The Story of the Girl Who...

The next morning I woke up stiff and ravenous. Apparently a ‘night on the tub’ hadn’t been the brightest idea I’d had in a while, beating that Thursday night party I’d ‘snuck out’ to by an iota. Anyway, now wasn’t the time to start regretting every stupid thing I’d done in the past couple months. My stomach acid was burning its way through my stomach walls, and a tiny part of me wondered if it would consume my insides and eventually devour the baby too. Oh yeah, there was a baby inside of me. Sigh.

I got up, showered, dressed, and stumbled my way down to the kitchen. I had quite the surprise when I found Aurora slumped over the dining room table, looking for all the world as though as her life was ending. She was spending an awful amount of time home these days (or should I say in the living areas of home and not just in her bed) and I was amazed that the escort profession allowed such a lengthy holiday.

I was unsure whether to say good morning or not (we didn’t have very much familial contact in the mornings... or at all really), and I wasn’t in the mood besides, so I just walked past her and went straight to the fridge, rooting through for something I could stand to eat. When I turned around, Aurora was staring at me.

“You haven’t told anyone yet, have you?”

I sighed. And so the Damage Control began. “No. I haven’t. Who would I tell?”

“I don’t know!” She snapped, obviously at her breaking point. The poor woman. I could only imagine how horrifying this whole ordeal was for her.

I turned away from her, muttering under my breath, “Calm down, will you? It isn’t that big of a big deal.”

“Don’t worry, sweetheart.” She said, as though I was the one freaking out. “We’ll get this all sorted out today. You can skip school. I’ll drive you to the clinic.”

This was exactly what I’d wanted, and I didn’t even have to ask. She would drive me there, authorize the abortion (I was still a minor after all) and then this will all be over.

I turned back around slowly to face her. I found myself shaking my head. The next words out of mouth must have escaped from a Drama somewhere, because they sure weren’t mine.

“No, I’m keeping it.”

Aurora’s eyes widened with shock almost comically. “What?”

“I don’t want an abortion. I’m keeping it.”

“Why on earth would you want to do that?”

I shrugged. “Because I want to.”

“You selfish bitch! Do you think you’re the only person affected by this decision? I’m too young to be a grandmother!”

And of course, the conversation came back to the centre of the universe herself. I examined her quietly for a minute before answering.

“Really? I don’t think so. People already think you’re 40, right? Must be those crow’s feet.”

I grabbed my Poptart and cup of coffee and walked away, revelling in her gasp of shock. Her stunned silence followed me up the stairs to my room.

I had just entered my room, smiling gleefully, when I looked at my coffee cup doubtfully. Was I allowed to drink coffee? I had no idea. If I did, would the baby come out as some hyper psychomaniac? I sighed, resting the cup on the dressing table and purposefully ignoring it.

I sat on my bed and munched on my Poptart, wondering where that declaration earlier came from. Did I really want to keep this baby? Not really. But did I really want to kill it? What would happen if I did decide to keep it? It would be here in seven months, and then what?

I groaned, dusting my hands of their sugary coating and laying back on my bed. I stared up at the glow-in-the-dark stars I’d stuck to the ceiling ten years ago, when we’d just moved here, to make it feel a bit more like home. I wished I could be five again, and not have to worry about rapes or pregnancies or abortions.

I suddenly felt very tired again. Maybe I would take Aurora up on her offer (the first part that is) and skip school today. I deserved it, didn’t I? And maybe I would even take her up on the second part of her offer. I yawned, deciding to postpone the decision until I woke up.

To think that life and death hung so carelessly in the balance.