Dream Come True

Jude

I was almost skipping as I hurried out to my car. I couldn’t believe I’d got the place! I’d thought applying for a PhD at CalTech in America was a long shot…bigger than a long shot in fact. But I’d actually been accepted! It was the course I most wanted and I’d actually got it. I pulled out my phone as I walked across the car park and phoned Kit. “Hey, babe,” he said as the call connected and I grinned.

“Hey, where are you?” I asked as I got to my car and climbed in.

“Home, why?” he asked and I grinned.

“I’ve got something to tell you,” I said as I put my phone on speaker and started the car.

“Really? I’ve got something to tell you, too,” he said and I smiled.

“Great, well I’m about to drive home so I’ll see you in a couple minutes, okay?” I said as I reversed out of my space.

“Yeah, love you,” he said and I grinned.

“Love you,” I said before ending the call and focusing on driving back to the apartment I shared with my boyfriend of 3 years. We’d met when I was in my second year of undergrad and he was in third. Even though he moved to London for work after he graduated, we maintained a good relationship for my final year until I joined him in the city. I took a Masters course in a London university and worked part time while he worked full time. I’d finished my masters a few months ago and immediately looked into applying for PhD positions. Having a PhD in astrophysics had been my dream since I visited the observatory when I’d still been at school.

I was buzzing the whole journey home, I couldn’t wait to start celebrating with Kit. I was thinking alcohol and then some world shaking sex. Once I parked outside our apartment building, I hurried up the stairs and entered our apartment. “Kit?” I called as I kicked off my shoes and hung my coat next to the door.

“In here, babe,” he called from the living room and I smiled. I walked into the room and paused when I saw a bottle of champagne on the table.

“What’s this?” I asked curiously, sitting on the sofa next to him.

“Just thought we might be celebrating tonight,” he said with a smile and I smiled gently. “So what’s your news?” he asked and I grinned.

“What’s yours?” I asked and he shook his head.

“No, you look like you’re about to burst so you go first,” he said and I laughed but nodded.

“I got a PhD position,” I grinned and Kit grinned, leaning in to give me a tight hug.

“That’s great, Jude!” he said happily and I nodded.

“In America,” I added and Kit’s smile faded slightly.

Kit

America? As in…thousands and thousands of miles away? Suddenly the ring box in my pocket vanished from my thoughts and all I could think was that he was leaving. “Oh,” I whispered, not sure what else I could say.

“I told you I was applying there,” Jude said gently and I stood up, needing space to think everything over.

“Yeah,” I said. He had told me he was applying, but I hadn’t really thought he was serious. I hadn’t really thought he’d want to go all the way to America and just…leave me.

“It’s the perfect course, Kit,” Jude said, standing up and I turned back to him. Even though he was obviously concerned, his eyes were alive with excitement. So I bit back my anxiety and concerns and plastered a grin on my face.

“That’s great, babe,” I said with a smile. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Really?” he asked cautiously and I smiled and rolled my eyes.

“Of course I am,” I said, taking him into a hug. Once he was in my arms and could no longer see my face, I let my smile drop again.

“So what was your news?” Jude asked, pulling back and looking up at me. The ring in my pocket suddenly feels like it weighs a ton. I bit my lip for a second before smiling and shaking my head.

“Not important,” I said and he frowned.

“Come on, Kit, what is it?” he asked and I smiled and shook my head.

“It can wait,” I said. “Tonight is about your amazing achievement.” He looked at me for a second more before grinning and kissing my tenderly.

“I love you,” he said and I smiled.

“I love you, too,” I whispered, kissing him once again.

“I’m gonna go ring my parents,” he said and I nodded and watched him head into the kitchen.

I sighed heavily and fell onto the sofa. Well that couldn’t really have gone any worse. After over 3 years of being utterly in love with Jude, I finally found some balls and decided to propose…and he tells me he’s leaving. I’m not really sure he’s thought about what his going to America would mean for us. But I knew I would do whatever it takes to make this work.

I had a glass of champagne, even though I felt like doing anything but celebrate. But I couldn’t let Jude know that. He was super excited about going to America. For 2-4 years, if not longer. How was I meant to cope not seeing him for months at a time? “Kit?” Jude asked, blinking me out of my thoughts and I turned to him. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” I said with a smile. “Of course.”

