Status: In Progress
Recycled Memories
Stay
He awoke to the crashing of waves and the squawking of gulls, lying next to his love who himself was laying on his stomach, breathing deeply, dreaming with a crisp cotton sheet resting at the small of his back. He thought himself in an ethereal land where who he loved needn’t matter, but instead what mattered was how he loved, what mattered was the truth of the love and his love could never be truer or deeper. He caught himself in a loving gaze with a smile growing upon his face, thinking of the night they had just spent together, bodies connected in the truest of ways. He had never been so very close to another human being; he’d never shared his body, but now that he had there was no going back.
I was happy with Noah, but sometimes I felt him to be distant; he was never this distant. He used to call me on a regular basis, not really every day, but at least every other day. Now the only time I really see him is at school and even then, sometimes he’s insufferably quiet. Maybe he’s dreaming. A daydreamer? No. He never used to be. He was always so present. I’m the dreamer. I’ve always been the dreamer. He’s grounded. He’s always been. Isn’t he still the one? Who will be the one now if he isn’t? I’m the dreamer. He’s the drifter, now. He’s drifting. Away, he’s going. I don’t think I like this.
There was movement and he was enthralled by his lover’s twisting back as he pushed himself up to turn over and face him. He didn’t want to seem like he was watching so he looked away but not in time and thus it was more evident to his lover that he was staring. The lover smiled and giggled charmingly. Their hands touched and their eyes met, both different shades of green, but there were so many shades of green and it was difficult to be sure which shades either of the lovers had, but it wasn’t something that bothered them. The moment was more of what was on their minds.
--Were you watching me? He asked.
--Guilty, he said with a shy glimmer in his eyes, looking down and covering himself in embarrassment.
--Was I snoring? The lover asked.
--No, he answered even though it wasn’t true. It wasn’t a loud snore. It was faint and quite adorable.
They both were silent for a moment and once again the sound of the crashing waves and squawking gulls permeated the room, but now the breeze had picked up and was whistling through the screen of the westerly window causing the lovers’ bodies to catch a bit of chill. They brought the sheet up over themselves and air was caught under the sheet, creating a cloudlike parachute above their naked bodies before it softly landed and conformed to their curvature.
Stay
He was late for our date. He was never late. If anything he was early more than he was ever late. It was a good thing that I was alone in my Aunt Carol’s house because I was worried almost to the point where I was crying. He finally showed up two hours late. When I opened the door, I didn’t even think it was him because I had honestly given up on him showing up.
“Are you ready?” He asked.
“No,” I said. “I changed because I thought you weren’t coming.”
“Sorry, did I forget to tell you that I bumped our reservations back? I had some family things to take care of.”
I didn’t know whether to believe him or not. He seemed sincere, but he also seemed like he really didn’t care. He didn’t seemed like he cared or picked up that I was even a little bit upset with him. He just carried on.
“Are you going to change back?” he asked.
“Sure,” I said, even though I was still upset.
“Well hurry up, please.”
“I’ll just be a minute.”
--I want to promise you something, Alex, said the lover with a gentle voice.
--I thought you said that you didn’t do promises, Alex responded.
--I don’t do promises because I don’t ever know if I can keep them. This one I can definitely keep.
--What is it?
--Alex, I love you. I will always love you and I promise you that from now on, it’ll always be me and you. I will be here for you; whatever you go through, I will be by your side.
Alex could feel his heart thumping against his chest and his eyes well up with tears as he held his lover’s hand tighter while he spoke his words of pure love, a genuine purity. He said nothing in return, but he gave him a kiss on the lips, which was followed by a kiss on the jaw which was followed by a kiss on the neck which was followed by a kiss on the collarbone which was followed by a kiss on the Adam’s apple. He felt love, a genuine love in which he’d never felt before. It caused a fire in his belly that could warm an Eskimo.
Noah put his car in park in front of my Aunt Carol’s house. I have never felt more distant from him than I did at that dinner table and during the movie, he didn’t hold my hand even once. I was about to say goodbye when his phone beeped. He took it from the dash and started to text. The silence crushed me.
“Can I come in?” he asked suddenly.
“Who was that?” I asked.
“It was Brian.”
“Brian Donahue?”
“Yes,” he answered sharply. “Can I come in please? We need to talk.”
