Just for a Moment

I am so glad to be finally out of that hospital. Don’t get me wrong, M. J. Academy’s hospital is much more sanitary than any other hospital I've ever seen, plus their food is great. But something about staying in those machine controlled beds and pale colored room just makes you feel so isolated. Plus all the IVs and those hospital gowns don’t exactly scream home.

My eyes flicker open as I yawn and stretch my arms out in front of me. I fall off the bed from rolling a little further to the right than I expected. I grumble and get up, greeting a stirring Lizzy with a kiss on her forehead.

“Nice job, clumsy,” she yawned. “You just got back from the hospital; it would be nice if you didn't get hurt.”

I walk over to the bathroom and turn back to Lizzy.

“Yeah, that would be a good idea, huh?” I say, sticking my tongue out at her.

I shut the door then take a quick shower, taking my time and making sure to wash the sweat out of my hair. When I get out I dry myself then slip on my undergarments. I examine myself in the mirror and see that the bags that I had under my eyes last week were pretty much gone, but still lingering a bit. I stretch my left arm out in front of me and shake my head at the large scar that left its mark. I am so ashamed of myself for making such a stupid decision. I didn't realize that Jack had such a hold on me that it took me to drastic measures to show him that what he did was wrong. I glance at myself in the mirror one last time before sighing and leaving the bathroom.

“Hey, are we staying in for breakfast or what?”

Lizzy sits up and combs her fingers through her hair, then looks at the time on my alarm clock.

“Whatever you want to do,” she says while getting up, “I’m going to take a shower.”

After she closes the door I check my phone for any messages, but none. Thanks friends. I toss my phone onto my bed and drag my feet over to my dresser and pull a gray smiley face sweatshirt, how ironic. I pull that on along with a pair of black skinny jeans and a pair of black snow boots. Last night had snowed a lot, but today is a bright and sunny day, not that that changes anything; we still have to struggle to get around campus. I plop down onto the edge of my bed and turn the TV on as I wait for Lizzy to get dressed after her shower.

We make our way to the cafeteria through the snow and attempt to not fall face first into the white fluffy coldness. When we walk in the cafeteria falls silent. Well not exactly, there was still muttering and a couple of laughs, but I still felt weird.

“Is it just me,” I whispered to Lizzy as we kept walking, “”or is everyone staring at us?”

“People are staring at us,” she sighed, “I guess word gets around fast here.”

We take our seats at the group table and the talking continues.

“That was weird,” Kellin said as he intertwined his fingers with Lizzy. “How are you my sunshine?” He kissed her then slid his menu over to her with his free hand.

“Great, now,” she smiled, looking up at him.

I roll my eyes and pick up the menu in a search of something filling. My hunger finally kicked in. I set my heart on chocolate chip pancakes, home fries, substitute eggs and a vanilla shake. Just thinking about it makes my mouth water. I place my order with the waiter and hum to myself while I wait for the food to arrive.

I skim the table as a smile spreads across my face; these people are really a bunch of characters. It’s a shame that I don’t spend much time with everyone sitting at the table, I should get to know these people before I end up leaving and I don’t know anyone. My smile fades as my eyes land on Jack. He looks so happy, without a care in the world. I should be happy too. Even though I told him that I forgave him at the hospital, I still can’t help but have the thought of him and that girl in the back of my mind. I turn back to face Lizzy and Kellin who were busy making goo goo eyes at each other.

“You guys are so annoying,” I say.

I prop my arm up on the table and lean my face into my hand. Lizzy sticks her tongue out at me and proceeds marvel at Kellin.

“Jealous much?” he smirks as he pulls away.

Just then the waiter sets my food out in front of me and I smile.

“Not at all Kelly,” I sigh dreamily as I take a bite of my pancake.

Naomi decided that she would take the afternoon shift of the ‘let’s watch Ally to make sure she isn't near anything sharp’ show. I don’t get why she’s so frantic about it, it’s not like I’m going to do it again. When she got to my room she shoved all my pens, pencils, and pretty much anything with a point into my desk drawer then put a movie on. She told me that she’s never dealt with a cutter before, but she’s seen on shows and stuff that she should take every caution that she can. She made sure to not put any depressing movies on, because then it would “trigger” me, she said. She constantly asked if I was feeling emotionally stable. If I needed to go to the bathroom she stood by the door to make sure I wouldn't do anything to harm myself.

Around six she left, saying that she had to meet up with Reggie, but she would text me later on. I gave her a tight smile then shooed her out of my room. The relief. It was so peaceful in my room without her running around and panicking every few minutes. I sat down at my desk and decided to do something productive, so I propped my feet up onto the desk and pick up a book. I borrowed The Perks of Being a Wallflower from Lizzy after I helped her get settled into her new room. She said that it was a great book and she thought that I’d love it.

About an hour later I got a text from Vic to go over to his room. I didn't open it, just sprinted out of room and over to his. When I got there I knocked on the door and pushed my hair out of my eyes. He opens the door and flashes a smile, then steps aside to welcome me in.

“Hey, how’s your first day back, bud?”

“She drove me crazy these past five hours,” I groan as I sit down at his desk.

His guitar case was opened out on top of the desk, begging to be strummed. I had the sudden urge to grab the guitar and start playing something, but now wasn't the time; I just wanted to complain about Naomi.

“Um, who exactly?”

