Happy

[011]

"You're in England?"

Alex blinked, rubbing at his tired eyes as he slowly pulled himself up into a seating position. "Um... Hello?" He mumbled, his voice deeper and huskier than normal.

"You're in fucking England?!" The person on the other end of the line yelled this time, their voice sounding too bloody loud and high-pitched for that early in the morning.

His eyes, still half-lidded with sleep, landed on the clock by his bedside table. The illuminated green numbers showing that it wasn't even half past six in the morning yet. He frowned, pulling his phone away from his ear, waiting for the screen to light up with the contact i.d. of whoever was calling him. When it did, his eyes widened drastically as did his mind and body jolt awake.

"Lisa."

"You ran off to fucking England?! You left me for another woman, didn't you? Didn't you?!" She accused, almost shrilly screaming the accusation.

"What –" he frowned. "What are you talking about?"

"You only broke up with me because you've got another woman, don't you?! You fucking dickhead!"

"Jesus, Lisa." He groaned, rubbing at his forehead. "I wasn't cheating on you."

"Yes, you were!" Lisa scoffed loudly. "With that fucking slut – Tay."

Alex clenched his fists, eyebrows furrowed and mouth open – giving the internationally recognised facial expression of 'what the fuck are you on about?', though Lisa couldn't even see him.

"I haven't seen Tay in person since Warped. Warped Tour. That was in twenty twelve."

"Then why did you break up with me?! You were cheating on me with a fan?!"

"Even if I'd stayed in Baltimore, I would've still ended things, okay?!" Alex finally spoke up, his voice raised as his frustration finally got the better of him.

He was sick and tired of hearing Lisa accuse him of being a cheater (although he did cheat on her a couple of times; though in his defence, he didn't even know they were officially back together) when he really just didn't want to be with Lisa anymore. Lisa seemed to be hell on bent on the idea that she and Alex were meant to be – with the whole marriage and children shindig. She just didn't seem to want to give up even though he'd clearly stated that he didn't love her.

Well he did still love her – just not in the way that she (he assumed) loved him. It was the exact situation that Zooey had spoke of a week or so prior – the one about her and her ex not being in love anymore, but still loving each other.

But for some reason, Lisa just couldn't grasp that idea in her head.

She gulped audibly from the other end of the line, from across the pond. "But – "

"– But nothing." Alex replied firmly. Then he sighed, rubbing at his forehead. "Look, Lis... I just don't... love you anymore. The only type of love I can offer you is the type that a friend offers another."

Lisa let out a choked sob before there was loud shuffling on the other end of the line. He knew that she was still on the line though, still listening. She needed confirmation that he wasn't about to change his mind. She was also probably waiting for Alex to fuck up and say something that she would be able to twist and turn up until Alex ends up feeling like the worst human being alive – which would probably lead to Alex getting back together with her.

"I'm sorry, Lis. I'm sorry."

"How could you?" She whispered. "After all we've been through?"

"I can't force myself to love you. I can't just force myself to fall back in love with you – no matter how bad I wish I could."

Lisa sniffled. "I won't take you back." She warned. "You can come crawling back to me – which you will – and I won't take you back."

"I know."

"I mean it."

"I know."

"You'll never find someone like me." She tried again, and this time: Alex could actually hear the desperation in her tone.

Alex licked his dry and chapped lips. "I'm sorry." He opted to reply instead, not knowing what else to say.

She took in a breath, as though she wanted to say something, but thought better of it. She sniffled a little then. "Fine." She breathed out. "Okay."

He stayed silent, not knowing what would be the appropriate thing to say. In fact, he was pretty sure there wasn't anything that was 'appropriate' for him to say in the given situation.

"Just so you know... You'll probably never find another girl who'll put up with you being gone for 300 days out of a year. She won't exist, because all you'll do is fucking cheat on her each time you're gone. She'll have to put up with you pretending like you're not even together each time you go on tour and no one – no one – will ever put up with that. So I hope you have a nice life, Alex. And I hope you know that you breaking up with me will be something you regret – and I won't ever take you back."

