The Boy on the Blue Moon

I had barely started to calm down after that little incident this morning and it was already lunch time. Even though I wasn’t planning to eat anything, I was excited – first because hey, it’s a break from all those ridiculously boring classes and second because I had planned something for my dear Vic Fuentes. I hated this feeling on my chest whenever I thought of his name; I needed to get rid of it as soon as possible. My plan was to give him a warning – stop fucking around for good or he’ll see what hell’s like. I felt like he deserved a friendly advice first because he tried to help me at the party when I was having stupid hallucinations. Maybe it was part of it that he seemed concerned and worried, maybe he wasn’t even there, but again, that feeling on my chest wouldn’t let me just go insane on that kid.
The only thing I had seen for sure at that party was Vic kissing Jaime. It was awkward, weird and I still don’t know if that strange… Thing I felt was because of my near overdose or because I saw two straight (well, I used to think they were straight at least, I guess this sexuality thing is really flexible for them) making out. Fuck, I only remember I had kissed Maya when she was all over me in Spanish class. The disappointed look on her face was hilarious; I guess she actually thought that could lead to “something else”. Stupid girl, I don’t do relationships, and even if I did, it would be something like Gabe’s relationships that…
There was him. He was making his way through the crowded cafeteria to get himself lunch, but considering the size of the line it would take him about fifteen minutes until he could finally sit down and eat. I cracked a dark smile while I walked towards him – I loved seeing that scared face he puts up every single time he sees me.
- We need to finish our… Conversation – I said slowly, feeling the bitter taste of each word in my tongue.
- I-I can-n’t – he stuttered nervously.
- Don’t make me adorn your face with another bruise because you’re coming with me whether you like it or not – I rubbed my forehead because I was losing the little bit of patience I had. – I’m not shoving your head down the toilet or anything.
- Are you saying you’re sorry? – he snapped.
- Do I look like I’m sorry for anything? – I raised my eyebrows. – Come.
I walked and hoped he would follow me, or else I wouldn’t even try to talk to him and explain in how much trouble he is getting his tan cocky self into. I looked back and he was right behind me with that concerned look in his eyes again. Was that permanently tattooed on his face? I don’t remember seeing anything else but fear, concern or worry on his deep brown eyes. We walked until we were at the back of the school where I generally go to smoke and kill time whenever I don’t want go to class. His eyes widened when he saw that we were completely alone there. I shrugged while lighting my cigarette.
- Before you start to act like a cocky prick, I’m going to give you a friendly advice, Vic. Sit down – I commanded. His hands were shaking while he sat from a safe distance from me, his back against the wall. - Look, I’m not evil or anything, I don’t normally pick on people. If you leave me alone, I’ll probably get tired and leave. However, if you keep fucking around, you’ll see how much worse your life can get, do you understand me? – my voice got lower and lower.
- Is this a threat?
- It’s an advice – I blew the smoke directly on his face. – You see, I’m trying real hard not to make your life miserable, but you’re making it…
- What’s up with your dad? I mean, you seemed really fucked up at that party and you were screaming things like he was about to kill you – the casual tone he used to talk about that made my whole body freeze and I felt I could throw up any second now. Thank God I didn’t have lunch.
- That is none of your goddamn business – I said coldly, while throwing my cigarette away. I saw a spark light in Vic’s eyes:
- You seemed really scared, actually and he was going to kill me too, so I guess it is of my concern – each word he said weighted like an anchor in my head. Suddenly my neck wasn’t strong enough to support the weight of my head. – Where are your body guards now, huh? You’re not that tough without them and-
- Shut the fuck up! – I screamed, while I got up and punched the wall right next to his head. – Shut. The. Fuck. Up – I looked into his eyes, each word was a punch I would throw and hit the wall with a loud bang. I knew my fist would be completely numb for at least three days but the anger I felt made me do it. Dammit, I could barely think. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Vic looking so scared in his whole life.
- I’m… I’m sorry, I didn’t…
- Why do you make me feel like this, you fuck?! – I screamed. – Why do you even do these things to me and to yourself? – the words were flying out of my mouth and I wasn’t sure what I was talking; I only knew that my feelings were in charge of my mouth now, not my brain. – You’re the absolute worst! – I spat. – You’re a horrible person – I screamed, abruptly talking about myself.
- Are you o-okay? – he pulled out his scared puppy face again.
- Stop making this stupid puppy face! You won’t soften me with that! – I pushed his shoulder and he hit the wall lightly.
- I don’t make a puppy face! – he finally got his confidence and cocky attitude back.
- Shut up! – I roared. – Will I have to make you shut up?! If you keep trying my patience, you’ll end up finding out where it ends and I’m sure you won’t like it – I laughed sarcastically.