“Do you not want me to go?” he asked and I frowned and shook my head.

“You can’t ask me that, Jude,” I said, standing up and moving away from his wide, beautiful eyes. “That’s not fair.”

“Talk to me,” he said, getting up from the sofa as well. I held my hand up, not wanting him to get any closer to me. I couldn’t handle it.

“Do I want you to move to America? No, I don’t. But do I want you to do what you love? Of course I do. And if what you love is in America…then you should go,” I said and he frowned.

“What I love is right here in this room,” he said and I shook my head, feeling that horrible prick at the back of my eyes telling me that I was on the verge of tears.

“I can't deal with this right now,” I said. “I just…I need to process. I need to think about how we’re even going to attempt to stay together when you’re moving halfway around the world?”

“Are you saying we should break up?” he whispered and I closed my eyes.

“No,” I said. “God, no I could never even think that. But do you think we’ll survive not seeing each other for months, maybe even longer?” Jude stared at me and then lowered his eyes to the floor. I sighed and ran my hands through my hair. “I’m going to Jason’s,” I said, hoping my brother would have some advice for me.

“Wait, don’t go,” he said softly. “We can talk this through.”

“I need to think,” I said before heading out the door.

Jason was 4 years older than me. He’d been the only one who I told that I was going to propose. When he saw me at the door, he immediately knew something had gone wrong. He ushered my inside and sat me on the sofa before asking what happened. “I didn’t propose,” I said quietly and Jason just frowned even more.

“Why?” he asked. I knew he could have teased me mercilessly about chickening out and I was more grateful than I could say that he sensed it wasn’t the time.

“He got offered a place to study in America,” I said. “And he’s going.”

“Oh,” Jason said, leaning back against the back of the sofa.

“Yeah,” I sighed.

“Are you just going to let him leave?” Jason asked and I shrugged.

“What else can I do?” I asked. “It’s something he wants.” The soft noise of someone clearing their throat behind me made me turn. Anna, Jason’s wife of just over a year, was standing in the doorway.

“You need to tell him you were going to propose,” she said softly and I frowned and shook my head.

“I can’t,” I said. “I don’t want him to stay here because of me when he really wants to leave.”

“He deserves to have all the information before he makes his choice,” Anna said and I sighed.

“What if…what if I propose and he still leaves?” I whispered, looking up at her and she shook her head sadly.

“Then you know you did all you could to keep him here,” she said. “But Jude loves you, Kit. I don’t think he’s looking forward to him leaving you any more than you are.”

“But he has this exciting job he’s moving for,” I said softly.

“He got offers here too,” Jason said and I nodded.

“So make him realise what he might be leaving behind,” Anna said and I smiled softly. I sat quietly for a moment before turning to Jason with a smirk.

“Your wife is much better with advice than you are,” I said and he rolled his eyes before leaving the room with a pout. I laughed softly before my thoughts returned back to Jude.

“How can I ask him to stay?” I asked Anna, who sat down on the sofa next to me.

“You’re not,” she said. “You’re letting him make the decision. You just need to tell him what his reasons for staying are. It’s up to him what he decides.”

“It’s so hard,” I whispered. “It’s terrifying.” Anna reached out and squeezed my hand.

“Good luck,” she said and I smiled weakly.

I got back to our flat about 20 minutes later and Jude immediately appeared in the doorway, looking anxious. “Is everything okay?” he asked and I sighed.

“Jude, you know how proud of you I am, right?” I asked, taking his hand and leading him into the living room.

“I know,” he nodded and I smiled softly.

“It’s just…there was something I wanted to tell you,” I said and Jude nodded.

“Yeah, what is it?” he asked and I sighed.

“Well, it’s more ask you, I guess,” I said, my nerves from earlier in the day returning. I was going to ask Jude to marry me but there was so much more at stake now. There was a much bigger chance that he would say no. “Okay, well, here goes,” I said, taking his hand. “We’ve been together for what feels like forever and I know you’ve been wondering what’s taking me so long. Everyone has, really. But I realised that there was no good reason to put off asking this. So, Jude, will you marry me?” I gazed into his wide eyes as his lips parted in shock but no sound came out.

