Just for a Moment

I end the call and pick up the guitar. My body is feeling numb and heavy with emotions all at once. I tuned the guitar that I was almost cradling in my arms, my piece becoming more meaningful. Far more meaningful then when I first filmed the clips for it and choose the song. I worked so hard for this piece to top my performance last year, since Emma Stone and her costars are in the audience. I am really nervous. I strum the cords of the song, the numb feeling beating everything else. I hear as JT announces the major show, explaining the meaning it has for the students and staff. In those moments I took some time to reflect on my day, so the emotion of it all will fuel my performance.

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I hopped out of bed feeling absolutely great, no stomach pains this past week which made me feel pretty silly about this appointment. Today is going to be a bittersweet day, it’s the major show, which I love, that's the sweet. Its also Ally’s last day on campus for the next fourteen months, the bitter. I throw on a tee shirt with plain baby blue jeans, put on some white sneakers. I need to head over to Ally’s room to help her pack up. I pull my hair into a ponytail and kiss Kellin on the cheek. I remind him that I will meet him and Roxy at the doctor’s office at noon. Then I tell him to remember to pick up the balloons for Ally’s going away party later. He grumbles that he won't forget into his pillow while nodding his head a bit. My baby is not a morning person. I laugh to myself about how grumpy he can be sometimes. On the way to Ally's, I pick up some breakfast muffins for us, with an extra large hot chocolate extra whip to try to cheer her up.

I walk into the dorm and hesitate. I haven't been in this building in so long, mostly everyone comes to our place since its so big. I feel the sadness of Ally's last day tug at my chest and stop a few feet away from her door. I have to do this, I have to be okay so Ally can keep it together. I put a big smile on and head over to her door. When I walk in I notice that she has already done most of the work. She must have woken up super early or maybe she never slept at all. She sits crossed legged on the floor staring out of the window. I wiggle the bag so the sound will draw her attention to me and she looks back at me and smiles.

“You are the best, I was starved.” She snatches the bag from my hand and opens it. The smell of the fresh baked muffins fills the room and echo off the empty walls as if they were sound waves. I let my eyes stare at the blankness of the room. There are white marks showing that posters have been recently removed. I look up at the nails left empty without a frame to hold up. “Yum, triple chocolate chip and a hot chocolate just the way I like it.”

Ally's voice rips my eyes away from the sad sight. She gives me a one armed hug before sitting back down on her bare floor and chowing down.

“Where is all your stuff?” She looks up at me and shrugs.

“Some of it is in the moving van,” she says through the muffin that is in her mouth. “The rest is already at the apartment.”

I finally walk all the way into the room and sit on the mattress.

“Should we leave these standing before you leave?” I run my hand over the seams. “I know they treat every room for pest when a student leaves.”

She sips her hot chocolate, and does the holy-moly-this-is-the-best look. She smiles and makes the small noise of satisfaction she makes most of the time she eats, especially when it’s good. She embellishes her reaction probably to distract herself from the fact that this is her last day on campus for a while. I open up my bag and bite into my pumpkin pecan muffin. I smile, I am so glad I am feeling well enough to eat and enjoy this.

“JT,” she finally answers, “says someone else will handle the moving of the furniture and the mattress so no need to worry about that. He did say to make sure that I leave the room clean. Floors swept, windows clean, bathroom sparkling, the works. So after we eat we can do that.”

I nod, “okay, I am sure we can get all of it done before lunch time.”

“Okay cool.”

The rest of the morning we spent cleaning with music playing. When we were done the room was cleaner then when Ally got it. I was a bit sad that we didn't speak much. It was mostly because I had to focus. I was afraid that all the movement would trigger the pain and nausea again but it didn't. I am still fine. I wave bye to Ally. As I am leaving I text Vic to remind him to pick up Ally at three so she can be at the party. Of course and to make sure she doesn't make other plans with her newer friends who we didn't invite. I walk over to doctor’s office with pep in my step. I am confident that everything is fine, with the stress over my pain has vanished. I will just take whatever the doctor gives me to make my best friends happy. I open the door and they are both sitting there waiting for me.

“I already signed you in.” Kellin says as helps me into the seat like I needed help.

I am pretty sure Roxy must have told him her suspicions. I give her a look and I can see from her face that she indeed told him. He gives my hand a squeeze and beams at me. Suddenly, what had him worried half to death two hours ago was now a reason to be smiling from ear to ear? I glare at Roxy; she gives me an innocent look. She knows better than to put things in Kellin’s head, he can be so excitable. I pat his leg lightly and give him a look; he calms down and frowns a bit. I pout and look straight ahead not sure if I want to deal with the stuff today. I should be focused on the party and my piece. I mean I know I filmed most of it and I will be singing with it so I don’t have much work to do but still. Anything is better than having the two people you care for the most freaking out silently next to you.

