Synthetic Lover

“Ricky, open your mouth! I’m getting tired of having to force feed you!”

Here I am, straddling him and holding my wrist above his mouth.
He cringed as the blood dripped onto his lips and he tried to push me off.

“Ricky, please stop being difficult…”

He stopped struggling and stared up at me, and then he slowly sat up.
He gingerly took my wrist in his hand and wrapped his lips around the cut, drinking away.

A small tear rolled down his cheek.

I wiped it away and moved my hand to pet his hair.

“I know you hate this, Ricky, but you can’t starve yourself. It’s not healthy.”

He let go and his eyes were blue again.
He wiped his mouth as I moved off of him.

I petted him again and kissed his cheek before I walked into the bathroom.

I turned on the sink, glancing at my wrist.
Blood was still pooling from it.

He didn’t heal it this time.

I washed it and wrapped it some gauze to stop the bleeding.

Ricky walked in, giving me a sad glance before he handed me my phone.

A call from Josh.

I pressed the ‘answer’ button and held it to my ear.

“Hello…?”
“Hey, Dev. I…I um…just wanted to know if…if I could come over and just hang out with you.”

He always sounds so nervous when he’s on the phone with me.

“I know it sounds kind of weird, but I thought you might need some company. I’ll bring pizza, sushi, and beer.”

I smiled.

He’s a really good friend though.

“Only if you bring Sweeny Todd with you.”
“O-Of course! I’ll be there around…six?”
“Yeah, that’s fine.”
“O-Okay! I’ll see you then…!”
“Bye.”

I hung up the phone and placed it on the counter.

I guess I better tidy up.

x x x

“Ricky, please don’t disappear like last time. I was worried sick. Understand?”

He nodded, drawing a small pattern on the foggy window.
I sat in front of him on the windowsill and placed my hand on his cheek.

His eyes slowly met mine.

I leant in and kissed his lips.

“Just please, stay put. I love you.”
I got up and walked out of the room, closing and locking the door behind me.

On cue, the doorbell rang.

“I’m coming!”
I did one last room check before I ran towards the door.

I opened it to see Josh struggling with the food, beer, and the movies.

“Hey, Dev.” He gave me a sheepish smile.
I shook my head in disbelief and took the pizza box from him, placing it on the kitchen table.

Josh followed suit and placed the rest of the items on the same table.

“Alright, so what are we watching first?”
“Sweeney Todd. Put it on. I’ll grab the plates and the food.”
“Okay.”

We both did our tasks and met at the couch afterwards.

x x x

Halfway through the movie and a couple of beers later, Josh placed a hand on my shoulder.

He looked me in the eyes and bit down on his lip.

“How have you been holding up…?”
“Josh…it’s been about three months now.”

“I-I know…but…I also knew how much you loved him…”

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, the sleeve of my sweater rolling up slightly.

“Dev, what’s that…?”

Before I could hide my hand away, Josh grabbed it.

I knew he was looking at the bandage on my wrist.

“Devin…! No…You promised you would stop!”

I didn’t look at him.

I can’t tell him the truth.

“Why?! You know that the guys and I are always here for you! Why would you—”
“It’s my fault, okay?! That’s why!”

He stared at me.

He can’t know the truth.

“We had an argument. He left, probably going to the bar where we usually hang out. But, you know Ricky.
He doesn’t drink. He probably got a fruit punch, and then he cooled off and came back home.”

Tears started to prick at my eyes.

I wasn’t fully lying anymore.

“He tried to apologize to me, but I was still angry…I don’t know why I didn’t forgive him.
He kissed me, told me that he loved me, and then he went into the bathroom.”

The tears were now falling.

“I should have known that something was off, that something was wrong…
When I walked into the bathroom…he was underwater in the bath tub.

He wasn’t moving. He wasn’t breathing…and when I called 911, it was already too late.

The doctors told me that…he was drugged. He was drugged at the bar, Josh…!
It made him weak…he sunk into the water…and he drowned.”

I hugged my knees to my chest.
It was getting harder and harder to breathe.

“I-It’s my fault…! If I hadn’t ignored him…if I hadn’t argued with him in the first place…then he…!”

Josh wiped my tears away and pulled me into his arms.

I sobbed and shook my head.

“Josh, can you please leave? I need to be alone…”

He moved away but placed his hands on my shoulders.

“Are you sure?”

I nodded.

“Okay…”

He stood up and placed a kiss on my forehead, and then he took my hand and placed a kiss on my wrist.

“Devin. Please. Don’t break your promise again. I know it still hurts, but you’re not alone.”

He walked towards the door and opened it.
He glanced back at me one more time.

“You’re not the only one hurting.”

And with that, he left.

I quickly closed and locked the front door, running to the room where Ricky was.
I unlocked the door and ran inside.

“Ricky?”

I looked around the room, my heart sinking.

The window was open.

“Ricky?!”

No…Not again…!

Soon, there was the sound of footsteps and Ricky appeared from behind the bookshelf.

“Ricky…!”

I didn’t hesitate to run and pull him into my arms.

I cried into his chest, holding him tighter.

“I’m sorry, Ricky…I’m so so sorry. I should have forgiven you…! I shouldn’t have stayed mad at you…! I’m so sorry…!”

<Don’t be sad, Devin... It’s okay.>