Fight or Flight

"Matt?" Veronica called out throughout the first floor of his house, closing the front door behind her.

"In the kitchen," She heard his disembodied voice reply.

She took slow, cautious steps towards the kitchen. This was it. She was going to tell him. After a month, she was finally going to tell him. She didn't want to upset him over it, but it was now or never. She cleared her throat when she saw him. He was sitting on a bar stool with his back to her. She noticed that his shoulder-length, light brown hair was missing. It had been cut down to his usual buzzcut.

"Do we have telepathic communication or something?" She questioned, raising her eyebrows. Her fingers played with the even ends of her new haircut.

Matt looked up from his cell phone and turned around. His eyes widened in surprise at her new hair. "What happened to your hair? It's.... short."

"I could say the same about you," She nodded. She stood in front of him, bringing her arms around his neck. Her fingers rubbed his short hair. She wouldn't be able to tangle her hands in his hair anymore. "Why'd you cut it?"

He shrugged, "It was just time for a haircut, I guess. Why'd you cut yours?"

"Er, it makes it more manageable for when I leave," She said, looking over his shoulder to avoid eye contact. She and Audrey had spent the day together, getting haircuts and plain manicures. Audrey got her split ends trimmed while Veronica got a full-on chop. Her brunette hair was no longer down her back. It hung just an inch under her shoulders. Haircuts before deployment were a tradition for her.

"When you leave?" He asked. "What are you talking about?"

She sighed, "Matt, I have something to tell you."

"Um, okay." He looked confused. "Well, I have something to tell you too."

"You go first," She suggested. She hoped he had good news. Nothing could be worse than what she had to say.

"But you said you had something first.”

"What I have to say can wait," She shook her head. That should give her a few extra minutes. "What were you going to say?"

"Well, we're going to start touring next month," He told her with a wide, toothy smile.

She forced a smile on her face. He looked genuinely happy to get back on the road. It was too bad that they would be leaving at around the same time. She didn't want to ruin it, but she had to. She was definitely going to break him now.

"That's... awesome.” She tried to be supportive. "Where are you guys going first?"

"Larry said we're heading to South America," He answered. "We've been trying to get to Brazil for so long."

"That's cool." Her responses left her mouth dryly and almost automatically. Maybe she could get him to talk some more. "They're gonna love you guys there."

"I hope so." He was like an excited kid. "What did you want to tell me?"

"Uh," She exhaled anxiously. Her heart was pumping. Her hands got clammy. "I don't know how to explain this to you..."

"Explain what?” He questioned. He took her shaking hands in his. "Babe, what's going on? You're shaking."

She took a deep breath to prevent herself from hyperventilating. Why was telling him so different than from everyone else?

"You're not pregnant," He declared with uncertainty. "Are you?"

"No!" She exclaimed. She wondered why that was always a man's first thought. They'd been careful, that's for sure. She took another deep breath, choking on her words. "I..."

"You..." He motioned for her to continue her sentence.

"I'm being deployed." There, she said it. She finally got the words out. "I'm going to Afghanistan."

"That's great!" He grinned before realizing what she had said. His smile quickly dropped into a frown. "Wait, what?"

"Matt-" She brought up her hand to cup his stubbly cheek.

He shrugged her hands off of him, standing up. "You're leaving already?"

"Matt, I've been home for two years," She emphasized.

"But we-" He paused, putting his hands on top of his head. "I wanted to take you on tour with us."

"And you still can! Just not now," She reasoned. "When I get back, I'll be on leave and you can take me anywhere you want."

"When you get back?" He began to pace back and forth, muttering to himself. "You can't leave. You just can't leave me."

"But I have to," She asserted. "I have to go and I don't have a choice. I'm sorry."

"You're going to fucking Afghanistan," He threw his hands in the air. "How long do you have to go?"

She licked her lips, nervous to tell him. "Nine months, maybe. It could extend to a year or shorten to seven months." She added the last part in an attempt to make him feel better about the situation.

"Jesus Christ," He muttered. "And when are you supposed to leave?"

"Next month," She said lowly. "On the 28th."

"That's only a month from now," He said with sadness in his tone. "Why are you just now telling me this? Don't give me the 'short notice' excuse. Why the hell would you wait until now to tell me?"

"I said I'm sorry, okay?" She exploded at him, raising her voice. She couldn’t handle the pressure. "What was I supposed to say when I found out?"

"You're supposed to tell me!" He yelled back at her. "I'd rather you tell me when you find out than wait. I don't even know how long you've known. How long have you known about this?"

"Not long," She lied, putting her hands up defensively. "I swear I wanted to tell you."

He let out a bitter laugh. "Sure."

"Matt, listen to me," She tried to use her demanding voice, taking two steps closer to him.

"Don't say you're sorry again," He shook his head.

"I said listen to me," She demanded, shaking his arm. He stopped pacing and looked down at her. His amber eyes didn't look as happy as when she'd first walked into the room. "I don't want to apologize for doing my job. This is something that I absolutely cannot say no to, do you understand that? This isn't an office assignment that I can pass along to someone else. I have to go, whether you or I or whoever the hell else likes it or not."

He swallowed, not sure how to respond to her.

"I'm telling you this because I love you, alright?" She held his face in her small hands, like she was talking to a child. "I should have told you sooner, but it's going to be okay." She pressed her mouth to his, not getting a bit of response from him. "We'll get through it together, I promise. I love you, Matt."