Young Again
the end of all things
Brendon was sipping some fruity drink he had somehow enjoyed when he was several years younger when suddenly something (or should he say someone?) from his past was sitting in front of him.
“You still drink those?” Ryan asked as way of greeting, settling into the booth that was familiar to both of them. He smiled nervously at Brendon.
Ryan was in town with friends and when he had entered this favorite hangout from the past, the last person he had expected to find there was Brendon.
“I was feeling nostalgic,” Brendon shrugged, before gulping down the rest of his drink. Brendon wasn’t sure if he was nervous or if he just wanted a new drink. Ryan dragged his fingers through the condensation on his beer bottle before lifting it to take a drink.
They were silent, neither sure what exactly to say. They hadn’t seen each other in years and neither one knew where they should start. Catching up seemed pointless because they probably wouldn’t see each other for a while or ever after this… so really, what did it matter what the other was up to? As long as they were both alive and healthy.
A waitress came to their booth to take Brendon’s empty glass and Ryan’s empty bottle. Brendon ordered them both a beer, and leaned back in his seat, eyes finally meeting Ryan’s.
“So what brings you to town?” he questioned.
“My friends wanted to come to Vegas for the weekend.”
“And you didn’t?”
“It just doesn’t hold much appeal to me anymore,” Ryan answered. The waitress returned with their beers. “What about you?”
“Getting some inspiration for the new album,” Brendon said, picking up his beer and taking a few gulps. Talking about the band with Ryan just didn’t feel right… it felt awkward to him.
Ryan finished his own beer and slid out of the booth.
“It was good seeing you,” he said, wiping his slightly sweaty palms on his pants. “Good luck with the album.”
Brendon didn’t say anything and watched as Ryan walked away, joining a few people at the bar. The waitress came to the table to take Ryan’s empty bottle and Brendon ordered a stronger drink.
---
Brendon had been carrying a little notebook that came with its own little pen in his back pocket. He had pulled it out while at the bar, writing a few phrases here and there as he drank, sneaking glances at Ryan as he talked and laughed with his friends.
He could remember when he and Ryan could talk and laugh so easily. But all that had gone down the drain when Ryan and Jon left the band. They had tried to stay in touch, but like most people in this type of situation, they had drifted apart.
Brendon had thought he loved Ryan—there had been many a night of lazy kisses and deep conversations and sweaty skin.
He twisted his wedding band around his finger as he now blatantly watched Ryan. He wondered how things would have ended up if they had not gone their separate ways.
---
Ryan knew Brendon was watching him. Maybe because he had had a few more drinks, he found himself wanting to try talking to Brendon again.
He told his friends to go back to the hotel without him when they were ready to leave. Ryan was sitting across from Brendon once again as the door of the bar swung shut behind them.
They were both at a loss for words, neither knowing what they should say or if they really needed to say anything at all. Brendon quickly finished his drink and stood up from the booth, pulling out some cash and tossing a few bills on the table. He tucked his notebook into his back pocket before taking a few steps away from the table.
“Are you coming?” he asked as he turned to stare at Ryan.
Ryan stood and followed Brendon out of the bar. They walked under the Vegas lights in silence until they came to a hotel. They went straight to the elevator and Ryan could only assume that this was where Brendon was staying.
When they entered Brendon’s hotel room, they still hadn’t said a word. It was dark in the room, and Ryan stayed in the open doorway, light from the hallway spilling into the room.
Brendon went to the night stand and switched on a lamp that dimly lit the rest of the room. Ryan stepped into the room and let the door close with a click as Brendon emptied his pockets. He quickly removed his wedding band as well, setting it gently on the nightstand next to his little notebook.
---
Brendon ran a hand down the side of Ryan’s face, taking in the lines and shadows that hadn’t been there before. Things had definitely changed, and they both weren’t entirely sure if that was good or bad.
They were simply standing in front of each other, both slightly drunk and both unsure of what they were doing. Words still hadn’t been exchanged, but what was there to say?
