Till Deceived Do We Part

I was groggy when I woke up, the drugs fading fast. I was in the doctors room, but was pleased to see no IV. My body ached all over, but I had too many emotions running through me to sit still. I stood, my clothes cracking as I did so. They were still black. Ashes and blood coated them, making them stiff and hard. Black crumbled, falling to the ground. I caught sight of myself in the mirror and actually jumped.

My lips were pink. The only colour, other than the blue of my eyes, that was on my face. My face was covered in black ash, having seemed to cake on to my skin. My eyelashes were heavy, and my hair looked like I had took hair dye to it. All in all, I needed a shower.

The shower hurt. Badly. Putting on clothes hurt even more, but I managed it. A baggy sweater, sweats, and my hair pulled back. Add the bruises on my face, a slightly split lip I hadn’t noticed, a bandaged arm and ankle, and I looked like a hobbo with a wig of hair.

I limped down the stairs and into the main room. No one had approached me yet, and I was getting antsy. And annoyed. I also didn’t miss the fact that there seemed to be a guard always around me. Whether he be eating near the doctors room, or lounging outside my room, one was always present.

I made it to the main room, heaved open the door, and almost panted in exhaustion. Eyes turned to me, so I returned the looks with a scowl. Jake, Flint, Hunter, Remmington and Vachel all sat there, around the fire. A single chair remained empty. I headed to it. The eyes turned away, most going to Jake, whereas Jake stared at the fire. Fury rose in me, but I didn’t act on it.

I managed to make it to the chair, even if my breathing was much too heavy for my liking. I sat down and also turned my eyes to Jake. He met my eyes head on. Brave for a guy who had lied to me my whole life.

“Flint said when he got there, you were stuck in the door jam.”

“Not even going to bring up the fact you’re a liar?” I asked, and was surprised to see Jake visibly flinch.

“Shut up, Drake. It had to be done.” Flint was back, but even so, he usually had more venom in his voice, more anger.

“We’ll discuss it, Andrayka. Me and you. Alone. Later. But for now, would you mind telling us what happened?”

“No.” Jake blinked, taken back. “I acted on my own. Out of the base. I’m not required to share that if I don’t want to. Guess what? I don’t want to.” Flint let out a curse.

“Damn it, Drake! This isn’t the time fo-“

”For what, Flint?” I hissed, my eyes narrowed at him. “For playing games? For fooling around? Well I’m not. You were going to be sent away, as was I. I acted on my own and got somewhere. Why should I bother telling a bunch of people I recently learned I can’t trust, when regardless, they aren’t going to do anything?”

“I thought you said you got no information?” Typical Flint. Ignore everything but what mattered to him.

“I said he gave me no information. I have other sources.”

“Issaiah.” Jake said, the name sounding bitter. “He needs to stay out of this. It doesn’t concern him.” I snapped my eyes back to Jake.

“Actually, boss, it does. They’re attacking anything and anyone with power. That includes him.” I paused, taking in their reaction; shock. “Huh? You didn’t know that? Seems I’m doing better on my own.”

“Stop it, Andrayka.” Jake said, his voice lacking conviction. His eyes looked weary, and he looked overly worn out.

“Seems I’m not the only who needs rest.”

“Lay off, Drake.”Hissed Flint.

“Andrayka. Please. What happened?” When I didn’t respond, he continued. “Did he rape you?” I felt my gut go cold, and my eyes ice over. Tension strung through my body and my stomach seemed to want to heave.

“No.” He studied me now, his eyes searching mine.

“But almost.” He said, quietly. “He’s dead, now. He can’t touc-“I stood, my
anger very evident in my stance.

“Back off, Jake. Don’t talk to me like you know me. You know nothing.” Silence. He just stared, and I felt my heart pound. I didn’t need this. I turned, my anger clouding my mind. I needed air.

“Andrayka.” My name was firm, and I felt myself compelled to turn, and I did. Jake was standing now also, his eyes wiped of emotions. But he wasn’t going into assassin mode, he was just... clearing the slate, so to speak.

“I know you miss Zane. To the point where it feels like your heart is being ripped out because he was always there for you. He’s your brother, and him being taken is like a part of you being taken.” My mind went blank and I felt pain hit me. Why was he saying this? “I know what you feel with Dane is new. I know you want it, but are scared. You don’t want to screw anything up in it, but it seems you already have, killing his father and all. But you’re too afraid to own up for it, because you enjoy this new sensation, you don’t want to lose it.