The line clicked, leaving Alex in his contemplative silence. The birds were chirping softly outside his window and he could hear a couple of cars zooming by, but there was really nothing else. With his phone still held up to his ear and the dead tone lingering, he sighed.

"I know."

-----

Alex was sat on his couch, staring blankly at the telly. His body was slumped down in a slouched position, and he reckoned he looked like a hobo in the current moment. He hadn't shaved in a couple of days and the stubble that he'd already had had grown into a scruffy beard and moustache. He didn't even know why he felt so lifeless.

It might've been because of the phone call from his ex-girlfriend, because the moment he realised the complete truth in Lisa's words, he sort of just... shut down.

His thoughts ran wild and no matter how tired he was, he couldn't sleep. The only thing he could bring himself to eat was toast with some Nutella smeared onto it, and he only drank a glass or two of water. Any other liquid that he consumed was either beer or... Well, beer.

His dog was as loyal as ever – staying curled up by his side despite him probably smelling bad.

Alex couldn't help it though. The impact of Lisa's words made him realise that no one would actually put up with what he did. No woman deserved that. Every woman deserved someone that would be able to care for them and take them out on dates, and see them every other week. They didn't deserve someone who would be out of the country for three-fourths of their relationship, and would then probably get too drunk and sleep with someone else.

Alex didn't deserve any woman.

A knock on his door made him snap his attention away from a rerun of the Sherlock series playing on the telly. He blinked at the door, frowning.

"'Lex?" A soft female voice called out, making him blink again.

With a sigh, he got up from the couch. He had texted Zooey the night before, telling her that he was a dick and a manwhore, and that she shouldn't even be friends with him. She had responded, but he didn't remember with what exactly because, surprise surprise: Alex was completely pissed drunk.

Apparently he'd sent her his address anyway, seeing as how she was knocking on his front door. He trudged over to the door, pulling it open and smiling weakly at the flame-haired younger who was looking at him with a raised brow.

"You look like shit."

"Thanks." Alex snorted, turning on his heel to walk back to his brooding spot while leaving the door open for Zooey to invite herself in. He heard the door close a moment later and then the sound of her heeled boots against the hardwood floors followed it. "What are you doing here?"

"I got your text." She replied easily, throwing her coat on the armrest of the couch he was sat on. "The drunk-off-your-arse text, but I still got it. And God, you're whiny." She teased, making him shoot a flat look in her direction.

"Thanks." He drawled out, even more sarcastic this time.

"And I brought food, because you look like you haven't left the house in ages." She grinned, nudging him with her elbow as she nodded over to the bag that she'd set down on the coffee table next to the couch. "But go take a shower first. No use moping over... whatever you're moping about."

He groaned, throwing his head back so that it was leaning against the back of the couch, although he was biting on his bottom lip to contain the smile that wanted to make itself known. He didn't even know why he wanted to smile, days after not doing so.

Maybe it was because she had come, even though he had texted her while drunk. Maybe it was because she'd brought proper food, knowing that he hadn't properly eaten, showing that she knew what he was like, despite them not knowing each other for that long. Or maybe it was because she'd actually bothered to reply his drunk texts.

Alex turned to look at her as she poked him in the stomach. He raised a brow and she merely pointed to the hallway; knowing that the bathroom was more than likely down that way. He breathed a chuckle, getting to his feet with a heave of a sigh, pulling off her beanie and chucking it away.

"Only for you."

"You're still a bit cheeky when you're upset, yeah?" She laughed, swatting his hand away. "And you also smell really, really bad."

"Thanks for the compliments, really, you're on a roll today." Alex drawled out, flipping her the middle finger as he walked away to the bathroom, instantly smiling as he heard her light laughter.

What was it about her?

Forty-five minutes and halfway into the second series of Sherlock later, Alex and Zooey were somehow resting against each other while on the couch – Alex's arm draped around her shoulders and Zooey's hand playing with the fingers on the hand that was dangling on her shoulder. Baz was curled up in a little ball beside Alex as well, so it was very much resembling a little cuddle fest. Every once in a while, Alex found himself resting his cheek or chin on the top of her head, smiling each time he smelled her shampoo. It was creepy, so thank God she hadn't noticed him sniffing her like a right creep.

