Parenthood

“I fucking hate you right now, I hope you know that.” I growled as I practically crawled out of our bathroom for the third time this morning. My hopes of not having morning sickness this time around were totally broken by the next week. And if I didn’t know any better, I’d say it was worse than with my first pregnancy.

“I know, I heard you the first three times you told me.” Billie mumbled into his pillow, attempting to stop the sunlight peeking through the curtains. His relaxed state almost made me want to smack him. I couldn’t get comfortable enough to sleep without having to fight the urge to throw up. Lucky bastard. I glared at him momentarily before huffing and laying down next to him. Billie lifted his head briefly to look at me, still visibly half asleep before letting it plop back down onto the pillow heavily.

“I can’t believe I let you do this to me again.” I muttered, trying to steal what covers I could from him. Billie’s head shot up, now looking more awake, he cut his eyes at me.

“What I did to you, some people would consider a miracle.” He spat, clearly in the same mood as me. Bitchy. I rolled my eyes and sighed loudly.

“Yeah? Well the only miracle right now is that I haven’t castrated you.” I hissed. Normally, we weren’t this volatile towards each other so early, but the endless ritual of my mornings this past week had taken a big toll on me emotionally and unfortunately for Billie a lot of my anger fell to him. Billie rolled his eyes at me. “I’ve been sick three times this morning and you got up once, and that was only because you happened to be leaving the bathroom.” I squeaked, suddenly feeling my anger dissolve to be substituted with the overwhelming urge to sob. My hormones were a wreck as well. I sniffled as I felt tears prick my eyes. “I feel like shit and you don’t even care.” I whimpered, letting my emotions once again get the best of me. I knew that wasn’t true, and that Billie actually did care, but in this moment, I was thinking every way but rational. Billie sat up in the bed slowly and ran his hand over his face before letting out a deep sigh.

“Jules, I do care. You know that.” He whispered while reaching over to brush a few tears away with his thumb. I gave him a questioning look as he raised an eyebrow. “What do you want me to say, baby? I can’t make it stop. You know I would if I could.” He added. I nodded and tried to get a grip. I felt like I was losing my mind this morning. Billie draped his arm around my shoulders and kissed the side of my head tenderly. “We’re not off to a very good start, are we?” He questioned, running his hand lightly over my stomach. I shook my head slowly.
“This is definitely worse than with Emma.” I confessed. “Nothing, and I mean nothing wants to stay down.” I groaned. Even the thought of throwing up made my stomach churn. Billie ran his hand gently down my back. I flicked my gaze over to our alarm clock to read that it was nearly seven-thirty and sighed. “What do I have to do to convince you to get Emma ready for school?” I mumbled against his bare chest. I felt him chuckle and shift a little on the bed, which only made my nausea worse.

“Nothing, I’ll do it. Just try not to throw up on the bed.” He said while pulling on his t-shirt. He was half joking when he said this, because there was an unfortunate accident a couple of mornings ago that we definitely didn’t want a repeat of. I smiled and curled my body against his pillow.

“Thank you. I love you.” I whispered. He smiled as he left the room and closed the door quietly.

~***~

Billie crept quietly into Emma’s room, dodging the array of toys that currently scattered her room. Laughing to himself about how she clearly took after him when it came to neatness. He ran his fingertips gently up and down her back, noticing that she slept the same way as her mother and she stirred awake, rubbed her eyes sleepily.

“Hi, Daddy.” She whispered, blinking her eyes to focus. He smiled down at her and brushed her messy dark locks off her face.

“Hi, Munchkin.” He whispered back, sitting down on the side of her bed. She grinned slightly at her nickname and curled back up into a ball. Billie chuckled and pulled her comforter down.

“C’mon baby, it’s time to get up.” He cooed. Emma whined slightly and scratched her head.

“Where’s Mommy?” She asked, sitting up with Leroy under her arm.

“Mommy’s not feeling good this morning, so you need to stay quiet while you get ready for school, okay?” He explained, quickly thinking back to how emotional Julie had been and just how quickly her mood could change. Emma nodded and crawled into his lap, the way she did just about every morning with whomever happened to be getting her up. Her small fingers found their way to his guitar pick necklace that she had been intrigued with since she was one year old, rubbing her thumb over the smooth surface.

“What’s wrong with Mommy?” She asked, not taking her eyes off of the necklace. Billie briefly contemplated telling her about the new baby, but stopped himself when realizing it was supposed to remain a secret for a little while.

“Mommy’s just sick and needs to sleep. She’s okay.” He assured her while getting up off the bed. Emma remained attached to him and started to whine when he had her stand on the plush white carpet of her bedroom. She was definitely not trying to hide her displeasure this morning.

“Daaaaaddy.” She whined while motioning to be picked up again. The kind of whine that all parents hated to hear. It was the ‘I’m not going to be very cooperative this morning, this is going to suck whine’ and Billie was in no mood for it. He shook his head firmly at her and started to prod her along towards her closet.

“Uh uh, no, we’re not doing this today, Emma. You need to get ready for school.” He asserted. Emma groaned loudly and attempted to shove Billie, an attempt that was unsuccessful, and tried her best to glare at him. If it hadn’t been so early in the morning, Billie probably would have laughed, but laughing he was not. “Emma, stop it. Daddy’s not in the mood for games this morning.” He said firmly. Emma rolled her eyes, which he was sure she learned from her mother and proceeded to get dressed. “You’re cruising, Emma.” He warned as he sat back down on her bed to insure she did get dressed and not start to play with the plethora of toys on the floor.

“Daddy, will you help me?” She asked after she had finally decided on a pair of pink Winnie the Pooh overalls, which had yet to be fastened. She shuffled over to him with straps hanging down at her waist. Billie grinned slightly as he reached out snapped both buttons into place.