All they could do at this point was feel—nostalgia, familiarity, longing.
“Do you think we ran into each other for a reason?” Brendon finally asked, his fingers sliding down Ryan’s neck as his eyes glanced at his lips. “I was thinking about how we never really got to say goodbye or anything.”
“Brendon—.”
“Yeah, Ryan?”
Ryan’s hand crept up, curving around the back of Brendon’s neck as he pulled himself closer, their breath intermingling in heated bursts. His nose brushed Brendon’s cheek before he turned his head to that familiar angle to meet Brendon’s plump lips.
It was soft and warm and familiar and strange all at the same time. They stilled at the contact, simply enjoying the touch of their lips together. It had been awhile since they had been like this and they both hadn’t realized how much they needed this until it got to this moment.
They parted enough so that their eyes could meet before diving back in, their kiss like fire, spreading quickly between the both of them.
As they fell in a graceful heap onto the bed, hips pressed together and limbs entangled, they felt the comfort of their youth encompassing them. It was in this moment that they both realized their feelings for each other had never changed… would probably never change. They were in love. Simple as that.
---
Brendon’s wedding band glinted in the early morning light that streamed in through the hotel room’s windows. Ryan saw it as he was quietly getting dressed.
He traced a finger against the cool, smooth metal and glanced at Brendon, who was snoring softly in the bed, blankets twisted around his body.
He wanted to run his fingers through Brendon’s hair one more time, kiss him again, say a proper goodbye.
But there was probably a reason they never said goodbye to each other; they both knew how difficult it would be. Things were just better this way. For one night they had been able to be young and careless again.
---
Brendon woke up alone, wondering if last night had been a dream. He knew it was real though—he could smell Ryan in the sheets, could feel him on his skin.
He knew no matter what, he would always be Ryan’s. While he had found someone else to love, there was no doubt that love would never be the same as the love he felt for Ryan.
It wasn’t until later, when he opened his little notebook to write something down that he saw Ryan’s message, written in all too familiar handwriting: Whether near or far, I am always yours.
“You still drink those?” Ryan asked as way of greeting, settling into the booth that was familiar to both of them. He smiled nervously at Brendon.
Ryan was in town with friends and when he had entered this favorite hangout from the past, the last person he had expected to find there was Brendon.
“I was feeling nostalgic,” Brendon shrugged, before gulping down the rest of his drink. Brendon wasn’t sure if he was nervous or if he just wanted a new drink. Ryan dragged his fingers through the condensation on his beer bottle before lifting it to take a drink.
They were silent, neither sure what exactly to say. They hadn’t seen each other in years and neither one knew where they should start. Catching up seemed pointless because they probably wouldn’t see each other for a while or ever after this… so really, what did it matter what the other was up to? As long as they were both alive and healthy.
A waitress came to their booth to take Brendon’s empty glass and Ryan’s empty bottle. Brendon ordered them both a beer, and leaned back in his seat, eyes finally meeting Ryan’s.
“So what brings you to town?” he questioned.
“My friends wanted to come to Vegas for the weekend.”
“And you didn’t?”
“It just doesn’t hold much appeal to me anymore,” Ryan answered. The waitress returned with their beers. “What about you?”
“Getting some inspiration for the new album,” Brendon said, picking up his beer and taking a few gulps. Talking about the band with Ryan just didn’t feel right… it felt awkward to him.
Ryan finished his own beer and slid out of the booth.
“It was good seeing you,” he said, wiping his slightly sweaty palms on his pants. “Good luck with the album.”
Brendon didn’t say anything and watched as Ryan walked away, joining a few people at the bar. The waitress came to the table to take Ryan’s empty bottle and Brendon ordered a stronger drink.
---
Brendon had been carrying a little notebook that came with its own little pen in his back pocket. He had pulled it out while at the bar, writing a few phrases here and there as he drank, sneaking glances at Ryan as he talked and laughed with his friends.