We need to talk. That’s never a good sentence, but if I were to turn down a talk with Noah after weeks of yearning for him to even look at me, I would definitely be cuckoo. I agreed of course and Noah shut his car off and we walked into the house and into my bedroom. Noah immediately sat on the bed. I didn’t know if I felt comfortable sitting next to him yet, so I sat on the ground in front of him.
“Alex, I got into Princeton.”
“I thought you weren’t going to apply to Princeton.”
“I wasn’t, but Brian convinced me that I shouldn’t keep myself from what I want because of you. If you love me, Alex, you’ll let me go.”
“Let you go?”
“Well, we obviously can’t be together if I’m going to school 3,000 miles away.”
“You won’t know anyone.”
“I’ll know Brian.”
“Brian’s going too?”
“Yes,” he answered with that same sharp tone.
“Are you…?” I could feel tears well up in my eyes.
“Brian and I have gotten closer in the past few months.”
“And I didn’t know about it.”
“I figured you’d overact.”
“Oh really? Would you have blamed me? I’ve been replaced.”
“You’re not replaced, Alex.”
“Why are you doing this to me?”
“You? I’m not doing this to you, Alex.”
“In what way do you think that this doesn’t affect me?”
“I’m doing this for me. I’m taking my best chance for a good education. “
“You knew I wouldn’t be able to get into Princeton, but you applied anyway. Plus, you’re following Brian there.”
“Oh please, don’t make this about Brian. I’m sorry that he could give me what I need in a relationship. I’m sorry that his life isn’t filled with fucked up situations that I can’t deal with anymore.”
“You promised me,” I really started to cry now. “You promised me that out of all of the shit that goes down in my life, you would be the one good thing that was always there. You promised me: It’s always gonna be you and me. Remember?”
“People change, Alex.”
That’s when he left. He got up and left me in my room on the floor, crying. At first I couldn’t believe what he did, but then I realized that I saw it coming. He’s been distant for some time now and he hasn’t even touched me for days.
Stay
Even in the warmth of their bodies touching, the lovers were still cold. Alex got up to shut the window that had been open all night and now cooled the room a little too much for comfort and all his lover could do was stare at his body with one double cheeked exterior in mind. Alex started his way back, but stopped before he got the chance to lie back in bed.
--Wait, I’m starving.
--Oh come on, Alex. Come back to bed.
--I can’t just ignore the grumble, Noah.
I was happy with Noah, but sometimes I felt him to be distant; he was never this distant. He used to call me on a regular basis, not really every day, but at least every other day. Now the only time I really see him is at school and even then, sometimes he’s insufferably quiet. Maybe he’s dreaming. A daydreamer? No. He never used to be. He was always so present. I’m the dreamer. I’ve always been the dreamer. He’s grounded. He’s always been. Isn’t he still the one? Who will be the one now if he isn’t? I’m the dreamer. He’s the drifter, now. He’s drifting. Away, he’s going. I don’t think I like this.
There was movement and he was enthralled by his lover’s twisting back as he pushed himself up to turn over and face him. He didn’t want to seem like he was watching so he looked away but not in time and thus it was more evident to his lover that he was staring. The lover smiled and giggled charmingly. Their hands touched and their eyes met, both different shades of green, but there were so many shades of green and it was difficult to be sure which shades either of the lovers had, but it wasn’t something that bothered them. The moment was more of what was on their minds.
--Were you watching me? He asked.
--Guilty, he said with a shy glimmer in his eyes, looking down and covering himself in embarrassment.
--Was I snoring? The lover asked.
--No, he answered even though it wasn’t true. It wasn’t a loud snore. It was faint and quite adorable.
They both were silent for a moment and once again the sound of the crashing waves and squawking gulls permeated the room, but now the breeze had picked up and was whistling through the screen of the westerly window causing the lovers’ bodies to catch a bit of chill. They brought the sheet up over themselves and air was caught under the sheet, creating a cloudlike parachute above their naked bodies before it softly landed and conformed to their curvature.
Stay
He was late for our date. He was never late. If anything he was early more than he was ever late. It was a good thing that I was alone in my Aunt Carol’s house because I was worried almost to the point where I was crying. He finally showed up two hours late. When I opened the door, I didn’t even think it was him because I had honestly given up on him showing up.
