Trophy Fathers, Trophy Son

I have no idea how long I laid on my bed, sobbing before I fell asleep. All I remember is wishing Vic Fuentes had never come into my life and I was back home in Michigan. I haven’t even been here a week and yet all this drama seemed to find me. Vic though, I was so confused. You cannot like someone after only a few days. Right? Wrong. Completely wrong. Vic made me smile and feel something inside my chest that was foreign to me and then he kissed me. Kissed me. Only to then yell at me as if I’d done something wrong?

Waking up the next morning was tough. I felt totally horrible, yet I had to face the day. “You shouldn’t be upset. You shouldn’t be upset” I kept repeating to myself. But Vic’s final words just kept replaying in my mind. I rolled my legs one at a time off the side of my bed, before sitting up as slow as possible, immediately letting out a moan for the throbbing in my head. It felt like a bad hangover. But more like a crying hangover. Apparently, I didn’t even have the strength to change my clothes last night because I still wore them. My shoes were still perfectly tied on my feet. The vibrating in my pocket sent chills throughout my body, I knew exactly who that would be. I didn’t even have to look at my phone to know it was Vic. Do I answer it? Do I even want to fucking know his lame excuse?

15 missed messages from: Vic!(:

“What the hell?” I said aloud feeling the anger and sadness boil up inside me. With shaken hands and tired eyes I swiped through them all.

“Kellin please come back and we will talk” –Vic

“Kells I’m sorry. We really need to talk.” –Vic

“I’m serious. It’s not what you think.” –Vic

“Kells please fucking answer me! Just let me know your okay” –Vic

“Okay. Look please if you would just let me explain. We can just laugh about this 5 years from now. Please.” –Vic

“Are you not going to answer me?” –Vic

“Kellin.” –Vic

“KELLIN!!” –Vic

“Kellin please. I know I fucked up and I’m so sorry. Just please give me a chance to explain. I’m so sorry I yelled, I just kind of panicked. Please. Just please forgive me?” –Vic

The messages just went on from there, every single one. What the hell was there to explain?! He was obviously disgusted with me. Was it my kiss? Was it my body he didn’t like? Rolling my eyes, I tossed my phone back down on my bed before I actually responded and regretted it. I really had no use to hear lies.

Trying to be as quiet as a mouse, I tiptoed across the hall to my bathroom, locking the door out of paranoia. A shower is exactly what I needed, the peace and quiet of the water running down my bruise body. It was a good 30 minute escape from reality. Glancing at my shampoo bottle, where my razor blades were hidden, I felt the urge to cut. The urge is like a drug, you feel it in the pit of your stomach and the only way to fill it is to do it. But I didn’t want to feel like Vic had won the best of me. I couldn’t, I wouldn’t allow that to happen. I hated feeling like I was unwanted, but it’s all I’ve ever known, unwanted and rejected, first from my mom, my dad and now Vic. A guy I thought I actually had some sort of chance with. The throbbing in my head was slowly going away as I got dressed.

The rumbling in my tummy forced me down stairs. Sighing, I crept down the steps, thinking maybe if I’m quite enough my dad won’t even see me. Surly as soon as my feet hit the bottom step he turned to me with his evil eyes and a smirk written all across his face.

“Well look what the fucking pussy drug out. The hell where you last night boy?” My father demanded getting up from his spot on the couch to walk towards me. My eyes widened with fear as I knew what was about to happen.

“I w-was just with…” But before I could stutter another syllable out, I felt a sharp pain to my side ribs. I let out a gasp and the initial shock had taken place. I fell back onto the stairs. But did that stop him? I felt my body be raised by my shirt collar and another hit and another. I cried and pleated from him to stop, but that just seemed to make him punch harder. My cries are like his personal cheerleading team. His fists were like daggers against my skin. I begged for him to stop, but it came out more as muffled cries.

“I.. Asked.. You a question!” I faintly heard my father bellow between punches.

