I'm Raw and Invincible

Penelope twisted and turned the letter in her hands, she knew she was probably ripping it but she was too nervous to really care. A lot of lines were being crossed in this letter and she could really offend the one person she’s trying to help. It’s just that Penelope is willing to take this risk; if she didn’t care so much about John then she wouldn’t do this. John and well his band, the Maine, helped Penelope a lot through the past for years and now she feels like she needs to return the favor. Just before the band released their full length cd Pioneer she noticed John started to change. It wasn’t anything major straight away, it was just that he started drinking on stage which Penelope tries to let go because a lot of artists do it. The problem is that Penelope and a lot of other fans can tell that he’s wasted while performing and in Penelope’s opinion that isn’t fair. She pays a lot of money to see this band and she doesn’t want the lead singer to be messing up and forgetting the words of his own songs; which is what John is doing.

It’s just frustrating and it hurts. Penelope knows John isn’t drinking purposefully to hurt her or his other fans but it’s happening. Penelope really looks up to John and she just wants to make sure he’s being safe and that he’s okay. So she decided to write him a letter about her worries about him. It’s none of her business, she knows, but she’s just so worried and she cares about him so much that she has to say something. There’s a good chance John will think she’s crossed some boundaries but Penelope had to do this, she has to let John know that she cares. Maybe, just maybe he’ll realize something is wrong and he’ll get help or he’ll realize fans don’t like the fact that he drinks on stage. Either way, maybe this letter will make things better and that’s what drives Penelope to give John her letter.

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John woke up around three the next day hung over and tired which is nothing new. He did his usual routine of taking a piss, drinking some coffee and chatting with his band mates about the previous night. Their tour with Anberlin ended so they’ve got a long drive back to Arizona and John is fairly excited about it. He loves tour, he loves singing and he loves his band and fans. Two months of tour, giving it his all every night can be quite exhausting and he’s ready to have a small break before their next tour. Being off tour means long drives, late nights, booze, and friends. On the flip side however it also means downtime which equates to thinking too much and John would really like it if he could just stop thinking.

Now that he doesn't have to prep for a show he has more downtime and he’d prefer not to think about the usual things clouding his mind. He decides to read through some of the fans letters the band has received this tour since most nights and mornings he’s too drunk or hung over to really bother reading through them. A lot of them are the same; fans thanking them for saving their lives. It’s an honor and definitely humbling and it does lift John’s spirit until he gets to one letter in particular that leaves him feeling a little sick to his stomach.

Dear John,
Hi there, my name is Penelope. I’m 23 and I live in Orlando, Florida. I’m writing this before I’ve been to your show but I can only assume you guys sounded great so I’m just going to go ahead and say, you were amazing last night. I’m going to skip over all of the ‘your band saved my life’ bit for now although its true and just get to the point because I can’t keep this in any longer.

I’m worried about you.

I really am. You seem so very depressed and I know I’m probably being rude right now and I will probably make you mad throughout this letter but just hear me out, okay? Forever Halloween is amazing okay, don’t get me wrong but John, it sounds so sad. The lyrics are very powerful but very depressing. Are you okay, John? I don’t mean how are you today. I mean truly deeply, are you okay? Is something going on? Do you need to talk to anyone? I’m very worried John, I just hope you’re okay. I need you to be okay.

Another thing that I’m worried about is your drinking. I don’t mind that you drink, don’t get me wrong. But John, I’ve noticed that the few shows I’ve been to of yours in the past year or so and from what I’ve heard from other fans is that you’ve been completely hammered during every show. I understand if you want to have a drink before and party after, that’s fine and dandy do what you want. Do you have to drink during though, John? It really upsets me when you forget your own words because you’re too drunk to remember them. I’m worried about your drinking and again I know I probably shouldn’t but I’m worried you’re headed in a downward spiral and I just want you to be okay.

That’s all I want John, is for you to be happy and healthy. I don’t want you to drink on stage anymore, I want you to be sober. I want you to meet the fans sober and I want you to care. I want you to care about yourself enough to do what’s right.

I really do hope nothing serious is going on and you have it under control just be safe okay? Please, John be safe. I’ve been where you are. I’ve been depressed enough to drink all the time and I’ve gotten myself into some nasty situations and I don’t want that for you. So please John, be safe. Take care of yourself and please just tell someone if you aren’t okay. Take what you can carry.

-Penelope