Accepting Chaos

Big Brown Eyes.

Thick black lashes.

Directly in my face...

He's close to the point where I can feel his hot breath.

“Zayn, Please back up out of my face, love.” My voice groggy with morning phlegm. Attractive I know right? He leaned away enough for me to sit up and collect myself. It was still dark out and for him to be here this early started to worry me. I think he noticed by the sudden look of panic on my face.

“Oh, nothing bad Livie! I’m sorry for waking you so early but we wanted you to be the first to know.” he said with a grin breaking across his face. “We got a contract! Livie! We’ve made it!” He wrapped his arms around me and I responded by doing the same.

“Zayn, I’m so happy for you! When did you find out? "

My window burst open spilling out the four boys that were always close behind. Liam was the first to reach Zayn and I embracing us both in a hug. The three of us toppled over to the middle of the bed.

“Liv love we’re going all the way baby!” He shakes us for a moment until Harry shoves him to the side.

“None ‘a that now Liam she’s not that kind of lady you can't get a bang from her at a time like this.” He jumped on Zayn and I who were still hugging, unable to move apart. “Well not before me at least.” He kissed my cheek and began to bounce while shouting “We bloody did it!”

I looked up due to the smothering trying to get some air and caught Niall dancing by the window. That little piece of Ireland never seemed so happy.

“Getoffmeplease.uncomfortablekneeinbum.” I whispered attempting to wiggle out of the spot I was in.

My dad then walked through my doorway assessing the situation before him. “What in hell is going on in here?” He turned on my light “Why is Louis on the floor?” The boys rolled off me doing their best not to laugh. We all looked over the bed where we saw our friend doubled over on my laundry pile.

“Lou, mate? You okay?” Harry asked

Louis made a few funny noises before speaking “No you bloody wanker. You managed to knock me in my balls when you jumped!” He stood up breathing heavily

“Shit sorry Lou I didn’t think you were standing that close.” Harry walked over and tried to comfort his friend but he wasn't having it. Louis smacked Harrys hand away and whispered something about “babies” and “pissing blood”.

“Why Olivia-” My father started to massage his temples... “Do these boys love to push me-” he’s pinching the bridge of his nose… “To the brink-” oh no, he's scratching his beard. “Of Insanity?!” He looked a right mess. It never frightened me when my dad got all ...well, “dad” on me because I know exactly how to handle him when the boys rile him up.

“Da, they just came in here two minutes ago to tell me some urgent information.” I got up from the bed walking over to him. “My phone was off and they got wound up thinking I was dead somewhere in a creek.” I smiled my best for him and placed a kiss on his cheek. “They were just leaving I promise.” His face relaxed

He looked past me right at Harry “Off the bed. The lot of you have five minutes then I want to hear your footsteps out the front door not through her window.” He turned to Lou “Best put some frozen peas on them” He walked back to his room without shutting either of our doors.

“Lou,-” I hugged him “Congrats on the contract!” My face must have looked ridiculous with this sleepy grin from ear to ear and hair a wreck.

“Thanks babes” He smiled

“Were having a big breakfast at the Haaz household in a few hours. Some of our family members will be there so naturally you must come Livie.” Niall said

“Of course I’ll be there.” I squeezed his face in my hands like an old lady would a child

I don't think that the five boys in front of me have ever been this happy. It hasn’t been that long since they were all together but I know that when we all first met it felt like we knew this would be forever. In this moment I realized as they had a great journey ahead of them, it was the end of the line for me.

There was a “we”- as in the six of us. There was “Them”- as in the five before me. Soon to be known as One Direction and last but not least there was an “I” as in me, alone stuck in Cheshire? What a bloody selfish way of thinking. I shook the thought out of my head so they wouldn't see it in my expression.

“Okay, Okay! Clear off before my dad comes back with a bat this time! Shoo!” I picked up the pillow and shooed them all the way out my window. These boys will never use the front door as long as we’re alive so the door comment was just wishful thinking.

I leaned out the window looking down “Goodnight Liam, Niall, Zayn, Lou Sweet dreams!” I looked at Harry who was the last to climb out and smiled “Mr. Styles, Behave yourself for once will you?”