I couldn’t answer, I couldn’t do anything. The only reason I was still standing was because he had my shoulders pinned against the wall. With every blow, I knew I was getting closer and closer to unconscious, praying for that unconsciousness to finally come just as I felt one final strike across my jaw which sent my body fumbling into the stairs column. My father on the other hand, pulled me back up again with no effort.

“You listen to me boy. When I ask you something, you’ll answer. Do I make myself clear?! I swear to god Kellin, why can’t you just disappear?” All I could do was barely nod my head and with that he tossed me back down onto the floor, where I belong. The feeling of being so weak was overwhelming. I deserved this though, for ignoring him last night. Slamming the front door in the process, he was gone. Off to the bar if I had to guess. I silently thanked, whoever there was to thank, that he left.

After lying on the floor for some odd amount of time, I decided going upstairs before he came back was best. It was one of the worst he has done in a long time. Slowly I forced myself into bed, where crying wasn’t an option. I couldn’t cry, I could hardly breathe it felt like. Drifting off to the sound of my vibrating phone, was the last thing I remember. When my eyes slightly opened, it was completely dark outside. The moon shinning bright into my un-curtained windows. Glancing at my alarm clock, it read 11:42 PM and the grumbling in my tummy was still present. I sighed, a long dreadful sigh and crept down stairs. My father was thankfully not down there. I had to guess he was either asleep or still gone. I made myself a quick sandwich and bounced back upstairs before anything bad could happen. While eating my food in silence my phone began to buzz again. Damn that thing. Knowing instantly who is was – Vic.

I didn’t even bother reading them, I swear there had to of been at least 23 messages. I was awoken the next morning to my father borrowing through my door. I found my legs instantly, waiting for the first strike, but it never came. Odd? But I wasn’t in no way complaining.

“I’m going out. You have school today boy. I expect you to make so excuse about that pretty little mark” my dad said with pleased look on his face at what he had done to mine. He was wearing a suit; I guess he had a job interview or something? Who in their right mind would hire this psycho path?

“Uh y-yes sir.” I said shuttering. “Showers can be dangerous after all” I mumbled with a shrug. My dad gave me a wonder glare before leaving my room. Getting dressed was difficult. My stomach hurt so much and I didn’t even care that I hadn’t taken a shower. As soon as I heard the front door close, I raced across the hallway to the bathroom. Shock set into my heart when I saw my reflection in the mirror. My face, it looked like I had literally been in a mosh pit. How would I explain this? Would anyone actually believe my “shower” story? I’d gotten so used to telling it, I almost began to believe it myself. Feeling the tears beginning to form, I shook them away and went downstairs.

Silently I made a waffle and just sat down to eat when there was a knock at the front door. I froze in panic. It couldn’t be my father right? No, he had a key. Another knock made me find my legs. Sighing I removed myself from my chair and made my way to the door.

Opening the door to find his face staring back at me was tortuous. It made my stomach literally fall to the floor and I’m sure I stopped breathing for a moment.

“What the fuck happened Kellin?!” Vic demanded from the opposite side of the door making movement towards me that only made me back and shy away.

“Like you even care” was the first thing I thought of. Vic looked at me with sympathetic eyes. Those eyes I had come to enjoy. Shit. I needed him gone now.

“Kellin what happened? I-I just, please t…” But I cut him off before he could say another lie.

“What do you want Vic? Don’t you have school to be getting off too?” I snapped, causing him to look even more saddened. His silence was extremely frustrating. Why did he come here? He looked like he was about to speak but I cut him off again. “I’ll see you later.”

Blocking his arm in the door keeping me from shutting it is. Wait can’t I at least give you a ride?” He questioned in a hopeful tone.

“No thanks. Ill manage” I said softly, not dare looking him in his eyes and with that shut the door before he could convince me to let him give me a ride.

