Status: a work in progress!
I Want Crazy
Two.
“This Christmas break is already brutal,” I sigh, dropping back onto my bed. “I want to go back.”
Mason’s voice chuckles from the other end of the line. “I miss you, too, baby.” A small smile peels onto my lips. “How is seeing all your friends again?”
“It’s great. I really missed them, but I don’t know. It’s just different, I guess.”
“Really? How?”
I sigh, not wanting to divulge all this information about my soul mate and the pack. Not even not wanting to, not being able to. “I don’t know. It’s kind of complicated. Things just changed a lot. Maybe I expected that I’d come back and nothing would be different, but if I did, that’s so naive of me. I changed, too, and maybe that’s what it is. I’m not sure.”
“Beth, babe, there’s nothing different about you. I promise.” I hear chatter start picking up on the other side of the phone. “Listen, I just got to Tom’s. Can I call you tomorrow?”
“Yeah, sounds good.”
“Alright…Beth?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you.”
Lying on my back and staring at the ceiling, I replay what Mason said to me. It’s not that I don’t love him—I do. I’m just not in love with him, and I know that’s what he meant. But then there’s Jake, and now I’m constantly thinking about being his imprint. I know I’m not going to be with Mason, but I want to. I want to so bad that I’m in physical pain about it.
But then there’s Jake. The only person in this world that might know me better than I know myself. I know it’s not a decision that I have to make now, but it’s a decision I’ll have to make. Whatever it is. And I know that either way, someone is going to be absolutely crushed by it.
A knock on my door interrupts my thoughts. I sit up and make it look like I wasn’t just contemplating my entire life by pulling my phone over and scrolling through it as I yell, “Come in!”
The door pushes open, and Jake walks in. “I wanted to apologize for the other day,” he sighs, running a hand through his hair nervously. “I was kind of a dick.”
I laugh and shake my head. “No, Jake. I know where you’re coming from.” I look up at him and frown at the sadness I can see on his face. “You’ve really been tearing yourself up about it, haven’t you?”
He nods and takes a seat next to me on my bed. “It’s not like I wanted to.” He shrugs. “I know that you’ve got a pretty good idea of how imprinting works, but I don’t think you understand the full effect of it.”
“I’m not following.” I pull my knees up to my chest and lean against my headboard.
“I know you’re upset and frustrated. I can feel it, and it kills me to know that I’m part of the reason why.”
I sigh heavily. “Jake, you’re not—“
“No, I know I am.”
“Really, that’s not what it is.”
“Then what?” I bite my lip. I don’t want to tell Jake what Mason just told me. “Beth, come on.”
“He told me he loves me,” I blurt. I slap my hands over my mouth in immediate regret and stare at Jake for a reaction, but he won’t look at me.
“When?” He finally asks.
“Today.”
Jake just nods and stands up. “Well, I just wanted to come and say I’m sorry for the other day. I’ll talk to you later, Beth.” He heads out of my room.
“Jake,” I call after him, but he doesn’t stop. I can feel his heart breaking, and it makes my chest ache. It starts to dawn on me that I can’t do this to Jake, especially after what he’s been through.
The next day, I find myself on the five minute walk through the trail in the woods to Jake’s house. I can hear music playing from the garage, and that’s exactly where I find him. “Hey,” he greets in surprise. “What are you doing here?”
I shrug. “I guess I couldn’t stay away,” I respond. He stops and stares at me for a moment before kicking one of the rolling chairs towards me.
“Sure, sure,” he mutters as he wheels himself under his car. We sit in silence for probably ten minutes before he wheels out and wipes his hands on his already dirty jeans. “What are your plans today?” he wonders, trying to make small talk.
“Nothing really. I thought about heading back to the store to see if they’d give me my job back for the break.”
“Hank probably will. He’s always hiring.”
I nod. “Listen, Jake—“
“Can we just not?” he cuts me off. I frown and try approaching him, but he just shrugs away from me. “Why are you trying to fix this?”
“You’re my best friend, and I don’t want to lose that.”
“You’re not going to. I’m anything you want me to be, and if that’s just a best friend, so be it.”
“Then why the big scene about being second best or getting pissed about Mason telling me he loves me?”
He sighs and lifts the hood of the Rabbit. “Did you say it back to him?”
I don’t answer him. Honestly the question makes me feel like shit. I didn’t say it back to him. I couldn’t bring myself to do it, so I hung up the phone. I mean, I love him, but it’s different.
“Beth.” I snap my attention back to Jake. “Did you say it back to him?”
“No,” I mumble. “I couldn’t.” Jake furrows his eyebrows, and his face twists up into confusion. “I don’t think I love him the way that I want to. I can’t.”
Jake’s face falls into a sort of satisfied expression. “Because of me?”
“I don’t know, but I didn’t have a question in my mind when I came back home. Now, I don’t have a clue what to think…or who to think of. I know you’re going to hate me for it, but I want to love Mason. I really do, but I can’t because inevitably I love you. And it’s not that I don’t want to—“
“I don’t want you to feel like you have to feel anything for me. I’m going to be whatever you want me to be. It might not be what I want it to be, but I’m going to be with you for the rest of your life, whether you like it or not.” He folds his arms across his chest and leans against the Rabbit.
