Status: a work in progress!
I Want Crazy
Three.
Despite the softly falling snow, the boys managed to get a pretty big bonfire going, tradition for those still in high school celebrating the start of their Christmas break. All of our parents go out to the bar, and we party here. The few of us with trucks have them backed around the fire, tailgates down, and music playing from mine.
“Alright, let’s pay our dues. I’ll give you one guess as to what Beth brought,” Jared announces, heading over to my truck.
“It wouldn’t be Fireball. She hates Fireball,” Embry calls sarcastically from the other side of the fire.
I laugh and pull the Fireball out of the cab of my truck. “It’s definitely Fireball,” I laugh, placing the bottle into the collection bin.
After everyone’s alcohol is collected, we crank the music and start the party. Our friends back home for break show up and some of our friends from high school.
“Mason, Mason listen,” I laugh, the phone pressed to my ear. Chelsea, one of my closest friends still in high school, giggles and bounces excitedly next to me.
“Baby, are you drinking?”
“What? Duh!”
He sighs. “You know I hate when you drink without me there.”
“I’m with all my friends. I’m just-I handed in my keys and I’m sleeping with Jake.” Chelsea squeals and I slap my hand over my mouth. “Oh my gosh, not with him. I’m so sorry! I mean at his house.” I can’t hold back the contagious giggles that Chelsea started.
“You need to go to bed, Beth. You’re clearly wasted.”
“You can’t even see me.”
“No, but I can hear you. I know when you’re drunk, and I’m not comfortable with you drinking without me.”
“Why are you being like this? I drank with them all the time before college.”
“Why? Because I love you, that’s why.”
“Mason, you…you’re acting weird.” I hop up onto my tailgate and plug my free ear so I can hear better.
“Beth, shots! Let’s go!” Embry shouts.
“Who was that?” Mason demands.
“One of my friends, babe. Jesus, calm down. You’re getting crazy.”
“Crazy? You’re kidding right? Do you know how you get when you’re drunk? Do you know how many guys I’ve pulled you off of when we go out at school?” He continues shouting and cursing over the phone at me until there’s tears in my eyes. “And after all I’ve given you, you’re fucking this other kid as soon as you get back home. I should have known better, Beth.”
“W-what? I’m not sleeping—“ The first tear falls down my cheek.
“Fuck you. I know you are.”
“Why are you talking to me like this?” The back of my throat gets that tight, burning feeling of fighting back tears.
“I knew this was going to happen. I knew you’d go back and cheat on me. You’re a fucking waste of my time, Beth. You’re a waste of anyone’s time.”
I feel the phone leave my hand, and I look up at the person who pulled it from my ear. I watch Jake press end and pocket my phone before pulling me into a tight embrace.
“Thank you, Jake,” I sniffle into his t-shirt. He waits until I step out of his arms. “I’m okay,” I assure him. I snatch the bottle of Fireball from the tailgate and take a pull of it.
“Beth, easy.” But I just glare at Jake and head back to the fire.
The next morning hits me like a freight train, and the phone call from last night hits me even harder. I take a deep breath and let it out before sitting up and looking around. I apparently passed out in Jake’s bed.
I pull one of his huge sweatshirts out of the closet and tug it on before exiting the room. A few of the guys are passed out in living room, Jake being one of them. His face is buried in the pillow, and he’s lying face down on the couch.
The room feels like it’s a thousand degrees from all of the boys, so I crack a window and head into the kitchen where Quil is making himself breakfast.
“Hey,” I greet quietly.
“Hey! Do you want any breakfast?” I shake my head. “You sure?”
“Yeah, I’m sure. Thank you.” I rest my head in my hands and rub my eyes tiredly. “What happened last night?”
“To you? You drank until you couldn’t stand, passed out sitting next to the fire, and Jake brought you to bed.”
I just shake my head. “I’ll be outside if anyone needs me.”
I’m not entirely sure how long I’m sitting by what’s left of the fire, just watching the embers shift from red to gold and eventually black and grey when they finally burn out. The snow last night didn’t stick very well, and there’s still grass peaking through the thin layer I’m digging my boots into.
It’s not that I’m thinking about anything. I’m not thinking about anything. I just need to be alone and take a moment to breathe.
Soft crunches join the crackling of the leftover fire. “Come back inside, Beth. It’s freezing.” A warm hand rests on my shoulder, and I already know it’s Jake’s. “Beth, it’s below zero.”