I waited there for about 10 minutes after Vic got in his car. I noticed how he didn’t leave right away though. He sat in his car talking to Mike. Mike kept gesturing his hand towards my house, saying something to Vic. Vic on the other note, looked sad – Mike looked pissed. Had he told his brother what happened? Was Mike pissed at me? “Great, just what I fucking need” I said silently to myself.

The walk to school was actually short lived. I kind of wished it would have been longer. Making my way to homeroom though, was simply hard. I couldn’t remember anything Vic had showed me on Friday. It was like I was new all over again. Keeping my gaze at my feet I finally found my way to Mr. Lockwoods classroom. He quickly met me at the door with a face full of concern.

“Mr. Quinn? What happened? Are you alright?” My teacher questioned.

“Uh yes sir. I fell in the shower; It’s not nearly as bad as it looks” I said with a reassuring smile. Mr. Lockwood seemed to buy it; of course he would I’m a perfect liar.

“Well alright, find your seat. The bells just abou…” But before he could finish the bell was ringing. He gave one last smile and I made my way down the aisle only to be greeted with Marty’s smirking face.

“Well look here boys.” Matty snipped looking over at his little group then back up at me. “Looks like we gotta pussy who can’t take a punch. What happened there Kelly? Your little boyfriend get to rough?” Snide laughs escaped the group’s mouths.

I didn’t even have time to think about the consequences of my remark… “I don’t know Matty. I’m surprised you didn’t hear us last night I mean damn. Your dad can gets rough as hell. Tell him next time not to be sooo rough. K?” I snapped back sitting down in my seat wishing to God I would disappear. He looked like he was about to snap my neck but thankfully Mr. Lockwood got our attention first.

“Alright kids, chapter 6. We’ve got loads to cover today” Mr. Lockwood said in his teachery demanding tone.

My heart was racing and my hands were shaking uncontrollably. I just wanted out of this fucking school. It was full of pricks and people who had no business in my fucking business. My “little boyfriend”?! Shit, if Matty only knew half of what he thinks he knows, his fuzzy little ginger head would explode.

“This isn’t over Quinn” Matty seethed. I gave him a ‘fuck you dipshit’ roll of my eyes and mumbled a “Whatever”. 8 months of my dad beating me, helped me not be scared of shit people like this Matty guy.

The rest of the class I didn’t even pay attention to. It was just useless babble that I had absolutely no use for. When the bell sounded that class was over, I made sure to stay back later so I wouldn’t run into Matty and more importantly, Vic. His class was right next to mine after all. It’s almost unbelievable; I’ve been in California for what? A week maybe and already this shit. After maybe 3 minutes after the bell rang, I checked the halls and no sign of Vic and no Matty. Sighing out a huge relief, I slowly made my way to my next class.

The next two classes I did the same thing. Keeping my head down and trying not to be seen. I gave the same lame ‘falling in the shower’ excuse to everyone who asked. Some believed it straight away and some gave questionable looks. I really didn’t give a fuck what they thought. I was a senior and would be done with this place soon enough. When the bell sounded for lunch I decided that not going was probably my best decision. I made my way out into the courtyard where I saw a few people sitting around with friends. It was actually a really pretty day. Making my way over to a table, I rested my head on my backpack and enjoyed the sun light that was until it was blocked out by a tall figure.

“Kellin?” I heard a voice speak, instantly shooting my head up to see Mike standing there with a look of concern. I scanned around Mike praying Vic wasn’t with him. Mike must have noticed my looking and said “Don’t worry, he didn’t see me come out here” before sitting down next to me.

“The fuck happened to you man?” Mike questioned, gesturing towards my face.

“Oh, fell in the shower.” I said a bit too quickly.

He gave me a confused look and I said “So what’s up?” trying to change the subject immediately.

He furrowed his brows like he was trying to figure out what to say next. “So, um well like what happened the other night with uh, with you and Vic?” he said bluntly.