“We’re running a little short on time today, Munchkin, so will a banana work for breakfast today?” He asked while successfully guiding her out of the distraction filled room and into the smallest bathroom in the house, which Emma had deemed as hers. Emma nodded her head and struggled to turn on the light, as Billie did it effortlessly. “Come find me after you brush your teeth.” He said while shutting the door behind him quietly.

~***~

After a near level 4 tantrum by a certain five year old over how to correctly brush her hair, Billie was dangerously close to losing his shit all together with her. It had been a little while since the last time he had to see Emma off to school by himself and he was quickly realizing how easy he had been having it. Normally, he was either still in bed or already gone for the day when she was getting ready and leaving for school, so the small tantrums I had grown used to were driving Billie to his breaking point. Emma sat sniffling on the kitchen counter top as Billie hastily tied her miniature sized Chuck Taylors, she made a point to rub her eye every so often as tears continued to flow, which in return made Billie feel slightly guilty for yelling at her.

“Dry it up, Munchkin.” He said softly while placing his hands on either side of her small legs, watching them dangle as she swung them back and forth. Emma continued sniffling and wiping her eyes with her small fists. “Your bus will be here soon, you need to stop crying.” He said a little more gentle. Emma whimpered slightly and reached out for him to hold her, signaling that she wanted a hug. Billie complied quickly and scooped her up, patting her small back comfortingly. He knew she was probably just tired and wanting to go back to sleep, and silently admitted to himself that he was never so great when it came to tantrums, big or small.

“Sorry I yelled, Daddy.” Emma whispered against his shoulder, not crying anymore, but sounding very melancholy. Billie sighed as he pulled her head off his shoulder to look her over.

“It’s okay.” He answered while placing a kiss on her head. Her tears were now dry and after a quick glance at the clock, he realized it was time to head outside to wait for the bus. Billie always hated Monday’s and now he remembered why. They straight up sucked no matter how you sliced it. You’re always going to hate it, whether you’re five or twenty-five. You’re fucked if you’re the one that has to leave and you’re fucked if you’re the one that has to get everything and everybody ready. There is really no in between. After making sure that she had her backpack and jacket securely on her small body, the two headed outside to wait another five minutes until the yellow school bus was in sight. Once Emma was safely on the bus, Billie made his way back into the house, leaning against the front door as he closed it, he sighed. “Fuck Monday, I’m going back to bed.” He mumbled before walking towards our bedroom.

~***~
I had tried to go back to sleep after Billie went to wake Emma up, but my stomach was just not having it, so my next option was to read the pregnancy book I had picked up the day before. I hadn’t even read half of the first page before I heard Billie opening our bedroom door and shutting it behind him. He looked tired, and after what I had heard going on behind our closed door, I was positive that he was probably a little aggravated as well. He groaned as he tugged his shirt over his head and fell back onto the bed. I chuckled quietly as he flicked his gaze up to me. “Do I even want to ask about what was going on out there?” I questioned. Billie shook his head as he sat up slightly.

“Nope. It’s been a long morning.” He told me. I grinned and scooted over to lay my head on his shoulder, with the baby book still on my lap. Billie looked down and gingerly removed the book from my lap, flipping it over to read the cover. “What’s this?” He asked, nodding down at the book. I smiled slightly and traced my finger gently over his “Emma” tattoo on his forearm.

“A book that tells you everything you need to know about having a baby.” I answered. Billie snorted loudly.

“We’ve done this once before, Jules.” He laughed. I rolled my eyes.

“I know, I’d just like to be better informed this time.” I answered truthfully. Billie chuckled again as he opened the book to the first page. I watched silently as he read the first few lines.

“Julie, I think we already have this part covered.” He said with a wink, motioning to the first chapter titled, Conception. I giggled and tilted my head upward to kiss him.

“I’d say we do.” I agreed. Billie kissed me quickly and sighed as we both moved further into the bed. It’s safe to say we’ll probably end up going back to sleep for a few hours. God knows that Billie will probably need it after his morning. “Was that a level 4 tantrum I heard this morning?” I asked when my head was finally situated on his shoulder.

“Close to it. I nearly lost my shit with her this morning. She just would not cooperate.” He explained. I nodded my head.

“Did you have to be mean Daddy?” I questioned with a smirk.

“If her crying was any indication, I’d have to say yes.” He answered, the guilt evident on his face. I kissed his shoulder and intertwined our fingers together.

“She’ll be fine. I deal with this at least twice a week. I promise she’ll be back to normal by the time she gets home.” I comforted. Billie gave me a half smile and placed his hand over my flat stomach, rubbing it gently.

“Is your stomach any better?” He asked quietly. I shrugged as I put my hand above his.

“It’s still a little queasy, but I can manage, I think.” I said truthfully, hoping that I could handle sitting at the dinner table tonight without tossing my cookies in front of Emma. It would be a miracle if I did. “Sorry I was such a mess this morning.” I whispered just as we both had grown quiet. Billie continued rubbing my stomach, making his way up to my rib cage like he always did.

“You’re not a mess, baby. A little emotional, but never a mess.” He assured me, giving me that ‘shit eating’ grin that I loved so much.

“I didn’t mean it when I said I’d castrate you either.” I added, feeling a little foolish for even saying it. Billie chuckled.

“I had hoped that you didn’t.” He joked, sending me another wide grin. I had never imagined myself as the type of pregnant woman that goes completely bat shit over morning sickness, but this morning it hit me hard and Billie was all I had to blame. We giggled together for a few more minutes before sleep overcame us both, giving us both the rest we desperately needed.