Your Time Is Over
Broken
Alone in your bed at night, you like to reflect on the happiest day of your past, that day where without realizing it the moment that it happened, you were made the happiest man alive. Now that you realize it, you can't help but wish that you could relive that wonderful moment over and over again. It's just so lost now that you realize everything that he would've done for you if you allowed yourself to believe in the words he would tell you over and over 'till he would collapse from crying too much. Even if you tried to hide the fact that you weren't believing him, he could see it in your eyes, in the back of them, there was this glimpse of shame, shame of letting him lie to you over and over, but mostly, there were doubts and now that you realize it, he was the one that was supposed to doubt you. He never did. When you told him that all you had with him was mutual attraction that could ever only lead to sex, he didn't even bother asking you if you thought that there was a small chance that in the long run, he had a real shot, at what he really wanted with you. What he wanted was a relationship based on love, the kind you never told him that you have for him, and the type that he made clear each night during hours that he had it more than you always wanted for you.
That night, as he was holding you so close to his body, you let yourself forget about all of the truths you thought you knew about him, you let him have his way with you, it was the first time since that nightmare of relationship started, two years prior, and you thought that if you didn't give in to him, he would leave you, that he would vanish from your life, and you couldn't admit that to you, but you still could feel that deep hurt right inside of your heart while you thought about it. But to your yourself, and to the self of every other member of Fall Out Boy, the only ones that were aware of this thing with him, the ones that you went to gossip about everything to when you made it clear to him that you would destroy him and end everything with him if he would ever mention it to someone, even if he did it while being so high and drunk that he couldn't even realize what was the words escaping from his mouth. That night, he didn't take advantage of you, like every of your friends and you for the matter thought he would do, if you still think that in a relationship between two men, one as to take advantage of the other, lets face it, you are the one that took advantage of him. He let you be on top that night. You took what was the most precious to him, his pride, he let you destroy it and kick him to the curb. After that, you still believed your friend when they would tell you that he didn't deserve you and was only playing you? Now that you have to spend all of your nights lonely as hell, because you made sure that he wouldn't have a chance to get back to you. I hope that you have time to think about what you did, but mostly about how wrong everyone was, about how you and your stupid friends never took a second to judge him on how he acted toward you. Instead, you all judged him on the lyrics about killing and fuckin' bitches he had in his songs and because he was a rapper, to you, it was the first sign that he never was going to be good enough.
The public aspect of a love interest sure doesn't matter, what matters is how in private they act toward you, and he was more than sweet, and more than giving than you ever deserved.
I hope that you realize the extent of what he would've done for you now, I hope that it makes you ache and more than it makes you sad, because he would've give up everything. He would have given up his family, his fuckin three kids, the woman he called his wife publicly, the dreams he's had since he's a little kid, but mostly, his contract with Eminem's label compagny. Didn't you realize how much this meant to him? Rap was his life, and his passion, and he would've given all of that up for you. It would have been all for YOU. The only thing you did about that at the time was to yell at him that you deserved more, that you deserved true love and not only a casual fuck. Only now did you realize that you were his one true love, but it's too late. He would have rather spent his life by your side, when you were everything but nice to him, than living his passion, day by day, with his idol.
At the time, you only saw that as selfishness, but he's never been selfish, especially with you, he was about a lot of things, but with you, he would've let you rape him and murder him if that made you happy.
And now you're stuck alone, and you can't help but wonder if he knew that you loved him in return, if he knew that you never meant to be so mean to him, if he knew that the girl of your dream was actually just an illusion of a girl created by your mind to describe him to the fans and family. What you wonder about the most is , did you do the right choice? Was it the option that will make you the happiest in the long shot? Was it what YOU wanted? Or was it more what your friends, fans and family expected you to do?
How did you expect him to know about your real feelings if you never took the time to tell him? The thing is, now you'll never, ever get that chance.
Do you get flashbacks of what you did that night? Do you ever feel so lost that you would do everything and anything in your power to get him back now? As much as you try to hide it, I can perfectly tell that you feel the guilt rushing through you.
I remember exactly what Pete told you the first and only time you discused the topic with him. He told you how much it looked like you hated the man, how franatic you were about him finally leaving your life forver, how much you would bable over the fact that it would make your life so easy, so much easier. He told you that the only expression he could see in your face as you stabbed him, over and over, did you not feel the pain? Remeber when you called him beofre all of this happened? Remeber how you said you had something special to ask him and he told you how scared he got that you were asking this fag crap to marry you, but now that you have all the time that you need to think about it, it's what you always wanted?
You didn't want to be seen by your bestfriend as someone who could hate someone else so much. You didn't want them to see how much you wanted to murder them, especially with someone you were that in love with.
Love, you say this word too lightly. I don't think you realize how much it means in this world. Someone who truly loved someone else wouldn't have stood there and watched as their biggest fear was happening to them. For someone who was in love with someone else, they wouldn't have asked his best friends to make that person's life a living hell. You would never, and expecially not when the person only ever gave you everything that you asked for, he gave you way more than he needed, he gave you way more than anyone should give someone before leaving them, all alone.
The worst thing is that we both know that if you didn't add the stabing part to your plan of destroying him, he would still be by your side to this day, no matter how much you hurt him by doing what you did.
I know that you are having another one of your nightmares, the ones where you wake up so scared that you can't breathe anymore; you feel so destroyed that you want to erase yourself from this world aswell.
