We're Almost Here Again

Liam curled his lips around the beer bottle and closed his eyes as he lifted it up to his lips, allowing the liquid to slide down his throat with ease before he took a big gulp. It was another night of being reminded of Zayn’s growing success while Liam just lays on his back all day because he can’t seem to get his life together after his grandfather died. He thinks about how it used to be so easy. He would wake up and go to work and wait for Zayn to be finished recording and they would grab a drink or five and they would walk hip to hip back to Zayn’s apartment and kiss and kiss and kiss until they ended up trying to catch their breaths before they would start again and then they would sleep. And Liam would go to work and Zayn would record and he wouldn’t get out until late and Liam would just sleep without him but then they would finally meet up the next night and it was easy. They were friends turned casual lovers and it was fine.

They were able to talk about their days, they were able to hang out with their other friends and it was honestly so great. Liam couldn’t have been happier and everything was growing and it was wonderful because he was growing more and more into Zayn and Zayn was growing more and more into an artist and their friends were all growing closer and it was wonderful. Until it wasn’t. Until Liam got the call that his grandfather, the most important man in Liam’s life had passed away and everything started to wilt.

Liam stopped going to work and he stayed at Zayn’s waiting for him to get home so they could have sad, take your mind off everything sex and then Liam would cry himself to sleep and Zayn would help him get up and shower and then Zayn would rush to get ready. Eventually Liam was able to stop crying and they stopped having sad sex and Liam showered himself but he was still just laying on his back letting the world go on without him. And Liam started drinking without Zayn and by the time Zayn got him he was already drunk but he would drink more with Liam and they would kiss and kiss and kiss until they would catch their breath and Liam would fall asleep and Zayn would stay up and smoke another cigarette or three because he doesn’t know how to handle a sad Liam.

Because everything was so easy for Zayn too. He misses those times. He misses going out with Zayn and making out under a neon sign and falling back into Zayn’s house and keeping quiet under the sheets until his parents left. And then finally Zayn got his own place and they would still make out under neon signs but they could go back to Zayn’s and be as loud as they wanted and it was fun and easy and everything was growing because Liam was growing too.

But now Zayn is the only one, Zayn is the only one growing and he doesn’t know what to do. Because he doesn’t know how to grow without Liam. He can’t because it’d be weird and off balance and Liam is just laying on his back all the time watch Zayn have everything going for him and it’s. It’s sad because Liam doesn’t see that if he gets up then he can everything going for him too but instead he just lays on his back and drinks and cries and tell old stories and he’s stopped growing and he’s wilting and Zayn can’t make him grow, he isn’t a flower damn it. He can’t give him sunshine to get color into his pale skin nor can he give him water to sober up but he can give him comfort and if staying up while he sleeps gives him that then okay.

Zayn will smoke three more cigarettes, Zayn will stop thinking about how the sex used to be better and he’ll try to enjoy it now even though Liam is sloppy, Zayn will cover Liam with a blanket when he’s laying on his back. Because Liam is getting up more often and staying up later and drinking less and it’s taking a long time, a really long time but they’re almost there. They’re almost there.