Fight or Flight

"Boo." The brunette snuck up behind him, planting a kiss on his freshly shaven cheek.

Matt's honey eyes stayed glued to the laptop's screen, dancing and perusing over the webpage.

"Whatcha doing?" Veronica inquired like a curious child. She peered over his shoulder, looking at the screen. She read the title of a Business Insider article. It was about Marines in Afghanistan. "Matt..." She placed her hand on top of his as he began to scroll down the page.

He looked up at her, an annoyed expression etched on his face. She moved his index finger from the touchpad of the laptop, replacing it with her own. She noticed the multiple tabs that were open. She clicked from tab to tab, wondering what else he was reading.

A Google search for Taliban.

An article, Deadly Marine Assault On The Taliban.

Another article, The Sound It Makes When It Takes A Man's Life- A Marine's Haunting Story.

A search for Youtube videos by deployed soldiers.

National Geographic specials on combat in Afghanistan.

There were more articles, more pictures, more videos, and more Google searches on the politics of the war in Afghanistan.

"You shouldn't be reading this," Veronica advised, exiting out of the tabs.

"What's wrong with me researching?" Matt asked a little snarky.

"It'll only make you nervous," She replied, closing the final webpage and shutting the laptop. She pushed it away from him.

"But I want to know what's going on, what it's going to be like," He said stubbornly.

"You don't need or want to know," She said in a serious manner, looking at him. "I'm only trying to protect you."

"It's out there on the internet for everyone to see. There is no 'protecting'," He insisted.

"There is for you, alright?" Veronica pinched the bridge of her nose, taking a breath. "Just... don't read that stuff, please."

It was quiet for a moment before he spoke. "I read that people can opt out of deploying and someone else can volunteer to take their spot."

While it wasn't exactly true, it wasn't exactly false either. That was only under special circumstances.

"Not for me," Veronica shook her head.

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to opt out, Matt." She broke it to him.

He looked up at her, his mouth slightly open. Hurt traced his features. "Are you saying that... you actually want to go?"

"It's not what you think," She sighed. "But, yes. I want to go."

"You want to leave me?" He asked her.

"I don't want to leave you," She stressed her words. "Don't think that. I just want to actually do my job."

"But you have the option to stay here and you're telling me that you want to leave," He said incredulously. He scoffed. "How am I supposed to not think that you want to leave me?"

"I don't have the option to stay, Matt!" She exclaimed out of frustration. "I have a team that needs me, and I would never let them go without me and vice versa. Like I said before, I have to go whether you like it or not… I thought we moved past this."

"We could have, but you never expressed that you want to leave." He crossed his arms.

"I didn't know I needed permission from you," She snapped at him. She swallowed at his change of expression. "I'm tired of doing paperwork. When they say I have to go, that means I have to go."

"I just don't want you going somewhere and being shot at, is that a fucking crime?" He asked bitterly.

"No, it's not. It shows you care," Veronica nodded, pushing her hair away from her face. "But this is what I do, don't you get it? I've done two tours to Iraq already and this is no different."

"But-"

She put a hand up, cutting him off. "Fuck, Matt, it's not about you! It's not about wanting to leave you! Don't you think if I wanted to leave you, I would have already?” She didn’t give him time for a response. “I was doing this for years before you came into my life and I'll probably be doing this for years after you."

She immediately clamped her hand over her mouth, wishing she could take back her words. That was not something she ever wanted to tell him in order to hurt him.

"I didn't mean that," She tried to redeem herself. "I swear, I didn't mean what I just said."

Matt put up his hand, much like she'd done to him. She could tell her words stung him by his agonized expression.

"If that's how you feel, fine," He shrugged, trying to roll her words off his back. “You gotta do what you gotta do, I get it. Sorry for being so pushy.”

“You weren’t being pushy,” She said, glancing down at the kitchen floor.

“I was,” He admitted to himself. He grabbed her waist, pulling her to stand between his open legs. “I know it’s not about me. It’s about you, and if this is what you want, then do it. Don’t let me make you feel bad about wanting to do your job. I’m sorry.”

“Okay,” She murmured, placing her hands on his thighs.

“I know we made a deal not to have any more arguments,” He said, kissing her lips timidly. “The guys already told me that I should just get over it and let you go.”

Veronica chuckled slightly, breaking the tension.

“I mean, they’re right. I know I have to let you go, no matter how much I don’t want to. I swear you won’t hear any more about it from me again,” He promised to end the back and forth arguing on the matter.

“Sounds good,” She giggled, planting another kiss on his lips. Now, they could smoothly get through the rest of the time that she had left.