Just for a Moment

It was strange, sleeping in a new room, with an entire building to ourselves, just me and Kellin. Even if this place had been my home for three weeks that I have been back at school. I am still adjusting to the overall silence of the wing, and the walk to visit our friends. Of course, it was also wonderful, in every kind of way. I didn't have to worry about anyone invading our privacy. Kellin and I were totally alone with each other and I loved that most of all. I lay my head on his bare chest and kiss his collarbone as his fingers caress the space in between my shoulder blades. I smile to myself, blissfully happy in this moment. Just me and my hubby, getting ready to start another weekend together. My cell phone buzzes and I sighed loudly, knowing that was the sign that I had to start my day. I groan, I don't want to go to work and be away from my Kells. I bite Kellin and he laughs, he gets my phone for me and kisses the top of my head. He was always reading my mind.

“It's probably Alan. I should warn you, I heard Jack’s been flirting with some girl to make the break up look more realistic for Max. I am sure that means she is miserable and ready to tell you all about it.” He kissed my shoulder, winked at me and went to the bathroom to shower. “Don’t be long.”

“Okay baby.” I looked at the screen and it was indeed Ally. “Good morning my sister. How are we this morning?”

“Jack has a girlfriend.” She was sobbing on the other end of the line.

Okay, so sounding cheerful wasn't going to help.

“He doesn't have a girlfriend; he is just putting on a good show for the on-lookers.” I yawned and roll over on my stomach. "He wants to be convincing, not talking to you in public clearly isn't enough. Remember in Max's last letter, where he said that he knows you guys are still together? Ugh, I can't believe they pushed his trial back to summer. Maybe you should file for harassment and his bail will be revoked. What do you say Ally?"

“He has a girlfriend, why else is his profile picture him and her kissing?” She took a deep sigh, trying to control her crying. "Jack is moving on for real."

Okay, changing the subject won't work either. I bite my lip and try to figure out what to say to her. I play with the end of the quilt that was hanging over the bed and sigh. I have no idea what to say. After a few more seconds of silence, Ally starts crying again. She also tries to explain and excuse what was going on. I could barely understand her through the tears. I feel my chest tighten, as a helpless feeling washes over me. There is nothing I can say to her to make her feel better, nothing at all. I hear Kellin’s voice float out of the shower as he sings to himself. I find myself smiling despite the situation, and happiness starts tugging on my heart. Then Ally yells and I snap back to her reality.

“Ally what’s wrong?” I sit up, pulling the blanket up with me to cover my chest.

“Everything, what’s the point of all this? I thought Max was amazing and he was everything at one point, he was all I wanted. That was all a lie, then I move on and here I am again. Heartbroken, betrayed, once again I have been fooled.” I hear her struggling to speak between sobs.

“Ally, please, Jack is thinking about your safety. He loves you, so maybe he is taking things too far but he is trying his best. I can have Kellin talk to him okay? That way he tones things down. He just doesn't want Max to hurt you, Ally that's all. He is trying to be helpful. . .” I mumble to myself, “in the worst way possible.”

“Please come see me.” She sniffles, “I don’t think I can’t take this anymore.”

“Let me get dressed, and stuff, then I will grab us breakfast and head to the room.”

“Get dressed?” I could hear the suspicion in her voice.

“I am married, Ally."

"Gross." She laughs a little and I feel some hope.

"See you in a bit Ally.”

"Bye Lizzy, I love you."

"I love you too, silly girl." I press end and throw my phone on the bed.

“Baby,” I walk into the bathroom; pick up my toothbrush, “Ally needs me head over to her room because Jack put a picture with him and the girl on Facebook.”

I put the toothpaste on my brush and start to brush my teeth.

“So,” he peeked through the curtain, “it’s just a picture.” I gave him a look, “oh, oh!” he shook his head, “that idiot.” He closed the curtain still shaking his head. “Will you be long? I wanted us to go to the movies before band rehearsal today.”

“It’s a date my love.” I pull open the curtain, kiss his shoulder blade and rush out of the bathroom to get ready to meet with Ally.

