I'm Raw and Invincible

It’s not that John is really bitter about his conversation with Joel it’s just that, well he’s mad. He’s mad at Joel and he feels like throwing a tantrum so instead of calling him and asking for a ride to pick up his truck he decides to walk there even though it’s about a half hour drive so it’ll probably end up being an hour walk. It gives him time to think about what Joel said or rather what Joel feels. It’s strange to John that his friend feels so strongly about his drinking because Joel’s never said anything about it. One of the first times they actually hung out when they first met, Joel explained that he doesn’t drink much and that’s still the case today. So Joel will only have a few drinks here or there and he’ll make a few snarky comments to John but nothing serious, nothing like last night. Its hurts John to be honest that his friend would corner him like he did and maybe it wasn’t necessarily cornering as it was honestly brought up. Still though, Joel didn’t have to make such a scene about it. He could’ve laughed it off and talked to him about it another time, a time where he wasn’t drunk.

And if John was being honest he’d say those times are kind of rare. He does drink a lot and thinking back to being on tour he hardly ever stopped drinking but that’s tour, it’s like a family vacation and who stays sober on a family vacation? John recognizes it’s a lot but he genuinely doesn’t think it’s a problem. It’s not like he falls all over himself, most of the time, he isn’t really that sloppy except for that one night where he could hardly stand up. And really he still performs well while drunk, except when he forgets his words. So okay he may not be as pristine as he originally thought but he still doesn’t think he has a problem. He watched his father drink his life away so why would he? He’s got an amazing family blood related and not, he’s got his dream job, and he’s got tons of fans all across the world. There is no reason for him to be an alcoholic like Joel proclaims.

He drinks because he likes the taste, he likes the different flavors and the way he can feel it slide down his throat and dance in his veins and he just likes it. He didn’t think it was bad to drink something because of the taste. He doesn’t have a problem, John decides. He still doesn’t have a problem when he stops off at a package store for a beer to drink on his walk. Nor does he have a problem when he stops at the same store on the way back for a twelve pack plus some scotch and vodka. He doesn’t have a problem when he gets drunk all by himself in his apartment that remind him of the same white walls that his father locked himself up in at night and no, John doesn’t have a problem.

+++

It takes a few days but John finally decides to talk to Joel, he doesn’t call him, no he’s too prideful for that but John does answer Joel’s text reminding him of Joel and his wife’s anniversary party. John completely forgot about it to be honest but he knows he needs to go; he was Joel’s best man and Joel would be incredibly disappointed if John didn’t show up. So John finished his drink and took a quick shot and took a shower throwing on whatever clothes he could find and he just hoped they smelled nice enough. He had another shot or three before finally driving to Joel’s house where the party obviously already started.

He parked in front of the quant house and faintly stumbled his way up the driveway and into the home. He couldn’t help but roll his eyes at the scene before him; it was decorated obviously by Elizabeth and both of their families and close friends were in attendance. He made his way to the kitchen to scope out the drinks and of course they would only have wine and champagne to drink, nonetheless John grabbed a flask and went in search of the couple. He found them in the dining room, Joel with his arm around Elizabeth’s waist talking with his cousin while Elizabeth talked to one of her own family members, probably discussing the cake that is a replica of their wedding cake. Honestly they made John want to throw up because how can two people be so stupidly in love with one another?

“Joely boy and Mrs. Elizabeth Kanitz.” John spoke once he was close enough to them.

Elizabeth rolled her eyes and greeted him with a hug, scrunching up her nose presumably because his shirt reeks but Elizabeth is far too kind to point it out. Joel hugged John next making the same face his wife did but didn’t bother saying anything about it especially with a room full of family and friends.

“I’m happy you showed up.” Joel told him, voice slightly strained.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world Joel.”

Joel wasn’t sure if he believed him but John was actually there so he gave him the benefit of the doubt.

“Well thank you, this really does mean a lot to both of us.”

John smiled, “Of course man. Now go talk to your party guests, I’m going to find your mom and continue to woo her.”