I felt a knot in my throat and tried to swallow it down. Looking down at my lap and gave a shrug. “I don’t know man. He just, we went and then he” getting frustrated at my stuttering, I sighed and said “I don’t fucking know. Did he tell you anything?” Did Mike know is brother is gay? If Vic is even gay? What the actual fuck do I know anyways?!

“Well, he told me he fucked up and that he made a mistake. And…” Mike trailed off for only a moment “And he kissed you and then screamed at you.” He said tensing up like I was about to punch him or something. My heart stopped. What the fuck does Mike think? Does he hate me now?

“Oh” was all I could mumble still not meeting his gaze.

Mike sighed and said “Kellin, let me explain something. Vic is a dick. But he is a good guy. I can explain everything to you but you have to let me and promise you will hear me out, on my brother.”

“Did he send you out here?” I said suddenly finally meeting my eyes with his.

Mikes eyes went big and said “No! No, no, no. If he knew you were out here he’d be out here and if he knew I was out here, well let’s just say nobody would ever find my body” Mike said matter of factly with a small laugh. “Trust me, now will you listen?”

I nodded and Mike took a deep breath in trying to figure out where to start. “Okay, Vic. My brother. He is into dudes and only dudes. Only nobody knows but me. Well kind of only me. He uh” letting out ‘woosh’ he continued. “About a year ago, there was this guy named Craig. Well he kind of fucked Vic up. A lot Kellin. He told him so much stuff about how he loved Vic and blah blah.” Letting out another sigh Mike said “Long story short Craig and Vic dated and then Craig completely smashed Vic. I mean utterly smashed Vics heart. He lied and just filled Vics head with so much shit and on top of all that Kellin, he cheated on him with. He cheated on Vic with…..” But before Mike could finish is word.

“He cheated on me with Matty Mullins.” Vic spoke in a soft tone making both Mike and I jump.

Mike lost all the color in his face and his eyes widened. “Vic I was just trying to help, I knew.”

Vic cut him off. “It’s okay Mikey, just let me finish okay?” Vic said giving his brother a reassuring smile before sitting next to me. I still hadn’t found any words at all to speak. I was in complete shock. Matty is gay?! He is always making fun of me and he’s gay?! And Vic, god poor Vic. He must have been devastated.

“Criag and I uh” Vic started, “We were together for maybe 5 months when I found some used condoms in his trash can.” Vic looked at me with a doubtful look that said he wanted to run and hide in a black hole, out of instant I took his hand in mine and pulled it under the table, making sure nobody saw. He tensed up at first but then quickly calmed down and began to speak again. “I found the condoms and questioned him about them and he told me they weren’t his, just one of his roommates. I didn’t believe him, but I made myself. He was the first guy I had ever dated and I didn’t want to lose him, Kellin. I thought he was everything to me.”

Vic turned his head away from me and I thought he was going to shed a tear, but he didn’t. I gave him\s hand a little squeeze to continue. Clearing his throat he did just that, “Um maybe a month or two later his roommate came to me, and told me pretty much everything, about Craig and Matty and how long it’d been going on for and just everything. Apparently it had been going on longer than I’d even been with Craig. I didn’t really know what to do with everything so I basically had a panic attack. I uh went home and I uh.”

“Vic” I heard Mike interject.

“Shut up” Vic snapped back. “I went home and took a handful of sleeping pills. I didn’t want to wake up you know. With Craig and Matty and all the lying and I just couldn’t do it anymore. Knowing that someone had been lying to you for that long, it was, well it was overwhelming. I took the pills and that’s the last thing I remember before waking up in the hospital the next morning.”

I felt my jaw drop slightly at Vic’s words. He tried to commit suicide? How could someone hurt this beautiful, amazing wonderful boy? I vowed right then and there that if I ever saw this Craig fellow, I was going to kill him. Right then and there, kill him.

