I Won't Let You Leave.

Seth's P.O.V.

Laying in the hotel bed, somewhere in North Carolina, I sighed heavily as I stared at the ceiling. The funky, yellow tinged color ceiling that had paint chipped off in spots. It reminded me of how shady and creepy hotels could be sometimes. While I lied there, my phone began to ring and vibrate on the night stand next to me. The sounds of Nine Inch Nails "Closer" went off for the ringtone. One I hadn't heard in quite some time, making me remember who it belonged to.

"What the..." I trailed off, forcing myself up and reaching my right hand over to the night stand to grab my phone, eying the screen.

It was him. I never imagined hearing from him again. Sliding my thumb across the screen, I hit the answer button and brought the phone to my right ear.

Clearing my throat, I spoke "Hello?".

That's when his Southern voice responded.

"Hey. I didn't wake you, did I?" he asked.

"No. Not at all... Um..." I paused, unsure of what to say.

"I know this is probably awkward hearing from me now after all this time and the silence between us" he started, ignoring my silent and strange pause.

"Don't say that, Jeff. You know you can always call me" I responded, bringing myself to a seated position on the bed and swiveling to the left side.

My legs hung over as my sock covered feet touched the carpeted floor beneath me.

"After what happened, I shouldn't have the right to call you or have your forgiveness" Jeff spoke, sympathetically.

The past memories flushed my mind again.

* * * * * *

"How could you do this to him, Jeff?!" Dean shouted.

"I didn't mean to, Dean. We thought we knew what we were doing" Jeff exclaimed.

My still body laid there in the bed, hooked to machines, monitors, and breathing equipment.

"You clearly didn't, and for you to put your fucking hands on him... You're lucky I didn't kill you myself!" Dean retorted, hatefully.

* * * * * * *

Shaking the memory from my mind, I refocused when I heard Jeff's voice again.

"Seth?... You still there?" he asked, amongst my silence.

"Yeah" I spoke, clearing my throat again, and opening my eyes. "I'm here".

"I thought maybe you hung up or changed your mind" he responded.

"No. Nothing like that" I said, looking down at my feet.

"I'm sure you don't want to hear from me..."

"Don't say that, Jeff, please. We both made mistakes" I cut him off.

"You made no mistakes, Seth. I did, by hurting you the way I did" he spoke, "and I've been sorry every day for almost the entire year that we've been apart".

My eyes closed again, squeezing my brown eyes tightly shut, and trying to delay the inevitable from happening.

* * * * * * *

"I'm so sorry. I never meant to let it get out of hand or hurt you, baby" Jeff apologized, crying as he sat at my bedside, clutching my left hand tightly.

My responses were barely there as I laid in an almost comatose state of being. I could hear voices, feel touches. But I couldn't respond to the fullest. Until that day..

"I love you so much, Seth" he sobbed. "I'm so fucking sorry I hurt you. It haunts me every day, and I'm afraid I'll never have you back or that you will never forgive me for my irresponsible actions".

My eyes fluttered beneath the heavy feeling lids, as I struggled to force them open. I felt Jeff's hand squeeze mine again as I slightly moved my fingers, gripping at his hand.

"Seth?... Are you there?" Jeff pleaded. "I feel your fingers moving. Please, do it again if you hear me".

My mind was focusing and inside my head, I kept willing my fingers to move. I could feel them lightly move again, and I could hear Jeff softly gasp.

"You hear me, baby? Don't you?" he begged, squeezing my hand tighter, and then I felt his lips gently kiss the top of my hand.

Willing myself, my eyes opened ever so slowly, making contact with the bright lights, almost blinded at first. My brown eyes began adjusting to my surroundings and the overwhelmingly bright lights. Turning my head towards the left, feeling the immense ache in my stiff and sore neck, my eyes met with a pair of moist green eyes, beaming at me with joy heavily in his eyes. Jeff Hardy, my boyfriend, was there at my bedside.

* * * * * *

I opened my eyes, as I remembered those memories from the past, clearing it from my head for a moment. Almost a year ago, of what he and I were, and what we had become after that. Shattered. Broken. Destroyed. And ultimately separated and single. Jeff had been the cause of my brief comatose state in the hospital after an extremely bad night of drugs, and a terrible fight.