He gave me that grin. You know the one that gives you a hot flash and makes you shiver at the same time? Harry climbed up so we were face to face.

“Mmm. Call me that again.” He was glancing from my eyes to my lips

“Oh you mean-” I leaned into his ear “Mr. Styles?” I’m trying my best to keep a straight face

He smiled then crossed his eyes and pretended to faint.

“No, Harry, hold on to the side you idiot!”

“But I’m fainting. I must be sick Liv. I have to stay here! Hurry, carry me to your bed Olivia or I’ll just die!” He laughed and grabbed at my hand.

“No Harry GO HOME!” He glared at me then.

“Oh, bloody hell don't call me Harry. I prefer Mr. Styles. It makes me feel like a dirty school boy. Are you going to spank me if i don't?” I shut the window only for him to press his face to the glass. I could hear him laugh.

“Oh-wiv-ia! G’night wuv.” He climbed to the ground and the five of them walked through the field that separated Harrys home from mine.

Mr. Styles. He will be the reason I fall apart when they leave. My Best friend since my family moved here when I was eight. I mean the kid walked with me to school on my first day when he barely knew me. I fell off the bleachers once at the park with all his friends watching and he ran to see if I was okay while they all just laughed at me. He held me in the garden when my mom was diagnosed with cancer and again a few weeks later when she passed. Every day in between he showed me how to live and laugh again. He has no idea that I may feel a little stronger than he does.

ZAYN
Hey can u get away from the rest at some point during breakfast I need to girl talk. Say yes or I’ll explode with girly emotion :[

My phone lit up

Fine... But you owe me. U know I hate lady issues.

I knew he would. He always does just with a bit of complaining.

You're the BEST Z:]

I got under my covers again trying to forget my worries and just catch up on some sleep before this breakfast.

The sun lit up my room just in time to wake me for breakfast. I unwillingly got out of my warm bed and headed to the bathroom for a shower. I tried to make haste because it takes me hours to get ready on a normal day but today wasn't just any day. I'm not sure how much time I have with the boys so I don't want to miss too much. I threw on a pair of dark leggings, a button up jean shirt, and my red toms, threw my hair in a bun and ran out the door.

When I reached Harrys dads house there were cars filling the driveway. His aunt and Gemma were on the front porch talking excitedly.

“Hey Gem!” She turned around and smiled at me

“Can you BELIEVE THIS?” I pulled her into a hug.

“No, Not really. It still isn't real. Then again I’m still quite convinced it’s a dream considering it was four am when they climbed through my window to tell me the big news.” I laughed remembering Lou on the floor. Poor bloke.

“You know I told them to at least wait until six to wake you but they just couldn’t. As soon as they got home from the meeting they wanted to tell you but there were so many family members here keeping them busy? Anyway they're all out on the back patio and there is breakfast in the kitchen.” I squeezed her hand and walked through the door

Breakfast smelled amazing so I made myself a plate while talking to the real Mr. Styles. He seems very happy but also a little concerned for Harry. I bet hes afraid of this changing him. I could sympathize because that was a worry of mine too. He is already perfect the way he is. Ugh this was going to be a very difficult process.

They were lounging all over the back yard looking extremely tired.

“Morning gents!”

Harry snapped his head up at the sound of my voice

“Morning sunshine!” He got up from his spot on the ground and walked over to me. He threw his arm around my shoulders and kissed my temple. Zayn got up and with a full mouth gave me a kiss straight on the lips. Ugh syrup kiss. Harry lightly shoved him away then covered my mouth with his hand.

“Mo’ing ‘ibia” Zayn said through a mouth full of French toast. I gave him a look of disgust. He just laughed at my expression and sat back down

“She doesn't want your breakfast kisses Zayn!” Harry said “No breakfast kisses for you right love?” He shook my head no for me. “See? Stay away.” he glared at Zayn jokingly

“I'll kiss them if I want to.” Zayn winked at me “Isn't that right Love?”