“I know that what happened with Lincoln has you more rattled than you care to admit. You felt helpless, like you couldn’t stop what was about to happen. That you were about to have your whole life ripped away from you.” I felt the room sway. My hand reached out for the chair, steading myself. “You hate those feelings you went through, but you can’t get the memory to go away. I know you think I betrayed you. That everything was a lie. It wasn’t, Drake.

“I also know you’re anger prone and that you and Flint will never be on a friendship term, no matter how hard I may push it. I know that you’re tough and can put up with more than any of us can, but I also know that even you have a limit. And you’ve reached it. I know who you are, Andrayka. I’ve been here your whole life, and I know that you prefer apple cider over hot chocolate. Or that you would rather hand on hand combat, instead of a virtual reality testing. I know that you like winter better than summer, because it’s cold and you find that refreshing. Or that nothing wakes you like the adrenaline rush of pulling a hit. So don’t ever doubt I don’t know you, Andrayka. For that is a flat out lie.”

I couldn’t keep still. I had to keep moving, for if I didn’t, I’d start to think. And if I started to think... my thoughts weren’t bound to go anywhere happy.

Jake’s office seemed to engulf me, the walls pressing against my body. Or so it seemed. It just seemed too small now. The desk shoved to the side, the filing cabinets, the book shelves, the chairs. It was too crowded, too full.

I walked to one end of the room, pivoted then walked to the other. Which I repeated. Repeatedly. After minutes of this, I felt my legs trembling, and a tremor run through my body. No. I kept walking, but this time slower, my limp more pronounced, my arms now wrapping around myself. The tremor returned; harder. I shook, my breath now increasing. I didn’t want to do this.

I didn’t want to confront the man who had been my father. I didn’t want to hear any more lies from his lips, or even the truth, for that matter. I just wanted to forget. For he was right. He did know me. Knew me better than myself, so maybe it had been best that I didn’t know. But I just couldn’t think. There was too much, and I couldn’t think about the fact that I could... that I did have a brother. I had a family. Hadn’t I always?

What defines a family? Blood? Or the fact that they’re there for you? I wouldn’t know. I never thought I had one. That was a lie. Flint, Zane, Jake, and the men at the base, were all my family, whether I liked it or not. Should the fact that I have a blood relative somewhere out there, change that fact?

“You should be resting your ankle,” I jumped, my body spinning. Jake closed the door silently behind him, just as silently as he had opened it. I eyed him, not knowing what to think. He walked around his desk and sat down, waiting. I hesitated for a moment longer before taking refuge in one of the chairs. My ankle stopped throbbing, but the pain was still there.

“I want answers.” He nodded, his eyes downcast.

“Of course. As do I, Andrayka. I want to know what Issaiah and Lincoln both had to say.” After Jake proved the fact that he did know me, he asked me again what happened. I remained stubborn. As I would remain.

I crossed my arms over my chest, shooting him an emotionless look. At this, he let out a heavy sigh, his fingers going to pinch the bridge of his nose. A stab of guilt hit me, but I ignored it. I wasn’t the one who was supposed to be guilty.

“I can’t believe you, Jake. I trusted y-“

”And you still do. Or you wouldn’t be here. You’re just wounded. As we all are, Andrayka.” He paused, his voice seeming heavier than usual. “I’m sorry. Is that what you want to hear? I’m sorry.” I didn’t respond. I didn’t know how to. “If I had told you right away, what would you have done?”

“Search for him.” I answered automatically.

“Yes. And at your age... he’s gone, Andrayka. Just accept that. Anyone who so
much as digs into his past, into his current affairs, ends up dead. He’s big, bigger than this whole base. I didn’t want you to have to go through that pain. To know... to know you have family, but its unattainable. I didn’t want you to go through that, I just want-“

”I’m a big girl. I can make my own decisions.” My voice was icy, but on the inside, I felt weak. Like mush. I didn’t want to be having this conversation. It shouldn’t be happening.

Jake stared at me with sad eyes, eyes that I knew would haunt me. Jake was never like this.

“Yes you are. Something I don’t want to accept. You’ve been the hardest to let go.” I stiffened, my body rejecting what he was saying.

“Don’t.” Was all I said.

“Out of all, seeing you grow, seeing you work, was the hardest. You’re a daughter to me, and I-“

”Don’t.”

“And I don’t want to lose you. Isn’t this enough, Andrayka? Isn’t Zane enough of a brother?” The breath whooshed out of me as I shot to my feet, the chair falling behind me. My hands slammed down on the desk in front of me, pain slamming through my bad arm.

“Don’t talk about me like that! Don’t talk about Zane that way! You’re ready to leave to his death, and you want my sympathy? My condolence?” I screamed at him.

