Blood, Sweat & Ink

Dave found Lydia curled up next to the window of the hotel, looking sadly out it.

"You seem depressed," Dave commented.

"I am," Lydia admitted.

"How come?"

"I don't know how to phrase it in such a way you don't think I'm being a bitch," Lydia replied.

"Try me," Dave challenged.

Lydia sighed, brushing her blue hair out of her face. "Ok, this is going to sound really stupid, but I truly thought how Jamie treated me was how all couples treat each other."

Dave stared at her. "You're kidding."

"It's not like I had any role models for loving, married couples, alright?" Lydia said defensively. "The house is in his name, we have separate bank accounts. He never put me on his insurance. He threatened to divorce me if I ever-his words, not mine-tricked him into fatherhood."

"Why did he marry you then?" Dave asked.

"According to him, the neighbor he knocked up had been hitting on him for years and he thought that if she got word someone like me married him that would stop her."

"In other words, he blamed his dick for his inability to stay faithful," Dave summarized, wincing. Lydia guessed he was probably recalling his own youthful hijinks when he was in Jane's Addiction.

"And implied that I should have been this raging nymphomaniac ready to fuck at a drop of a hat, he wouldn't have succumbed," Lydia added.

"Some men have unrealistic views of women," Dave admitted, shaking his head. "I used to be one of them. Then I started doing a little soul searching-I think it was after my third divorce-and realized I was doing something wrong."

"Was that the makeup artist or Carmen?" Lydia asked, interrupting.

"Carmen. The makeup artist was my first. Moving on," Dave continued. "I realized that the reason those women are like that is because they counted on men like me to think with their dicks and not their heads. If we didn't, we would see these women for what they truly are-shallow, manipulative bitches."

"So, advice, oh wise and powerful brother-in-law?" Lydia teased.

"Well, Jamie has already made it easy for you, legally speaking," Dave explained. "My sister got your stuff out of the house and has offered for you to stay with us after the show is over. You continue on in the show, and let your asshole ex spin his own wheels."