“I’m not even cold.”
Jake walks around in front of me and stares at me for a moment. “Your lips are purple. You need to come inside.” The only answer he gets from me is silence as I stare past him at the fire. “Beth, you’re literally shivering right now. Please come inside.” I finally glance down at my shaking hands, tightly gripping each other for warmth, and nod. Jake pulls me to my feet and walks me inside. “Stay here.” He sits me down in a kitchen chair and exits, returning quickly with the comforter off of his bed. He cocoons me in it and sits down in the chair across from me. “What were you doing outside for so long?”
I shrug. “Nothing…how long was I outside for?”
“Apparently almost an hour and a half. It’s freezing outside. You’re lucky you don’t have frostbite.”
I shrug again. “Wouldn’t be the worst thing that’s happened to me.”
“What did he say to you?”
“Jake, you’ve got to understand, he’s literally never spoken to me like that ever. I don’t know what got into him.”
“Obviously there’s something going on. Did you tell him about me?”
“He knows you’re my best friend, and that’s the extent of it. What would I even tell him? Oh sorry, Mason, but I’m inevitably in love with my best friend, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”
“Well…”
I roll my eyes. “He basically told me that when I drink, I turn into a slut. And that I’m a waste of his time.” Jake frowns. “I’ve never been that type of girl.”
“I know that,” Jake answers. I can practically see all the things he wants to say churning around in his head, but he’s holding them back.
“Just say it, Jake.”
He leans back into his chair and folds his arms across his chest. He clearly debates what he’s going to say for a short moment. “Maybe he’s not the best you can do, Beth.”
I let out a single laugh. “How did I know you’d say that?”
“I’m not saying I am, but even if I hadn’t imprinted on you, how could you ever let someone treat you like that? Does he do this all the time?”
“No! He’s never done that before, and I don’t know what got into him.” I shrug. “And obviously I’m really torn up about it. If he’s like this for the five weeks I’m away, I could never leave, and I love being home…”
There’s something different about Jake’s expression. “Do you like USC?”
“Yeah, I love it. It’s just not what I thought it’d be anymore.” I shed the blanket and take a few paces back and forth across the kitchen. “Especially after last night. I don’t want to go back to that, and you’ve been so patient with me. I just…I don’t know, Jake. I guess I’m officially torn.”
“Alright, let’s pay our dues. I’ll give you one guess as to what Beth brought,” Jared announces, heading over to my truck.
“It wouldn’t be Fireball. She hates Fireball,” Embry calls sarcastically from the other side of the fire.
I laugh and pull the Fireball out of the cab of my truck. “It’s definitely Fireball,” I laugh, placing the bottle into the collection bin.
After everyone’s alcohol is collected, we crank the music and start the party. Our friends back home for break show up and some of our friends from high school.
“Mason, Mason listen,” I laugh, the phone pressed to my ear. Chelsea, one of my closest friends still in high school, giggles and bounces excitedly next to me.
“Baby, are you drinking?”
“What? Duh!”
He sighs. “You know I hate when you drink without me there.”
“I’m with all my friends. I’m just-I handed in my keys and I’m sleeping with Jake.” Chelsea squeals and I slap my hand over my mouth. “Oh my gosh, not with him. I’m so sorry! I mean at his house.” I can’t hold back the contagious giggles that Chelsea started.
“You need to go to bed, Beth. You’re clearly wasted.”
“You can’t even see me.”
“No, but I can hear you. I know when you’re drunk, and I’m not comfortable with you drinking without me.”
“Why are you being like this? I drank with them all the time before college.”
“Why? Because I love you, that’s why.”
“Mason, you…you’re acting weird.” I hop up onto my tailgate and plug my free ear so I can hear better.
“Beth, shots! Let’s go!” Embry shouts.
“Who was that?” Mason demands.
“One of my friends, babe. Jesus, calm down. You’re getting crazy.”
“Crazy? You’re kidding right? Do you know how you get when you’re drunk? Do you know how many guys I’ve pulled you off of when we go out at school?” He continues shouting and cursing over the phone at me until there’s tears in my eyes. “And after all I’ve given you, you’re fucking this other kid as soon as you get back home. I should have known better, Beth.”
“W-what? I’m not sleeping—“ The first tear falls down my cheek.
“Fuck you. I know you are.”