"We both fucked up" I cleared, coming back to reality.

"No, I did. I was foolish enough to listen or believe some bullshit rumor, and I shouldn't have. I should have believed and listened to you" he spoke, pausing for a moment. "You were my baby, and I fucked it up by being paranoid".

Sighing at those words, the flashes replayed in my head of that night. The fight. The beating. The outcome.

"We were both fucked up on drugs, Jeff. It made us paranoid. But it's history" I stated, trying to end the discussion.

"I don't know why you even answered my call. I don't even deserve a second change or an explanation".

"Jeff, I always told you I forgave you. Just because we broke up didn't mean that I never wanted to talk to you again. And I told you that day we split. Don't you remember?" I questioned.

I could hear him breathe heavily, as he then spoke, "Yes, I remember. I wish I could forget that day though, and change the outcome".

I knew he meant that. I had wished the same thing, every day myself. But I knew Jeff needed help to get clean. He was further into this mess than I was. I had only touched that stuff twice in our relationship, and I was not addicted the way he had become. It was best we parted when we did.

* * * * * *

"I'm so glad to see you baby. I never thought I'd get another chance" Jeff smiled, as we both sat down on the park bench.

He leaned over, wrapping his arms around my body and hugging me firmly as I slowly wrapped mine loosely around him. Releasing after a good ten seconds, we backed away and he was quick to go for a kiss. But I turned my lips away and eyed the ground.

"Don't" I cut in, halting him mid-motion.

"I thought you'd want a kiss from your boyfriend?" he questioned, as I looked back at him.

His green, tired eyes, looking sad as he eyed me. I felt the same sadness I was sure, but I had to be strong and do the right thing.

"We need to talk, Jeff.. About us" I began.

"What about us?" he asked, seeming unsure of what was going on.

"I think..." I paused, almost afraid to actually say how I felt.

I was afraid of how he would react. He put me in a hospital bed for nearly two weeks over a lie and a rumor. Imagine what he could do over a break-up? My heart pounded in my chest, pumping blood so fast inside me, making me almost feel faint.

"You think what?" he pushed.

Breathing in deeply, I knew it had to be said. If he killed me here in public, I knew he would face the consequences, and I didn't want to believe he would be that foolish.

"I think we need to... go our separate ways, for now" I outed, gulping hard after.

"But, Seth... baby, why? I said I was sorry about that night. I swore I'd never hurt you again" he pleaded.

"I know, Jeff. But you have an addiction. And that addiction feeds that paranoid and violent monster inside you. You need help... You need to get clean. I don't want to stand by you and watch you kill yourself anymore, or risk you killing me. You put me in a coma practically, Jeff. What if I never came out?" I cleared, trying to make the reasons crystal clear to him.

I could see the tears forming in his eyes as he gripped my hands in his and squeezed them both.

"I'm so sorry, Jeff. But I want you to get clean. I want you to go to rehab. You need to get yourself focused and cleaned up. And once you're clean, we can talk again and work things out. But until that day, I can't risk being around you when you're high or doing that garbage. Do you understand?" I asked, squeezing his hands in return. "I love you, and I want the best for us".

Tears were working there way out now, and glistening down his face.

"I understand... I love you, too. And I'm going to miss you so much, Seth".

"Just get clean for me.. Then we can be together. I promise" I assured him. "But until we can reunite, I want you to take care of yourself. And if you need me, I'm only a phone call away, and you know that".

He nodded gently, as his long, dark hair hung around his face.

"Thank you... I guess... I should go. I've got some things to take care of before work" he responded, trying to hold back the tears.

"You're welcome, Jeff. I know you can get sober. I believe in you. And if you love me that much, you'd do it so we can be together again".

He nodded again and then pulled his hands away from my grasp. I watched him stand up, as he pushed his hair back and eyed me.

"Thank you... I'll, um... talk to you later. Take care, too, Seth" he spoke, and turned away before I could speak another word.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I watched him walk away, and I could feel my heart breaking apart.

* * * * * *

"But you did what you felt was best, and I can't hold that against you" he spoke, bringing me back to reality. "You were afraid, and you wanted me to be safe and get better, and you wanted the same for me".

