Ghost of You

Three of Three

The wedding day had been planned for August of 2009; right around the time our album Toyz was to be released to the public. I was on top of the world, and it seemed as if any dream I had ever had in my entire life was coming true. I was a lucky man. What could have made it more perfect?

The answer came to us in the afternoon in a late July day as I was getting ready for an interview with a person who was going to ask questions surely about the tour with Lady Gaga we had went on.

"Olivia! I'm, we have to leave in a few minutes!" I called, somewhat annoyed at her slacking. Usually she was done by now. I walked into the kitchen and even got more perturbed to see that Olivia was still dressed in shorts and a tank top, hair still trapped in a un-neat bun on top of her head as she hung over the sink, a fan pointing right at her.

"I don't think I can go." She said, turning around. I noticed something was wrong by the expression on her face, instantly drawing in my concern. I touched her face.

"What's wrong? Vomiting again?" I had hoped after a week of vomiting it would of cleared up by now, but I guess it was just wishful thinking as Olivia nodded.

"Did you take medicine for it?" I asked.

"For vomiting Strify?" She said sarcastically.

"I don't know. Take a Midol or something?" I asked, waving this off as a female problem.

"Strify, I'm not going to take midol if I'm not on my monthly." I moved away. Obviously she was well enough to shoot comments at me, so I was still trying to deliberate on which shoes I wanted to wear, deciding on black dress ones.

"Maybe you're about to get it? I don't know." I said, stooping down and searching underneath the dining room table for my other shoe.

"Jack, I haven't gotten my period in two months." Olivia said, causing my head to shoot up from underneath the table.

"Why didn't you say something?" I asked, hurt and angered. Olivia shrugged, turning back to the sink and picking up a glass of water from the counter.

"You never asked or suggested, so I didn't." She said. I found my shoe next to the counter on the floor.

"What am I supposed to do? As if you've gotten it each month?" I asked as I stood up.

"I don't know! Maybe think about it when I started showing symptoms!" She snapped.

"Well why didn't you think about it?" I asked her. Olivia shook her head.

"I did...I just didn't want to think about the possibilities." She mumbled. I checked my watch as I slipped on my shoe, knowing I was about to be late. I wove my arms around Olivia's waist from behind, kissing next to her ear lobe.

"Take the test while I'm gone. We'll...I don't know. Talk about it? When I get home?" I suggested. Olivia nodded, moving her head back to kiss me.

"Love you." I told her.

"I love you too." She called to me as I made my way out the door. All throughout the interview, Olivia kept on coming to mind, and about the test she was going to take. I kept on bouncing my foot up and down on my leg, receiving odd and annoyed looks from the rest of the band.

As soon as the interview was over, I couldn't take the wait any longer. I dialed Olivia's cell phone number. Olivia picked up on the second ring, telling me she was probably thinking the same thing as I was.

"Strify." She said.

"Did you take it?" I asked urgently.

"Yes. I did." I heard her voice come through calmly, raising the anxiety I felt in my chest.

"Well. What is it?" I asked.

"Two lines." She said, proudly. I tried to remember back to what two lines meant.

"Meaning...you are?"

"Yes!" She said enthusiastically. I started laughing.

"Well that's great! I can't wait to see you. I love you, Sweetheart. I'm leaving now. Do you want me to pick up anything?" I asked.

"Um, not really right now. I'll call you up if I get some freaky craving or whatnot." Olivia said, tacking a nervous laugh to the end of the sentence.

"Okay, bye." I said, hanging up. When I looked up I realized I had the four pairs of eyes of my band mates watching me.

"I'm going to be a father!" I said without holding back, instantly making them laugh and murmur their congrats. I wanted to get home as soon as possible, yet the congested city traffic did not seem to even phase me on my way to the flat.

When I reached the flat Olivia was standing outside of the door waiting for me. I picked her up upon reaching her and spun her around in a circle, her feet moving outwards as she held onto me by my neck. We were going to be parents. We were ready to be parents, unlike other young couples. I was already well established, and Olivia was well on her way to being known for her creativity. I knew this was going to work, the only thing left to bicker about was who the baby will take more after and which color to paint the studio to transform it once again into a nursery.