I wanted nothing more than to draw him in into my arms and hold him, But I couldn’t because there were some many people around. He was in a mess and I just wanted to him feel better. But I know he had to get this out. He looked like he wanted to say something more, but I cut him off before he got a chance.

“Vic, you don’t have to finish now if you don’t want to.” I stated. But he didn’t listen to me.

“No Kellin please just, just let me finish okay?” He breathed. I nodded and he took in a deep breath.

“So after that happened I couldn’t exactly tell my mom and dad the truth about why I did it, so they put me in therapy. Oh and that’s where I was Friday when I couldn’t show you to your class. I had to go see him, Dr. Carlile.” Vic looked at me and I gave him a soft smile, melting in his saddened eyes. “I called Craig as soon as I could but he never answered. And to this day Kellin, I haven’t spoken to him since. I haven’t seen him since and it’s been almost 2 months. I thought for sure he would have told Matty about me, but Matty has never said anything. I was so lost Kellin and I just stopped caring. I didn’t care about anyone or anything. Then…” He trailed off taking in another deep breath. “Then you came along and made me care about something. I don’t know what it was about you, you just intrigued me. Then I kissed you and it scared me. It really scared me. The feeling of caring for someone was so scary to me. I panicked Kellin and I’m sorry. I just didn’t want to get hurt again, and I didn’t know if you would hurt me. And I just I’m so sorry. ”

My heart probably just skipped 400 beats and I felt my tummy do major dolphin flips. Me? Vic started to care because of me? I was a nobody. The loser faggot that was his dads chew toy.

I took his chin in my hand and made him look at me. “I won’t hurt you Vic. I promise, I may not be able to beat up a mugger for you, but I won’t hurt you. I’m not Matty and I’m defiantly not that Craig guy. I can’t understand anyone ever hurting you like that, I only want you to be happy and just smile. I want to be the one to make you smile and I want to be the one you come to, to cry on my shoulder. So you’re in therapy? It doesn’t make me change my feelings towards you. I kissed you back for a reason Vic. What Craig did was the worst kind of thing possible. Nobody deserves that and I can promise you that he will never hurt you again. Ever. I never want you to feel lost and like you have nothing. I want you to care about life. I want you to care enough about life to keep living it. I know where your coming from with that, maybe not the same way but same enough. I cant imagine someone breaking my heart like that and I promise you Vic, I promise I’ll never do what he did to you.” I said with completely seriousness to my voice. Vic just looked at me with filled eyes and squeezed my hand tighter.

In all honesty everything I said was 100% true. But I felt a bit hypocritical. I’m telling Vic to not want to kill himself yet everyday I want to go to sleep and never wake up. The silence was of course broken by Mike sniffling. Vic and I snapped our heads around to see Mike sitting there with a fake teary face; I’d almost forgotten he was there.

“That was just too gay and sweet guys.” Mike said through sniffles.

I turned back to Vic who had an amused look on his face at his brother. He gave a little chuckle as did I and turned his attention back to me. “So give me another chance?” Vic asked with hope in his eyes. I glanced around the courtyard and made sure nobody was watching and lent into Vic’s ear “Yes”.

His eyes lit up with happiness and I couldn’t help but smile like an idiot. Here I was with the most amazing guy ever and he was mine, all mine and nobody else’s. Vic’s gaze slowly went to the side of my face and he lightly caressed my cheek, where my father had bruised it. I looked away not wanting to meet his eyes. I knew exactly where this conversation was headed and I didn’t want to go down that road.

“What happened Kells?” Vic’s smooth and demanding voice rang through my ears.

“That’s something you’ll learn about me, I slip in the shower more than a normal person” I chuckled trying to make the situation light. “Hey lets go home. I’m done with this place for today”.

Mike instantly piped in with a “Hell yes!! Vic, I like your boyfriend” Mike said whispering that last part.

Vic just furrowed his brows but let the subject drop as all three of us walked to his car and for the first time I had a true smile on my face. A smile I never wanted to leave.