Sequel: If Only Until Morning

Pictures on Silence

Chapter 43

The next evening, Jon called me from New York, saying they were in the limo. To tell the truth, I still suffered from an awful bout of depressed; I hadn't done anything all day but lay around and disinterestedly play video games. So reasonably, I wasn't overly thrilled by the information. It made me remember why I was so lethargic.

"You're going to watch us, right?" he asked adorably.

I couldn't help but smile weakly. "Of course, Jonno. Wouldn't miss it for the world."My heart panged. That was the truth; I couldn't even stop myself from seeing the guys on television. They had become that important to me.

Jon paused, letting me hear the background voices of the guys whom I missed so much. "Are you okay, Angie?" he asked, lowering his voice. I sighed that I was, don't worry about me. "If it's about Ry--"

"You should go, Jon," I interrupted, throat tightening. "Don't want to go on television on the phone. Not good for the band's image."

He waited a moment before saying he'd call me later and hanging up. Heaving a sigh, I lay back against the mountain of pillows on the couch and stared at the ceiling. This sucks, I thought to myself. And I don't even know why. I shut my eyes.

Yes, you do, a little voice in my head contradicted.

Shut up, liar.

Come on. You know you're jealous of Ryan's girlfriend.

And why would I ever do that, oh omniscient voice in my head? I asked sarcastically. Shit, I'm talking to myself again.

If it makes you feel better, I can be Penelope and you can be Rhiannon. Even my head voices were smartasses. Makes you wonder what my kids are going to be like. And you would do that because you wish you were in her place.

I frowned, keeping my eyes shut. Meaning I like Ryan? That's ridiculous. Before that I would...

Make out with Matt?

...Shut up, liar. I don't like Ryan.

Just then, the portable phone on the table rang, and I groped around with my hand for it. Still not opening my eyes, I answered. "Hey, Angie, it's Ryan." My eyes shot open. The clock on the VCR read 6:48, meaning it was almost ten in New York. I'd fallen asleep.

Oh, you don't like Ryan? Then why's your heart pounding?

I mentally kicked back the voice and sat up. "Hey, Ry. How's the VMAs?"

"Eh, pretty chill. Are you mad at me?"

Bwuh? "What?" He repeated himself slowly, a tinge of desperation in his tone. I bit my lower lip to keep from bursting out, Of course I'm mad at you, Ryan. You didn't tell me about your fucking girlfriend! "No."

"I can tell you're lying," he informed me. "Why are you mad at me?" I clenched my teeth together. "What did I do? Is it because I didn't tell you about Emilie?"

"Yes," I growled. "It's because you didn't tell me about your goddamn girlfriend, Ryan."

Ryan didn't say anything. I rubbed the ball of my hand into my eye. Stupid boy. Stupid Emilie. Stupid me. You totally like him.

"Angie, I'm really sorry. I should have told you. I mean, we're friends. We should keep each other updated." I stuck my fist in my mouth to keep from making a sound. I felt an avalanche of guilt, knowing that there were a million things I hadn't told him. Things he should probably know. "Ange? Are you still there?"

I dislodged my whole hand from my mouth, jaw creaking as I did. "Yeah," I croaked. "It's okay, Ryan. Just have fun performing. You guys are going to win, I know it." Eew, now my hand's all slobbery. I made a face at my wet hand, wondering how I'd fit it in my mouth in the first place.

He chuckled. "I'm holding you to that. Love you, Ange."

My mouth went dry suddenly. Somehow I whispered out a goodbye and hung up. Breathing shakily, I decided I needed a bath. Maybe in bleach. Or holy water. Boiling holy water.

At 8:00 I returned to the family room couch and switched the television to MTV. Were it not for the guys (and My Chemical Romance), I definitely wouldn't be watching. But to keep myself entertained for the uninteresting parts, I borrowed my dad's laptop and had a chat open with Bianca, Jesse, Matt, and Aromi. Oddly they were all watching the VMAs as well.

We weren't obsessed, now were we?

The four of us took sides in the argument at Fall Out Boy's arrival. Bianca and I laughed hysterically that Pete had a monkey for a date, and Matt got offended when she said that was probably the best he could get. While they argued via AIM, I typed away at the keyboard, working on a recent short story I'd started. Aromi wrote suddenly that Penny Dreadful had gotten another tour offer, this time with Paramore and a few other bands on Fueled By Ramen.

mattxATTACK: goddammit, thats the fourth one! pen, why do you have to be so young?! get older!

I laughed and began to type back, but my head snapped up at the mention of Panic! At The Disco. My eyes were fixed to the television screen as Jon, Spence, Ryan, and Bren climbed out of their limo, all decked out to the nines. In awed silence, I gaped as they had their interview with the MTV employee.

I couldn't take my eyes off Ryan. A grin grew on my face when I noticed his fingerless gloves. It grew when he talked, eyes gleaming. I didn't even move after the interview was over and a commercial started. I just sat there grinning like an idiot.

A string of blips from the laptop brought me back to reality, and I scrolled back up to read what the other had said.

LCDrabbit89: angie matts being icky again
LCDrabbit89: angie?
aero<3sbu: penelope? hellooooooo?
mattxATTACK: i think weve lost her
mattxATTACK: lol no wonder. ryans on tv
LCDrabbit89: shit! im missing it?!
aero<3sbu: wait why would ryan being on tv making us lose her?
mattxATTACK: because my fine friend, ryan gives angie the special tingle
aero<3sbu: O.O
aero<3sbu: yay penangela! seriously hun youve taken long enough
mattxATTACK: best thing is the feelings mututal
PenelopeDreadful: shut up matthew. thats gross and untrue
mattxATTACK: you know its true babe jsut admit it
PenelopeDreadful: well know we know biancas alive. have fun?
LCDrabbit89: brendons a babe!
aero<3sbu: hey! mine! hands off highschooler!

I laughed out loud as they began to fight over Brendon. I went back to writing, but kept getting distracted by the picture of Ryan smiling at the camera. It felt like he was smiling at me.

My fingers stopped. I wanted him to be smiling at me from across the country. The prospect of him thinking of me made me incredibly happy.

I stared blankly at the screen, not really seeing it. "I like Ryan," I whispered, oblivious to everything else. My breath hitched. "A lot. I'm-- I really like George Ryan Ross III." I smiled, my stomach feeling queasy. "I'm insane."

mattxATTACK: rhiannon bananon youre spacing out again.
aero<3sbu: lol i love that name can i call you that too? pwetty pwease???
mattxATTACK: no. its mine all mine
LCDrabbit89: we can say her name so it sounds like were on a big slide. anGIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
aero<3sbu: ROFL
aero<3sbu: angiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!! i love it!
mattxATTACK: see what you get when you dont pay atttention pen? another nickname