We deliberated on post phoning the wedding until after the birth, but Olivia insisted on not moving the wedding day now that it was so close; it's not like her shape was going to morph overnight. The wedding went according to plan, even if we skipped the honeymoon to Italy due to doctor appointments, even if it was well worth it in my eyes. I drove her to and from appointments whenever I could in between concerts and stuff. The tour dates were spread out so I wouldn't have to be gone long from Olivia.

It was coming home from a concert in Poland when I sensed something in Olivia's voice when she called me to see where I was. She hadn't asked about the concert or the meet and greet after, even though she always asked about those things first before I bombarded her with baby questions.

"We're on the bus coming home right now. Why?" I asked, worried.

"I just need you here." She said, sounded exhausted.

"Is everything okay?" I asked.

"Jack, just hold off questions until you're here in person." She said. I bit my bottom lip, holding off on questions as I played with the chain of the necklace I was wearing. I agreed, telling her I loved them both before hanging up and sitting in silent worry for the rest of the ride home, making conversation with the rest of the band only when they said something to me.

I lugged all of my bags off of the tour bus as fast as I could when they dropped me off, hauling them up the steps to our flat without any help from the others. I turned the key in the door and walked in, not surprised to see all of the lights were still on. I sat the bags down at my feet in the living room when I noticed Olivia still wide awake and sitting upright in the chair. She was livid, and pale. Her face looked as if it was on the verge of crumbling. I spotted a hospital bracelet on her wrist. The morning doctor visit hadn't went well.

I threw the bag I had on my shoulder down and walked towards her. Olivia quickly jumped up and began to sob as soon as her hands wove their way around my waist. If felt as if the world was slowly beginning to crack as tears began to fog up my eyes. I numbly patted her soft brown hair down for comfort, blaming myself for not being there when she needed me most, when our baby needed me. The first and last chance I had of showing that I cared, and I lost it. Maybe if I had came then Olivia wouldn't of been so stressed and wouldn't have lost the baby.

Olivia repeatedly told me that she would of lost the baby anyways, and stress didn't play any factor into the miscarriage. Her cervix gave out prematurely, and she started to have contractions six months before she should have. I listened, but the words never hit below my surface.

After that, something changed Olivia. She was no longer chirpy. She was always harsh and always critical. One wrong move and instantly she snapped. She would either cry or loose her temper and start shouting at me. I really tried to keep my head about it, but after a month and a half of around the clock criticism and verbal assault, I began to loose my temper. I began to snap at her, and whenever I didn't snap at her, I would take it out on the guys in the studio.

One afternoon I came storming into the studio, slamming my jacket down on a chair, throwing Kiro's things onto the floor as I made way to put my coffee. It was my spot anyways. Olivia had just ran me through the mill about the bills that were going unpaid and unnoticed, saying that I was obviously pissing the money away somewhere. I just told her to pull out the damn checkbook she loves to use and see how many checks she's ripped out and then she'll have her answer.

"Don't come back home tonight!" She screamed at me as I shut the door.

"Okay, let's do this." I said as I turned around to the microphone. Everyone stared at me.

"What? Get off your lazy asses and set up." I snapped at them.

"Strify, we need to talk." Yu said. I looked over at him. He didn't even have his guitar plugged in yet. It agitated me as I got up and stormed over to plug it into his amp.

"Yes we do. Why the hell isn't anyone moving? Do you want this song to get performed or not?" I asked.

"I think we need to take a break...just for a little while." Kiro said, his face apologetic.

"It's just until you get everything straight with Olivia." Shin said from behind his drumset.

"Olivia? So now my own private life is coming into the studio?" I looked around at the faces of my band mates, my friends. "What were you guys doing? Sitting around like a bunch of fucking girl scouts, gossiping about me before I walked in?"

"Strify..." Kiro said, trying to take a step forward. I grabbed my microphone stand and swung it around, knocking the cymbals down as Shin ducked. I kicked Yu's guitar case out of my way as I grabbed my coat and coffee.

