Girls, Breaking Hearts

One single text consisting of four simple words completely changed Brooke’s mood that evening. When her laughter subsided, Amber peeked a glance at her, and immediately assumed John had texted since Brooke’s eyes which had been glued to the TV were now focused on her phone.

Feeling Amber’s gaze on her, Brooke looked up, an unsure expression on her face. “He’s asking if he can call,” she mumbled. All her friends immediately shifted their focus to her.

“Don’t feel obligated to say yes if you aren’t ready,” Marci advised, and Amber nodded for agreement. “If you still need your space, then-”

“No I wanna talk,” Brooke said, her voice loud and firm. She nodded, as if she was reassuring herself and not her friends. “I wanna- I wanna talk.”

Her friends exchanged glances, and finally, Kelly sighed. “You can go up to my room,” she suggested. “For privacy.”

She nodded, mumbling a low thank you before walking up the stairs. She walked inside Kelly’s room, turned the light on and plumped herself on the queen-sized bed. Sighing, she looked at her phone once more, reading John’s text again as if the words had morphed into something else.

Can I call you?

Sitting in his car, John stared at the message he had sent, wondering if it was enough. Should he have sent a long apologetic message instead? He’d opted not to, because he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to express how he felt in a text message.

He sighed, counting the minutes that had passed since he sent the text. Five minutes. But there was still no response from Brooke, and he had himself to blame for that.

He slapped his head against the steering wheel, cursing himself repeatedly as what happened in the morning entered his mind again. He knew he would never actually hurt her that way, he’d kill himself if he was actually capable of that, but he still hurt her pretty bad, just in a different way. And each time the crying face of Brooke crept back into his mind, he wanted to kill himself just as much.

Brooke thought back to what happened that morning, how she felt, and the look on John’s face when she said she was leaving. Seeing that all over again made her heart hurt, as if someone was clutching her heart in their hands and tearing it to pieces.

John checked the time on his phone, hitting his head against the steering wheel once more upon seeing that it had been eight minutes.

Brooke read the text again, sighing to herself and wondering whether or not to say yes.

Ten minutes, and John’s head was about to explode.

Twelve minutes, and Brooke’s heart was about to implode.

Fourteen minutes. John spewed out a string of curses, throwing his phone to the passenger’s seat and deciding it was time for him to drive back to his place and never leave it again. He was going to barricade himself in it until Brooke came for him.

It was then that his phone rang, indicating a text message. Cursing once more, he hurriedly picked his phone up, only to throw it back once again when he saw it was just a text from Kennedy. And then his phone rang once more, this time a specific tune that made him smile for a second.

When I wake up, well I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who wakes up next to you

She’d picked out that song after he sang it to her exaggeratedly, and for him to be reminded of that memory at a time like this was refreshing. Then in a snap, his mind went back to reality, the reality that Brooke was calling him and he needed to answer.

He quickly reached for his phone, letting out a deep breath before accepting the call and bringing his phone to his ear. “Hello?” he choked out, keeping his voice low. “You called, I-” He sighed deeply, rubbing his forehead and closing his eyes, thinking of what to say. “I thought you wouldn’t want to, you know, talk to me... And I can’t blame you, things got heated earlier- and it’s all my fault, I was honestly expecting a-”

“John,” she cut in, keeping her voice soft but John sensed the brokenness she tried to mask- which was his fault also. “Stop stalling; what did you want to say?”

He paused for a while, not liking the awkwardness he suddenly felt. He raked his hand through his hair, chuckling uncomfortably as he did that thing he always did. “That was my introductory speech,” he joked, trying to break the ice that he’d created. “I don’t have it written down, by the way, so if you thought I’d made a song out of it, well, I might, but-”

“Wow, you just assume a lot of things don’t you?”

Her bitterness brought him back to the mood he’d been in earlier, before she called. The guilt was excruciating, making him hit his forehead against the steering wheel once more, figuring he was going to have bruises soon but he didn’t really care, he deserved it. “Look, I-”

“John, just get to it.” Brooke sighed, ignoring the part of her that just wanted to forgive John right away.

John could take the cruelty, he figured he deserved it. So he simply nodded to himself, accepting it all. “I’m sorry,” he started, adjusting uncomfortably in his seat. “First, for assuming that you- that- you were doing that, okay? I was scared that you got sick of me, that you wanted to be with someone you can go out with in public, okay- and figured that it’s the easiest tactic to drive me away, you know? Just- it’s perfectly acceptable for you to suddenly change your mind, but I love you, and I shouldn’t have thought of that- it just...got to me, and mixed with all the drinking, I was- I was entirely paranoid, and moronic, and I’m- I’m insecure, I guess, but it’s not your fault. I took it out on you and I’m sorry; I shouldn’t have, especially after promising last week that I’m going to be the best from then on. There’s really not much to say but I’m sorry, and I hope that- I hope that this... I hope that it’s not the end of- you know, us.”

She didn’t say anything; she just sighed, taking in his words, liking how his voice sounded raspier by the minute. She wanted to forgive him right there, it was easier to do that rather than try and act like she didn’t want to. Fighting was exhausting. This had been their biggest fight so far, and it hadn’t been a full day yet since it occurred but she was already sick of it.

“I know I’m crazy for asking a second chance; especially after everything I’ve said- and God, slapping that- that stupid- I almost- Brooke, I just-” He paused, sighing once again as he realized he was starting to stammer. “Look, can I come talk to you in person? It would be easier for us both to communicate- you’d see that I’m sincere and not just-”

“I can’t come over right now,” she said, not bothering to tell him she wasn’t home yet. “It’s late. I’ll just come over tomorrow so we can talk,” she reasoned.