He could remember when he and Ryan could talk and laugh so easily. But all that had gone down the drain when Ryan and Jon left the band. They had tried to stay in touch, but like most people in this type of situation, they had drifted apart.
Brendon had thought he loved Ryan—there had been many a night of lazy kisses and deep conversations and sweaty skin.
He twisted his wedding band around his finger as he now blatantly watched Ryan. He wondered how things would have ended up if they had not gone their separate ways.
---
Ryan knew Brendon was watching him. Maybe because he had had a few more drinks, he found himself wanting to try talking to Brendon again.
He told his friends to go back to the hotel without him when they were ready to leave. Ryan was sitting across from Brendon once again as the door of the bar swung shut behind them.
They were both at a loss for words, neither knowing what they should say or if they really needed to say anything at all. Brendon quickly finished his drink and stood up from the booth, pulling out some cash and tossing a few bills on the table. He tucked his notebook into his back pocket before taking a few steps away from the table.
“Are you coming?” he asked as he turned to stare at Ryan.
Ryan stood and followed Brendon out of the bar. They walked under the Vegas lights in silence until they came to a hotel. They went straight to the elevator and Ryan could only assume that this was where Brendon was staying.
When they entered Brendon’s hotel room, they still hadn’t said a word. It was dark in the room, and Ryan stayed in the open doorway, light from the hallway spilling into the room.
Brendon went to the night stand and switched on a lamp that dimly lit the rest of the room. Ryan stepped into the room and let the door close with a click as Brendon emptied his pockets. He quickly removed his wedding band as well, setting it gently on the nightstand next to his little notebook.
---
Brendon ran a hand down the side of Ryan’s face, taking in the lines and shadows that hadn’t been there before. Things had definitely changed, and they both weren’t entirely sure if that was good or bad.
They were simply standing in front of each other, both slightly drunk and both unsure of what they were doing. Words still hadn’t been exchanged, but what was there to say?
All they could do at this point was feel—nostalgia, familiarity, longing.
“Do you think we ran into each other for a reason?” Brendon finally asked, his fingers sliding down Ryan’s neck as his eyes glanced at his lips. “I was thinking about how we never really got to say goodbye or anything.”
“Brendon—.”
“Yeah, Ryan?”
Ryan’s hand crept up, curving around the back of Brendon’s neck as he pulled himself closer, their breath intermingling in heated bursts. His nose brushed Brendon’s cheek before he turned his head to that familiar angle to meet Brendon’s plump lips.
It was soft and warm and familiar and strange all at the same time. They stilled at the contact, simply enjoying the touch of their lips together. It had been awhile since they had been like this and they both hadn’t realized how much they needed this until it got to this moment.
They parted enough so that their eyes could meet before diving back in, their kiss like fire, spreading quickly between the both of them.
As they fell in a graceful heap onto the bed, hips pressed together and limbs entangled, they felt the comfort of their youth encompassing them. It was in this moment that they both realized their feelings for each other had never changed… would probably never change. They were in love. Simple as that.
---
Brendon’s wedding band glinted in the early morning light that streamed in through the hotel room’s windows. Ryan saw it as he was quietly getting dressed.
He traced a finger against the cool, smooth metal and glanced at Brendon, who was snoring softly in the bed, blankets twisted around his body.
He wanted to run his fingers through Brendon’s hair one more time, kiss him again, say a proper goodbye.
But there was probably a reason they never said goodbye to each other; they both knew how difficult it would be. Things were just better this way. For one night they had been able to be young and careless again.
---
Brendon woke up alone, wondering if last night had been a dream. He knew it was real though—he could smell Ryan in the sheets, could feel him on his skin.
He knew no matter what, he would always be Ryan’s. While he had found someone else to love, there was no doubt that love would never be the same as the love he felt for Ryan.
It wasn’t until later, when he opened his little notebook to write something down that he saw Ryan’s message, written in all too familiar handwriting: Whether near or far, I am always yours.