The doctor calls my name and I decide to go in alone. I sit on the plastic chair by his desk and give him a strained smile. He asks me to describe that pain I have been going through. I let him know, honestly and I embellish on my perfect health this past week. He just nods, makes a note and launches into all the doctor questions, you go through every time you see a new doctor. We go through the whole medical history stuff, sexually activate stuff, etc. I get sent to get blood taken and also get an x-ray done. Plus a few extra cautionary tests that I won’t mention to my paranoid pair. No need to make them unnecessarily nervous. I feel perfectly fine and this will just prove it, then we can all move on with our lives. After about a half an hour or so with the doctor I happily take my leave.

“How long until you get the test results?” Kellin gives my hand a squeeze as we walk away from the office.

“Well everything is done here on campus, so he said today. Right before the major show he said he would give me a call to let me know.”

Roxy smiles and winks at Kellin. “Pick out any names yet.”

I roll my eyes, “Let the record state that I have had my period for the last two months. A fact that you both are very aware of. I am not having a baby." I give them each a pointed look. "It was just stress pains, not a big deal. They are gone now, so no baby. Now can we all focus on Ally’s party?”

They nod and we head over to the student lounge to start setting up. I was happy with the, I Scream for Ice Cream, theme that I choose. I asked Naomi for a favor and now she and the other chefs here on campus preparing fresh ice cream in fifty flavors. With the added bonus that they were making all the other goodies. Ally will be thrilled. It was really sweet of them to help out, considering that they are in charge of feeding almost one thousand people tonight. I have to make sure to find a proper way to thank them.

I squeal as I put up the big ice cream cone balloons on the blades of the ceiling fans. The room was covered in big cotton candy looking bean bag chairs, since the space was empty, for people to sit in. Ice cream cone string lights were placed so that they will fall freely from the wall behind the dessert table. I wonder if I should have changed the theme to just sweets in general. But I can’t think of a catchy name for a sweet tooth based party. So I add more ice cream décor hoping to drown out the rest of the candy coated room. I have three huge tables set up, buffet style with food. Each lined with bubble gum pink and peach table cloths. Big aluminum tins filled with vegan treats and meals sent delicious smells through the room.

This is the most excited I have been for anything since Disney World. I planned this really well, hoping that a big send off and a nice party would patch things up between me and Ally. I even sent Vic to get her since she clearly has feelings for him. It was something that I had suspected since our first weeks here at this school, which would explain why I hated them being together so much. I hate that it still bothers me a bit, but I have no right. I made my choice, I married Kellin. I look at my watch, its 2:55, I order everyone to hide Ally is on her way. A text from Vic confirms it. I hide myself and wait for the door open. Kellin switched off the lights and hides. I hear Ally’s voice as she is stepping in and we all jump out and yell,

“Surprise!” I laugh at her shocked expression, running up to hug Ally.

The rest of the party was perfection, of course it had to end early, since we had to clean up and get ready for tonight. Everyone grabbed a goodie bag and a chair, after they helped out in the cleaning up of course. I was smiling ear to ear with the party’s clear success and the pictures Roxy took will be perfect for the scrapbook we planned to make over the summer. I shower, singing my song for tonight to get in a bit of practice. I am in such a good mood, I feel so light hearted. Not the best mood for the song choice but I will make it work. How could I not be blissed out? Summer is in the air, crews for the movie have been rolling in, everything was about to happen. I just could not be happier for the promises that this summer holds.

I towel dry and run in my underwear to my closet. I grab a beige pleated skirt with a thin brown belt attached to it from the back hangers. I decide to dress up but not too much, I don’t want to it look like I am trying too hard. I grab an airy peasant blouse, that’s also beige in color with black polka dots. It was long enough to cover the formal look the belt added to the skirt. I pulled out nude heels and puff out my hair that will now be in under a straw fedora. I do a light coat of makeup and place the hat over my head. I roll up nude stockings as a last minute choice trying to hide whatever hairs my razor neglected to remove. As I am applying clear gloss Kellin walks into our home. He kisses me on the cheek and smiled.

“You look flawless, as usually. My family just got here baby,” He gives me a smile. “They are so excited to see you perform. Since Vic and I play last I am going to find them good seats so I will see you later.” He gives my lips a gentle kiss then wipes the gloss of his lips while laughing. “Break a leg my love.”

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I stand backstage, focusing on my song, the shock still coursing through my body.

“So this year will start like last year with the best drama student this school has ever seen, Elizabeth Quinn.”

I get onto the stage and the videos starts to play. It shows the hardships I have been through in pictures. I even included the less graphic ones that I discovered that Tally took. I filmed small clips of each student saying what is the hardest challenge they faced this year. Voices echoed and then faded away as I sat with the spot light on me. The film starts showing a silent skit, Zac, Roxy and I perform in. It’s telling the story of the struggle to find self identity. I start to sing, Demons by Imagine Dragons. It isn't until the final chorus that the tears start flowing and what the doctor said to me truly starts to makes it's an impact.

“Don’t want to hide the truth…”

His voice rings out in my head.

“I am sorry to inform you Mrs. Quinn but the test results are showing that you have cancer. You caught it early so chemotherapy and surgery should have you back in great shape in no time. . . ”

“. . . Don’t get to close, its dark inside. It’s where my demons hide; it’s where my demons hide.”