When I get to Ally’s room, I take out my key to the room and open the door. She was curled into a ball on the floor with the necklace Jack got her clutched tightly in her fist. Her eyes were empty, staring at the silver chain with apathy. I close the door, and stare at her with two bagels and substitute cream cheese in a brown bag in my hand. I put the down the bag and crouched next to Ally. She doesn't seem to notice me, she just keeps a steady gaze at the necklace in her hand.

“Ally?” I touch her shoulder and she doesn't respond. I feel myself start to get frantic, “Ally?!?” I shake her a bit, “come on Ally you are freaking me out,” still no response from her. “It’s not that bad,” that’s when I saw the blood. “Ally,” I am screaming, push her on her back and stare at her, searching for a wound.

She had slit her wrist, but that is not like her at all. I don't remembering grabbing my phone but I called the school ambulance. In a few seconds they were here, taking her to the hospital quickly. I call Kellin in tears, staring at the blood pools on the floor. She cut her arm vertically, not across - she was serious. She wanted to die. A cold numb feeling drowns me and I feel my mind shut down. A classic Lizzy defense. I find myself simply staring blankly at the floor, feeling like I can’t move at all. Trapped by hollow echoes for shock and fear. I suddenly feel Kellin’s arms wrap around me and hold me firmly. Next thing I know I am in the waiting room of the hospital with no recollection of how I got here. I sit on the hard white chairs in a room full of Ally and I's friends. Even our family is here, but I have never felt more alone. Maybe if I would have moved a little faster this morning, or tried harder to make her feel better, we wouldn't be here. Maybe Ally would be in her room eating one of the abandoned bagels with me. Maybe we would even be laughing at how strange life can be.

I spot Jack pacing the waiting room floor and a part of me wants to hit him. To scream that this was all his fault at the top of my lungs but I couldn't even find the energy to get up. I couldn't find the emotion to be truly angry. I couldn't be bothered with the boy who had no idea that this wasn't typical Ally behavior. Who didn't truly get how fragile, and sensitive, dramatic-over-the-top-Ally really is. Who really knows her though? In this past year and a half, the Leon sisters' have lost themselves and were discovering someone new. I am Elizabeth Quinn and to Ally, we were all leaving her behind. No this wasn't Jack's fault. It had to be mine.

I feel Kellin’s absence from my side so I look for him. I see him sitting with my parents speaking to them in a low gentle voice. My love taking care of my parents, helping them get through this. He was holding my mother’s hand, his wedding band shining in the white florescent lights. I look at my hands balled up in my lap, wondering if that sight should make me feel something. I can’t remember if it should, nothing is making sense. I look and see that Vic is sitting next to me. He seems to be talking but I couldn't hear a word he is saying to me. Suddenly, he grabs my hand and gives it squeeze; I look into his eyes and the numb feeling rushes away. Replacing it was an intense pain; it rips through my chest and burns at the back of my eyes. I dig my nails into Vic’s hand as the sobs begin to rip themselves through my body. His arm wraps around my shoulders as my body is shaking from the intensity of my emotions. Kellin was in front of me a few seconds later, his hands on my knees, his eyes searching my face. I only knew it was him because I feel it with every fiber of who I am, because I honestly can’t see past the flow of tears.

None of this makes sense, why would Ally try to take her own life? Why would my baby sister do something so out of character and stupid? I needed answers, after a lot of effort I pull myself together and excuse myself. It took a lot to convenience Kellin I would be fine. I finally slip away and make my way back to Ally’s room to search for clues. Anything to point to why this was happening. After a few minutes, I find what I am looking for in her waste basket by her night stand. I find a box for a pregnancy test, a razor, three letters from Max, and a notice from the school about her second strike. I brushed my hand over the razor and felt a lump form in my throat. I pick up the unopened test and I wonder why and when Ally got this. School had been back in session for three weeks now, her and Jack weren’t even together. So this must be old, but why wouldn't she tell me if her and Jack were . . . acting like adults, so to speak. Besides me being angry and disappointed in her. So there is the why. I mean Kellin and I waited. It was only a month ago that we got married and laid together. I put the box in my jacket pocket and left her room to go back to the hospital. Ally had a lot of explaining to do.