- You’re mental – he hissed. – You’re making absolutely no sense! I’m sorry if I get on your fucking pussy nerves, but I can’t seem to understand what I did to make you hate me so much! It’s hard enough to come a new school but dealing with an asshole that hates me for nothing-
- Nothing? And I’m mental… Just shut up, Vic. Shut up – I felt a the tears crawling up to make their way to my eyes but there was no way I was going to let myself cry in front of him. I had never had so much anger on my body; mixing it with sadness, hangover and a near overdose… I don’t need to explain much more. I knew my lips were still muttering “shut up” but I couldn’t stop – it was the only thing keeping my tears away.
- Kellin? You’re not having a drug thing, right?
- Shut up.
- Answer me, please – his voice tone softened so much in such a small amount of time that it surprised me. I felt his hand touch my shoulder lightly, in a comforting way that no one had touched me before.
- Do you think I would snort coke before class? I’m not retarded! – I snapped.
- Okay, so, hmm, last night it was cocaine that you’ve taken – he whispered, probably to himself. – I just need you to tell me. Are you okay?
- Shut up – I tried to shut down all my feelings; it was what I usually did when my father decided to go for a round of beating me. It was working for a while – that numb cold feeling was filling my chest and my head and I was starting to feel “okay”. I didn’t actually feel anything when I did that. But then Vic spoke, his high pitched voice was so soft and so low, a whisper only for me:
- Sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to upset you – his hand slowly rubbed my back in a delicate way it didn’t even hurt.
- Are you sure you didn’t mean it? – I muffled, trying to empty myself but his fucking voice was inside my head and making everything feel different. It felt… Warm.
- You can’t blame me. You tried to drown me in the toilet this morning. Of course I’d be angry at you too.
- You were being cocky. You should learn not to talk back to me.
- What are you now, principal of this school? – his tone was supposed to be annoyed but it was playful and it made me feel ever warmer. This was starting to make me irritated because I shouldn’t be feeling like this. Not that I hated, but it’s just wrong.
- Close enough.
- Your high self-esteem is unbelievable.
- Excuse me, if I wanted you out of this school today, you’d be out – I said, trying to get angry, trying hard to make myself mad but the situation was getting a little bit too comfortable.
- Does that mean you want me to stay here? – the half smile that appeared on his lips was what made me snap out of that stupid friendly atmosphere.
- That means I want you to keep your stupid mouth shut. Put some sense inside your head – I told him as I stood up; I didn’t want him to touch me anymore.
- Why do you do this? – Vic’s voice was full of frustration. – I can’t understand you, Kellin.
- Do what? – I asked rudely.
- This! We were actually having a conversation like normal people and then all of a sudden you remember that you have to act like an asshole.
- Oh please – I rolled my eyes. – You do the same thing. You try and pretend to be the innocent Vic Fuentes, that is afraid of everything but one small push and you’re all confident and cocky.
- You say cocky a lot for a straight guy.
- You’re begging to get punched, kid – I sighed. He had managed to annoy me again. – I gave you the advice and you refuse to follow it.
- I’m not following your advice just because you don’t like people standing up to you!
- Oh, Vic – I laughed. – I love when people stand up to me. I love seeing their fall when they learn that you can’t just simply stand up to me.
- What are you now, some kind of mafia?! What are you going to do, kill me?
- I can make you miserable, would you like to see me try? – we would get closer as we provoked each other. I saw his eyes scanning my face, taking a little bit too long looking at my lips while I talked. – You still haven’t answered me, princess.
- Don’t call me princess!
- You asked what am I, and I’ll tell you simply this: I have nothing to lose – I felt the awful taste of the truth in my mouth as the words came out. Confusion took over Vic’s face.
- What do you mean? – that soft and worrying tone came back to his voice. He actually had a good voice, I wondered if he sang or something. He was taking Music, after all. I shrugged; he was not getting any more answers from me. I heard him sighing loudly, almost as if he actually wanted me to hear. - Seriously? There it is, the cold, distant and perfect asshole Kellin – he frowned. My stomach didn’t quite like it.
- Stop it. You’re doing it again.
- What? What am I doing wrong now Kellin? Am I pissing you off because I’m “cocky” and “stand up to you”? – Vic sighed.
- Doesn’t matter.
- Well, it fucking matters to me! – he shouted, like his patience had run out and he couldn’t take no more. Honestly, if I didn’t have a dad like mine at home, waiting to beat me up at any wrong word I said, I’d be terrified. I didn’t understand how, though. He can go from cute to angry in about three minutes – and not just angry, it felt like he was abruptly taller and bigger.
- You don’t scare me; I told you that I have nothing to lose, right, princess? – I used a special emphasis on that word. - I’m too tired of this repetitive conversation and I have better things to do. Think about it, Vic. It will be a pleasure to finish my morning duty in case you don’t follow my advice.