Joel rolled his eyes, “One that’s gross, two she’s married to my father, and three if you’re efforts haven’t worked by now it will never happen. Oh and by the way, it’s gross.”

John simply laughed and walked away from Joel, not really knowing where to go because as much as he wanted to say hi to Joel’s mother, he knows she would call him out for all his shit and that’s not something he wants to happen. So instead he plants himself in the kitchen making random conversation with people and drinking as much wine as he possibly could thinking it wouldn’t have an effect on him. After a few hours it was time for Joel and Elizabeth to cut their cake so John walked as best he could into the dining room. He slipped past a few people so he could be by them; he felt like he had a right to push past everyone since he was the best man at their wedding.

Joel gave a short speech about their first year of being married and how much Elizabeth meant to him which had most of the girls in the room crying and John quickly wondered when his best friend because such a sap. Everyone clapped and cheered after the speech and as the couple cut their cake together before someone was helping them pass the cake out to everyone who wanted a slice. John didn’t want cake, he wanted another drink or three so he did his best of being careful with turning around but his elbow knocked over two glasses, the same two glasses Joel and Elizabeth drank from at their wedding and everyone around him gasped and Elizabeth was trying not to cry and Joel was cursing under his breath. Someone was yelling something about using a wet wash cloth to clean up the wine before it stains and there was so much going on and all John wanted was a drink so he left the room.

John walked out and into the kitchen, grabbing another glass and downing it quickly before getting another and another. Elizabeth walked into the room and took the glass from John asking if he could step outside for a moment. John shrugged, grabbed the glass again and walked out the kitchen door and into the backyard. He stopped walking once he reached the grass and turned to see Joel now standing by his wife’s side who was most definitely crying.

“What?” John asked.

“You’re not going to apologize?” Elizabeth asked, her arms wrapped tightly around Joel’s waist.

“What?” John repeated.

Joel sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, “John, those glasses you broke where the ones we used at our wedding. They meant a lot to us.”

“Oops.” John said shrugging.

“John.” Elizabeth said shaking her head.

“What? I’ll buy you more, sheesh.”

“You can’t buy us more John, that’s not the point.”

Joel sighed and rubbed his wife’s back, “She’s right John. You can’t replace those glasses but you owe us an apology. I know you didn’t mean to break them but you should still apologize.”

“If you know it was an accident then I shouldn’t have to apologize.”

“Damn it John.” Joel snapped. “Are you too drunk to get it through your thick skull that you broke something of ours? Something that meant a lot to us and that we really cherished? Be a man and apologize.”

John rolled his eyes, “It’s not that big of a deal.”

“It is to us.” Elizabeth spoke.

“They’re just glasses.”

“Wedding glasses, John. Wedding glasses.”

“I get it Beth,” John sneered, “you don’t have to keep repeating it.”

“Don’t you ever call me Beth again.” Elizabeth snapped at him, moving away from her husband and going inside.

Joel shook his head and stood there with his hands crossed over his arms just like he always did when he was upset.

“I don’t get it dude.” John said shrugging yet again.

“Of course you don’t because for one you’re too drunk off your ass to care and two because you’ll never find someone who makes even the smallest of things mean the world. Yes those glasses were just glasses and you can replace them but they were from our wedding and they mean a lot to us because we’re in love John, we’re in love and little things mean a lot to both of us. Just apologize and it’ll be over with.”

“I’m not going to apologize!” John raised his voice. “I’ve done nothing wrong and I’m tired of you always treating me like I’m so prepubescent boy!”

A memory flashed in John’s mind of his dad yelling the same thing at his mother when she asked him to apologize for getting dirt on the carpet after she just cleaned them. It wasn’t a significant memory, nothing really happened after his father screamed. His mother just nodded and started washing them again as his father drank more and more. Similar to his memory Joel nodded and walked inside probably going to find his wife or help clean up the spill. Everything seemed so vivid in that moment he could see his parents fighting and it felt like he was right back there again but no, he’s not there. He’s in Joel’s backyard and he’s drunk and he just wants another drink and he made a mistake and he’s sorry he really is but he can’t apologize he’s too prideful and he’s. He’s too much like his father.