“If you two start fighting you had better let me go Haaz. The last time you did this I got a football to the stomach!” I smacked him in his and he let me go but he positioned himself in front of me crouched like tiger… Well more like a skinny cat.

“If you want her Malik come and get her.” He laughed quietly waiting for Zayn to pounce.

The madness ensued. Hair pulling, shoe throwing fun. Somehow I ended up captured by Niall and Gemma was taken hostage by Liam and Louis. This went on for an hour before Harry got the phone call.

“Hello? Yes hi, how are you? Yeah okay. Hold on let me get them together. HEY you two, off her. Come over here its Simon.” Harry put the phone on speaker and they all said hello.

“Hello guys. I have everything all set here to be signed. We have our first photo shoot set and recording sessions are scheduled. I'll be sending my guys for you tomorrow morning so get packing your things. I suspect you won't be home for quite some time so make sure you have everything. Is everything settled then?” Simon asked

“Uh yeah if we have any questions we'll call you.” Harry replied looking at the others in agreement

“Wonderful then I'll be seeing you tomorrow. Have a Good last night at home!”

“Goodbye Simon.” Harry hung up the phone. It was quiet for just a moment while it hit them.

“Well lads-”

They all grabbed each other yelling with excitement. They celebrated for a minute tackling one another to the ground. I took out my phone and snapped a quick picture before they remembered I was there.

“Olivia darling, come here please?” Harry put his arms out for me. When I came over he embraced me.

“It’s our last night as normal teenage boys. We need to remember it forever.” He said resting his head on the top of mine.

“Sounds like we need one last bonfire. After all, that’s how this family started right?”

Harry grinned “Sounds perfect."

I started home to change when my phone vibrated

ZAYN

Hey sorry the lady issues didn't get addressed. Can u tell me via text?

Sure, it’s about Harry.

Oh really?

I’m really gutted he's leaving.

I would hope so. You two are practically blood

Um, I would hope not. You really shouldn't feel this way about your brother =/

Should I be shocked?

...what?! There’s no way you knew!

Oh yes because you're so discreet. I don't think anyone else notices but were pretty close so I do see it. I know it seems like you two just joke around but I know better. You have different feelings than he does. Has he said anything to you recently?

Well, no he hasn’t said anything to me. Anything on your part? I can’t say anything because I don't want to distract him or scare him off. There’s too much of a good relationship between us to ruin over silly feelings like this.

Oh, no he never said anything. Silly? Who would think there silly?

Me. he’s my best friend!

So.

Ugh you're such a boy

I put my phone back in my pocket.

We all agreed to meet around five in our spot where the creek forks. And so we did. We messed around all day until we were too cold to move and were forced to huddle around the fire pit.

“You know you really didn't need to squeeze yourself into my sleeping bag when you brought your own Niall.” Zayn said pushing Niall’s shoulder out of his armpit.

“It’s not as warm as yours! You want your band mate to freeze to death before we even start touring?!”

“You're being dramatic. You may have only lost a few toes.” Louis said while eating his gram cracker/

“My toes are important. How am I to entertain millions of beautiful girls without my dancing skills?” Niall asked

“I think your accent is enough to cover up your shite dancing.” Lois laughed

“Niall you're an excellent dancer. Don't listen to Lou he’s just jealous he can’t make girls scream like you can.” I said with a wink.

Niall blew me a kiss “See, This lady knows what she’s talking about. She prefers a higher quality of man and I fit in that category PERFECTLY. Made for the best and the rest can have you Lou.” Louis just flipped him off

“I have curly hair, Green eyes and dimples. Naturally I win.” Harry said giving us his best ...sexy face? I couldn't tell because it just looked ridiculous.

“Harry’s right. You're all doomed.” Harry smiled at me “Well, maybe except you Liam. You have that mature air about you. Your tall, you have a fit-” I said swooning at him. Then my sleeping bag was hit with a half melted marshmallow. “HEY!” I yelled pulling the sticky substance off quickly while everyone laughed “Was that you Zayn?!” He pointed to Harry who pointed to Lou. Louis was the closer one to me so I hopped to him and smeared the remains of the treat in his face.