“Are you ready?” He asked.
“No,” I said. “I changed because I thought you weren’t coming.”
“Sorry, did I forget to tell you that I bumped our reservations back? I had some family things to take care of.”
I didn’t know whether to believe him or not. He seemed sincere, but he also seemed like he really didn’t care. He didn’t seemed like he cared or picked up that I was even a little bit upset with him. He just carried on.
“Are you going to change back?” he asked.
“Sure,” I said, even though I was still upset.
“Well hurry up, please.”
“I’ll just be a minute.”
--I want to promise you something, Alex, said the lover with a gentle voice.
--I thought you said that you didn’t do promises, Alex responded.
--I don’t do promises because I don’t ever know if I can keep them. This one I can definitely keep.
--What is it?
--Alex, I love you. I will always love you and I promise you that from now on, it’ll always be me and you. I will be here for you; whatever you go through, I will be by your side.
Alex could feel his heart thumping against his chest and his eyes well up with tears as he held his lover’s hand tighter while he spoke his words of pure love, a genuine purity. He said nothing in return, but he gave him a kiss on the lips, which was followed by a kiss on the jaw which was followed by a kiss on the neck which was followed by a kiss on the collarbone which was followed by a kiss on the Adam’s apple. He felt love, a genuine love in which he’d never felt before. It caused a fire in his belly that could warm an Eskimo.
Noah put his car in park in front of my Aunt Carol’s house. I have never felt more distant from him than I did at that dinner table and during the movie, he didn’t hold my hand even once. I was about to say goodbye when his phone beeped. He took it from the dash and started to text. The silence crushed me.
“Can I come in?” he asked suddenly.
“Who was that?” I asked.
“It was Brian.”
“Brian Donahue?”
“Yes,” he answered sharply. “Can I come in please? We need to talk.”
We need to talk. That’s never a good sentence, but if I were to turn down a talk with Noah after weeks of yearning for him to even look at me, I would definitely be cuckoo. I agreed of course and Noah shut his car off and we walked into the house and into my bedroom. Noah immediately sat on the bed. I didn’t know if I felt comfortable sitting next to him yet, so I sat on the ground in front of him.
“Alex, I got into Princeton.”
“I thought you weren’t going to apply to Princeton.”
“I wasn’t, but Brian convinced me that I shouldn’t keep myself from what I want because of you. If you love me, Alex, you’ll let me go.”
“Let you go?”
“Well, we obviously can’t be together if I’m going to school 3,000 miles away.”
“You won’t know anyone.”
“I’ll know Brian.”
“Brian’s going too?”
“Yes,” he answered with that same sharp tone.
“Are you…?” I could feel tears well up in my eyes.
“Brian and I have gotten closer in the past few months.”
“And I didn’t know about it.”
“I figured you’d overact.”
“Oh really? Would you have blamed me? I’ve been replaced.”
“You’re not replaced, Alex.”
“Why are you doing this to me?”
“You? I’m not doing this to you, Alex.”
“In what way do you think that this doesn’t affect me?”
“I’m doing this for me. I’m taking my best chance for a good education. “
“You knew I wouldn’t be able to get into Princeton, but you applied anyway. Plus, you’re following Brian there.”
“Oh please, don’t make this about Brian. I’m sorry that he could give me what I need in a relationship. I’m sorry that his life isn’t filled with fucked up situations that I can’t deal with anymore.”
“You promised me,” I really started to cry now. “You promised me that out of all of the shit that goes down in my life, you would be the one good thing that was always there. You promised me: It’s always gonna be you and me. Remember?”
“People change, Alex.”
That’s when he left. He got up and left me in my room on the floor, crying. At first I couldn’t believe what he did, but then I realized that I saw it coming. He’s been distant for some time now and he hasn’t even touched me for days.
Stay
Even in the warmth of their bodies touching, the lovers were still cold. Alex got up to shut the window that had been open all night and now cooled the room a little too much for comfort and all his lover could do was stare at his body with one double cheeked exterior in mind. Alex started his way back, but stopped before he got the chance to lie back in bed.
--Wait, I’m starving.
--Oh come on, Alex. Come back to bed.
--I can’t just ignore the grumble, Noah.