The Boy on the Blue Moon

The whole cafeteria was still laughing when I left to smoke a cigarette. It was my usual routine, to eat lunch if I was hungry and then hang out by the back of the school to smoke. I was so pissed at that Vic kid I didn't even invite the others to come along, even though I knew they would show up anytime soon.
- Who the fuck does he think he is? - I asked myself. Everyone in this school respects me. But then this stupid skinny ass lame guy thinks he can be all sassy and get away with it? No way. I am going to give him hell. I didn't realize I was punching a wall until Justin's voice surprised me, making me stop instantly.
- You know, you shouldn't discharge all your anger on a kid.
- Don't tell me what to do - I snapped. I was having some trouble lighting my cigarette because my hands were shaking. I knew I should’ve eaten something for lunch, but my stomach was way too upset.
- I really love angry Kellin, but seriously, if you punch me, I'm going to eat you. And not in the funny way - he said. I sighed, and rolled my eyes.
- What do you want?
- What happened to you, dude? And don’t come up with stupid excuses. I was worried about you. Last time you were gone for so long, you came back with a broken arm and I still don't know how it happened.
- Justin, it's really nice that you care about me and shit but, I don't want to talk about it. And why does it matter anyway, huh? I'm back for good - I tried to smile but my lips trembled at the thought that I couldn't say that for sure.
- Why does it matter? Kellin, honestly, have you even looked at yourself in the mirror lately? You're a wreck. I know the other guys don't think this is important, but I do. So here's the deal, you'll tell me what's going on and I'll try to help you.
- Wait, now you're a shrink?
- Fuck off.
- I'm just having some problems back at home. And I'm not in the mood to talk about it. It doesn't matter. My sister has been getting into a lot of trouble and she's pissing me off, you know? - I mumbled a lie.
- She'll grow out of it someday, Kellin - he rubbed my back, trying to sooth me, but it didn't work. My back was still sore, so it hurt.
- Let's hope so - I faked a smile - Look, I'm probably going to be more annoying than usual for the next weeks, but nothing to worry about. Okay?
- Sure.
- Great, can you leave me alone for a while? - I tried to be polite but all I wanted was to shout my problems at him and see how he would react. He nodded and I heard the sound of his footsteps fading away.
- I have no sister - I whispered while lighting another cigarette. I grabbed my notebook and started to write. I really liked the idea of organizing my thoughts into a notebook. It really calmed me down when I needed. I never actually read what I write, I just do it.
I ended up thinking about Vic. I was so mad at him. He made me feel terrible at Music class, so I had to make him feel the same way. His music was like a punch in the stomach so I guess it's fair. It was so adorable how scared he got right before the first punch. He showed how weak he was - something I could never do.
I started out to the bathroom before my first class, I was so dizzy from the nicotine that I needed to wash my face. I didn't want to get detention on my first day, even if that meant less time at home.
When I was done cleaning up, I looked in the mirror. Justin was right, I was a wreck. I had dark circles under my eyes and I looked too skinny. Even though my hair looked great and I had a cocky smile on my lips, I still looked like I hadn’t gotten any sleep in a while - which indeed I hadn’t. I was about to leave when Vic left one of the bathroom stalls. His cheek was starting to get blue, and I smiled. I could still throw a good punch.
- Well, well - I smiled while looking at him. He looked absolutely terrified, and it was kind of cute. After all, he is still taller than me, and probably stronger too. - What happened to you, Fuentes, huh? Scared? Don't worry, from now on, it'll only get worse.
His jaw dropped while I left the bathroom laughing. I was allowed to have a little bit of fun, right? After all, he started it. That's what I tell myself, at least.

The rest of the day went boring as usual. Vic didn't even look at me in Spanish class; I guess he learnt his lesson. I had to put up with all the looks at my Spanish teacher's ass, and pretend to like it. Actually, I was more into boobs than asses. Gabe finished to fill me in on what I missed on those two weeks and he even gave me a ride home.
- See you tomorrow, Kellin! - he shouted when I left the car. I walked slowly, and I realized I was shaking a lot when I had trouble to grab the doorknob. I walked silently through the living room where my father was watching some random movie and drinking beer, nothing so unusual so far.
I needed to eat something, I was starting to feel hungry and I didn’t want Justin bitching over how much of a wreck I looked – one emotional speech a week was enough, thank you very much. I opened the fridge; maybe I could make myself a sandwich or even something better, like pasta, if there were enough tomatoes for the sauce. However, the fridge was completely empty. There were like half dozen beer bottles, a bottle of vodka and an empty bottle of wine. I had no idea what the fuck was this green thing I noticed at the back of the fridge, but I’m sure it wasn’t edible. I searched all over the kitchen’s cupboards for some snacks but there was absolutely no food besides some old crackers and warm beer. Of course, beer, my dad can’t live without it, but food can’t be that important. I was too angry to think straight, so I just exploded:
- What the fuck dad?! Couldn’t you buy some food, for fucks sake? Or am I supposed to starve to death under this roof, because judging by the amount of food in this kitchen that’s probably what you’d like to happen – my voice echoed in the bare walls and I sounded firm; scary even. I felt like I could actually confront my dad.
- You were away at your little vacation and there was no one to do the groceries – he sounded cold as he stood up to face me
- Oh, right, yeah, but you can always buy beer to yourself, since drinking is the only fucking thing you can do with your pathetic life!
- Are you trying to act bold, Kellin? – he gave me a dark smile and I shivered, I should’ve kept my mouth shut. – You must learn to show some fucking respect – he spat. I closed my eyes as I felt it coming. His punch hit my stomach and suddenly I couldn’t breathe. I felt myself falling to the ground; If I was already a bit dizzy from hunger before, his punch only made it worse. I wasn’t surprised when I felt his foot hit my ribcage. All of the right side of my body was on fire, everything was hurting so much it was unbearable. It’s been a while since he’d beat me up so bad, and I wish I could get used to it. I wished one day he’d see he couldn’t fuck me up anymore and he’d stop.
- Quit crying, faggot. No son of mine cries – he spat while I was on the floor. It was too painful to breathe, but I managed to get up with the little bit of dignity that was left in me and slowly went upstairs to my room.
- I want you to do the groceries by tomorrow, you hear that?! – I heard him shout by the time I was on top of the stairs I didn’t bother changing my clothes; I just crawled under the covers and cried. I was sobbing so hard because there was so much inside me. I had completely lost any hope I had – I thought that maybe when I came back my dad would be different, maybe school would be different, maybe I would be different, but everything was the same hell. Crying made the pain my dad inflicted me feel even worse. I felt like I deserved it, and honestly, I did. I made him angry. I was a shitty son with absolutely no future, no wonder why my mom decided to leave; she knew I wasn’t worth the trouble. The thought of my mom made me cry even harder, and I wasn’t quite sure it was possible.
Why is everything so hard? Why can’t I be a regular teenager? One of those happy kids whose biggest trouble is forgetting homework. Fuck homework, I don’t even care. I’m too busy trying to live through hell.