Happy

[014]

"If you could have any super power in the world... What would it be?"

"To be able to read people's minds." Zooey replied easily, making Alex nod in approval.

"I've always wanted to know what goes on in Jack's mind."

"From what you've told me about him... I reckon it's mostly about boobs and condoms and booze."

Alex laughed, nodding along. "You, my friend, are probably 100% correct."

Zooey chuckled then. The pair were sat on Alex's couch, both of them with their legs crossed Indian-style with their hands interlocked – though they weren't holding hands. They were playing a game of thumb wrestling, albeit it was rather half-assed, with both of them not really trying to pin the other's thumb down, much like they were supposed to be doing. They were simply content to be in each other's presence, and the thumb wrestling was just a way to pass the time as they asked the other the most random questions – such as the aforementioned one.

It was just two mates hanging out.

Granted, it was two 'mates' who'd just spent maybe two hours snogging on the couch that they were currently sat on the day before, and then proceeded on with their lives like nothing had happened. But still, just two mates hanging out.

They were both confused. Too confused to be able to talk about what had happened between them. Alex would've wanted to speak to Jack about it, but Jack would probably be as clueless and confused as he currently was. It was hard to explain the predicament that Alex had gotten himself into. He liked Zooey. He really did. But he was still a right mess from the whole Lisa/Tay thing.

He didn't know if he only liked Zooey because she was there for him and that she was pretty; or if he genuinely did like her. He didn't know if Zooey was his 'rebound', and that scared him – because even if he didn't like her like how he thought he did, he still did care for her and the last thing he wanted to do was to intentionally hurt her.

"What are you thinking so hard about?"

"Hmm?" Alex hummed, snapping out of his reverie as he realised that their thumb war had ended and Zooey was lazily playing with his fingers.

"What are you thinking so hard about?" She repeated with a small laugh.

"Nothing important." He responded with a reassuring smile. "I'm leaving in four days." He changed the subject quickly.

Zooey subtly raised a brow, but accepted his diversion anyway. If he didn't want to talk about something, she accepted it – and he really fucking liked that. If it were anyone else, they would probably press on till he told them whatever he knew they wanted to hear.

"I know that."

"You gonna miss me?"

"Are you gonna miss me?"

"Yeah. You're the only one who's put up with me for my entire stay in Essex." He shrugged, grinning.

She laughed. "True that."

They were silent then, turning their bodies slightly so that they could watch the telly that was on and playing something that neither of them were concentrating on. It looked like a crappy soap opera but since neither of them knew what to talk about and had no desire to fill their comfortable silence with words; a crappy soap opera was what they would endure while their fingers were hooked onto each other.

Zooey removed her fingers from his loose grip after awhile, making him turn to face her with small frown on his face. She wasn't looking at him, and was instead concentrating on her phone screen. Her mouth was set into a small frown, as were her eyebrows knotted together down the middle.

"I, um," she started, eyes still on her screen as she stood up. "I 'ave to go."

"Everything okay?" Alex asked.

"Yeah... I just have to go. Um, I'll see you whenever." She rushed out, before grabbing her coat and purse along the way and hurrying out the front door; leaving behind a confused-looking Alex Gaskarth.

-----

Alex blew out a breath between his lips as he looked over himself in the mirror. He was dressed in the nicest skinny jeans that he owned/brought with him to Essex – meaning the ones that had tears in them, but with coloured material under the tears instead of his bare skin – a plain white muscle tee, a plaid shirt with only the top button buttoned up – he was trying it out, see if he could rock it – and combat boots laced up with jeans tucked into them. With a half-hearted shrug to himself, he pulled on his coat and stepped out of his house, on the way to see his relatives.

He hadn't told anyone apart from his bandmates and parents that he was going to Essex, so that would mean that he didn't have any obligation to visit his aunt, uncle and cousin. But somehow, they found out earlier that day, and gave him a temperate suggestion as to how he should drop by and have dinner with them. Chat a bit, catch up and all that fun stuff.

Of course, he knew damn well what to expect from dinner.

