Sassoon's Declaration
My declaration.
A creative response in the view of Sassoon from Chapter 23 when he was discharged back to duty.
I chose to give up on my protest. Not give up exactly. I still believe wholly in it, I refuse to stop believing. After all that is the main reason I’m going back. I sound mad, but without earning my soldier’s support then how will anyone believe me? I would be classed as a ‘god damned loony’. My word would be seen as utterly worthless. I hope Rivers has spoken to the War Office, if I do not get posted back I will be mad beyond belief. Rivers is the reason I shall be considered for the board; I may have to lie to them about my nightmares. This board meeting will be utterly useless unless they believe me about having no more symptoms of “war neurosis”. What with Graves has told Rivers before, I have no doubt that he does not believe that I am ready to go back. When Rivers and I first met, he was an elderly man with no attachment to me. I saw him as someone who was above me. I see now that he is in fact my equal, perhaps. He is now an old man for whom I have respect; unfortunately I have little to no trust in him on this. This may have been because he was absent from Craiglockhart for almost two weeks prior to the board, it may also have been that now he is a changed man he is more adamant to ensure no harm comes to those that I am fighting with. They did not name me “Mad Jack” for nothing; I was the one who went into the German trenches and killed those men. Owen writes. From this I gained a friend, I am however unsure if this will become something more after this war is over. I hope I was kind enough.
Time for the board. The questions they asked were simple. Easy to answer, to lie about. “Do you still have nightmares?” They asked. Yes, of course. “No, sir.” I replied. They believed me. Of course they did. I recognize one of the board members from an encounter that my mother once had with him when I was young. He should know that I am trustworthy if he knows my mother. They discharged me back to duty. Thank the lord. I shall take some time in London, explaining this to the pacifists will be difficult. It has to be done. I have no friends here at Craiglockhart; this shall be a quick goodbye. Admittedly, I shall miss the regular golf practices. They were enjoyable. I shall have to have a consultation with Dr Mercier, Rivers is correct when he says this. Only to say goodbye, nothing more. Going back will take little mental capacity, it shall be easy. I suspect he shall ask me why I made this decision. My declaration keeps my beliefs strong, if needed I shall recite this back to myself. If only to keep me sane. The men will all judge me; that is certain. They know that I went to Craiglockhart. Their judgement means little to me. Referring back allows me to reiterate the inferred opinion of the hatred of war.
Anderson, he will be missed. Possibly. His crazy assumptions are entertaining. German spy, ridiculous. My last meeting with Rivers soon. I shall miss that old man. He agrees that it is my duty to go back. His last word before that meeting was “Good.” Dinner was the last time I would see everyone in the same place. Time for my last meeting with Rivers, it’s goodbye. I do not look forward to explaining myself to the pacifists. He told me to blame him; my reply was to do no such thing. That may be one possible way of telling the story, but it is not the way I would tell it. Rivers said it was easy to convince the board. “Hybrid vigour” Major Huntley said, I have a great future like a rose bush he said. Rivers knew that I was lying about the nightmares. They shall go when I leave this place, if not I shall be stuck with them. Like Rivers said. He was amazed that I could not lie about my refusal. I was feeling distinctly cheerful, the same feeling I felt when I was on board the ship to France. In some sense it is the same thing, I am being sent to France again. I hope. Talking to Rivers is different now. He’s changed since he went away, he’s more frank now. It is an ironic situation, in some way we have changed Rivers. For the better or the worse. Rivers was injured, he limped when we first met, and he appeared weak. He is stronger now, his stutter never comes back. Rivers stuttered. We all knew that. We all knew how he hated it, now he doesn’t stutter. The respect I have for him has grown stronger, as he has. He is worrying about me, that is plain to see. He thinks I will do something stupid. I do not know if I would not. They didn’t call me Mad Jack for nothing. Showing them how the war is pointless will be easy, others would not see the point of me going back if I do not truly believe in the war effort. I say the point is strength and truth. If I go back, the truth will come out. My men will support me. They need my strength as I need theirs. My rebellion hadn’t counted for much, I am aware of that. My action was truthful and these actions are blown to the wind and disregarded as if they were nothing. In some ways going back is a way for me to retreat from my normal life. My mother would be proud. She has already lost a son, as he too is a pacifist and seen as an outcast in society.
Rivers told me that I am a devoted man. I am devoted to showing these men what it is like to be brave. I am there to kill. My hate is fully fledged and articulate now. Craiglockhart and Rivers have shown me how much destruction the war is making. This place backs my opinion that the war is being deliberately prolonged by those who have the power to end it. Going back will show that I have the right to talk on the behalf of the solders. I will show that the purposes for which I and my solders entered should have clearly stated and that we were lied to and lead on. I made the protest for those that are at Craiglockhart; the deception that is being practised on them is impervious. I may help to destroy the callous complacence with the majority of those at home, they do not know the agonies with which we live and have shared with each soldier. They have no sufficient imagination to realize the horrors that have sent men half mad. I still believe that if we were told the truth about this war then we would have negotiated the conditions that we were made to survive in. This war is now a war of aggression and conquest; there is no justifiable reason for it. I can no longer be a party to prolong these sufferings, but I will go back. If not for myself, for the men who respected me. I will go back to support my declaration. It will be taken seriously this time, for that I am sure.