“No. This is what you feel when you think of Zane gone, am I right?” I didn’t respond. “And your lost brother? Do you feel any sort of pain for not having him? For not knowing him? No, you don’t. So why search for something that will never happen? You do have a brother, but his name is Zane.”

I felt my vision cloud, and shut my eyes tightly. I didn’t care that I was showing weakness, I just didn’t care anymore. All I cared about was Zane.

“I won’t let him die.” My voice had lost its edge and anger, making me sound almost like a lost kid. I stumbled back, sitting down in the still standing chair.

“I know you won’t.” He said, just as softly back. “I’ve come to terms with that.” I met his eyes, desperately hoping that I was right where he was going with this.
“Lincoln’s dead. They’ll be scrambling. Maybe we can pull something.” He gave a weak smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Ever since he’s been gone, you know what I keep seeing?” I remained quiet. “You two. You two when you were five, when you were seven, when were you ten. You were never apart, so why have I thought that I could make you stay away now?” He shook his head. “You need him back. The base needs him back and I...” his voice choked, “I need him back.”

We both fell silent. I didn’t know how to take his words, for they cut through me like a saw. And he didn’t seem to know how to take my silence. So we were both at a loss of words. Finally, when the guilt wracked high enough, I broke the silence.

“I know where they’re staying.”

I had never really taken notice to my bed before, but now, as I lay on it, staring at the ceiling in my room, I found I enjoyed it. It was soft, but not too soft. It was comfortable, but not too comfortable. All in all, it was a good bed.

Thinking about my bed, no matter how much I realized I enjoyed it, wasn’t going to change the fact that everything was crumbling. I told Jake everything that happened, even spilling out the events with Lincoln, unable to stop myself. He had been silent the whole time, except for that part. He swore, cursed Lincoln, and then comforted me. And though I was still angry, and was likely to be so for a long while, I let him. For I needed it.

After I finished telling him, Jake had looked at me and asked me a simple question. What had I been planning on doing? And my answer had been a look. What had I been planning on doing? Honestly, I had no idea. I assumed I would have went to the place, and got myself killed trying to get in. Jake was upset with that idea.

Afterwards, when it fell silent again, he just began to talk. Out of everything that he had said, that he had tired to use to comfort me, that had to have worked the most. Just the quiet droning of his voice, telling me things about his childhood that he had never dared to speak of. He was opening up to me, and some part of my mind knew it was because he had lied to me, and this was his way to make amends, but I couldn’t find it in myself to care. For it almost seemed like everything was normal.

Jake told me of the time he pulled his first hit. It was a day after he had been named second in command, at the age of eleven. One of the youngest assassins known to pull hits. Even so, he was only on the field for five years, having taken over for Eric when he was killed.

His first hit had been on a thug who called himself The Juggler. Jake had done what any of us in that situation would have done, upon hearing that name. He laughed. Eric lectured Jake for that, saying no matter the name, never underestimate the man. So Jake had taken Eric’s words with a silent obedience, but laughed once he got out of the base. Being only eleven, he couldn’t drive. Well he could, but according to Jake, Eric wouldn’t let him. At the time he found it hypocritical. He was allowed to kill people, but not drive?

A guard drove him and dropped him off a few blocks from the sight. Jake said that though he had the confidence of an oversized elephant at the time, he felt nervous. It was his first hit, and Eric was allowing him to pull it alone. A first in recorded history of the base.

The Juggler had lived in a run down house. As it seemed most criminals did, a cliche that I hated them for following. Jake hadn’t approved of it either. He spent his life on the street, and to see this disgusting man living in a house, run down nonetheless, irked him. I had never heard Jake say he was irked before, and when he had, I couldn’t suppress the small giggle that had escaped me. Jake smiled at this, some of the worry falling from his eyes.

He entered the house, according to him, through the attic. He was an agile little kid. Once inside, he had to fight the urge to vomit, for the whole place smelt like decomposition. The walls were scattered with blood, and upon walking into the kitchen, he lost his breakfast in the sink.

On the table, fancy bowls were spread out, with a table cloth underneath them. Even a few candles were on the table, along with fancy silverware. It was the setting a family would have on Christmas, or a special occasion. And not something you’d expect to see in a run down home. It was, however, what was in the bowls that made Jake throw up.

The first one had eyes. Real eyes. Not the chocolate ones that are handed out on Halloween. A thin cloudy film had covered over all the eyes, but it didn’t mask the colour. Some were brown, others hazel, and some green or blue.

Another bowl held lips. Another noses, and another fingers, along with toes. There was even a bowl with hair in it, and a cup filled with blood. Disgust had rolled through him, and he had to fight the urge to vomit again. He had a mission to do.