“You don’t have to come over,” he mumbled. “I can come get you, you know? It isn’t fair that you’re always the one coming over, hell I’m the guy. If I want a second chance I need to earn your forgiveness and I’m going to start by not being demanding.” He let out a deep breath, rubbing his neck awkwardly as the silence settled in. “I can- I can, uh, I’ll pick you up tomorrow, just tell me what time-”

The need to see him was growing by the second, so she sighed, bringing her phone to her other ear and interrupting him. “You can right now,” she said softly, inviting him to. “I’m at Kelly’s. I’ll text you the address so you can come.”

He couldn’t fight the tugging smile at the corner of his lips. Her tone was enough for him to be entirely hopeful that they could work it out. The whole relationship hinged on her giving him a second chance, and he was glad to know that she was starting to soften. “Are you sure?” he asked, “I can pick you up now?”

“Provided you’re not drunk- which I know you aren’t.”

He chuckled a bit, liking how she was so certain, and right. She did know him well and could decipher his tone- which just assured him that it was truly Brooke he wanted to come home to after tour and wake up next to during a hangover. “All right,” he said softly. “Text me the address.”

“Drive safely.”

He knew he deserved the cold shoulder, but hell he was glad that she wasn’t as mad as she was earlier. He sighed, starting the engine and driving over to where she was, per her text message. He cursed to himself as he realized he didn’t even bring anything; he should’ve bought something earlier.

He was instructed to park in front of the house, and he did, texting her once he was settled in. He was about to call, when suddenly she was going out the front door and heading straight to his car.

He wasn’t expecting to be greeted with a hug; but as soon as she was inside the car, she greeted him with one. He felt the earlier tension collapse and leave his body, like every word they’d exchanged in the morning meant nothing now. It wasn’t long before he reciprocated the action, nuzzling his face onto her neck and sighing. “I’m so sorry,” he mumbled. “I’ll do anything to make it up to you. Anything.”

She kept quiet, burying her face deeper onto his chest and hugging him tighter. The silence was comfortable, something they both needed. Brooke felt right once more, as if things were now in place. It always felt like that in John’s arms.

She pulled away after a while, and John didn’t fight it; whatever she needed, whatever she wanted, he was going to give.

“I’m sorry I forgot to text,” she said softly, tucking her hair behind her ear as she looked into his eyes. “I got caught up in-”

“No you don’t have to apologize,” he cut in firmly. “I don’t deserve your apology- don’t you put even the slightest blame on your shoulder, I overreacted and it was wholly my fault.” Remembering the incident again, his face contorted into anguish. “Shit, I made you cry like that, baby- I’m so sorry.”

She bit her lip, basking in his stare that always made her feel so loved. The situation was in complete contrast to the one from earlier, and she was glad for that. “Don’t give yourself a hard time,” she said, shrugging at him. “I get now that you were just worried.”

“You shouldn’t forgive me so easily, you know?” he mumbled softly, reaching his hand over to her face- pausing to make sure it was okay, and when she leaned in, he held her face in his hand and caressed her jaw with his thumb. “I acted like a fucking moron, and-”

“Stop,” she said softly, grabbing his hand and planting a kiss on the back of his palm, then she looked directly into his eyes. “More words will ruin it, just- let’s just forget it, okay?”

He sighed, not completely agreeing but simply letting her take charge. He let his hand travel down to her own, and laced their fingers together. He looked at her hesitantly, hoping not to be turned down. “Can I hug you again?”

The corners of her mouth twitched up into a smile, and she shrugged at him. “Why are you asking?”

“I just- I just want to make sure that-”

“Aren’t you my boyfriend?”

“Well, you decide that,” he said, his voice entirely unsure. She rolled her eyes, moving into his arms once more and he gladly let her. He wrapped his arms around her frame, keeping her as close as possible. “I love you,” he said softly, planting a kiss atop her head. “I love you, baby I’ll do anything-”

“Shhhhh,” she shushed him, swatting his arm lightly as she pushed herself onto him further. “You’re off the hook, just shut up, okay?”

He did then, savouring the peaceful moment with her in his arms. When she started to pull away, he leaned in to passionately claim her lips, channelling every ounce of guilt he was feeling to make her know how sorry he truly was. She willingly responded, holding on to his nape to pull him closer, as if it was possible, and touching their foreheads together- which made him recoil, bringing his hand to his forehead, touching the bruise that was forming- or was it an actual bump now?

Biting her lip, Brooke brought her hand to his face, pushing his hair back so she could inspect the impending bump near his hairline. “What happened?” she mused, rubbing it lightly and stopping when he flinched.

“Just uh- I don’t know, really-”

She arched her eyebrows, making him shut his mouth. “You gonna lie to me, boy?”

He gnawed on his lower lip, resting his hands on her sides as he shrugged. “I may or may not have bashed my head on the steering wheel- repeatedly- while waiting for you to text back...”

She scoffed, jutting out her lower lip as she smacked him on the arm, moving from the passenger’s seat to sit on his lap. “You dumbass,” she whispered, kissing him once more and keeping every inch of their bodies close- she always liked him in such proximity, because frankly, it felt good, like she was somehow complete when they were together. “Don’t do that again.”

He chuckled, brushing the stray strands away from her face and planting a kiss on her forehead. He let his gaze linger long enough for her smile to get wider. “Yes, boss.”

And just like that the fight was forgotten.