“Well that was an enhancement!” Niall yelled with laughter

“Olivia! It was Harry! I'm just an innocent bystander” he wiped his face and tried to smear what was left on his fingers on my face. I gave Harry a dirty look and stuck out my tongue.

“Don’t swoon like that then you little tramp.” I got out of my bag to strangle him but he zipped himself into his bag completely.

Zayn yawned being the first to break the seal of sleepiness

“I think you know what that means ladies and gents. I'm off to my tent.”

“Boo!” Liam yelled

“I think I may go to mine as well” Louis dragged his bag into his tent

“You’re lame Tomlinson. LAME.” Harry yelled after him

Not fifteen minutes passed and we were all asleep in our tents.

Louis was the one to wake me up the next day.

Ugh really? I’m not ready for all this yet.

“No”

“Yes. Unfortunately.” Lou shook me until I groaned and got up.

“Stay Lou, please don't leave.” I hugged him tight.

“I'll miss you like crazy Livia. You really are our sixth wheel babe.”

“I know. I love you boys.” I really do love them all so much I just don't know how I’ll deal with all the emptiness when they're gone. “I’ll visit as soon as I can” He gave me one last squeeze and we walked out of the tent.

I looked around for Zayn and Harry but it seemed like they already started taking the gear back to the house. I felt a small stab of sadness. Harry didn't even wait for me. Maybe he's happier to leave then sad to part. I think way too much into things.

Louis and I packed up the last of my things and headed back to Harrys.

“You can come visit as soon as were settled you know? It’s not like its forever.” Lou was clearly trying to comfort me but it was a little late for that.

“I know I can. I will be there the minute you say it’s okay.”

“Promise?” he held out his pinky finger

“Promise.” I latched mine on to his

When Harry’s house came into view the SUV’s they sent for them were already parked in the drive. Bags were being loaded up as we got to the front steps. Gemma was crying as well as Harry's mom and that almost set me off. His mom was leaving tomorrow to help them with all the paperwork but I think she’s sad to see him at home for the last time. I ran upstairs as quickly as I could looking for Harry. I checked all the rooms but no luck. I heard one of the cars beep and panicked.

When I came around the corner I slammed into someone.

"Oh my God, Olivia!" I was pulled to his chest. I was at ease almost immediately.

“Harry! I was afraid I wasn't going to be able to say goodbye!" I gripped the back of his shirt almost too tight.

"Me too liv. We have no time but I wanted to talk to you before we leave. Olivia-"

"HARRY! NOW! There LEAVING! The boys need to say goodbye to Livia as well!" His mom screamed

"Give me a MINUTE PLEASE!" His face was a little red and he looked concerned

"Olivia there isn't enough time to tell you what I had been planning all night. I was really nervous to have to do this but I need you to know how much you mean-"

Liam ran up the stairs and Harry backed off a little.

“Come over here little miss!" Liam hugged me and kissed my cheek “I’m going to miss you! Come downstairs. Everyone is looking for you liv." He put his arm around my shoulders and led me down the stairs. I looked back at Harry standing at the top of the stairs looking... Defeated? Sad? What was he going to say?

I said my goodbyes to Niall who made me cry in an instant. Liam reminded me it would only be a few weeks before I would be with them again. He definitely is the group dad. Louis told me if I didn't call and text more than seventy times a day he would forget about me. hes a charmer alright. Last but not least my Z.

"I won't forget your smile before I see it again I promise. It's etched it here real well." He tapped his head. I cried a little more. "Pick up the phone and every one of us will be there." He wiped the tears away from my face.

"I know. I just need to get used to not walking across the field for movie nights." And bake night, breakfast dinners, bonfires, the list goes on.

"Alright guys, load up. We need to have you to Simon in good time." The driver announced.

"Until next time Miss. Rivers" He squeezed my hand before stepping into the car followed by Niall, Lou and Liam.

Harry finished up his goodbyes to his family and came over to me.

"I’ll be seeing you soon." He smiled and brushed my cheek with his thumb

"Harry?" His eyes were a little glassy

He got into the SUV and as it rolled down the driveway I felt it.

A spark of hope.