“You…” he whispered. “I…I…”

“I know,” I said softly, trying not to let him see how freaking nervous I was. “You want to go to America. You can say no.”

“I would never say no,” he said, shifting closer to me and pressing a tender kiss to my lips. “I just…I need to think,” he said and I nodded, pulling out of his hold. “I’m not saying no, Kit,” he said and I nodded.

“I know,” I said again. But he wasn’t saying yes either. And I needed to prepare myself for when he did say no and told me that he was going to America. “U’m gonna…go call Jason,” I said, just needing to get away for a minute. I could already feel the heartache in my chest. Jude nodded sadly. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. A proposal was meant to be a joyous occasion, not something that just caused more tension.

“Hey, bro,” Jason said when the call connected. “Are you engaged?” he asked and I grimaced.

“No,” I said, sitting on our bed.

“Shit, did he say no?” Jason asked in shock and I shook my head.

“No,” I said again. “He didn’t say anything. He’s thinking.”

“Well…at least he didn’t say no,” Jason said and tears pricked in my eyes.

“But he didn’t say yes,” I whispered and Jason sighed.

“I’m sorry, Kit,” he said and I nodded, blinking away my tears.

“What if he leaves, Jason?” I asked. “What will I do without him?”

“I know it’ll be hard, but you’ll survive,” he said gently and I laughed bitterly.

“I’ll survive,” I said, the word sounding so dull. “I don’t want to just survive. I want to live. With Jude, for the rest of my life.”

“Just because he leaves doesn’t mean he won't come back,” Jason said and I screwed my eyes closed.

“He’ll be gone for years, Jase,” I whispered. “What if he finds someone else? Someone better?”

“You can’t really believe that, Kit,” Jason said and I sighed.

“I wasted years before I got up the guts to propose to him,” I said. “What if he finds a guy who realises what he’s got as soon as Jude steps into his life? Why would Jude waste his time on me if he finds someone like that?”

“Jude loves you, Kit,” Jason said softly. “If he wanted someone else, he would have left ages ago. And he would have said no instead of thinking it over.”

Jude

Tears trickled silently down my cheeks as I listened to Kit on the phone. I hadn’t planned on eavesdropping, I’d planned on coming to talk to him. But I couldn’t help but listen. He was saying things to Jason that he hadn’t said to me; how he felt about me going to America. It hurt that he thought I was leaving him so easily and that I’d find someone else. The thought of leaving him for months at a time was terrifying. So terrifying that I had to think about the job rather than who and what I was leaving behind. But as I listened to Kit’s voice steadily get weaker and shakier, I knew that I couldn’t go. My future was sitting in that room, not thousands of miles across the ocean.

I knocked on the door gently and stepped into the room. “I’ve got to go,” Kit said to his brother before ending the call. “Hey,” he said, clearing his throat, obviously trying to push all his emotions back down.

“Hi,” I whispered. I stood silent for a minute before I crossed the room and sat on the bed beside him. “I’ve been thinking,” I said softly and Kit shook his head.

“No, that was too quick,” he said and I frowned. “You don’t have to make a decision that fast, baby.”

“I know,” I nodded. “But…once I started thinking about it, it really wasn’t a hard decision.” He gazed down at me, both anxious and hopeful. I smiled softly and leant forward to kiss him tenderly. “It’s always been you, Kit,” I whispered. Kit pulled back in surprise but then shook his head.

“But this is your dream,” he said softly. “You’ve been talking about doing a PhD since I met you.”

“I can do any PhD, Kit,” I said gently, cupping his jaw. And it was true; while CalTech was a really good school, with a program that was perfect for me, there were schools in England whose courses were just as good. “You became my dream the second you stumbled over to me in that club. My dream come true.” Kit bit his lip to stop the wide smile that I knew wanted to break free. I loved that smile. I wouldn’t have been able to go months without seeing it. Not to mention his eyes, or really anything about him.

“You realise how corny that is?” he asked and I rolled my eyes.

“What do you want from me, I’m an astrophysicist, not a poet,” I said and Kit grinned.

“I love you so much,” he said, gazing down at me with twinkling eyes.

“I love you too,” I smiled. “And yes, I’ll marry you.”