“Why are you talking to me like this?” The back of my throat gets that tight, burning feeling of fighting back tears.
“I knew this was going to happen. I knew you’d go back and cheat on me. You’re a fucking waste of my time, Beth. You’re a waste of anyone’s time.”
I feel the phone leave my hand, and I look up at the person who pulled it from my ear. I watch Jake press end and pocket my phone before pulling me into a tight embrace.
“Thank you, Jake,” I sniffle into his t-shirt. He waits until I step out of his arms. “I’m okay,” I assure him. I snatch the bottle of Fireball from the tailgate and take a pull of it.
“Beth, easy.” But I just glare at Jake and head back to the fire.
The next morning hits me like a freight train, and the phone call from last night hits me even harder. I take a deep breath and let it out before sitting up and looking around. I apparently passed out in Jake’s bed.
I pull one of his huge sweatshirts out of the closet and tug it on before exiting the room. A few of the guys are passed out in living room, Jake being one of them. His face is buried in the pillow, and he’s lying face down on the couch.
The room feels like it’s a thousand degrees from all of the boys, so I crack a window and head into the kitchen where Quil is making himself breakfast.
“Hey,” I greet quietly.
“Hey! Do you want any breakfast?” I shake my head. “You sure?”
“Yeah, I’m sure. Thank you.” I rest my head in my hands and rub my eyes tiredly. “What happened last night?”
“To you? You drank until you couldn’t stand, passed out sitting next to the fire, and Jake brought you to bed.”
I just shake my head. “I’ll be outside if anyone needs me.”
I’m not entirely sure how long I’m sitting by what’s left of the fire, just watching the embers shift from red to gold and eventually black and grey when they finally burn out. The snow last night didn’t stick very well, and there’s still grass peaking through the thin layer I’m digging my boots into.
It’s not that I’m thinking about anything. I’m not thinking about anything. I just need to be alone and take a moment to breathe.
Soft crunches join the crackling of the leftover fire. “Come back inside, Beth. It’s freezing.” A warm hand rests on my shoulder, and I already know it’s Jake’s. “Beth, it’s below zero.”
“I’m not even cold.”
Jake walks around in front of me and stares at me for a moment. “Your lips are purple. You need to come inside.” The only answer he gets from me is silence as I stare past him at the fire. “Beth, you’re literally shivering right now. Please come inside.” I finally glance down at my shaking hands, tightly gripping each other for warmth, and nod. Jake pulls me to my feet and walks me inside. “Stay here.” He sits me down in a kitchen chair and exits, returning quickly with the comforter off of his bed. He cocoons me in it and sits down in the chair across from me. “What were you doing outside for so long?”
I shrug. “Nothing…how long was I outside for?”
“Apparently almost an hour and a half. It’s freezing outside. You’re lucky you don’t have frostbite.”
I shrug again. “Wouldn’t be the worst thing that’s happened to me.”
“What did he say to you?”
“Jake, you’ve got to understand, he’s literally never spoken to me like that ever. I don’t know what got into him.”
“Obviously there’s something going on. Did you tell him about me?”
“He knows you’re my best friend, and that’s the extent of it. What would I even tell him? Oh sorry, Mason, but I’m inevitably in love with my best friend, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”
“Well…”
I roll my eyes. “He basically told me that when I drink, I turn into a slut. And that I’m a waste of his time.” Jake frowns. “I’ve never been that type of girl.”
“I know that,” Jake answers. I can practically see all the things he wants to say churning around in his head, but he’s holding them back.
“Just say it, Jake.”
He leans back into his chair and folds his arms across his chest. He clearly debates what he’s going to say for a short moment. “Maybe he’s not the best you can do, Beth.”
I let out a single laugh. “How did I know you’d say that?”
“I’m not saying I am, but even if I hadn’t imprinted on you, how could you ever let someone treat you like that? Does he do this all the time?”
“No! He’s never done that before, and I don’t know what got into him.” I shrug. “And obviously I’m really torn up about it. If he’s like this for the five weeks I’m away, I could never leave, and I love being home…”
There’s something different about Jake’s expression. “Do you like USC?”
“Yeah, I love it. It’s just not what I thought it’d be anymore.” I shed the blanket and take a few paces back and forth across the kitchen. “Especially after last night. I don’t want to go back to that, and you’ve been so patient with me. I just…I don’t know, Jake. I guess I’m officially torn.”