“Naomi!” I shout as I watch him cross the room over to his bed. “She’s so paranoid about the whole suicide thing.” His eyes glinted to a hint of disbelief as he looked up at me. “Well, yeah, it’s a big deal,” I respond to his silent scold, “but now she thinks that I’m just going to cut myself at any given moment. Do you want to know what she said to me before she left?” He raised an eyebrow which I took for a yes. “She hugged me then said ‘look Ally,’ ” I started in my best mock-Naomi-tone, “‘if you ever feel like you need to release some steam, just don’t take it out on yourself, okay?’ Like seriously, who says that?” I cross my arms and huff, leaning back into the chair.

“Wow,” Vic starts, “that’s a lot of ranting for your first day back.” He chuckles as I glare at him then puts his hands up in defense. “Look, she’s just looking out for you, it may take a little time for her to calm down; she’s worried, that’s all.”

“You’re right,” I sigh, “I’m just afraid that that’s how it’s going to be here for a while. My teachers, friends, family; they’re just going to see me as someone who swings a blade at everything in sight once something goes wrong.” I frown, “what a stupid mistake I've made.”

“Yes, it was a stupid thing to do.” He walks over to me and kisses my forehead. “We’re all just looking out for you, so don’t make the same mistake.” He hops onto the desk and sits down on it, pulling his guitar out of its case. He starts plays the intro to The A Team by Ed Sheeran. I found it a bit funny when he told me that he liked that song. He admitted that it was sappy and all, but he still liked the guy’s voice. “I’m just glad that you’re better.”

“Thanks,” I grin.

He nods then starts to play Hey Jude, it sounded so beautiful. I closed my eyes as I let the music seep into me and soothe me. I hummed along and spun slowly in the chair.

“Hey, um..Ally?” Vic cleared his throat.

“Yeah?”

“I just-”

He was interrupted by ringing of my phone.

“Hold that thought,” I said holding up a finger.

I pick up to Jack laughing obnoxiously and music blaring in the background. I give Vic a weird look and he shrugs.

“Hello?” I shout.

“Oh hey babe,” he says casually.

I can hear the smile in his voice.

“Wh-What’re you up to?”

“I was just with one of the guys. Hey, I wanted to know if you were busy. Can we hang out?”

As much as I was upset with him, I still wanted to see if things could get better. I look at Vic for an answer, since I knew he could hear Jack’s loud voice through the phone. He gave me a shy half-smirk then nodded. I turned back to my phone and told Jack to meet me at the gazebo, then hung up. I got up and pulled some stands of hair behind my ear.

“Sorry, what were you saying?”

“Oh, it’s nothing.” He shook his head and smiled, “go have your lousy date.”

I smiled at him and gave him a hug, “thanks bud.”

“Goodnight.”

As I closed the door behind me, I couldn't help but think about the way Vic said that last line. ‘Go have your lousy date.’ More like, ‘have fun with that jerk boyfriend of yours.’ I don’t know, is it just me?

When I get to my room I pull on my snow boots and bundle up then head out to the gazebo. I sat on the cushioned bench inside and took out my phone. I just wanted to check up with Lizzy to see how she was doing so far; she seemed kind of distant this morning. I sent her a text then looked up to see Jack approaching. My stomach churned as I got up.

“I hate you, I hate you, I hate you,” I whispered to myself.

All the while, I gravitated towards him. I mentally kicked myself as I reached him and flashed a smile.

“Hi,” he hugged me.

“Hey,” I said in a sing-song voice.

“How’s your first day back?”

“Its…ya’ know, okay I guess.”

“Hm,” he pursed his lips. “I think that we should go on a walk before dinner, just to catch up.”

Yeah, we have a lot of catching up to do alright.

“Sure,” I said with a tight smile.

He grabbed my hand and laces our fingers together. A weird feeling shot up through me that made me feel secure about him. He kissed my cheek before we started walking aimless around the campus.

It was a nice walk, despite the cold air on my bare face. Jack opened up to me about his life before M. J. Academy and his family back home in Florida. He also explained to me his reasoning for the actions that he made, but promised that he wouldn't do something that stupid again. ‘Max will have to get through me if he even thinks of coming over here and harming you.’ I smiled and thought of what he said when he first came back from the hospital. When he said to me that all he was thinking about was what they would do with me once they were through with him. I twisted his ear out of anger then kissed him mid ‘ow.’ He’s an attractive idiotic jerk. But he’s my jerk.

We got to Menu’s just in time for dinner and took our usual seats. I ate quickly before saying goodnight and heading off to my room. I got tired easily.

When I got to my room I was surprised but relieved to find that there was no letter waiting for me on my floor; I had expected this to be a great time for Max to write me some jerk-ish ‘welcome back’ letter, but I guess not. Oh well, better for me.

I took a quick shower than put on a pair of pajamas before slipping into bed. I felt so cozy and content, something I haven’t felt in a while. I set my alarm back to the time I needed to get up and get ready for work since tomorrow is Saturday. I groan as I remember having to face Rick after my big blow up with him, I am not looking forward to it. My phone vibrates from the night stand and I pick it up.

“Ooh, a text,” I whisper to myself.

I am sure glad that I am alone because I probably sound like a loser.

I open my messages to see a text from Naomi saying goodnight, and to ‘dictate my dreams so that I don’t wake up sad in the morning.’ Gee thanks Naomi, what a good note to sleep on. I pull my pillow lightly over my face and sigh.