Although everyone else was supportive of his decision to be in a band instead of going to college, and were extremely proud of how far All Time Low had come, his aunt and uncle were the complete opposite. He never liked them, and neither did he ever like his cousin either. His uncle was the only tolerable one, and sometimes he was kinda fun. His cousin, on the other hand, was a stuck-up and arrogant sod who thought he was better than everyone else, even while just a kid. Funny thing was that Logan – the cousin – was the same age as Alex, being only ten days older, so one would assume that they should get along marvellously. One would be really, really wrong.

"Alexander!" His aunt Coleen greeted as she opened the front door to their two-storey house, Alex cringing at the use of his full name. He was never particularly fond of it. Reminded him of being old and posh, when he was in no way old or posh. "Come in." She beckoned, her smile showing that although she was happy to see her nephew, she also just wanted to boast about something.

"Thanks." He smiled, pulling off his coat and hanging it up by the door because his aunt obviously wasn't going to do that. "How are you?" He asked politely, hugging her lightly as he planted the lightest of kisses on her make-up filled face.

He really didn't fucking like his aunt, family or not.

Plus, the amount of make-up she used was ridiculous.

"I've been fantastic. You know – Logan's just graduated from medicine school, and he's already a highly sought out doctor – " Alex tuned out by then, not wanting to hear about his pompous cousin.

He nodded respectfully, letting the words that flowed out of her mouth go in one ear and out the other. She walked, still rattling on about Logan as they eventually reached the dining area, where Geoffrey – his uncle – was sat with newspapers in his hand, and Logan was also sat, also reading the papers. Fun life.

"Alexander!" Geoffrey's loud voice boomed; his voice matching his fat and round belly. "Good to see you."

"You too, Uncle." Alex smiled more genuinely this time, shaking the older man's hand as he was pulled into a one-armed hug. "You alright?"

"Yeah, I'm great."

"You have an American accent." Logan spoke up then, his eyebrow raised and a look of disgust on his face. "Been in that place for too long that you got rid of your accent then?"

"What does it matter if I've got an English or American accent?" Alex blinked, raising an eyebrow right back at Logan because honestly – what the fuck did it matter? So the accent he adapted to in order to not get picked on as much eventually became a natural tongue. Was that such a bad thing?

"Boys." Geoffrey's voice cut through whatever Logan was about to say, making them glance at him. "Behave. You're both grown men. Act like some."

Dinner was served then and it was delicious. Conversation throughout dinner from Coleen and Logan's part was based on Logan's promising future as a brain surgeon or whatever the fuck he was going to be, while Geoffrey tried to divert to more neutral topics – like how Isobel and Peter were and how the most recent football or American football game was.

"So... Alex."

"Logan." Alex mocked.

"How's that band of yours going? Still looking for a record deal and failing miserably?" He smirked.

Alex raised a brow. "We got signed in Senior Year."

"Oh yeah, I heard about that. Congratulations, by the way – even though I'm about eight or nine years late." Geoffrey laughed, Alex following suit. He figured they wouldn't be listening to his band. Maybe they did, but they just didn't know that it was his band that they were listening to. They weren't teenage girls, they wouldn't be searching up for 'members of All Time Low' the moment they heard a kind-of-good song from the band.

"And how's the band going? Got any songs that I might know?"

"Thank you." He nodded in response to his previous statement. "And I don't know. Maybe? We have, like, five studio albums so I can't exactly name you every song." Alex laughed.

"Now you're just exaggerating." Logan snorted. "There's no way your stupid band has got five albums out."

"Logan." Geoffrey warned.

"It's true. He's just trying to act like he's actually made something of himself because he realised what a big mistake he made by not going to Uni."

Alex blinked, before he let out a single laugh, shaking his head as he took a sip from his wine. "Yeah, sure, whatever."

"Anyway." Geoffrey spoke up again. "Your friends with people from other bands, too, yeah?"

"Yeah." He nodded.

"Do you know those boys that sang that song, um, it goes like 'maybe it's not my weekend but it's gonna be my year', I think. Logan really liked that song at one point. Maybe you could get him to meet them." He joked, making Logan roll his eyes as he scowled at his father.

Alex stifled a laugh. "You liked that song, Logan?"