"Forget it. Forget having a break. The band was shitty anyways. I quit. The bands over." I said before walking out, slamming the door behind me. No one tried to pursue me as I reached my car. It was beginning to snow once more as a reminder that Christmas was just around the corner. Great, another damn holiday. I sped down the highway, releasing all of my anger out through my driving. I didn't know where I was going because I know the odds were against me of Olivia letting me into the house. Oh well. I'll camp out side. She'll have to let me in unless the neighbors---

I swerved to avoid an oncoming car. In my rage I must of drifted into the other lane. I swerved off the side of the road, hitting a tree at full force with my small car. I blacked out almost instantly, just feeling a jolt from the impact.

I woke up sometime when it was already dark out and tried to start the ignition. Damn it. It was out, and I was just far enough from the city that I'd have to walk somewhere to get help. I got out of my car, starting to walk down the road looking for someone that could help me with the car, knowing I'd be in deep shit if someone comes by my car and thinks I've fled the scene.

I come upon a trucker on the side of the road, laying over on the shoulder trying to sleep. I tap on his door. He opens the door after a while, surprised to see someone dressed like me out here.

"Do you have a radio or something? My car slammed into a tree just up the street, and I want someone to report it so I can go home." I said.

"Uh sure...hop in." He said, gesturing to the other side of the truck. I climb in.

"What's your name son?" He asks, even if he doesn't seem old enough to be calling me 'son'.

"Jack Strify." I tell him. He pauses hesitantly before pulling out his cell phone instead of the radio and calls someone. I don't feel like listening in. My head splits in pain as I feel a migraine settling in, trusting the trucker will just drop me off near my car.

"They say they'll get someone to tow the car somewhere in the morning and will send a police officer out right away. Where did you say you wanted me to take you?" He asks.

"Home."

"Address?" I list off my address to him as he pulls back onto the road. I look over at my tattered silver car, groaning at the damage. It's totaled, I can tell that.

He pulls up to the outside of the apartment building and lets me out. I have a weird sense of deja vu as I walk up the steps. It reminds me oddly of when I arrived home from when our baby died.

The door comes open in my hand. Olivia probably forgot to lock it again. She probably has forgave me. I walk into the house and notice that everything is pitch black.

"Olivia?" I call as I walk down the hall toward our bedroom. The door is sightly ajar. I push it open the entire way and am not prepped to see what I see. Pill bottles are scattered everywhere. A knife lays next to Olivia as she bleeds out on the bed, her white nightgown turning crimson. Her scrapbook is open on the bed next to her.

"Olivia!" I scream out, realizing my voice has a wispy tone to it. I move to her side instantly, brushing her hand.

"Strify?" She croaks. I realize she's still alive. I reach out to touch her, but something moves my hand away. My headache is back. I glance over at the dresser in my pain, and a suicide note is sitting there, as well as a newspaper.

I move over to it instantly. On the front page is a picture of me, smiling. The headline: 'Singer Jack Strify's Car Is Found on Side of Road.' The newspaper is from two days ago. I scan the article over with my eyes. Swerved into tree...Steering wheel slammed...Passed away before ambulance arrived.

The trucker never called it in. The trucker knew. He wanted me to go home, to take care of what I needed to 'cross over' like they say ghosts do. Now I sit next to Olivia in a dead vigil, knowing it won't belong until I see her again as I see the life slip away from her. She reminds me of a white rose in her beauty, and if I could cry, I would.

The lines that were read out during the wedding now float through my mind. We are parting from our problems, from ourselves. I just don't want to part from her. I don't want it to be the end. Now I know we can always be together at least. I know now how much I needed her, and when I wasn't there, she was soon to go. I want her to reach the light before me, but I'm sure I won't be too far behind.

I watch her chest slow and then halt. Her energy is coming to her chest. I'm watching her float upwards, hearing her call me. I'm going with her.
♠ ♠ ♠
Well, nobody has read this.
Oh well. I didn't want this to go to waste at least.