I nodded at his words, even though I knew he couldn't see my actions, but he was right.

"I was afraid, yes" I agreed. "But I mostly did not want to lose you, Jeff. I didn't want to watch you die or kill yourself with those drugs. I had to do what was best for us".

I could hear a slight sniffle from his end, and I had a feeling he was fighting the emotions. This was the first time we spoke since the break up in the park. Almost a year of not knowing if he was alive or breathing. I thought about Jeff often. I thought about calling him. But I didn't know if he was out or home.

* * * * * *

A week after the encounter in the park, I decided to go to Jeff's to check on him, since I hadn't heard anything. I didn't know if I should have expected to hear from him or not, but I was concerned. I sat in my car, staring up at the front door, contemplating what I could even say. How was I going to keep myself together upon seeing him? I was afraid of how he would look or what he'd be like. If he got worse, it would have torn me apart. Forcing myself to move, I opened the door, climbing out and getting to my feet. Shutting the door behind me, I began walking towards the front door. My knees feeling weak beneath me, and I was afraid I'd collapse with every step. My heart raced, taking a deep breath as I stopped at the door and pondered on my thoughts. Opening the screen door, I held it open with my left hand and used my right hand, balled it up, and knocked on the solid door behind it, hoping he would hear. His car was parked in the driveway, he had to be here. The seconds passed, and my nerves were becoming more shot. I decided to knock again, more forceful this time, hoping if it was louder he'd finally hear. I let the screen shut as I stood there again, trying to stay as patient as I possibly could. Moments later, I heard a car pull up, it's tires crunching on the gravel and coming to a stop in the driveway behind Jeff's car. The car shut off and a familiar man began to exit the car from the drivers side. His black hair was pulled back in a slick ponytail, and his dark sunglasses covered his eyes.

"Are you looking for Jeff?" Matt asked, approaching me.

"Um, yeah..." I said, clearing my throat. "Is he around?".

Matt came up to me, taking a key out of his pocket, opening the screen door, sticking the key in the handle of the main door and unlocking it.

"He's not home. He hasn't been for almost a week" he announced, pushing the door open. "Want to come in?"

"Where is he?" I asked, ignoring his last remark.

"Rehab. He checked in Monday. He was in really rough shape Saturday night, and Sunday. Monday he called me and asked me to take him to rehab" he stated.

"Wow... I... I had no idea. I knew he was having bad days though" I began, trying to take this news in. "He and I broke up Saturday. I told him he needed help".

Matt let the screen door shut as he stood outside with me, listening to my words.

"I felt that's what it was. But you did the right thing, Seth. After him putting you in the hospital like that, you had every right to be worried and tell him he needed help because he did. If it wasn't for you, he never would have checked in" he responded, placing his left hand on my right shoulder. "Thank you for pushing him to get help"

I couldn't watch him kill himself anymore, or live in fear that he'd do something to me" I said, sighing and running my left hand through my black and blonde hair.

My eyes were welling up again and I was quick to wipe the tears away with my left hand after.

"I know, nobody wanted that to happen. But Jeff is getting help, and you're to thank for it. He did it for you, because he loves you" he responded, pulling his hand back. "Just remember that".

Gulping hard, I nodded and forced myself to keep my composure the best I could.

"I love him, too, and that's why I want him to get better" I said.

"I know you do. But he's going to get better" he reminded.

Hearing that gave me hope that once Jeff got out, we could work things out and try to rebuild what we used to have. Before the drugs, before the chaos, before the violence. Just have a normal, loving relationship, just as we always wanted.

"How long is he going to be in there? Do you know?" I questioned.

"As far as I know, three to six months, depending on how long his recovery process is and how well he adapts to it".

Nodding my head again, I knew it was for the best.

"Good... good... I hope it helps and he can recover and stay clean. I really miss him" I said, giving a very soft smile, trying to remember this was a good thing.

"As do I. I know he misses you, too".

"Do you see him in there, or get to talk to him?" I asked.

"I'm not allowed to see him, yet, and if I do call, we only get ten minutes" he answered.

