Just for a Moment

I watched Jack as his jaw clenched and he balled his hands into fists. He kept them at his sides, which I was happy about because I’m not sure what he’s capable of at this point of time.

“Jack?” I lay my hand on his arm but he swats it away.

“Just leave me alone, Ally.”

He turns to walk away but I grab his shoulders to stop him from leaving.

“Jack please, don’t do this to me again!”

“What do you want me to do? Just sit around and wait until you’re ready? I can’t Ally, I can’t,” he says, sounding defeated.

“No, I wouldn't want you to do that,” I remove my hands from him and look down at our shoes. “It’s just that, I can’t get over what you did to me. Not yet. It’s still too fresh in my mind.” I look up at him finally, a tear escaping my eye. Even though it’s March and that happened around three months ago, I can’t seem to get past it. I was also upset about the fact that he was invited to Lizzy’s wedding and I wasn't. It wasn't his fault, but he could have at least told me about it. Last month when I pestered him with my complaints about finding out that Roxy was there, he admitted to me that he was invited too; he was the best man. When I calmed down, he explained to me that telling me about it would just upset me and cause resentment towards Kellin and my sister. I guess he was right about that, but it still hurt me. I look up at him, wiping my cheek. “I’m sorry.”

He clenches his jaw again, and then lets out a big sigh. He rubs his temples, runs his fingers through his hair then shakes his head.

“I honestly don’t know what you want me to do. I made a mistake, I get it, and I’m sorry that it hurt you so much. I don’t mean to sound insensitive when I say this, but I think its time we moved pass that. I don’t want to wait around if you’re just going to say no. What’s the point?” He lets out another sigh and sits on the ground. “I thought-” he clears his throat, lowering his tone; “I thought that you would be thrilled when I pulled that ring out. That you’d jump at me with adornment and joy. But what you did,” he says looking up at me, and I swear I can see his eyes starting to water up, “you seriously broke my heart.” My heart drops at his hurt expression. I sit beside him, but refuse to get close. I hurt Jack, all because of a horrible grudge. “I forgave you so many times for messing things up,” he continues. “I make one wrong move, and may I mention; in actions to protect you from a threat,” he turns to me, “and you can’t even do that for me. Forgive me. Why Ally? Why can’t we just move on and be happy?”

He stares at me so I know that this was a legit question. My heart starts to pound viciously, making me hyperventilate. I purse my lips and shake my head, squeezing the dirt in my hands.

“I,” I choke up, “I don’t know what to say.”

I hear him get up and watch him as he brushes any loose pieces of grass off of him. My Jack; he’s so perfect. Putting up with me all this time, taking care of me, loving me; but I’m just going to lose it all.

“Look Ally, I’m not going to make your decision for you. You have some things to sort out and get under control. Stop being so stubborn and just embrace the people who love you instead of finding any excuse to push them away.” He helps me to my feet and slides his hands into his pockets. “If you want to let go of something good, then fine. Leave me out of your drama and just don’t talk to me.” He comes up closer to me. “I’m just letting you know that I’m willing to deal with your drama, and your craziness. So when you are absolutely sure about being with me, you know where to find me. Until then, just please, don’t drag me down with you.”

I dreaded this moment so much. I often thought about it too, but I never thought it would actually happen. Watching Jack walk away made everything seem to slow down and make the ache in my chest grow stronger.

“I need you,” I barely whisper to the air.

I can’t believe what I have ruined. I don’t deserve him; he is way too good for me. He did a smart move by ending our relationship. I use my sleeve to wipe my face which just causes my vision to blur. I sniffle as I make my way to Lizzy’s room; she’s the only one I can turn to at a time like this.

I soon picked up my pace as I felt the eyes of students land on me. I pretty sure that I’m just overreacting, but it just makes things worse; having everyone know that you've lost one of the most important people in your life.

When I get to her door I linger outside, hesitating to knock. We haven’t talked in over a month, then she explained to me why she didn't invite me to her wedding. Well, it wasn't much of an excuse, but she told me that with the drama I had going on with Max and Rick, she just wanted to leave me be and spend my vacation with Jack and relax. She also said that she knew I was working overtime and she didn't want to take away from that since I was investing in buying Jack’s new guitar. I got mad and told her that I couldn't took the day off and take a bus over to where she was staying, but I know that she meant well by keeping me out of it. It just such a special moment to exclude me from and I really wanted to be there for her when it happened.

I finally work up the courage and lightly tap on her door. I wait for a few minutes, biting my lip and ready to walk away. I don’t want to talk about this right now, it too soon, it just happened! I give up and walk down the hall when I hear the door fly open and Lizzy call my name. I stop and turn around.

“Hi,” I sniffle with a smile.

“Ally? What happened?”

