Massacre.

I feel like there is a gaping hole in my chest. It hurts to breath.

I’m crying.

When Howell tries to comfort me, my body moves away from him.

I don’t want him near me, not when I know he hasn’t been completely honest with me.

All those times I went with Reaper to a party, all those moments where I found myself alone with Howell. . . and I never knew.

I felt so stupid, so betrayed.

Why did they keep me in the dark? Why did nobody tell me? How could they let me be so
stupid?

I was a nuisance, a burden, passed onto Reaper and then passed back to Howell because Reaper couldn’t handle me anymore.

I’m so stupid for falling for Reaper too.

I can’t help but compare the way he adored me as a kid and how in the last couple of months his eyes were filled with annoyance.

The water works won’t stop.

I’m curled into a ball, knees pulled to my chest, head resting on my knees, arms shielding me from the world. My back hurts, my neck is strained, and my legs are begging to be stretched but I won’t budge.

There’s a sinking feeling in my stomach, my chest aches, and the tears won’t stop.

I want to disappear into the air so that I no one will have to worry about me anymore, so that I don’t have to be a nuisance to anyone.

These feelings won’t stop, these tears won’t stop, and I am left to suffer until I’m exhausted emotionally and physically.

I can feel myself beginning to fall asleep, a blanket of silence and darkness creeps into my mind. When Howell talks it sounds like I’m under water, I can’t make sense of what he’s saying but my feet move for me.

I end up curled up on a bed and I fall asleep.