she was normally up by now. As I opened her door, my eyes immediately saw the trail of stuffing that lead to her bed. She was sitting in the middle of her bed and in her right hand was her scissors for school. Seated next to her was a very pitiful looking Leroy with a giant gash on his belly.

“Emma, what did you do?” I gasped as I walked over to her. She sniffled and put the scissors down.

“I broked Leroy for Daddy, so he would still love me.” She whimpered.

My heart broke as soon as those words left her mouth. Emma had thought that she needed to destroy something of hers for Billie? This was beyond sad needed to be fixed. I gently picked Leroy up, careful to not let anymore stuffing fall out and grabbed Emma’s hand. Whether or not Billie wanted to deal with this right now or not, he was going to. When we got to the studio door, I handed Leroy to Emma and opened the door. She quickly hid behind me at the sight of Billie and it saddened me. She was still afraid of him. Billie looked up from what he was working on and gave me a confused look.

“Hey, Jules.” He said hesitantly while trying to look behind me. I bit my lip and started to move Emma in front of me.

“Emma has something to show you.” I said while placing my hands on her shoulders. She sniffled and held Leroy out, letting a few more pieces of stuffing fall.

“Please don’t be mad anymore, Daddy. I broked Leroy, so you can love me now.” She cried as more tears escaped her eyes. This was so pitiful and I almost couldn’t stand to listen to her plea. Billie’s eyes softened, and any trace of anger was gone now.

“Oh, Emma. You didn’t have to do that.” He said softly. “I do love you.” He added while pulling her onto his lap. She laid her head against is chest and hiccupped.

“I’m really sorry, Daddy.” She whimpered. Billie sighed and kissed the top of her head.

“I know you are.” He whispered. Emma sniffled and quickly wiped her eyes.

“I love you, munchkin.” He stated. Emma nuzzled her head against his chest.

“I love you, Daddy.” She replied. Billie smiled and gazed at me, letting me know that he really was alright.

“Do you want to see if Mommy can fix Leroy?” He asked. Emma nodded and turned towards me.

“Can you Mommy?” She questioned. I nodded my head.

“Go wait for me in your room.” I smiled. She quickly climbed down off Billie and very carefully carried Leroy with her. When I was sure that she was gone, I sat down on Billie’s lap. He raised his eyebrows in surprise.

“Can I help you?” He asked with a smirk. I smiled and kissed his lips.

“How is it that you can be scary Daddy one day,and then next it’s like nothing happened?” Billie shrugged.

“Lucky I guess.” He answered. I grinned as I leaned forward and pressed my forehead against his.

“If you want to be really lucky, you’ll come to bed early tonight.” I whispered. Billie raised his eyebrows again.

“And why is that?” He questioned. I smirked as I held his face.

“We have baby making to do.” I whispered. Billie chuckled and kissed me.

“God, I love it when you talk dirty.” He groaned sarcastically. I rolled my eyes and pecked his lips before standing up.

“You know where to find me, Armstrong.” I said over my shoulder before exiting the room. I smiled to myself as I walked to Emma’s room. All was right in my house again and any form of tension had vanished. It seemed like everything could now take a turn for the better and I hoped that it wasn’t too good to be true.