"So what?" He snorted. "So you can mock me for liking a stupid song by one of your friends?"

"Actually..." he laughed. "The song was sung by a band called All Time Low. A band that I know very well, because I'm in that band." He smiled smugly, making Logan's face morph into shock and then horror. Alex wanted so badly to burst out into laughter and childishly pointing at him while chanting the words: 'fuck you, you like my song, bitch', but he refrained from doing so.

"Guess I'm not being a complete failure in life, now am I?" Alex smirked smugly, taking another sip from his water – almost spluttering it out as Logan huffed; crossing his arms over his chest.

Dinner was going rather well today.

-----

"I d-didn't know where else to g-g-go."

Alex didn't hesitate to pull Zooey in by her arm, closing the door and then turning back round to face her and pull her into his chest. Her hands covered her face as she shook and Alex held onto her as tightly as he could, gently hushing her and running his fingers through her hair.

"What's happened?" He asked quietly, though he had an inkling as to why she looked so distraught.

"Dad." She said simply, quietly, immediately making him understand. He pulled her in tighter, hugging her so closely that the thinnest of papers would be unable to move if it were between them. "Ryan's not in town and I-I didn't know – "

"It's okay." Alex cut her off softly, a hand cradling her head. "I understand. It's okay. You're okay."

"No I'm not." She barely whispered and Alex said nothing in response, only opting to hush her some more, gently pressing kisses into her hair.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

"I am, too, 'Lex. I am, too."

They stayed like that – in front of his door as they clung onto each other – Zooey holding onto him like he was the only thing stopping her from drowning while the waves thrashed her fragile body about, slowly breaking her into minuscule pieces, sweeping each piece away with the current. Alex was happy to hold her – to comfort her, to piece her back together. To show her that it was alright to be broken, so as long as she allowed someone to help piece her back together afterwards.

"You'll be okay." He whispered into her ear, pressing a deep kiss into her cheek as he brought his hands up to cup her face – using his thumbs to wipe under her eyes.

She shook her head, placing her hands on his wrists and she pulled them away from her face. Her voice was soft. Broken. Like she was but a child. "He's dead, Alex. Dead."

Her eyes glistened with unshed tears and pain. So much pain. It physically hurt Alex to see her that hurt. He knew her as the girl who seemed to not have a care in the world – only changing in demeanour when she told him about her father. He knew her as his confidante – the great listener and advice giver. He knew her as the girl with the perfect amount of sass and asshole quality to make him so comfortable around her.

This girl... She was just that. A girl. So broken and in pain. It hurt him to see her hurt.

He wondered... Was it possible to kiss someone's pain away?

Alex leaned down then, gently placing his lips atop of hers – his eyes fluttering shut the moment their lips made contact. He kissed her gingerly, cautiously. She kissed him back with as much hesitance, before she started kissing him harder – again, acting like she was a helium filled balloon and he was the only one with enough strength to hold her down.

They kissed, and kissed, and the only thing running through both of their minds was: we're not close enough. Closer. More, more, more.

The next thing either of them knew, Zooey was hopping up and swinging her legs around Alex's hips as he held onto her; bringing her into his bedroom. Baz had tried to follow in, but Alex had shut the door before the little dog could enter the bedroom. Zooey was on her back on the bed within seconds, Alex hovering over her immediately as their lips never ceased the movements against each other. His shirt was thrown off somewhere along the way, as was hers. His hands moved against the soft of her skin; while her hands tugged at his hair and then ran down his spine – making him shiver.

The only time they stopped kissing was to remove the other articles of clothing which suddenly seemed so annoying and unnecessary.

The night seemed to last forever – and it wasn't in any sort of bad way. They were both breathless, but they were content. They curled into each other later that night, never letting go because it felt like the other was the only thing keeping them safe, keeping them sane.

What hurt Zooey the most wasn't that they'd had sex when she was in a vulnerable position. She didn't regret what they'd done. But a part of her was yelling at her that she was stupid – that he was just using her to get off, like he'd done to the countless other women. She refused to listen to that part of her. Only she wished that she did.

Because when she woke up, although she was in Alex's flat, she was alone. With not even a note.

She wasn't even worthy of a bloody note.