You can't help but shiver as you think of the nightmare, the same one that keeps happing to you over and over again. It's that one nightmare where you are about to marry him, and he is standing beside you, looking as gorgeous as ever, and you tell him to stop crying because you love him too much to get his face stained by useless tears. And then, it's where the nightmare starts. You aren't in an ally about to celebrate the happiest day of your life anymore. You are in a forest, in the dark night, but you still can tell perfectly that he is chained to a tree, all of his clothes long gone from his body, cum covering the parts of himself he only let you show, your friends with winning grins stuck on their face, and him, completly destroyed and broken out of his pride.
You can pray to God every nights before bed, the thing you consider your biggest nightmare is actually only what you did to him.
That night, as he was holding you so close to his body, you let yourself forget about all of the truths you thought you knew about him, you let him have his way with you, it was the first time since that nightmare of relationship started, two years prior, and you thought that if you didn't give in to him, he would leave you, that he would vanish from your life, and you couldn't admit that to you, but you still could feel that deep hurt right inside of your heart while you thought about it. But to your yourself, and to the self of every other member of Fall Out Boy, the only ones that were aware of this thing with him, the ones that you went to gossip about everything to when you made it clear to him that you would destroy him and end everything with him if he would ever mention it to someone, even if he did it while being so high and drunk that he couldn't even realize what was the words escaping from his mouth. That night, he didn't take advantage of you, like every of your friends and you for the matter thought he would do, if you still think that in a relationship between two men, one as to take advantage of the other, lets face it, you are the one that took advantage of him. He let you be on top that night. You took what was the most precious to him, his pride, he let you destroy it and kick him to the curb. After that, you still believed your friend when they would tell you that he didn't deserve you and was only playing you? Now that you have to spend all of your nights lonely as hell, because you made sure that he wouldn't have a chance to get back to you. I hope that you have time to think about what you did, but mostly about how wrong everyone was, about how you and your stupid friends never took a second to judge him on how he acted toward you. Instead, you all judged him on the lyrics about killing and fuckin' bitches he had in his songs and because he was a rapper, to you, it was the first sign that he never was going to be good enough.
The public aspect of a love interest sure doesn't matter, what matters is how in private they act toward you, and he was more than sweet, and more than giving than you ever deserved.
I hope that you realize the extent of what he would've done for you now, I hope that it makes you ache and more than it makes you sad, because he would've give up everything. He would have given up his family, his fuckin three kids, the woman he called his wife publicly, the dreams he's had since he's a little kid, but mostly, his contract with Eminem's label compagny. Didn't you realize how much this meant to him? Rap was his life, and his passion, and he would've given all of that up for you. It would have been all for YOU. The only thing you did about that at the time was to yell at him that you deserved more, that you deserved true love and not only a casual fuck. Only now did you realize that you were his one true love, but it's too late. He would have rather spent his life by your side, when you were everything but nice to him, than living his passion, day by day, with his idol.
At the time, you only saw that as selfishness, but he's never been selfish, especially with you, he was about a lot of things, but with you, he would've let you rape him and murder him if that made you happy.
And now you're stuck alone, and you can't help but wonder if he knew that you loved him in return, if he knew that you never meant to be so mean to him, if he knew that the girl of your dream was actually just an illusion of a girl created by your mind to describe him to the fans and family. What you wonder about the most is , did you do the right choice? Was it the option that will make you the happiest in the long shot? Was it what YOU wanted? Or was it more what your friends, fans and family expected you to do?
How did you expect him to know about your real feelings if you never took the time to tell him? The thing is, now you'll never, ever get that chance.
Do you get flashbacks of what you did that night? Do you ever feel so lost that you would do everything and anything in your power to get him back now? As much as you try to hide it, I can perfectly tell that you feel the guilt rushing through you.
I remember exactly what Pete told you the first and only time you discused the topic with him. He told you how much it looked like you hated the man, how franatic you were about him finally leaving your life forver, how much you would bable over the fact that it would make your life so easy, so much easier. He told you that the only expression he could see in your face as you stabbed him, over and over, did you not feel the pain? Remeber when you called him beofre all of this happened? Remeber how you said you had something special to ask him and he told you how scared he got that you were asking this fag crap to marry you, but now that you have all the time that you need to think about it, it's what you always wanted?
You didn't want to be seen by your bestfriend as someone who could hate someone else so much. You didn't want them to see how much you wanted to murder them, especially with someone you were that in love with.
Love, you say this word too lightly. I don't think you realize how much it means in this world. Someone who truly loved someone else wouldn't have stood there and watched as their biggest fear was happening to them. For someone who was in love with someone else, they wouldn't have asked his best friends to make that person's life a living hell. You would never, and expecially not when the person only ever gave you everything that you asked for, he gave you way more than he needed, he gave you way more than anyone should give someone before leaving them, all alone.
The worst thing is that we both know that if you didn't add the stabing part to your plan of destroying him, he would still be by your side to this day, no matter how much you hurt him by doing what you did.
I know that you are having another one of your nightmares, the ones where you wake up so scared that you can't breathe anymore; you feel so destroyed that you want to erase yourself from this world aswell.
You can't help but shiver as you think of the nightmare, the same one that keeps happing to you over and over again. It's that one nightmare where you are about to marry him, and he is standing beside you, looking as gorgeous as ever, and you tell him to stop crying because you love him too much to get his face stained by useless tears. And then, it's where the nightmare starts. You aren't in an ally about to celebrate the happiest day of your life anymore. You are in a forest, in the dark night, but you still can tell perfectly that he is chained to a tree, all of his clothes long gone from his body, cum covering the parts of himself he only let you show, your friends with winning grins stuck on their face, and him, completly destroyed and broken out of his pride.
You can pray to God every nights before bed, the thing you consider your biggest nightmare is actually only what you did to him.