Jake said when he turned, he was surprised to find The Juggler standing there, watching him. He degraded himself for not hearing him, but I didn’t blame him. I’m sure anyone would have been distracted with a table full of body parts.

The Juggler had gotten his name from a circus. He used to be a carny, and people wonder why they freak everyone out. He used to juggle, obviously. However, one day, one of his props, a brick to be precise, fell on his head. Two days later he was acting again, but only this time... he juggled something different. At first, everyone assumed them to be props; to be really realistic looking props, even the carny’s thought so. But as the days passed, and the props decomposed, they realized they were real. Real heads. He was kicked out, and no one thought to go to the police. Since then, he continued to juggle, but began to... to put as simple as it can get, eat pieces of his juggling act.

He was a big man, at least six feet, and at least half of that height he had in width. He was big, with a mousy little mustache and beady little eyes. His skin was a yellow sick colour, grey and blue coloured rings around his eyes, and different colour hairs on his head. Only later did Jake find out that it was his victims hair; crazy glued on.

The Juggler had assumed Jake would be added to his body parts. Jake had different ideas. It wasn’t a hard struggle, for all Jake had to do was shoot him in the head, and with the size of the man, by the time he had taken one step forward, blood was leaving him. He fell, and according to Jake, that had been the scariest earthquake he ever experience. I laughed at that.

As Jake went on, telling more of his hits, more of his life with Eric, I found myself drifting. I had wanted to listen, but I couldn’t, and I found myself falling asleep.

When I woke up, I was no longer in Jake’s office, but in my bed, my blanket pulled up to my chin. And the realization that Jake had taken care of me, hurt. I wanted to forgive him, but I just couldn’t. Not yet.

Sweat dripped off my forehead, my breath rattling even me. Pain seared through me, but I didn’t stop. My fist lashed out again, and the punching bag swayed. I hit it again, bouncing back on the balls of my feet, trying my best to ignore the pain that shot through my ankle, even if I was favouring the other one. I lashed out on the bag again, dancing backwards.

I wiped sweat from my brow, and spun, kicking the bag. I did it perfectly, until I landed. Pain shot through my ankle, running up my leg. I gasped, and my whole body collapsed under the weight. I hit the ground hard, but instead of letting out a pained sound, I cursed. Damn it! That was the second time I did that.

“Bravo.” I ignored him, pushing myself to my feet. I had to be in fighting condition, no matter how much I just wanted to lay down. “I just came to tell you I’m taking it over, for you.” I frowned, my eyes glancing briefly to him.

“Taking what over?” I shouldn’t have bitten the bait, but I did.

“The folder in your car? The one myself and Jake both assume is from Issaiah. I’m pulling it.” I spun now, anger in my eyes.

“No, it’s mine.” Truthfully, I had forgotten about it.

“Fine. Do it. But then you won’t be well enough to scope.” I scowled, not wanting to play his sick game anymore. I wasn’t going to bite. “You’re no fun today, Drake. So I’ll get to it. Jake’s planning. Sometime in the next couple days, he’s going to send you, or both of us, to scope out the location Issaaih gave you. You know, the place Zane is? So your choice. Rest and go on the scope, or pull Issaiah’s h-“

”Just shut up and do it.” He chuckled and left me alone, which was what I wanted.

I stumbled over to the matts and fell down on them, my back resting against the wall. I shut my eyes, breathing heavily. It felt like just yesterday I was sitting on these matts with Zane. Telling him about Dane, having him tickle me, and just having him there. Having him there with me, for me, helping me through these new feelings I was feeling. And now, he was gone. I couldn’t tell him that I was lost. I didn’t know what to do, or how to tell Dane I killed his father. I didn’t know how to deal with Jake and the fact he lied to me. I didn’t know how to deal with any of it, and I realized, I had no one to talk to. Well, that was a lie. There was Dane.

My fingers punched in his numbers in my cell automatically. I put the phone to my ear, my breathing still heavy. My eyes shut and more guilt hit me. It seemed since I broke down, I couldn’t stop the guilt. It just kept coming and coming...

“Hello?” His voice sounded different. Strained, almost. Why?

“Hey.” There was a silence, in which I heard a huge exhale.

“Dray? What happened? I’ve been trying to reach you an-“

”Insight on my brother. I’m sorry.” There was a silence.

“Is he-?” I felt my throat close. Even Dane who didn’t know Zane, seemed genuinely worried about him. The thought of him caring so much for me made me
sick.

“No.”

“Are you okay?”

“No.” Silence.

“Meet me downtown?” I hesitated. “Please?”

“When?”

“Now.”