"Have you walked your dog at all in the past couple of days?" Zooey asked randomly, a hand going over Alex's lap to pat the dog's head.

"Sort of. Like, in the middle of the night when no one's awake – so I wouldn't have to shower and get pretty." He admitted with a sheepish grin, making her roll her eyes with a small smirk curling at her lips.

"You are something else." She laughed, shaking her head.

Alex laughed, too, but he ended up sighing. "Yeah... Yeah, I guess so."

"What's wrong?"

"Hmm?" He hummed, looking at her concerned face. He shook his head, plastering a smile on his face. "Nothing, nothing."

Zooey merely blinked at him. "Really?"

"Yeah." He nodded.

"Fine, let's pretend I believe you." She rolled her eyes again, making him snicker.

His arm that was curled around her shoulder tightened, pulling her body closer to him as he sighed, leaning his chin on the top on her head. "I don't know." Alex spoke quietly. "I just – I guess I'm just letting what my ex said to me get into my head. It's stupid, really."

"If it made you stay in your flat for, like, two days, without getting a beer – "

"I drank my own beer." Alex interrupted swiftly, making her laugh mid-sentence.

"Of course you did." She mocked in a rather patronising tone; both of them chuckling. "Anyway. If it's made you upset, even just slightly, then it's obviously not nothing."

He was silent for a while, before he sighed, shaking his head. "I – I don't know, man. It's like, I don't even know what I'm thinking. Well, I do know what I'm thinking but I don't know how to put it into words...? It's like that quote. My thoughts are stars I can't fathom into constellations." He quoted.

"You read John Green?"

"Nah," he shook his head. "I heard the book's good but it's geared more to, like, teenage girls. And guys, I guess. No hate." Alex laughed. "I saw the quote on Tumblr."

"Ah, Tumblr." She nodded. "A way of life."

"The fan fictions I can live without." Alex added as an afterthought, making her snicker.

"Have you ever read one?"

"What? A fan fiction?"

"Yeah." She nodded, smiling. "Have you?"

"A paragraph of the first one that I found. Vowed to never read one again." He said seriously, making her chuckle.

"What was it about?"

"Jalex." He shivered in an exaggerated manner as he said the name, but it was easy to spot the pink dusting across his cheekbones. "That's Jack and I's couple name, because everyone thinks we're a couple."

"Jack's the one with the skunk hair, yeah?" She asked, and he nodded in response. "Yeah, I reckon you'd be a cute couple."

Alex gasped, making her giggle. Giggle. And her giggle was so fucking adorable that Alex almost had a Tumblr fangirl moment – in which they go "omg I can't" and then proceed to spaz out on their keyboards. It was like what the Hustlers would do when they saw cute pictures of himself and Jack. Or maybe, pictures of him and Tay. Or him with Lisa.

He sighed then, his thoughts back to being all gloomy because of what she'd said. A small hand was placed on his scruffy chin – he still hadn't shaved – and he glanced up into the concerned eyes of the bartender that he now considered a dear friend. Maybe more.

She didn't say anything, she only furrowed her eyebrows just the slightest bit as their eyes hooked onto each other. Her irises darting from Alex's left eye, to his right, and then to his left again. Her eyes asked the question that she was thinking: "what's wrong?"

He didn't know what to say. He didn't know if he even wanted to explain it to her.

Then his eyes dropped down, suddenly noticing how close they were. If he leaned forward just the slightest bit, he'd be kissing her. Alex's eyes darted up just as Zooey's darted down to his lips. He inched forward, never breaking their eye contact.

I may be a slut right now, but I actually like you, so if you don't want me – I won't force myself onto you. I'm not a monster.

To his upmost surprise, instead of backing away, she leaned forward; eyes fluttering close as their lips touched.

And holy fuck, that was, by far, the best damn kiss he'd ever had.