Synthetic Lover

Headaches.
One excruciating pounding after another.

I was curled up on the couch, trying to will the pain away, but it wasn’t working.
Ricky gave me a painkiller, but it didn’t work either.

He knelt down in front of me and gently ran his hand through my hair.

I can’t be scared for him anymore.

He leaves, but he always comes back.

I groaned as I slowly sat up.

“You have to eat soon, Ricky.”
He shook his head.

<No I don’t!>

“Please…Don’t fight with me. I’m not in the mood.”

<I don’t want to keep doing this, Devin! It’s almost every day now! It’s sick and I’m hurting you!>

I rested my head in my hands, dropping my gaze to the floor.

“You’re not really talking to me, are you, Ricky?”
I let out a dark chuckle.

“I’m just going insane.”

He placed a hand on my knee, causing me to slowly look at him.

<Stop thinking like that. You’re not going insane. I can’t explain it, but I really am talking to you.>

I shook my head and tried my best to stand up.
I slowly made my way to the kitchen, grabbing a knife from the drawer.

<Devin! Don’t do this! I don’t want to!>

I sat back down on the couch and brought the blade to my wrist.

<I don’t want this, Devin! Why won’t you let me starve?!>

I pressed the blade to the healing scar.

< Devin!!!>

Just one movement…

<Why didn’t you let me die?!!!>

I froze.

Ricky stared at me, tears welling in his eyes.

“What did you…say…?”

<Why didn’t you let me die, Devin? Why did you bring me back?>

Tears instantly rolled down my cheek.

“R-Ricky…Stop…”
My hands were shaking uncontrollably and I dropped the knife.

<Answer me, Devin! How did I die in the first place?! Why did you do it?!>

“S-Shut up...!”

<Was it because you couldn’t let me go?! Because your grief blinded you—>

“I said SHUT UP!!!”

He stared at me with wide eyes.

I tried to wipe my tears away, but only more of them fell.

“How dare you say that I was blind when I made my decision?! You don’t know what I felt when I lost you! I lost my whole world. I lost my everything! I was so hopeless and heartbroken. There was a chance to bring you back, so I took it…!”

I shook my head.

“It wasn’t even what I really wanted…! I wanted Ricky back. My Ricky. I wanted him to be fully alive and happy. I wanted him to forgive me and we could have lived a decent life again! Instead…I got a half zombie who barely remembers anything and feeds on my fucking blood almost every day…!”

I looked up to see Ricky, now standing, holding his hand over his heart.
He had the most hurt expression on his face as tears fell from his eyes.

“R-Ricky I—”

Before I could say anything else, he stormed off and left the house.

No…It’s just like when…

More tears spilled from my eyes and it was starting to get harder to breathe.

I grabbed my phone from the arm of the chair and quickly dialed a number.

“Hello?”
“J-Josh…! Please…! Come over…! Please…!”
“What’s going on? Are you okay?!”

My hands were shaking and the headache seemed to get worse.

“I’m scared Josh…! My head hurts…! I can barely breathe! I'm so scared…!”
“Hang on, Devin. I’m on my way!”

I hung up and dropped my phone to the side. I curled up on the couch, sobs racking though my body.

I waited…and waited…and waited…

The door opened and quick footsteps followed after.

“Devin?”

I slowly looked up to see Josh standing in front of me.

“Come on…Answer me.”

I let out another sob.

He saw the knife on the floor and I knew what was going through his mind.

“Devin…Please tell me that you didn’t.”
I shook my head.

He picked up the knife and placed it onto the table.

He sat down next to me on the couch and pulled me so that I was sitting in his lap.
I rested my head against his shoulder and cried into his chest.

He held me tight and gently rubbed my back.

Soon, I ran out of tears to cry, only letting out a couple of painful sobs.
Josh continued to comfort me, not saying a word.

The ache in my head started to die down and I grew tired.

Before I knew it, I drifted off to sleep.

x x x

I opened my eyes, finding myself still in Josh’s arms.

He was asleep this time.

I carefully untangled myself from his grip and managed not to wake him.
I walked into my bathroom and turned the shower on before stripping down bare.

I stepped into the water, slightly hissing at the burning of my cuts.

They still hurt, and Ricky is starting to get them too.

I ran my hands through my hair and took in a couple of deep breaths.

I shouldn’t have said that to him. I shouldn’t have yelled at him.

It’s my fault that he’s gone.

I finished with the shower and slipped on a random pair of black underwear.

I walked into the living room, expecting Josh to still be asleep.

I was wrong.

He was standing up, looking at something with utter fear written on his face.

I slowly walked towards him and in the corner of my eye,

I saw Ricky standing at the door.

“Devin, what the fuck is going on?!”