I chose to give up on my protest. Not give up exactly. I still believe wholly in it, I refuse to stop believing. After all that is the main reason I’m going back. I sound mad, but without earning my soldier’s support then how will anyone believe me? I would be classed as a ‘god damned loony’. My word would be seen as utterly worthless. I hope Rivers has spoken to the War Office, if I do not get posted back I will be mad beyond belief. Rivers is the reason I shall be considered for the board; I may have to lie to them about my nightmares. This board meeting will be utterly useless unless they believe me about having no more symptoms of “war neurosis”. What with Graves has told Rivers before, I have no doubt that he does not believe that I am ready to go back. When Rivers and I first met, he was an elderly man with no attachment to me. I saw him as someone who was above me. I see now that he is in fact my equal, perhaps. He is now an old man for whom I have respect; unfortunately I have little to no trust in him on this. This may have been because he was absent from Craiglockhart for almost two weeks prior to the board, it may also have been that now he is a changed man he is more adamant to ensure no harm comes to those that I am fighting with. They did not name me “Mad Jack” for nothing; I was the one who went into the German trenches and killed those men. Owen writes. From this I gained a friend, I am however unsure if this will become something more after this war is over. I hope I was kind enough.
Time for the board. The questions they asked were simple. Easy to answer, to lie about. “Do you still have nightmares?” They asked. Yes, of course. “No, sir.” I replied. They believed me. Of course they did. I recognize one of the board members from an encounter that my mother once had with him when I was young. He should know that I am trustworthy if he knows my mother. They discharged me back to duty. Thank the lord. I shall take some time in London, explaining this to the pacifists will be difficult. It has to be done. I have no friends here at Craiglockhart; this shall be a quick goodbye. Admittedly, I shall miss the regular golf practices. They were enjoyable. I shall have to have a consultation with Dr Mercier, Rivers is correct when he says this. Only to say goodbye, nothing more. Going back will take little mental capacity, it shall be easy. I suspect he shall ask me why I made this decision. My declaration keeps my beliefs strong, if needed I shall recite this back to myself. If only to keep me sane. The men will all judge me; that is certain. They know that I went to Craiglockhart. Their judgement means little to me. Referring back allows me to reiterate the inferred opinion of the hatred of war.
Anderson, he will be missed. Possibly. His crazy assumptions are entertaining. German spy, ridiculous. My last meeting with Rivers soon. I shall miss that old man. He agrees that it is my duty to go back. His last word before that meeting was “Good.” Dinner was the last time I would see everyone in the same place. Time for my last meeting with Rivers, it’s goodbye. I do not look forward to explaining myself to the pacifists. He told me to blame him; my reply was to do no such thing. That may be one possible way of telling the story, but it is not the way I would tell it. Rivers said it was easy to convince the board. “Hybrid vigour” Major Huntley said, I have a great future like a rose bush he said. Rivers knew that I was lying about the nightmares. They shall go when I leave this place, if not I shall be stuck with them. Like Rivers said. He was amazed that I could not lie about my refusal. I was feeling distinctly cheerful, the same feeling I felt when I was on board the ship to France. In some sense it is the same thing, I am being sent to France again. I hope. Talking to Rivers is different now. He’s changed since he went away, he’s more frank now. It is an ironic situation, in some way we have changed Rivers. For the better or the worse. Rivers was injured, he limped when we first met, and he appeared weak. He is stronger now, his stutter never comes back. Rivers stuttered. We all knew that. We all knew how he hated it, now he doesn’t stutter. The respect I have for him has grown stronger, as he has. He is worrying about me, that is plain to see. He thinks I will do something stupid. I do not know if I would not. They didn’t call me Mad Jack for nothing. Showing them how the war is pointless will be easy, others would not see the point of me going back if I do not truly believe in the war effort. I say the point is strength and truth. If I go back, the truth will come out. My men will support me. They need my strength as I need theirs. My rebellion hadn’t counted for much, I am aware of that. My action was truthful and these actions are blown to the wind and disregarded as if they were nothing. In some ways going back is a way for me to retreat from my normal life. My mother would be proud. She has already lost a son, as he too is a pacifist and seen as an outcast in society.
Rivers told me that I am a devoted man. I am devoted to showing these men what it is like to be brave. I am there to kill. My hate is fully fledged and articulate now. Craiglockhart and Rivers have shown me how much destruction the war is making. This place backs my opinion that the war is being deliberately prolonged by those who have the power to end it. Going back will show that I have the right to talk on the behalf of the solders. I will show that the purposes for which I and my solders entered should have clearly stated and that we were lied to and lead on. I made the protest for those that are at Craiglockhart; the deception that is being practised on them is impervious. I may help to destroy the callous complacence with the majority of those at home, they do not know the agonies with which we live and have shared with each soldier. They have no sufficient imagination to realize the horrors that have sent men half mad. I still believe that if we were told the truth about this war then we would have negotiated the conditions that we were made to survive in. This war is now a war of aggression and conquest; there is no justifiable reason for it. I can no longer be a party to prolong these sufferings, but I will go back. If not for myself, for the men who respected me. I will go back to support my declaration. It will be taken seriously this time, for that I am sure.