Synthetic Lover

I can’t talk…

I can barely breathe…

My body is numb…

I’ve been like this for twelve days now.

What happened to me? Why am I like this? Why do I feel this way?
Why can’t I remember? Why can’t I remember anything?

I stood in the doorway of the bathroom, watching Devin put a brown-colored contact into his eye.

He’s trying to hide the mark.

He turned around and saw me, giving me a small smile.

“The guys are supposed to be coming over today. I hope no one notices…”

Guys?

I guess from the look on my face he could tell that I didn’t understand.

“It’s okay. You don’t need to worry about them.”

Why shouldn’t I?

He came closer to me and pressed a kiss to my forehead. He wrapped his arms around me and rested his head against my chest.

He’s so warm…

“They wouldn’t understand, Ricky. They just wouldn’t…”

He grabbed my hand and led me into his study.

“I’ll come back in about an hour, okay?”
He looked up at me with regretful eyes.

I nodded slowly.

He kissed me on the cheek before he left the room and closed the door.

The sound of a lock followed afterwards.

I slowly walked over to the window and sat on the sill.
The sky was grey and water was dripping down the windowpane.

The sky is…crying?

I shook my head.

No…it’s called “rain”, isn’t it?

I rested my head against the pane and closed my eyes.

It’s peaceful.

Hour after hour passed until the door opened.
Devin stepped inside and walked over to me, sitting next to me on the sill.

“Sorry I made you wait so long…”
He kissed my cheek and wrapped his arms around me.

He’s always so warm.
It feels…nice.

He pulled away and looked me in the eyes.

The mark glinted in his right eye.

Ba-bump.

I clasped my hand over my chest and froze in place.

W-What was that?

“Ricky…? Are you okay?”

Devin gave me a concerned look and placed a hand on my cheek.
His gaze on me dropped to the floor.

“You’re still so cold…”

He looked back at me again.

He looks so sad.

He moved closer and pressed his lips against mine.

“I still love you, though…”

Love?

“…Even if you don’t remember what it is.”
I tilted my head in confusion.

“Love is an emotion that you have for someone you truly care about, like family. Or…someone who you know you would want to be with for the rest of your life. Someone…you would die for.”

He took one of my hands and placed it over his chest.

Ba-bump. Ba-bump. Ba-bump. Ba-bump.

“You feel it in here. In your heart.”

I placed a hand over my heart.

Why don’t I feel anything? Why isn’t it moving?! It did so earlier, didn't it?!

I gripped my shirt tightly.

This emotion…it was anger or frustration…right?

Why can’t I remember?!

I gripped my shirt even tighter until Devin placed his hand over mine.

“Don’t cry over it, Ricky…It’s okay.”

I let go and relaxed a little. I didn’t even notice the tears that rolled down my cheeks.

I was crying.

Devin brought his hand back to my cheek and wiped a couple of tears away.

“It’s only been about two weeks. You’re still learning. It’s okay.”
I nodded.

I gently placed my hand back over his heart.

Ba-bump. Ba-bump. Ba-bump. Ba-bump.

I’ll keep learning. I’ll keep learning until I remember.