Saving You From Sinking

SYFS — Saving You From Sinking — Kellic

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I've been up here for hours. Cars and people, all passing by. Each and everyone in their on little world, happy. They have plans, and family to love, and friends to see, while I'm here tonight sitting on this old bridge. Don't get me wrong I've got family and friends, people I love and care about. But when they've been basically ignoring you for 7 months and blowing you off like you're /nothing/... You get tired of it.

I've always thought that there's other ways to make things better, other ways to cope with things. But lately there's jut nothing that helps. Music isn't doing what it's supposed to anymore. It doesn't ease the pain, it doesn't take away the hurt. Ive drank, gotten high, tried to hurt myself, gone to therapy, taken the medications, all to make my thoughts stop, to numb the pain and none have worked; I've exhausted all my options.

I never saw myself here before, at this point I mean, when I was young I'd hear stories and think "oh I'll never be like that, how could they do that?" Ha, how naïve of me. I didn't understand that that's just what happens over time. You get sick of the bullshit, you get tired of dealing, and coping. You break. You know how when you bend something made of plastic or metal, and as you do, the point where most of the pressure of the bend is turns color, or thins? But then just before it snaps you realize "oh no, that's too far, it's gonna break" but you can't stop the pressure in time and then it does...

That's where I am right now. I'm at that "oh no, that's too far" point.

And I would have jumped already, if it hadn't been for the playing of guitar I herd coming from under the bridge when I got here. It sounds strange, but I've been here listening to lyrics I don't know come from the mouth of a stranger, and I've loved every note, every syllable, every strum, every crack of his voice. He's so passionate, I can tell that they're his own songs because of the way he's singing them. With so much emotion, and care. I can feel the hurt, I can feel the sadness. He's been through a lot, I just know it.

And as I'm sitting here I'm wondering, if music hasn't been helping me, why is this now? Why is he effecting me in this way that almost makes me want to stay... Why does something, and someone, I know so little about make me feel this way?

I was lost in my thoughts for what seemed like only a moment when a stunning man, probably somewhere around my age of 23, of obvious Hispanic origins, came walking casually down the sidewalk. I had barely moved my head to see him until I realized he had a guitar strapped around his torso. I looked up fully, and just then I realized I didn't hear the music from below me anymore. The only thing I could think of for the reason of the ceased music is that /he's the one from under the bridge/.

He came up behind me and then situated himself on the railing next to me and started singing he most beautiful song I've ever heard. He was looking out at the sunset over the far away beach, so I did the same. "He sits up high, surrounded by the sun, one million branches and he loves everyone, mom and dad did you search for me, I've been up here so long I'm going crazy, and as the sun went down...." It was so beautiful, and my favorite of all the songs I've heard him sing today, and I got lost in it. The sun had gone down almost completely when he hit what I knew was the bridge of the song...

"If I were you I'd put that away, see you're just wasted and thinking bout the past again, darling you'll be okay. And she said, if you were me you'd do the same, cause I can't take anymore I'll draw the shades and close the door I'm not alright and I would rather..." He stopped strumming on his guitar and let go of the neck. He placed the hand not resting on the guitar, down on the concrete railing we were sitting on, then looked over at me with pleading eyes. I looked down...

He gently placed his hand overturned on my thigh and spoke softly, and sweetly, "Hold my hand, hey... Hey, look at me..." I looked over into his deep chocolate colored eyes, tears threatening to spill from mine of dull blue, and then down to his hand. I placed my hand in his and he gently squeezed it "please don't jump..." That was all he said. That was all he /had/ to say, and the tears that were once threatening to fall, were now sliding down my cheeks.

The man beside me released my hand and took the guitar from around his body, placing it behind him, and then he gently wiped the tears from my face. I hadn't said a single word yet and I wanted to tell him everything, I wanted to fall into him and cry, I trust a complete stranger right now and I don't know why. He moved closer so that we were side to side, directly pressed into each other, and put his arm around me. "You're going to be okay" he said to me, "you're going to be okay... it's okay"

My tears kept coming, and he soothed me as if I were a child, but he said that I'm going to be okay. And in this moment I trust him, and I feel like I just might be. He's the stranger from under the bridge, who's lyrics and name I don't know, but I feel like I need him. So when he says that I'll be okay, I know I will be. The sound of an old guitar, and the voice of a stranger, has saved me from sinking.