"Well..." I paused for a moment, eying my feet and keeping my head down. "Next time you talk to him.. could you tell him I love and miss him? And that I'm proud of him?".

Matt nodded, "Absolutely. I think that'll lift his spirits hearing that".

"I hope so. Thanks, Matt".

"Welcome"

Pulling my car keys out, I motioned to my car.

"I should get going.. Got a few things to take care of" I spoke.

"Alright. Take care of yourself, Seth".

"I will. You, too".

Matt opened the screen door and headed into Jeff's house, closing the door behind him. Casually, I walked to my car, opening the door, getting in, closing it and putting the key in the ignition.

* * * * * *

"I know you did, Seth. And I don't hold it against you. You did it to help me, and help us", Jeff stated, making himself clear on how he felt.

"That's all I ever wanted, was for us to get better and have another chance", I spoke, laying back on the bed and staring at the ceiling once more.

"I know... Matt told me" he stopped, getting quiet for a moment. "He told me that you loved and missed me"

Licking my lips, I closed my eyes, and sighed a little.

"I do... I still love you and miss you. When I found out you were in rehab, I was relieved. I knew you were getting help, and that was all I wanted for you" I announced.

"I did it for you, Seth, because I loved and missed you. I didn't want to be without you" he replied, a soft little sob coming from him after.

"Jeff..." I hesitated, opening my eyes again. "I hated being without you, too. You have no idea how much I hated having to leave you".

"I know it hurt you, too. You were all I thought about in rehab. You were my only motivation".

Hearing those words from him were hitting me hard and really causing my emotions to become overwhelming.

"Jeff", I sniffled. "I love you".

"I love you too, baby. Always".

Rubbing at my right eye and then my left, I sat back up and looked at the floor.

"How long were you there?" I asked, my curiosity raising.

"Nearly seven months. I wanted to stay as long as it took me to feel secure and safe to leave and face the real world again" he answered.

"How long have you been out?" I questioned again.

"Almost two months".

It kind if hurt me that he had been out over a month, and he was only now contacting me. If I had known he was out, I would have called him.

"Why..." I started to choke on the drainage running down my throat, and quickly cleared my throat. "Why didn't you call me sooner? Why wait almost two months?"

Tears were falling from my eyes again, as I fought to ask the questions.

"I needed time to think, and to be sure of what I would say to you" he spoke. "I wasn't intentionally avoiding you, baby. Part of me was afraid I'd call, and be hurt, or find out you moved on".

"Jeff, I never, ever moved on or looked at anyone else. I was waiting for you" I cleared, wiping my eyes again.

I could hear him release a sigh, and then said, "I'm sorry I didn't call sooner. I was afraid. I didn't want to be let down or run the risk of relapsing if I ended up heartbroken. Does that make sense?"

He had a point. I would not have wanted him to move too soon, or risk spiraling out of control.

"Yes" I paused, swallowing the drainage building up in my throat. "It makes sense. And I wouldn't have wanted that to happen, and I would have made sure it wouldn't."

"How though, Seth?" he asked, sounding very serious.

"Because, I wouldn't hurt you. Never. I made that mistake once.."

"It wasn't a mistake", he cut in. "If you hadn't, I never would have got clean".

"But I hated hurting you" I cleared.

"Seth" he stopped, pausing again briefly. "If you hadn't done that, and made me realize I was going to lose you, I never would have done this. It hurt, yes, but ultimately you helped me. And I don't hold it against you".

Wiping the tears again, I nodded my head, trying to let those words sink in that I helped him

"Jeff..." I hesitated again.

"Yes?", he questioned.

"I... want to see you" I stated, making my wishes clear.

"When?"

"Now".

"But, you're not in North Carolina, are you?" he asked.

"I am. I'm in a hotel right now", I responded.

"Where at? Do you want me to come there, or would you rather come here? he questioned.

"You can come here. It's the hotel down the road from your place. Remember, the one we checked into when that really bad storm happened, and we didn't want to drive anymore?" I reminded.

"I remember that like it was yesterday", he chuckled. "That storm was horrible, but... we certainly had a good time that night".

I could hear the smile in his voice at those memories, which made my mouth curve into a smile as well.

"Yeah, we did. I'll never forget it" I replied.

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