Mason’s voice chuckles from the other end of the line. “I miss you, too, baby.” A small smile peels onto my lips. “How is seeing all your friends again?”
“It’s great. I really missed them, but I don’t know. It’s just different, I guess.”
“Really? How?”
I sigh, not wanting to divulge all this information about my soul mate and the pack. Not even not wanting to, not being able to. “I don’t know. It’s kind of complicated. Things just changed a lot. Maybe I expected that I’d come back and nothing would be different, but if I did, that’s so naive of me. I changed, too, and maybe that’s what it is. I’m not sure.”
“Beth, babe, there’s nothing different about you. I promise.” I hear chatter start picking up on the other side of the phone. “Listen, I just got to Tom’s. Can I call you tomorrow?”
“Yeah, sounds good.”
“Alright…Beth?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you.”
Lying on my back and staring at the ceiling, I replay what Mason said to me. It’s not that I don’t love him—I do. I’m just not in love with him, and I know that’s what he meant. But then there’s Jake, and now I’m constantly thinking about being his imprint. I know I’m not going to be with Mason, but I want to. I want to so bad that I’m in physical pain about it.
But then there’s Jake. The only person in this world that might know me better than I know myself. I know it’s not a decision that I have to make now, but it’s a decision I’ll have to make. Whatever it is. And I know that either way, someone is going to be absolutely crushed by it.
A knock on my door interrupts my thoughts. I sit up and make it look like I wasn’t just contemplating my entire life by pulling my phone over and scrolling through it as I yell, “Come in!”
The door pushes open, and Jake walks in. “I wanted to apologize for the other day,” he sighs, running a hand through his hair nervously. “I was kind of a dick.”
I laugh and shake my head. “No, Jake. I know where you’re coming from.” I look up at him and frown at the sadness I can see on his face. “You’ve really been tearing yourself up about it, haven’t you?”
He nods and takes a seat next to me on my bed. “It’s not like I wanted to.” He shrugs. “I know that you’ve got a pretty good idea of how imprinting works, but I don’t think you understand the full effect of it.”
“I’m not following.” I pull my knees up to my chest and lean against my headboard.
“I know you’re upset and frustrated. I can feel it, and it kills me to know that I’m part of the reason why.”
I sigh heavily. “Jake, you’re not—“
“No, I know I am.”
“Really, that’s not what it is.”
“Then what?” I bite my lip. I don’t want to tell Jake what Mason just told me. “Beth, come on.”
“He told me he loves me,” I blurt. I slap my hands over my mouth in immediate regret and stare at Jake for a reaction, but he won’t look at me.
“When?” He finally asks.
“Today.”
Jake just nods and stands up. “Well, I just wanted to come and say I’m sorry for the other day. I’ll talk to you later, Beth.” He heads out of my room.
“Jake,” I call after him, but he doesn’t stop. I can feel his heart breaking, and it makes my chest ache. It starts to dawn on me that I can’t do this to Jake, especially after what he’s been through.
The next day, I find myself on the five minute walk through the trail in the woods to Jake’s house. I can hear music playing from the garage, and that’s exactly where I find him. “Hey,” he greets in surprise. “What are you doing here?”
I shrug. “I guess I couldn’t stay away,” I respond. He stops and stares at me for a moment before kicking one of the rolling chairs towards me.
“Sure, sure,” he mutters as he wheels himself under his car. We sit in silence for probably ten minutes before he wheels out and wipes his hands on his already dirty jeans. “What are your plans today?” he wonders, trying to make small talk.
“Nothing really. I thought about heading back to the store to see if they’d give me my job back for the break.”
“Hank probably will. He’s always hiring.”
I nod. “Listen, Jake—“
“Can we just not?” he cuts me off. I frown and try approaching him, but he just shrugs away from me. “Why are you trying to fix this?”
“You’re my best friend, and I don’t want to lose that.”
“You’re not going to. I’m anything you want me to be, and if that’s just a best friend, so be it.”
“Then why the big scene about being second best or getting pissed about Mason telling me he loves me?”
He sighs and lifts the hood of the Rabbit. “Did you say it back to him?”
I don’t answer him. Honestly the question makes me feel like shit. I didn’t say it back to him. I couldn’t bring myself to do it, so I hung up the phone. I mean, I love him, but it’s different.
“Beth.” I snap my attention back to Jake. “Did you say it back to him?”
“No,” I mumble. “I couldn’t.” Jake furrows his eyebrows, and his face twists up into confusion. “I don’t think I love him the way that I want to. I can’t.”
Jake’s face falls into a sort of satisfied expression. “Because of me?”
“I don’t know, but I didn’t have a question in my mind when I came back home. Now, I don’t have a clue what to think…or who to think of. I know you’re going to hate me for it, but I want to love Mason. I really do, but I can’t because inevitably I love you. And it’s not that I don’t want to—“
“I don’t want you to feel like you have to feel anything for me. I’m going to be whatever you want me to be. It might not be what I want it to be, but I’m going to be with you for the rest of your life, whether you like it or not.” He folds his arms across his chest and leans against the Rabbit.