Just for a Moment

I had my arms wrapped around Kellin’s neck as I giggled into his shoulder. I couldn’t be happier than being right here, with him. I was pressed tight against him and then he vanished into thin air. I feel as my chest get tight. I was in a huge black space, I felt as if the air was being sucked out of the room. Vic stood in the doorway smiling wickedly at me as he locked me in the room filled with nothingness, alone. I started to scream as the room walls began to close in on me.

“Lizzy! Lizzy!” I felt my body being gently nudged as I woke up in a sweat.

I trembled against the cold air blasting from the air conditioner forgetting where I was for a moment. I sat up quickly and looked frantically for the one person I couldn't lose. When I spot him all I see are his grey eyes sparkling at me, a crooked grin of relief on his face. I instantly move towards him and try my hardest not to cry.

“I thought you left me.” I buried my face in his neck.

He chuckled, “Never that. How could I leave my favorite girl?”

'Because I know you are going to, when the star re-enters our orbit.' I thought to myself.

I smiled and shrugged, feeling silly for letting a nightmare get to me so much.

“No more mid-day naps for you,” he kissed my shoulder. “Are your nightmares getting worse because Vic will be back on campus tomorrow?”

I just nodded and sighed. I knew for the hundredth time that Kellin didn't deserve this. I mean, yeah it’s great that the boys somehow patched up their friendship but I knew the guilt of wanting to be with me weighed heavy on him. I also knew that my feelings for Vic barely, if at all, faded. A fact that Kellin was well aware of, which is why we weren't anything and yet everything all at once. I felt like I was being so unfair to him, like I had somehow used him. Every time we promised it was fine, swore we were just friends, we would sneak away. Get caught up in kissing behind a tree or between my work shifts. We had become pros at hiding what this was from everyone, even ourselves. In fact, I even heard him talking on the phone with Vic from time to time, encouraging him, probably to make a move. I wonder if he heard the sadness in his own voice as he spoke to Vic. I pulled away from him and curled into myself on the corner of my bed. Roxy walked in right on time and plopped herself between us.

“Hello Dolcezza, how are we feeling after our nap?” I sat up and leaned my head against her shoulder.

“I am better now that I am awake.” She puts her arm on my shoulder.

“Nightmares?” She pushed my hair off my face.

“Yeah, but at least Kellin was here to wake me up. “ I smile at him warmly and watch as he buries his emotions deep within himself.

I wished for the millionth time this summer would go on forever. I just did not want to have to face old feelings again. Especially not when I could just go on being blissfully happy like I am now. Roxy raised the volume on the television so we could watch a Boy Meets World marathon together. This had been our summer ritual every Thursday. We would cram into a small space on my bed, eat junk food and watch hours of Friends, Boy Meets World, The OC or Seventh Heaven. We knew this would probably be the last time we got to do this before everyone got back. I leaned on Roxy and placed my hand behind her back for support. We munched on Krispy Kream doughnuts while she smiled from ear to ear, excited for Jonny's return. Mid-way into our fourth episode, Kellin wrapped his fingers around mine and I smiled.