She comes down the hall and searches my face for an answer. I collapse onto her, embracing her, no longer holding my sobs in. She rubs my back and hushes me, dragging me into her room. She sits me down on the bed and grabs her tissue box from her desk then hands it to me. I use one to wipe my nose as Kellin walks out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist, drying his hair. He gives me a look before glancing over to Lizzy and giving her a sympathetic nod. He quickly goes back into the bathroom and gets dressed, then plants a big kiss on Lizzy before leaving the room. She sighs and joins me on the bed, taking my hand and looking into my eye.

“What happened?” She asks in a serious tone.

I spill out every detail that I've been holding in about my relationship since I came out of the hospital. I pour my heart about about how stuck I am on the fact that Jack took extreme measure to keep me out of trouble, yet I can’t look past that. That picture that he posted was burned into the back of my head. I expressed to her how this is the first guy that things were real with and I just threw that all away. Of course her eyes widened as I talked to her about this, it was a whole new side of me. Lizzy knew the flirting streak I had before I came to this school. I’d flirt with any attractive guy that I’d lay my eyes on. There have been few times where I've succeeded a couple of guys, but whatever relationship we have would soon end after a week or two.

Max was my longest relationship, and even him I was a bit unsure about in the beginning. With him, I actually decided to invest time into a boyfriend, just to have him rip my heart out. Jack was there to mend my broken pieces, help me put myself back together. Here I am though, ripping his and my own heart out. I spent hours crying to her, making clear my devastation. When my eyes were all dried out and my body ached from the convulsing, I told her that I forgave her for not inviting me to the wedding; the past is the past, I had to get over it eventually. I also talked to her about my sudden crave for Vic’s attention and my prejudice thoughts about Katherine. Lizzy reasoned with me that she is sure Katherine is a nice girl and that I’m just overreacting because Vic is my best friend. She also mentioned that one of the reasons why I might think of Katherine this way is because I’m just used to Vic being with my sister, not other girls. That made sense, but I knew that wasn't the truth at all.

Lizzy puts on a movie until it was time to go out for dinner. She called Kellin to meet us at the entrance of the dorm building so he could walk with us. I rolled my eyes at him when we reached the outside, but had a sudden change of heart. I walked a little behind them, watching their behavior, and for the first time I realized how amazingly happy Kellin made Lizzy. He cared for her so much; you could see his love for her seeping out of his pores. I know I've called them cute before, but I never really meant it like I do now. It was in that moment that I decided to give Kellin another reevaluation in my head. I grew somewhat of a soft spot for him when he talked to me in the hospital, but now that grew deeper. I don’t even know why I was so upset with him in the first place. So he told me that if I wanted privacy it was probably a bad idea to sing in a frequently used hallway; who the heck cares? I can annoy myself so much sometimes. When we get to the cafeteria Lizzy calls me ahead to catch up with them. I keep my eyes down to keep myself from looking at Jack as we walk to our seats, and succeed. I focus on my food, as always, and distract myself with the conversations that floated around me. I should definitely hang out with these people more often. I don’t even remember the last time I talked to the guys in Vic’s band, let alone the other guys in Kellin’s band.

After lingering in Menus with the group when we finished dinner, Daniel the dance major approached me. I totally forgot about him and the other two girls.

“Hey,” he smiles.

“Hi, what’s up? I haven't seen you and your friends in a while,” I say, returning a weary smile.

“I've been fine. I saw you around and noticed how down you've been looking,” he leans against the wall, “so I thought it would be nice to have some fun with new faces, ya’?”

I cock my head to the side, confused with the sudden interest he had in me. Maybe he was one of the people that witness my break up with Jack and just wanted to help without actually mentioning the problem.

“Yeah, that sounds great actually,” I shove my hands into my sweater pockets.

“Cool, so I talked to the girls and Hannah wants the photo shoot to be next week. She was thrilled, you should have seen her.” He clears his throat and puts his hands up in a flamboyant way, “yeah, a much needed hang out with our new exotic friend,” he says, imitating Hannah’s voice. He laughs and brushes his hair out of his eyes.

“Ally, time to go,” I hear Lizzy shout from the entrance.

She was waiting for me; one hand intertwined with Kellin’s, the other rested on her hip. She was giving me a look that said, ‘who the heck is he?’

“I've got to go,” I sigh, “but I’m definitely looking forward to it.”

I raise my eyebrow for a split second, surprised at how much I sounded like Lizzy when I said that.

“Alright toots, see you around,” he lazily salutes me.

He gives me a sly grin before heading off in the opposite direction of me. Normally, I would've melted to the ground with an encounter like that; especially with someone that good looking. Right now, my heart lies with Jack, I can’t just turn on him. I catch up with Lizzy and Kellin then we make it to the dorm building. When the lovebirds drop me off at my room, Lizzy kisses my cheek and tells me that I shouldn't hesitate to call her if I need someone to talk to in the middle of the night. I gratefully thank her with a hug and tell her that I love her. I finally give in to giving Kellin a hug and scruff up his hair before they wish me a goodnight and disappear down the hall. This was definitely not the best of days, but I can see things looking up between my sister and I, so that’s good enough for me.